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130 at 5'6″ isn't even weight loss territory. I'm 5'2″, and at 130 pounds, I'm like a size 6. So if you're taller, you're probably even smaller than that. While you could maybe be more toned or something if you wanted, it's probably not a great idea for you to lose a bunch of weight. I'm sorry he's pressuring you to be unhealthy.
Yeah, I hear you. I guess it’s better to end it because I can’t myself loving someone or committing to someone who has been with that many people already
Nope. Dont do it. It Ruins so much. Leave before you become a mess. Look at loveafterporn sub, honestly i never want to feel that way ever again and if i could go back i would.
You dont have to be ok with this, if youre not, youre not. Its insane how normal this has become .
Ur wife is amazing.
Given the parental abuse, you might also wanna look into Childhood Emotional Neglect and CPTSD
You must like difficult complicated messy relationships.
You should care. Of course. And you’re a good person for that. However if it’s your child she can’t withhold you from your baby. If it’s during her pregnancy that’s her choice for being controlling trying to hold you back from your family so she wouldn’t do that it she wanted “support” during her pregnancy. Once the baby is born you have just as much rights to the child as she does. The old school thinking of mothers being more important than fathers is long gone
I wish it were that simple ):
It doesn’t sound like there’s stability in the relationship that would last and bring happiness long-term. It sounds like this relationship brings a lot of volatility and drama to your life so unless you actually like that sort of thing it’s probably not healthy.
ah, mkay, thanks, was only weird if it was a reveal imminently beforehand
A NAKED person who likes to cuddle can cause every issue on this post- really comes down to relative comfortability.
Hence, why it's okay that he might feel differently than her. What is most important is motivations.
Agreed, if the roles were switched and a man at work gave her a photo of them and then jewlery it would be fucking weird and alot more than just being “friends” i gave my friend at work a special coffee mug thats it lmao
If this happened to me, I'd be done. But, maybe if you do get back together things will be different? Idk.
In a couple months you'll be crawling over to r/TrueOffMyChest , r/Rant or r/SurvivingInfidelity.
Anyone wanna take bets on the time frame?
I thought it was a girl writing this until i saw your comment…
Yes, and yes. I used to think it was a big deal when I was a kid but now just go fart and come back. Long as your not farting on me its all good.
Sidebkte, when women do sit on my lap and they are clenching there but cheeks, it feel soooooo good!
DEFINITELY fraud and you’ll get booted right out if they uncover it.
Yup, public intox. You have to give them a reason though, if you’re being normal and you’re not being a danger to yourself or others, they won’t really care
All depends on if you piss off the officer enough
Dude, you were assaulted. File a police report. Being drunk is never an excuse, it just removes inhibitors (I.e. you see more of what the person is really like).
It sounds like you've been through a lot of heartbreak and it's understandable to feel hurt and exhausted. Don't think that you are not deserving of love or that something must be wrong with you–you said yourself that the women in your past relationships have told you as much.
That being said, it may be beneficial to look inwardly at this situation to reflect on how your actions might be affecting the outcome of these relationships. Are there any patterns in your behavior (e.g., trying too naked, becoming too attached too quickly) which could be contributing towards why these relationships did not work out? If so, then it would be helpful for you to gain some insight about those behaviors and learn how to better manage them moving forward.
Above all else, remember: You Matter! Your feelings are valid and deserve tending to with care and understanding for yourself. It is important for you make sure that when entering into a new relationship (should one come along), keep in mind boundaries and develop healthy communication habits from the start so that no one gets hurt further down the line unintentionally or otherwisewise. Take time now focus on taking care of yourself – this will help put things into perspective in due time
My husband ate steak with his ex wife. We would be in a world of hurt if I limited what could and couldn’t be done based on that. Grow up.
Ah no you don’t need to drop $250+ on jewelry for someone you have only been with for 3 months and if she has a problem with that then she is definitely not the one for you. Besides not all women like jewelry.
I truly believe men and women are very different on this. For men usually a relationship is 50% phisical attraction 50% mental attraction. For women is more possible to be 90% mentally attracted and only 10% phisically but still truly love their man. It's very rare to find man for which appearance is not important at all. It's also true that these % can change in the course of a relationship. I was madly in love with my partner but one day I felt like I could not get past some things I didn't like in their personality and I found myself not phisically attracted either, despite them being the classic type I go for. So well conclusion is personality is definitely more important as it can make the look irrelevant. But the look cannot really make the personality irrelevant. I would say for a man a good and wise balance could be caring 30% about the look and 70% about the personality of their partner. All the above is my personal opinion of course. All the best mate ?
She either doesn't think it's a date or doesn't want to be around you one on one.
Make it clear that you want it to be a date. Then you get a clear answer if she wants to date you or not.
You've been together for three years. He's your partner, he should know what kind of person you are and trust your character. If he agreed to give/lend you the money, he should do so. Follow up with him.
Why would you want to be with a partner who doesn't care about your feelings? How is that a good relationship to be in?
It's over, move on.
