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Date: October 2, 2022
AmateurPub
I will never understand why people stay with their partners when their partners pick someone else over them repeatedly
As I've always said
Men and women cannot be friends
Well first, you alone can’t change him. He has to want to change. And second, if this really is a fundamental issue for him, he can’t make this change for the relationship. He has to want change for his own growth as a person because it’s better to have that emotional understanding. So do not start your approach from a point of “I need x in a relationship and you’re not doing it”. Maybe think of some other examples outside of your own relationship that shows his lack of emotional support. Then come to him with “Hey based on what recently happened after the car accident, I believe you might not understand how to be emotionally supportive. I think this is true based on (describe the aftermath) and in these other examples as well.”
Honestly that’s just a start and it takes a lot more. Therapy would be huge and at the very least he would need more information. But the biggest thing is that he has to want it. If he doesn’t think there’s any issue, nothing changes.
How dare you say humans are animals! We have thoughts and feelings unlike animals that are just interchangeable objects! /s
Though sadly way too many people feel this way, people like OP's boyfriend.
Don’t let sunken cost fallacy keep you in this ridiculous relationship. He sound’s insufferable, life is too short to put up with that.
You know… I was totally on your side, thinking your gf was just possessive… until I read that last paragraph.
Chances are your girlfriend noticed YOUR behaviour. Her jealousy isn't about the other chick, it's about you.
Thats what probably made things awkward, and it sounds pretty likely this is one sided on your end.
Leave this chick alone, for your own sake
Did she try to convince you to move to the US during the relationship?
Is this the reason she fell out of love? Because originally you didn’t want to move?
I just notice that she seems to have a type when it comes to being a US citizen.
Are we talking he had no interest in hearing about your life and problems, or that he has no romantic or sexual interest in you? Or did he just not give a singular shit?
If it was just him not showing any interest in you as a partner or FWB, then sometimes a friend can just be a confidant without being romantic or sexual.
If he didn't give a shit about your life, problems, or you in general… probably better to not have that type of friend or crush.
You sound like therapy would benefit your insecure nature.
like sure, look, but why like it?
Because that's literally the point of social media? Post content, like content. Do you literally not understand how social media works?
My thoughts exactly. We both left education similar times, but she went further in education than I did which got her that role higher than me. Thank you for your opinion on this. My thoughts have been the exact same as that. I just want confirmation I won't regret not doing it
you're going to think I'm a douche for saying this and I'm going to sound really shallow
Well, he's right about one thing. He DOES sound like a shallow douche.
It sounds like he's deliberately trying to crush your self-esteem. Going on about how complimentary he was to his ex? What is that supposed to do other than make you feel like shit? Randomly bringing this up in public? It seems designed to keep you feeling off-kilter.
The “wrong” feeling you're experiencing is your gut telling you to get away from this guy. Someone who loves and respects you does not talk this way. If he genuinely wanted you to get dolled up he could have asked you out on a date and given you a reason, or gently broached the subject in private while reassuring you he thought you were beautiful. The way he went about it reeks of emotional manipulation.
Because if he says directly what he wants I’ll feel bad because we’re not having that kind of sex
Both of you honestly sound immature for people in their forties – you for lying for so long and him for refusing to put work in for you during sex.
You had years to communicate about your needs, and if you didn’t think you could, then the red flag has been flying for years also.
If I was either one of you I’d leave the other and I hope your next relationship is more satisfying and with a less selfish guy.
Impossible to become that irresponsible all of a sudden without brain issues. So i'd say this is either a cerebral illness or something nefarious. It could be gambling or drug addiction, having another partner/family, preparing to leave. Could be he invested in stock marjets without knowing the basics that is, the same for gambling, never put in money you are not okay with losing.
In any way, that requires a stern talk. He is a grown up
I hate to second this, but I have to. Speaking from experience, it only gets harder as you move forward. You might get married, buy a house, have kids, all the while you’re getting older too and what you perceive as missed opportunities will mount up and build a lot of resentment. I met my husband when I was 22 and he was 42. We moved pretty fast, mostly because he didn’t want to be in retirement age when his kids graduate highschool (and I agreed). I jumped at the opportunity of having stability, someone who was very upfront and direct about his intentions and who idolized me. I convinced myself that age was just a number. I was too young to see how much I was giving up. The career of my dreams is just not going to happen anymore, which is a bitter pill to swallow while I watch my husband build his career. I watch my peers pass me by, building careers AND having kids in equal partnerships without such a vast imbalance of power. Ten years and three kids later I feel like I aged abruptly, my physical and mental health aren’t the same and I’m starting to realize I won’t be getting it back, or the years that have passed. I can’t remember the last time I felt light and free. It’s not like I didn’t get anything in return, but I simply didn’t realize the price.
