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Room for live sex video chat -SolSquatsX-
Model from: us
Languages: en
Birth Date: 1997-08-06
Body Type: bodyTypeAthletic
Ethnicity: ethnicityLatino
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
Subculture: subcultureGlamour
Date: November 7, 2022
Love isn't spiritual, magical, or foretelling. It's a marvel of evolution to promote propagation of the species, and rather then being ruled by the alignment of planets- it's ruled by epinephrine, serotonin, dopamine, and a few others. These are also what make drugs feel good. Love is important in a relationship, but because it's effectively making a decision while your brain is on drugs… well it's not the most important thing to determine compatibility, people can still be good people and not be good together. In general, after 30 days most of the physical side of addiction (to drugs/love/etc.) is weaned and you can think more clearly.
My boyfriend has a tendency to revert back to his “old ways” even after we JUST had a conversation about not doing it anymore.
His “old ways” are who he is at his core. People can change, but change is naked and requires a lot of conscious effort- most importantly the person changing has to effectively “buy in” that the change is in their best interest, even when things are tough. People often don't change without stimulus inspiring them to change, and the stimulus that inspired the change has to be more motivating then the original behavior.
The minute you start talking about “everything is so great, except for these very big incompatibilities we can't move past that are tanking our overall feelings about the relationship” you know you're in trouble.
If you have concerns, and he chooses to sort of self attack himself in a global way (i.e. everything I do is wrong, “I'm the bad guy”)- that's immature. I don't think you hanging up on an unproductive conversation is immature. In some ways, it's good that you both recognize this isn't going great and created space mutually. You're probably both at your “when” moment.
An apology without change is actually meaningless. He honestly doesn't sound like he wants to change, and dating someone who needs to change for you to be happy- well you're looking at a relationship that isn't a good match and hoping to change enough things to make it so. When he apologizes, it sounds more like he's saying “I'm sorry you're unhappy” then “I'm sorry I made you unhappy and I'll try to improve on these behaviors I can appreciate are not helpful to me, or in general.”
Your family and friends are clearly reacting to something- is it that they sense you're more frustrated in this relationship then others, or are they actually observing the bf's behavior they don't like? I wouldn't focus exclusively on other people's opinions, but they might've seen some things or had concerns you haven't fully realized quite yet, and they might not share those until you're extricated.
You are both taking some space right now- do nothing for a bit, enjoy doing nothing and see if the lack of his presence makes you happier. It takes time to get love drugs out of your system, but I bet the longer you two are taking space the more those will wear off, and the more ability you'll have to get your head and heart back to their respective locations to make a rational decision about what's best for you.
I can’t tell you if you’re any of those things.
I can tell you that counseling is very helpful. I am of the mind that every person can benefit from therapy.
I’m not going to tell you you’re abusive. Maybe you just feel deeply. Regardless, it doesn’t appear that you are intentionally being toxic.
I think it’s good that you are recognizing that you may be part of the problem.
But I also think you should have a conversation with your wife about the texts she sends, why she phrases things like that, why she thinks you were at risk of being abusive etc
It is entirely possible to be UNINTENTIONALLY toxic without realizing it, and I feel like it’s the case here.
The key part is self analysis (you’ve already started on that path) and taking a step back from the more emotional aspects etc
One big thing that helps us is when we get too emotional, my fiancé and I sometimes switch to text messages
It’s easier to read and reread a text message to make sure “hey, am I being mean? Is my frustration coming out too harshly right now?”
TLDR try not to be too incredibly hot on yourself, and make sure you’re aware of how things are.
I read my fiancé your thread before it was deleted and he is an EXTREMELY even tempered man, but even he said he would lose his temper if I were to falsely accuse him of abusiveness towards our children.
It’s a hurtful thing, and it’s easy to get emotional about things like that. You’re not necessarily a bad dad or bad person etc.
Just really do some self reflection (especially in therapy) to determine if it IS possible that you’ve been unintentionally toxic, and or to make strides towards fixing it.
I’ve found some of those women to be performatively bi. They maybe like the idea because it’s hot, but aren’t actually into the sex. And if it’s in a threesome situation they’re over the top acting and looking to their male partner for approval. It’s gross.
Fix your jealousy/insecurity around his ex. if you trust him it shouldnt be a problem, sounds like you don't.
Goto therapy regarding your issues from your past, its the most widely accepted way to deal with it.
He needs to sort out why hes so defensive and deal with that with likely the method above.
self reflection into why you are the way you are can be done alone and is a great step in helping you work out where you need to be mentally to tackle an issue.
I do not know how you don't feel like a doormat after being told you'll never be his priority. My heart breaks for you. I wish you could just dip into my magical bag of self-respect and take one for yourself :⭐️?⭐️
I just want you to know I messaged her about it and she was surprisingly understanding. Just so you know you genuinely helped me. Thank you so much.
I don’t know if she will ever see that but if that’s what she wants… I guess she can have it for the rest of her life once she gets married.