You’re not going to change him though. How do you not see this??
Sure. Although, people can have whatever deal breakers they want, whether the deal breakers are reasonable or not is a different matter. Different people have different views on this.
With healthy communication a lot of issues can be solved without being controlling.
Why do people think it's a troll post?
If you are at this point, just walk away
“Laugh it off”? She cheated on her partner… Man or not that is considerably horrible, and the fact she's worried about her work and not her actual relationship… yikes.
That isn't guilt that is fear. Fear that you will hurt someone that means something to you. That is normal and if you are honest and empathetic. It is ok and you need to accept they will be hurt. Just never think throwing the truth as a spear to inflict pain is the same. Breaking up is something as simple as, “This isn't working I really tried and I know have too. I just think it is best we go our separate ways” don't look for blame and don't accept it either. Far to often we let our fear of the hurt we'll cause become anger so we can find justification and avoid the pain.
Never seen so many downvotes all piled in a single comment.
My respects
It’s perfectly reasonable to consider someone you’ve known for 3 month a friend. It is not reasonable to have not picky bullshit arguments about the same person over and over again.
Yeah so the point of the “break” your taking is to essentially take the added stress/pressure of a relationship off your plate. There’s nothing wrong with needing to have less communication if you’re overwhelmed. But you’re either in a relationship or not, and the reason you feel like that is because you are still in the relationship. If you’re m not going to do a crash course in mental health recovery during your time apart than not much is going to change when you guys “get back together”
Just had to chime in to agree with both of these people, you're friend sounds like a clueless idiot and should be ignored. What happened is serious and any consequences that come from this person being exposed are completely of their own doing. Don't be afraid to speak up, even though he/she might deny it. You deserve to have a voice. Good luck!
I’m sure her and mullet boy will be very compatible.
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Especially when the kids grow up and leave the house. Then it's just you and your spouse. The list of who comes first: 1. Spouse, 2. Kids, 3. Job, 4. Family, 5. Etc… And if there's no Spouse in the picture, Kids get bumped up to 1.. Other than that, it's important to maintain your relationship with your spouse, because like I said, kids grow up and leave.
Stop lying to yourself and specify your optimal cup size
You need to get proof and tell her bf. She is a liar, cheater, and a disgusting friend. Kick her to the curb.
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skill issue. you were planning to cheat but she cheated first.
Google lawyers in your area…..duh.
In terms of how life changing the news is,
Pregnancy > “I spent $350”
I feel like the obvious thing to do is to leave but
NO! No “but”. You DO leave NOW!
He 'didn't get to dick enough other women', so he's gonna do that now. He deceived you for 2 months. He LIED TO YOUR FACE when you asked if things were going well. He SAYS his gf is going to get an abortion, but what if she doesn't? Do YOU want to pay for 18 years of child support for your husband's affair child? Do you want a relationship with his affair child? What's to stop him again in 3 years, or 5 years, or 12 years? Nothing! And he knows you forgave him once so the chances of you forgiving him again (when you have more financial and emotional investment with him) are greater. If you have kids, you'll definitely feel guilty about divorcing.
He's shown you who he is: a cheater, a liar, a deceiver, a selfish person. You can find a man who would never cheat on you; you owe yourself that peace of mind.
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Is he still paying all the bills and your money is just for the fun stuff?
Your a home wrecker!
It’s none of your business. Anyway, people marry for a variety of reasons. You saying that it can’t be rushed is just one of those opinions.
That’s the first thing I noticed and it enraged me!!!
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We are friends, but it's a little flirty sometimes. Though lately he changed his tone a little. Last time i was there we cuddled for a while, but nothing else happened
The usual excuse, alcohol made me do it ?♀️?♀️ complete cop out. She was perfectly capable of having sex, she was perfectly capable of saying no. I’m really sorry you’re going through this, but would you ever trust her to visit her parents again?
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So don't rely on her for plans. Unless she makes a habit of it, I wouldn't kick up a fuss.
I'm not sure what kind of advice you're looking for?
All and any legitimate concerns he has given you, you have already dismissed and written them off as not important.
You blame your son for…being a human being and not a puppet.
You expect him to perform to your standards yet refuse to let him use the tools necessary for success.
You coddle and diminish all areas he is trying to grow himself; you continually treat him like a child and cripple his life skills…so you can blame him for that also.
What exactly are you needing advice on?
All helpful advice would need to be prescribed to you by an institution for you to give it an iota of credibility, your son is telling you the existing problem: you are out of touch with reality, you are also overvesrof and controlling for the sole purpose of 'because I said so!'. Get your head out your ass OP.
You are the problem, not your son.
YTA
…Wait.
Your sister has TWO live! in housekeepers and still has “cooking and cleaning” as her only interest?
That’s….just mind boggling. I can’t even respond. That is so incredibly privileged and out of touch that it’s…Hard to react to.
Bless your sister heart if she chooses to live her life that way. Most people who work for a living would find that disgusting, but I’ll reserve judgment.
