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  1. Also, he does know how much this hurts me. We have talked about it several times, and I almost walked away from the relationship because of it. Like I said in the post, he will say that I am hindering his social life by being uncomfortable with his continued contact with her. This sentiment — that I am a toxic partner if I ask him to no longer pretend that everything is fine (my bf has never brought this up with her or her bf who he is close friends with) — has forced me into a corner where I have to be ok with this as he on his own accord will not stop spending time with her (and I don't want to give ultimatums). I just wish he would take the initiative to support me in this.

  2. I did tell her how I felt as nicely as I could. I said “Hey not picking on you, but I felt a bit uncomfortable about your behavior today. I've never been aggressive towards you in any way so it bothers me that you felt like you needed to cower away from me. Why is that?” and she said something like she knew I was angry and she “just wanted to stay out of my way”. I told her I wasn't angry, just tired, and I asked her why she felt like she needed to get out of the way. She said “I never used to make you depressed so I feel like you hate me now” to which I spent awhile trying to explain that isn't how it works but she didn't seem convinced otherwise.

  3. No but this is good feedback I will give it a try! So far I have just recoiled in disgust which hasn’t gotten me very far.

  4. Fuck this really hurt. I’m really sorry. I hope you can forgive yourself and get through this. I know you’ll fall in love again, and you’ll never make the same error again. You have to forgive yourself.

  5. “I'm sorry, did you think I was asking for your permission?” Say that when he says no. Did he have any concerns before the marriage, or did this start up afterwards?

    You said his mom was an immigrant so this might be a cultural thing as well, but you were you raised in that culture? Doesn't sound like it.

  6. Thanks friend. I really appreciate what you say, but I’d like to clarify something. She is not a person that evades her problems. I know her and she really is not that kind of person.

    What happened is that her ex tried to kill her, so I think that’s something that’s a big burden that definitely not everyone will confront directly.

    I will think about what you said about forgiveness

  7. Yea you have waited long enough. Just tell him it’s time to meet or move on. Doesn’t even have to be a date, just meet somewhere on campus in the middle of the day like two normal people. If you can’t find 15 minutes on the calendar then forget it. If he’s hesitant then forget it. Just be positive and enthusiastic.

  8. Oh ffs she said “idk if I want kids”. She might not but she also might just be having second thoughts. Childbirth is life threatening and scary. Even people who actually want kids have moments of apprehension.

    OP didn't even bother to have an actual discussion before he flipped out. If they talked about kids 5 years ago, it wasn't a real discussion. Thats the stage where people say what they envision for their life. Unless they actually sat down and looked at their finances/how to raise them- they didn't really talk about kids.

    Whats with people like you holding people to what they said as a dream in their 20s? I've dreamed a lot of things. None of them have weight until they become goals- which requires doing work. If he wants kids so much he should already have looked into the logistics.

    Wanting kids didn't make him lash out. OPs vindictive personality did. He's in this thread claiming kids aren't a dealbreaker. He's being manipulative just like he accused her of being.

  9. She posted on some dumb subreddit called cougar and cubs or something. She must've did alot of personal justifying.

  10. You’re 20 and have been with him for less than a year. You’re not in too deep.

    Sometimes you have to do uncomfortable things to live a good life. This is one of those things.

  11. Good luck. I WFM and mine has been off work almost 6 weeks. He just drinks, sleeps til noon and it took him 5 days to clean the bathroom.

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