I’m not saying at all that it would take a similar course with OP, but since she already feels like she’s missing out. It might work wonderfully for someone whose dream it is to live! a domestic life, one day become a SAHM and have a provider who’s already established himself. But that wasn’t me, and it doesn’t sound like it’s OP either.
People often say that all feeling are valid.
This is one of the examples I like to use to show that no, sometimes feelings are utterly garbage and people who have those feelings need to work on themselves, possibly in a professional setting.
You can take better care of your father if you don’t have to take care of your Splenda baby
well theres not much else you can realky do bc i doubt she will change anytime soon. if you dint want to say anything you can always just stop replying to her.
She looks her age. I'm not using it as a dating app just looking for leads.
That might be the best way to go about it, yeah. If she does get upset I will simply ignore her for a while and hopefully she understands eventually. She is a calm person, and so I doubt she'd throw a tantrum or anything, but.. I wouldn't be surprised if she got upset.
As for the other thing, I can get that. The person I'm talking to isn't a girl, they're nb. I exist in more queer circles and less traditional relationships and such, so keeping in contact with exes isn't as uncommon. But I will talk to my date about it, if things gets more serious.
Try this: What would lessen that feeling of stress?
See, you’re jumping straight to the defensive as if you’re being attacked. Instead of shifting it to yourself, keep it on her and ask how the stress can be reduced.
Do some serious thinking, it's your life (only yours at the moment) and if his vision doesn't match yours, however naked it will be, making a decision sooner rather than later is possibly better. Have a good conversation with him about this so he knows where you stand (if you feel able to). If there's room for compromise you will have something to work on, if none is offered, it's your choice to stay or go. Good luck
I do think that a lot of women are socialized that they are responsible for keeping a good house, taking care of their man and family, etc… They can feel significant anxiety and self judgment if they don’t live! up to those external standards. While women are getting better about pushing back on that societal pressure, it’s not easy.
More global, it sounds like both OP and his gf need to learn to communicate and problem solve. One of the easiest ways to problem solve is to ask the person with the problem how they would fix it.
Her ‘I feel so stressed when you come home and complain!’
Him ‘I heard you. How would you solve this?’
Her ‘don’t complain and don’t do the dishes. I will do the dishes after we have dinner.’
Yes, leave them asap. Your husband is abusive. Please look up a copy (free live!) of Lundy Bancroft's “Why does he do that?” for some expert guidance about the type of man your husband is. Also look up DARVO — which is seems your husband is a master of.
I was giving that as an example of what to say to him. I should probably edit that..I apologize. I gave a mortgage with no worries about homelessness. Sorry
time to take the gf and throw the relationship in the trash
What an ungrateful person.
“I cheated on you with a guy, but I didn’t really like him” isn’t an explanation, it’s a pathetic attempt to excuse and deflect.
You're from France? The country that made it illegal to get a paternity test so they could “Maintain the integrity of family” or some other such nonsense? Sorry to say your family lives in the perfect place to commit paternity fraud. I mean, it's already not even a crime. But at least in other countries and continents you can get a DNA test and possibly save yourself from raising another man's kid. No such luck in France.
I know, you're right. “I've experienced worse” is not a reasonable answer but it's the only one I have. I find that most single women I meet when dating in my area and my age are dedicated “Poly” or non commital and I'm really not about that kind of lifestyle. I'm in New York, I know it sounds statically impossible but that's just been my experience.
It seems like a joke to me. I thought you said something more personal and hurtful.
Tell her she will be a single mom if she keeps it. Dont kill yourself, but you also doesnt have to be a dad against your will.
Don’t they at least have a chance to be monetized there? Seems like a better place for creative writing lol
I'm a male photographer, and I do this kind of work very regularly. I don't photograph people I know, and I don't do anything on the fly. Every shoot has at least an outline of what we're going to shoot, and there's always a stylist present. If you're not as comfortable being around your photographer as you are your doctor, something is unprofessional.
I go into these sessions the same way I treat any other work, with the only goal being to make money and have a happy customer
If I had a girl that could do half of that would be so awesome.
I'm pretty handy with another set of competent hands would build all sorts of random stuff. Build a deck for just the hell of it.
If your relationship is this bad, you either need to do couples counselling, or break up. It's extremely damaging for your child to live! in a home with parents constantly arguing. If you break up, your girlfriend will figure something out. You need to put your child first now.
I was reading and she commented that Max accidentally text her son asking when they could hook up.. this is just disgusting and disturbing!! The sad part is that her son probably think they aren’t together anymore!! Once he finds out that not only are they together but marry with a child it’s a wrap! She will definitely lose her son completely.. she doesn’t care for her poor son!! It’s just so wrong.