But OPs husband is not willing to continue with this nonsense. And it’s his right to say “No. I’m not going to be the sole provider while you do nothing and emotionally drain me because you literally have no Fucking life, and use me as a punching bag”.
If someone has the luxury of living a life that has no accountability or responsibility for anything, fine.
But when you are clearly making your partner suffer for it, and they are telling you it’s not tenable…Maybe it’s time to get off your ass and at least participate in society to take the burden off your partner.
I couldn’t online with myself if I contributed absolutely nothing to society, and my only effect on the world was to cause my husband stress.
But…people are bizarre.
Maybe OP and your sister should be friends.
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Why do you want to be with someone who is constantly criticizing you? I’m not even going to go into how gross and sexist he’s being because you know it’s ridiculous. But why are you with someone who doesn’t let you have a voice and insults you?
Why do you want to be with someone who is constantly criticizing you? I’m not even going to go into how gross and sexist he’s being because you know it’s ridiculous. But why are you with someone who doesn’t let you have a voice and insults you?
And her friend is even worse for making his ex talk her through her feelings for him. Both horrible people, I hope their relationship blows up in their faces?♀️
No it doesn't.
Your bf is insane. Who gets this worked up over a fucking pillow? When my partner moved in, he brought like 1 bag of clothes and some video games lol literally everything else was mine and I didn’t hold that over his head or not allow him to use the stuff I paid for because that’s literally crazy and not how healthy relationships work. Also, him following you around yelling at you is abusive. Do you really want to be with someone that treats you like that?
Your BF has zero interest in marrying you.
Wrong. The BF has zero interest in the concept of marriage. He doesn't hate it, but doesn't see the point in it either. And that's okay.
If it's important for OP he's willing to do it, but he doesn't want to spend anything on something that he isn't interested in. That's completely fine.
It’s ‘unlike’ him because he got caught. If it wasn’t cheating (at the bare minimum-emotionally) why would he lie to your face? Why would he say he met her through a hobby? HE LIED TO YOU. Anything he’s said after that has a chance of being untrue as well. Lie 1 didn’t work, and you actually believe his follow up lie? You deserve better buddy. He never valued you if he was still ‘seeking validation’ Trash excuse for being a shitty person.
Don't marry him. That's all I can say for sure. I've been him in this situation. Notice how he won't stop? He just “won't get this drunk again” spoiler alert. He will. He may not really mean to hurt you (I never meant to hurt anyone) but in order to see real change. He needs real consequences. Dump him. Move out. Separate and let him work on himself and come back to you in a year or two…. if he's made the changes you can pick things up again. After all. You've set a plan for “til death do us part” so a year or two while he shows you who he ” is” if this is ” not who he is” should work.
The issue is he won't. You'll leave. He will carry on with how he is as this IS “who he is” who you are is measured by what you do, not what you say you'll do. So don't gamble your whole future on some coked out, drunk loser.
Takes one to know one and my own journey was rough and in some way still in progress….he's got a long way to go and your safety and security will cause him to never do that work.
It’s always naked for me to put things into words and this helped me put my understanding of her feelings into words so thank you, my gf felt very understood and we solved the problem.
It’s always naked for me to put things into words and this helped me put my understanding of her feelings into words so thank you, my gf felt very understood and we solved the problem.
You’re exhibiting some serious narcissistic traits.
So she probably just left me in the grey area so she could muster the courage to break up damn
You are not a bad person, and neither is she, you just want different things. Hopefully you have been honest with her about never wanting kids. Neither of you should give in for the other though, there will be resentment in the end so it’s best to break it off now.
Basically she has to pay half anyway so might as well own it….she is better off without this guy in her own condo
I have tried accepting it, but still don’t have an answer. I know this coworker thing is mostly a symptom of the underlying issue.
Another factor is that neither my partner nor I have the means to live! separately. Not a reason to stay together, but part of why I am so cautious about this. I don’t want to blow up our lives.
Maybe talking to my coworker was a mistake, like another commenter said. I can honestly analyze myself and say it’s the only thing I’ve done about any of this that was possibly out of line. Tbh I’m proud of myself for living with this shit for so long compared to my past. Anyhow, I was thinking about step 9 – wouldn’t it be selfish of me to unburden my guilt onto my partner? Telling him would only cause him pain. I am fairly certain he wouldn’t handle it well. I love him and don’t want to leave but also don’t know if I can live like this forever. Partner knows this. I haven’t been able to accept it, nor have I been able to know that leaving is the right decision for me.
My relationship is otherwise pretty healthy, it would be an easier decision if it weren’t. I’m really scared to leave or talk about it with him because then he might leave, and I don’t know if that’s what I want or if that’s the right thing.
Boy I am tired of my brain right now.
Well your assumption that he's leaving just because of the affair and not because his STBXwife is a ticking timebomb kinda threw me. You DID say, “seems like she's better person now” so yeah, you did kinda say otherwise.
Never understood people that get together with a cheater. How can they believe then when they say “I won’t cheat on you”??
