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Languages: en
Birth Date: 2002-01-01
Body Type: bodyTypeAverage
Ethnicity: ethnicityIndian
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBlack
Subculture: subcultureRomantic
Date: October 3, 2022
If you ended the relationship, you ended it and period. You didn't cheat. He didn't get cheat on.
You're being manipulated. Guilty tripping you is his power over you. It's how he gets you to go back to him.
Get some restraints and a Hitachi wand vibrator. Then tell your SO to Google “forced orgasm”. The fun kind of forced orgasm not the NC ugly kind.
Wanted to add, you said she, J, attacked you and drew blood…but yeah, totally not abusive. You wrote this whole post about how horrible she is. How she's lied and abused you. How she thinks your ex wife was right about you. How she said your allegations of abuse were made up. That she's not attracted to you. And now, you're defending her. You need to get the idea of a perfect partner out of your head. This is not some damn fairytale. There is not one person on this planet that is ever going to be perfect for you. There's only loving someone enough to look past their flaws because you understand you are flawed too. So what happened OP? How did you go from writing a damn short novel on how horrible this person was to defending her? You get laid last night?
you haven't mentioned anything about her being rude to you specifically though
Typical Indian People, they’re afraid of the people judgement what they will say about them and family reputation will get spoiled. I am planning to meet them but I don’t know how to convince them.
what he did was obviously gross and weird, but the first thing to go when relationships are dead is your public opinion of your partner. when you start shit talking them or don’t care uphold their pride in your circle. it also has other forms like embarrassing your partner for the sake of a joke. so whether or not you care about what he did, there’s no real merit to the relationship anymore because your ashamed of him
I think it’s because those details don’t add to the story whatsoever so it makes it sound fake we don’t need those details to give you personal advice.
As for advice it’s simple communicate with your partner. If your not okay with her furthering a relationship with him then express that. Also talk to your friend as it’s shitty of him to be doing this as well. The boundary for your relationship is none existent now. If there’s a boundary for you then you need to express that.
From what I can tell, neither of you are really into this relationship anymore, as much as that may hurt to hear. Going on a 5 month trip away while your relationship was in a rocky place probably wasn’t the best idea either, but you did what you wanted to do and you can’t go back on that. I suggest you move on from that relationship because your partner seemingly already has.
This is literally the problem with people who think they want a dog/puppy. Until they don’t anymore.
Find it a new home away from your dumbass wife.
That unpleasant feeling in your chest is the one you get when you realize that the person you love doesn't respect you. This wasn't just a mistake on his part that he can apologize away, this is his overall opinion of you. He's pathetic.
It might not be love, but fuck it, go for it. You never know until you give it a shot.
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I really don’t like the way you talk about her. You seem difficult to live! with. Maybe try and be more flexible about the issue. You’re being too rigid with this.
Most of the time rejection isn't personal. If you don't do anything then you have 0 chance. just do it.
I have explained the reason in comments. But it's basically that I'm being paranoid that she's do self harm or something.
You have 2 choices, stay on the ride or jump off.
I never said anyone should lie.
Ditch this guy.
I don’t either.
You need to tell him ASAP. You shoukd have already told him by now. Do not let anyone hete influence you decsuon on whether to keep/not keep the baby- that is something you need to decide for yourself; having an abortion after three months isn't going to be something easy- because you're so far along by now- so its not a quick fix and it would be something you have to live! with for the rest of your life- and so is the decision to have the baby- either way, none of these decisions can be made until the both of you know where each other stands.
Lol. He is going to cheat on you and nobody is going to feel bad for you
OP, show her this thread.
We've been together close to 12 Months by now. I'v3 asked and he said that, when he was considering a relationship with her, she had just started dating her current BF and he had since moved on and doesn't think about it anymore.
Also, for the dreams he doesn't tell me. He talks in his sleep and it just wakes me up sometimes, which is ok, but ever so often his sleeptalking gives away whom and what he dreams about.
Thank you for the reply!
Dm me I’ll tell you all about it. I literally just experienced this exact same thing
You’re 24 and have to ask this question?
Don't take this the wrong way, she isn't that special.
Most relationships between 16 and early 20s are transitory. People's priorities shift and they will go along their own path.
You need to let the soulmate myth go.
I don’t think it’s an ultimatum at all. He’s just stating a dealbreaker for him and wants to know if OP aligns or not. His dealbreaker I think is a valid one to be fair, but if OP doesn’t agree then she has to let him know so her partner can have the agency to end things.
He's not babysitting. He's taking care of his child.
Emotional labor is a dumb term that does not apply. Stop usurping sociology terms for your benefit.
The “he sees dinner as an expression of love” is horseshit. He's using that as an excuse to keep her doing what benefits him most. Notice how he went from “I work long days” to “it can't be that hard you're exaggerating effort” to “but I feel loved when you do it”. It's great manipulation.
Jealousy is a serious issue. Usually folks with jealousy start out harmless enough, but they usually devolve into the stereotype of jealous partners. Just because your boyfriend hasn’t slipped into the stereotype yet doesn’t mean that he won’t.
He needs to start seeing a therapist. Immediately. His jealousy is a problem that is impacting his every day life. At this point he is not emotionally mature enough to be in a healthy relationship.
