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Date: October 23, 2022
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I accidentally helped a friend quit smoking by comparing the cost of cigarettes with the cost of vacations in front of him. A year of not smoking paid for skiing in the Alps.
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I divorced a couple months ago. My wife (33F) didn't handle the situation very well, as we were married for nearly 10 years and it caught her by surprise. She was not a bad person, but I was never truly happy.
For some context, when we got married, I bought the house myself and she never helped with any money-related stuff during the whole 10 years. I trusted her, so we married in a community property regime. We both come from very poor homes, and I thought she wanted to build something with me. That was not the case. I worked 12 hours per day, including weekends, most of the marriage while she was just on her phone or watching TV. I guess I didn't care at the time because I was too busy and tired, but resentment slowly started to crawl in.
Even though I worked that very hot, I still had energy to take her to nights out and we would always go to the movies or restaurants, at least every single weekend. I'm not perfect, but I gave my best and I was always trying to improve.
As time went by, I started to get tired because she wouldn't drag her weight across the house for nothing and she was very cold towards me – wouldn't initiate sex, always sounded uninterested or tired. Again, I'm no Brad Pitt or a sex machine, but I know how to treat a woman and I'm not selfish in bad at all.
Fast forward 10 years, I tell her I want the divorce. She doesn't accept, but we do it anyway. I meet a very sweet person that is the opposite of her: hard-working, caring, always cheering me up, always interested in knowing how I am and what I am doing, always in a good mood. I must say I treat her the exact same way – our communication and love language fit as perfect as I could ever hope.
When we started dating, my ex-wife got really upset, and she started using our son (5M) to affect me. Sometimes he wants to see me, and she won't tell; she tells him “I abandoned them both” because I wanted “a new wife and a new kid” (my gf has a son too). The last couple weeks, my son has been very upset and distant towards me, and that kills me because I never had the opportunity to grow up with a father and, when my ex-wife got pregnant, I used to think how I could now have these moments.
I tried to talk with my ex-wife about the situation, but she says she wont change and that she will make my son grow apart from me unless I break up with my gf and go back to her.
Now, I just don't know what to do. Yes, I could go to court, but would that really help after the damage is done? Will the justice system be able to detect small things that she does against me? Won't this be so tiresome that will end up draining my energy so much that I will give up on my relationship? I just don't know what to do.
I could easily go back to her and find other ways to be happy outside of a romantic relationship I will never have with her – I have lots of hobbies, and, after all, being close to my son is my biggest joy in the whole world.
TLDR: ex-wife is upset because of the divorce and is pushing my son against me because of my new GF; says she will only stop if I go back to her.
How exactly will it put my mind to rest if I watch her swim very hot with a bunch of guys?
Idk how you're lost because I'm pretty sure there are like 10 reasons you mentioned in a row to leave him. Not the least of which is he's abusive? and you want to subject a child to him?
Sounds like he just wasn't ready for the commitment of living together
How did he access your savings? Even my husband of 30 years can’t get into my personal savings accounts. At some point he must have either asked for your details or got hold of them without your consent. He planned to take your money. He clearly saw it as a backup plan.
That’s a very good thought! Thank you for that perspective. I’ve never had a yeast infection which is apparently very common during pregnancy and I still don’t so I don’t know the pain that he is experiencing
For me personally, I would want you to approach and ask for a conversation to see if it’s feasible to come up with a plan/timeline on when and if it’s possible to close the distance. If we can’t come to some sort of compromise then we move on, but if we do come up with a plan then we move forward together. I would ask to have that conversation in person, if that’s feasible, don’t stretch yourselves if you can’t travel. Be prepared for him to still say no, he may have already made up his mind, but if you want to try I don’t see the hurt.
Your gf is the problem.
Talk about toxic.
Get out now before she starts withholding affection in lieu of or for material gain.
He doesn't mean feminine. He means submissive.
Yuck.
I wouldn't normally suggest this but maybe go to her house and tell her parents. Let them deal with their devil spawn.