I would break up with him. If there is no compromise, what else is there? You don't want to take pills and I understand there are types of cannabis meant to handle pain without getting high. If he can't get over his trauma, you don't need to stick around and appease him.
Be strong, brave and firm. Do not cave.
Visit r/infidelity. They will have great suggestions for you.
Your responses on this thread are spot on. Thank you for validating his feelings. It is definitely her choice and she needs to do what is best, but the posters attacking him have zero empathy for his side. It's like, too bad, suck it up. Having compassion for someone seems to be in limited supply on Reddit.
I thought they could only do that through amniocentesis. They can just take the mothers blood from a vein??
If you’re from the US it’s very odd your dad fought for you and wasn’t given any visitation or assigned any Child Support. Even if mom refuses it in some instances the courts will still make dad pay child support, and unless something is really wrong with dad or he abused you as a baby it’s odd he got zero visitation. I think what your mom did was wrong, but if your dad has money never paid for you, and didn’t receive visitation something is up. I recommend trying to find the court paperwork where they fought for you and getting the whole story before confronting your mom. That way you have all the legal facts to back your argument.
It's very likely to happen again, I'm sorry. I'm no expert, but that's a horrendously violent thing to do to someone. Unless they're in anger management and other things to turn themselves around, I can't in good conscience recommend you stick around to find out
I’d call it
I didn’t mean to, the auto mod deleted it so I deleted the account. Didn’t realise it actually went live!
Is he saying you taking a shit is weird? Or taking a shower after a shit is weird? Or what?
So your a good father, you are a nurturing person, you are the primary caregiver, and home engineer, you support your wife's career and handle everything else so that she can focus on the career, you are loyal, supportive, clearly love your family…. but you think she's out of your league? I think that is something you really need to sit back and examine…. because from my perspective.. sounds like she's incredibly lucky to have such a dedicated father and husband.
I think your first step is to consider some counseling. You have a low view of yourself and counseling could really help you turn that dialogue around. Truly the best thing I ever did for myself was to get counseling. I was able to examine a lot of views I had of myself. And you know what.. as I learned to love myself more, set healthy boundaries, and communicate my needs.. the people around me treated me better as well.
Next… and if you start counseling, this will be one of the first things they bring up… What are you doing for you? Do you have anything outside of being a father and husband that brings you joy? Its soooo easy to loose your identity as an individual when you are a SAHP… everyone's emotional and physical needs typically come before yours. You're on call 24/7, you are constantly planning everything out for each person through the day, week, year.. So what do you do for you? And if you don't do something for you.. what things do you enjoy? If you don't know anymore (trust me, I've been there).. its time to start trying to figure that out. What did you enjoy doing before the kids came along? Did you have hobbies, play sports, have special interests?
He can't come over because I have my room mate living with me
They sound like a bunch of mental fuckers. Be glad you got out before she 'cut' you.
NSFW means don’t put this info in the title. Jeez, guy. Have some class.
You said you worked super naked at college. I’m sure you did. But did you pay for a penny of it? That’s the difference, and you seem to not get it.
Marriage gives a lot more stability than dating does. Do you plan to be a stay at home mom? If so, you have absolutely no protection. You’re incapacitated and need decisions made for you? Your boyfriend is screwed and vice versa. Tax benefits? Nada. If one of you dies with no will? The other gets nothing.
You don’t have to get married, it’s not a requirement. However, based on your logic you absolutely want the benefits of being a wife (house and family) without making that vow or commitment. If you can’t find it in yourself to love your boyfriend unconditionally forever then why exactly should you get any luxuries of being a wife?
This may be a deal breaker but honestly if you guys were screwing already I bet she changes her mind in a few weeks. I would give it some time. “Babe I don't agree with this but I will try to make this work.” And then end it if you are not happy.
Thank you so much for this. I feel like this is what I needed to hear.
it does not seem to be u are correct
NTA
You're attracted to men and that's perfectly ok. You're not a bigot or anything of the sort if you're no longer attracted to your partner because of how severely they changed.
this has nothing to do with “respecting you” this is about covering his own ass and controlling the narrative.
expose him as a cheater. he's leaving you because he's been cheating on you (emotionally and probablty otherwise) with his bro's wife.
how is keeping THAT fact respect for you?
expose him NOW and drag him over the coals in the divorce.
I never wanted him like that ever, only as a friend for which now I contemplating on the way he acted with me. I messaged today wanting to speak about it and asked him questions for him to turn around and blame me for starting and initiating this when I have no recollection of this. He goes and blocks me. I know deep down, my gut is telling me I did not start this. He took my keys away from before we headed out and I thought that was odd or was he being a friend not wanting me to get a taxi home drunk and alone but he could of got the taxi with me to my house and then he could have gone his way to his. Though I went back to his really drunk, I don’t remember falling asleep. I wouldn’t accuse him of anything. Before he blocked me he was angry and agitated saying I was aware and awake at the time. I was like whatever happened should have not happened and he was like well it did
Firstly it needs to be addressed what values you have that are different and you're going to have to speak with her about the conflicting values.