He's just said that when he's been at work he makes time for me still. But he goes straight to sleep and he doesn't have a medical issue
If she’s calling him toxic, but still staying with him then she’s manipulating him. Especially when he talks about her throwing things back in his face, it’s a classic manipulator tactic.
OP should run from her. He can’t fully trust her but wants to work it out?
Go further.
Tell him:
“It's extremely important for me to feel that I am someone special to you.
Life is generally routine, so for some people like me, there are times that I want things to be special; different from the everyday life.
When that happens, that's all I need to know that I am special to you.
And it's not a women thing – we all want variety; we all just want it differently.
For me the variety is a few days in a year where you set time aside to do something that elevates my happiness level a few degrees above regular.
And it's not about expense. Heck, a scribbled note that tells me that you took 5 minutes in the last week to think about me and then put those thoughts on paper – is enough to make me feel we are the same as we were at the start – 2 people happy to plan a lifetime together.
It's not that I don't know what you feel for me – but just like how working professionals get a pat on the back now and then for a jib well done – even if that's how they always work – the little bit of extra appreciation in that pat is a momentary uplift that refills the satisfaction & happiness levels”.
TL;DR: Talk in his language and on his wavelength.
She's not gaslighting you, she's letting you down gently, because you've proven to be a fickle boyfriend who leaves when their anxiety gets the best of them.
It's interesting that you're the one who broke up with her, twice, but the way you've written this makes it sound like you think you're the victim. You're asking her to understand your side of the story, but I get the sense you haven't sat your ass down to seriously think about it from her perspective so let me help:
Her boyfriend breaks up with her after lockdown due to anxiety
She loves him, so she tries to make it work, but he leaves her AGAIN, for the exact same reason (anxiety) and then proceeds to blame HER for it because she was worried of being abandoned, and ironically, she's 100% right!
Her ex then tries to explain that it wasn't him, you see, but anxiety! and he understands it now se he definitely won't abandon her again, even though he's done it twice now, which has fucked her up again
She starts politely telling him she doesn't want to be with him anymore even though she still has emotions about him (which is understandable since she dated him for a year and a half and he turned her world upside down when leaving), but he doesn't get the hint
Somehow, her ex still talks to her and apparently insists on trying to explain things with the low-key intention of getting back together, and when she starts flat-out saying things like “maybe don't see me when you're in town” he accuses her live! of gaslighting, not understanding that she doesn't owe him shit. Not talking, not listening, not anything anymore.
My dude…it sounds to me like you haven't taken responsibility for your actions. It sounds like she has moved on from wanting to date you. It sounds like you need to let her go, take the lessons you got from therapy, and apply them in your next relationship so that you don't walk out on something wonderful again. I'm sorry your anxiety got the best of you my guy, and I do hope you're a better person for this experience. Best of luck
There is more to being a father than your kid having your last name. The two of you are bringing a new life into the world. They don’t tun into good people by accident. Instead of focusing on what your rights and legal recourse is, how about a plan for the two of you to raise this kid?
Thank you for the insight. I don't mind not drinking when we're together, it's actually been kind of nice except for this issue. I had no idea that alcohol had that much of an effect over his abilities in bed. I'm going to support whichever decision he makes, though I do think there should be some wiggle room. It's almost like he's punishing himself for something. If we're only having a couple drinks a couple nights a week, i guess i didn't see the issue. It's just been such a sudden and immediate change, and i don't think I'm getting the true reasoning behind it all, which makes it confusing. Most of all, i hope he's seeing the same changes and fallout that I'm seeing. I think we're both struggling tbh.
You have four options with an asexual: 1) arrange an open relationship 2) cheat on her 3) be miserable 4) leave!
I tried all four. They all have their unique benefits and detriments. Feel free to chat with me about any of them. I won't judge any choice you make
What sucks about this IMHO is that for physical reasons it sounds like she loved you. When you got fat she didn’t want you. It sounds like it was all physical based and heart breaking that she doesn’t love you for you. As in the person and all that good life stuff.
I had a friend ask me once when I was dating this girl I wanted to get serious with, if she lost her legs would you still be with her.
Clearer bells had not been rung. I’m sorry bruv but imo you need to really think about YOUR health and future.
Well if his excuse for giving you silence is “anger problem” then he probably tells himself he's not punishing you, but merely managing his anger. What your story doesn't say is whether your arguments ultimately get resolved, and if so, is it by compromise, or does one of you give in? If you give in, then regardless of what he's telling himself, he's using silence to win the arguments. You may have to let him manage his anger, as he sees it, but you do not have to cave to his POV when he gets over it a day or two later.
And in that case kids still have to be taken into consideration. I'm going to call you a damn liar if you try to act like kids don't take up a big amount of a person's time and cause certain scheduling problems. I have had FWBs with kids. Even then you have to take them into account.
Coming clean will derail her life. Seriously no good will come of it. Since this affair I really became a better man all around. No one is talking about the lack of attraction that happens after years of being with someone. I was able to get a piece of me back through this 22 year old.
Seconding the need to bring it up with her gynecologist. They can deal with it directly or refer her to a specialist.
Pets are classed as personal property in the eyes of the law so this was theft. Gather any paperwork you have for Benji and report the theft to the police.
And of course get rid of the husband.
I have a parrot and my abuser would often threaten to release him or rehome. When I left he threatened to take him etc.
Best of luck to you. Seems you and he are not a match. People don’t change, he won’t get better.