Second is that you are experiencing negative emotions about the past, which is unchangeable. Fomo is not a good thing to get wrapped up in. You need to ask truly why you want to have sex so much more. It can also be related to content you consume. Make sure you have a logical basis for your arguments. Really take the time and ask yourself why is it that this is what you want
I'm unsure if you are stuck in the mindset that your current relationship is lost, and you want to move on and have sex with other people because you are experiencing fomo of others experiences. To give away power like that will cause you anguish through comparison.
I think it would be beneficial for you to lay out your concern about kids and getting married. Make sure you have the best logic on why this is true for yourself. Presenting these facts will allow your partner to know what you want. I'm trying to cover the scenario of breaking up with someone due to only fomo. If it's about sex only, maybe there is an opportunity to see what your partners needs are sexually. It's possible that they may want more sex, there are just too many factors to consider, hence why you should ask
Does your 1.5 year old son sleep in the same room?
Have you discussed these feelings with him? What’s he doing that makes you feel like a afterthought?
Do you have any family support to take care of your child occasionally?
He wanted to keep you at home for intimate reasons. Dude wanted to get laid.
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Background: My(29f) parents(50m 50f) married young and had a generally unhappy marriage with lots of infidelity on my father’s part. They split for good in 2010 and my Dad has since remarried and had a baby with his new wife.
Whilst he wasn’t a very good partner to my Mum, us siblings have always maintained a close relationship with him. He married his second wife, L(34f) in 2018 although we didn’t have much of a relationship with her until she had our baby brother in 2020. There was no acrimony or naked feelings, there just wasn’t enough frequent interaction between us for a close relationship to develop. If it matters, she is not one of the women my Dad cheated on my Mum with.
When I got married in 2018, L’s attendance wasn’t even considered and my Dad didn’t ask for her to be invited. However, the dynamics have changed ever since the birth of our brother and we have all become more close with L.
My Mum was previously extremely close with my Dad’s family and she was always invited to all family gatherings but now that L is also invited, my Mum has chosen to take a step back from her ex in-laws. She was the one who came out of their separation worse off and she has chosen to remain single since.
My younger sister is getting married in a few weeks and an invite was extended to include our brother but not L. This decision was made to accommodate my Mum’s feelings and the fact that she will not feel comfortable if L is there. My sister planned to discuss this further with my Dad at the time, but he didn’t comment on L’s lack of invite so she naively didn’t broach the topic further.
Now, this close to the wedding, my Dad is insisting that L also be invited or else he won’t attend. My sister apologised to L and assured her that this decision was not personal to her but Dad refused her apology.
Obviously it would be disappointing for us all, especially for my sister, if our Dad didn’t attend the wedding so how best to navigate this sensitive situation? My Mum is completely against L attending but she wouldn’t threaten not coming to get her own way.
Another unfortunate part of this whole scenario is I’ve kind of lost some respect towards my Dad, and I resent him a little but I don’t know whether I’m being unfair towards him. Maybe he’s right and L deserves an invite but it really isn’t so straightforward.
TLDR: My Dad is refusing to attend my sisters wedding unless we also invite his wife. My Mum absolutely does not want his wife to attend.
There's not really any compromise here. You just want to be with him. That's completely valid. He has openly told you that he wants to be with someone else. That's also valid, but it's also super shitty, because if he's so “sad” and miserable, he should have just broken up with you, not tried to guilt trip and manipulate you into a relationship dynamic that you're not comfortable with.
This all just sounds exhausting, you'd probably be happier without him, just for the fact that'd you'd have a lot more mental energy and inmer peace without all his drama taking up space in your head.
That's just my 2 cents, but my actual advice? Don't do the sit-down with all three of them. That's just an opportunity for them to all gang up on you and lay down the guilt. I don't even know these people, and I'm still 90% sure that this “talk” is just gonna be them sitting around telling you how “sad” he is and how much you're “hurting” by wanting him to not sleep with other people, all while steamrollering right over your feelings on the matter. Don't put yourself in that position, they'll just make you feel crazy. You're not crazy.
If she's offered to get rid of the cat, let her do it. It'll even still be in her family. The alternative you propose here is unsustainable in the long term. Just let her give her cat away.
In what sense
If her seeing other people while you guys begin dating doesn't mesh with how you want a potential relationship to start, it seems that you have an incompatibility and it's totally fine to not pursue her.
I just don't like the idea of putting in my time, effort and money just for someone else to reap the rewards with something as simple as a 'you dtf?' text.
I will say that this above sentiment is backwards and a bit gross. You're not investing in a property, this is a human being and sex / intimacy is not owed to you.
2 years and you haven't found a compromise? What's his logic for continuing to do it if he knows it bothers you?
Transparently I'd say at this point you need to let it go since you're not willing to force the issue.
It’s not you, it’s HIM.
He's keeping you on the back burner. He isn't that interested but doesn't want you to get completely over him, he wants the ego boost. Just move on.
your friends are right the minute he attacked your senior dog ..the dog should have been gone..and if your husband was a true dog lover he would have agreed…three options…1 the dog goes …2 husband and dog go 3…baby ..your dog and you go…you would be an irresponsible parent and dog owner if one of these don’t happen soon
By knocking before entering someones room. Why is everyone cool with them invading privacy id be pissed if roommates were so caviler. I can step into the hallway if I need them. People act like they heard her being beaten or something not just argument which required no third party intervention
Body count doesn't matter according to the prevailing feminist movement.
He keeps showing you he is…not sure what else you're are looking for
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So my boyfriend (21 M) and I (21 F) have been dating for almost 8 months and we have been sexually active since we first met. He’s the only person I’ve ever been with so I’m still learning what I like and don’t like, I had a basic idea of what I thought I would enjoy because of things I’ve read, watched, and looked up and one of those things is aftercare. The only thing about it is it’s mainly done with BDSM which is not the type of relationship that we have. I’m not sure if aftercare is something you normally would do after sex or if it’s just thing you do after scenes but it’s something I would like to do. After we have sex we get cleaned up and then he puts his clothes back on, gets back in bed while waiting for me, and then he gets on TikTok while I do my own thing laying next to him. But I want to not do that, I want to cuddle naked with him while he plays with my hair or take a shower or bath together, words of affirmation are my love language and I would love it if he would say things like ‘you did a good job, I’m so proud of you’ ect. I know I should just tell him how I’m feeling I just don’t know how.
Update: I forgot to mention a few things, we get cleaned up right after because I’m very VERY prone to getting infections and the longer I wait the more likely it will be that I’ll get an infection. He usually just puts his shorts on after and I think that’s because my apartment gets cold (thank you central unit). The part about praise is because a. Words of affirmation are huge for me, and b. I do have a praise kink which he is aware of and he definitely loves it. He has taken care of me after especially when he has overstimulated me (I have sensory issues and I can get extremely sensitive). Thank you all for clearing somethings up for me and for telling me to just talk to him. I have trauma from past friendships surprisingly about asking for what I want and need because they would tell me ‘I was being too much’ or ‘we always do what you want to (because no one else was responding)’ I’m working through that thanks to therapy. All in all he is a really good guy and I think this is just what he’s done before with other people but I’m just gonna tell him what I’d like for us to do and ask for his suggestions. Thank you!
Broadly speaking? Sure, it's just as unlikely as someone taking your email at random and signing you up to 30 different coupon email sites so you get spammed by emails, but people do that all the time in pettyrevenge.
It looks bad at a glance but without knowing who does or doesn't have an axe to grind, you need more info before jumping to the nuclear option. Are the photos being posted public elsewhere, or not? Does someone close to you have a reason to try and break you up? And so on, and so forth.
This isn’t paranoia, this is a control tactic that is thinly disguised by him as paranoia. This keeps you under his thumb and in a constant state of atonement as he stays in the state of superiority and above reproach. He knows damn right well what he is doing, and that so far it has worked well for him. I hope you are not at his feet right now accepting punishment for doing nothing again. I hope you update that this clown shoe is finally out f your life.
She needed to be comforted because the food you made wasn’t good enough the week after your brother tried to kill himself. Do you hear yourself and how insane that is?
She’s not a partner, she’s a selfish, petulant princess who thinks the world revolves around her.
WTAF man! Seriously!
I (44F) do most of the stuff at our home too but if I ask for some help I don’t get the attitude. And if I have some family thing or work thing, my partner steps up and handles things so I can do what I need to do.
This sounds insane to me.
You’ll have to move out. I’m sorry. I would let his parents know exactly why you’re leaving. It would be too miserable to stay with someone whose clearly not into you & wont stop emotionally cheating and lying to you.
Can you take out another student loan for housing?
Can you look into shared housing through your school? Maybe there’s a housing Facebook page? Or your could look on Craigslist?
I’ve truly found some decent & cheap places to rent through Craigslist.
Can you get a part time job, maybe through your school?
Would your parent loan you any money? What about grandparents?
Let people in your classes know you’re looking for a place to live!, and share if you’d be willing to share a room.
it sounds like she only wants sex and you want a relationship, i dont think it's about attention. if you're both looking for different things then i would just not pursue her
Seriously, the amount of women who want to have children with a dude who is incapable of empathizing with them as their significant other is heartbreaking.
Some dusty ass man: you as a woman not being capable of my personal breeding stock is hurting my feelings
I would say adoption is an option for most people, but he sounds at very least emotionally manipulative.
He sounds very controlling and manipulative. This is not normal
First, if you haven't ever met them on person, it's possible they are a catfish. Second, long distance relationships only work if you can meet up, ideally a few times a year. I think you need to let them go for your own mental health and growth. They aren't intentionally leading you on, but by finding excuses to not date, they are saying they just want to be friends.
You probably hold this idea in your head of who they are and how wonderful a relationship would be with them. But I can almost guarantee that the reality would be far different.
Let yourself experience real life, real relationships and let this person go.
It could also be that they are getting tired of supporting him, and it is just being directed to you.
Just tell him you’d appreciate some privacy during this difficult time
It wasn’t a death threat, she’s stressed.
Run her a bath, give her a foot massage, cook her a meal.
Let it pass
The studies that you are talking about most likely explore major histocompatibility complex. The TL;DR is that people who smell good to us have a complimentary antigen profile, and our offspring would have better immunological responses than offspring with someone who smells off-putting.
The thing is, you don't have to be a dick even if someone doesn't smell great to you.
If you are a scientist with knowledge of MHC, feel free to correct my layman's understanding.
What does he do in work? Surely he doesn’t leave this joy for his workmates
I would absolutely stop driving him anywhere/not let him use the vehicle and kick him out, tbh. Make him pay child support through the courts and use part of it for rent and a parking pass.
I didn’t even read it all. Sounds like a train wreck.
may I know what kind of red flags do you see? & thank you for your advice xx
Do not bring strange women to your house while your child is there. Get to know them, and find these things out before letting them that close.
You only have two choices. Accept the apology and move on with the relationship or break up.
The question is can you trust her? If you can then stay. If not then leave.
I'm a bi and poly woman from a conservative family.
You are not doing anything wrong.
It is good you know your desires and your limits and you are communicating them clearly.
She does not have to loose her identity or who she is to be with you.
You are allowed to be uncomfortable due to her treating you different.
She is also allowed to be uncomfortable, but she seems to be valuing her comfort and her identity of over your comfort and your concerns.
Someone needs to talk to Steve about what really happened. I know what happened. Cheaters act how she acted. Dig deeper.
You need to file a police report, like yesterday. However, if you don’t feel comfortable doing that for whatever reason:
A) Try contacting a local domestic violence/sexual assault center. These centers may resources/funds to help you in a stalking/sexual harassment such as this.
B) You need to talk to your professor and/or dean and explain the situation. Or at the very least that you do not feel safe and opt to withdraw from your courses. And if possible, seek to transfer schools if possible. Because as long as that dude is there, and has the ostensible protections that he has, unfortunately you’re not going be safe.
There’s no way a government agency in Canada would sanction work colleagues of the opposite gender sharing a room, so it’s entirely her choice to do this. That alone would make me wonder.
My partner has times where she's suddenly needed my absolute support, and where she needs me to be there for her, physically.
Please say more about this.
You need to see a vet behaviourist before deciding on anything. A dog sub is probably a better place rather than relationship advice
Now, I ain’t calling you a gold digger, but you’re definitely an attention hound. The man has one boundary and you had to push it. You seriously need to consider deleting your posts, because this is a great way to become an ex.
You misspelled Porkies.
I just saw previous posts about him and its just.. no
It's Randy Marsh with his no no channels!
Is this the same man that made you to pick your own consequences for when you mess up? Like you’re a child that has to be disciplined? Please tell me this isn’t the same man…please tell me you didn’t marry that man?
What exactly are you looking for here? The courage to stand up for yourself? Is this account just for you to vent, because I can totally understand that. Or is this a cry for help because you’re in an abusive relationship, which will only get worse as time goes on. The problem I have is that until you are willing to make changes, no one can help you.
What do you want in this moment, right here?
This is what I would do.
In the end, you deserve to be with someone who is excited to be with you. She’s not excited anymore. No point in dragging things out. I’d end it before she does. I’m sorry you’re going through this, breaking up with your high school partner after college starts is a right of passage, you’ll get through it and come out much happier on the other end.
And I manage all that without using foul language.
You get so emotional when folk are asked to take responsibility for the children they create.
Wah wah wah, I was getting free labour for care of my kid and now I’m gonna have to pay for it, and I don’t wanna cos the mother of my kid was mean to me.
It’s so fricking childish.
Can he actually cook? If so ask when he’s going to express his love by taking his turn. If not try doing it together so he learns and cohabitates equitably. And I’ve known electricians and their labor is not as physically demanding as other construction jobs but can be very mentally taxing along with physical. You can also get easy to throw together meals at the store to quicken time in the kitchen for both. In our house she’s the cook and I’m the chef so daily meals are simple and weekends are feasts. And occasionally we we order pick up.
His approach is manipulative and self-centered.
If you want to continue this relationship, ask him to buy and bring home dinner 2 or 3 nights a week. Maybe one of those healthy meals-to-go places. He may truly be exhausted from his work combined with disliking cooking. If he's not willing to do this, I hope you put him in the rear-view mirror.
yeah, I was in the middle of typing my comment but wanted to see what others had said first. I'm going to nope out of this. completely disgusting relationship.
You need to find a full time job that pays well and have a bit of financial security. If it works out, happy days, if not, you can financial resources to stand on your own two feet, and even fly back to your parents.
To be honest,he sounds immature…
Porn addiction isn’t a real thing
I hope your maternal grandparents are still alive, hear about this nonsense and try to charge her for raising her.
Why’s it always the loser guys with no job that make babies??? They just make terrible decisions one after another
18, or 13?
???
You’re just going to have to wait until your meeting to ask him what’s up, unfortunately. Before you do, though, go through your memories and remember specifics of when you had these very clear discussions. Find written backup if you can. I had an ex who during arguments would constantly ask “give me an example of that” or “when exactly did that happen?”. I was always blindsided by it so I used to come prepared with backup if I was bringing up any issues (yes this was a toxic relationship, obviously!). I wouldn’t assume the worst, but you are thinking he may be manipulating you, so this is something good to have in your back pocket. That way if he does try and say that you said that you were monogamous or something, you can point to specific examples of why that is not true. Good luck!
I had to keep it real. I do not mean to hurt you at all. But she is fr trying to fuck your man. I’ve been the snake before, so I help my homegirls out with spotting them. Cut that b loose ! ?
Why not ? Both are reminders of traumas to different degrees. Obviously SA is leaps and bounds worse. But both are traumas that can be brought up by media representation
You break up and say you could be friends one day but you both need many months to get over one another.
Maybe, but that's also how this kind of person has a fight. Instead of responding to valid criticism, they change the subject to make themselves “right”.
So he chose his friend over you cut them out immediately. If you work it out with him your your slice of the pie it’s gonna get smaller and smaller. Don’t do that to yourself. I would say well it seems like a picture of a friend over me, so good luck with that. Because the guy wants to be with him I don’t know what that means but I’m just telling you.
No he said he wouldn't have sex with the girl if we did ffm
Nobody who is healthy in a relationship pulls you down with them just because you're doing better. They support you as best they can from their situation. He's saving you from all the crap he'd lay on you if he trapped you by living together. (I mean, your landlord literally wanted you out because of him. HUGE red flags)
Nah it's the feeling like maybe she made him gay most like. Had a friend that happened to and he was all like 'guys I made her gay,' and all in his feelings. I can understand being upset about that but not taking it out on someone else
OP apologized and he rolled over, stopped speaking to her, jabbed her in the back in the middle of the night, and faked snoring.
No spouse can compete with the thrill of receiving compliments and attention from another.
Nor should they have to.
The kind of external validation your wife needs should come from within. She is broken and 100% responsible for the failed marriage.
She is a broken person who is not suitable for a long term relationship.
start therapy you are distorting the facts
8 years happy vs. marriage is your story your wife cheats on you all the time real… she's not very happy
she signed up to go to another man's bed instead of the gym for over a month… to go to the gym to sleep with the guy.
cheated on you in the past
get her on a polygraph,
kids to have a dna test. get yourself std tests
she will continue to sleep with others,
Your wife can easily age herself a bit through hair styles and clothing choices.
How did HE drug you if you went through his bag and took a couple of pills without him even knowing? Unless he directly gave you the pills or misled you to believe it was tylonel, he didn't drug you. I'd just tell him you took a couple pills that you thought were tylenol that made you feel weird and ask him if its something else. But you shouldn't be accusing him of drugging you if you did this without his knowledge. That's a huge accusation and it sounds like you're trying to defer blame onto him for your actions that he didn't even know about, based on this text at least. Take some accountability
I hadn’t thought of that before but that might just be the case. Especially since the only people who seem to like him are gay or women.
When my best friend in college cheated on her bf I absolutely told her to tell him or I will and I meant it. She told him and ended it, but I absolutely would have followed through on that threat with no hesitation
Unpopular opinion coming… the business trip wouldn't bother me, maybe the sharing rooms wouldn't bother me, depending on how trustworthy and reliable my partner is, but I would find the topless picture to be irresponsible for a work trip. I get recreation blah,blah,blah…. but these are people you're working with on a business trip. It's not a vacation with your besties.
I may do that because I have anxiety, which can make me paranoid and overthink. I will try my best not to, I already had a long discussion with my gf about this topic, and she reassured me about the fact that she wouldn't hurt me in that way. And I'll also have a long discussion with him next time we are together. Thank you.
I am recommending for your own sake that you try and get over it.
Literally everyone here is calling you an immature loser.
I'd have a naked time remaining friends with someone ripping off his brother, who he lives with. Check your valuables – cos you're probably next.
Kudos to your son. He’s mature beyond his years. He will make a good husband and father.
Unfortunately I think it'll take years. He's it for me. But yes, ghosting is prob the most moral thing to do..:(
“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out”
You have already proven you know Jack shit about what you are talking about and now you are trying to say I’m lying about my age. How stupid are you?
It's your life and you only have one! It's not to late to start over and be a dad to a loving child.
Seriously, do folks not read the whole post before commenting? Reading comprehension is down the drain.
I view what she did to you as a crime. I don’t know if it’s illegal where you live! but it should be.
You made the correct decision to break up
Hm, personally I would tell her that she diesn't seem to treat your relationship seriously.
Now that depends, if her mothers are toxic that is a fine reason to stay away from them.
However if she has normal healthy relations with them you should make it ckear you will not wait forever. Choose a term limit you find reasonablr, and after that you can start dustancing yourself from, openly saying you don't think this relationship has future with her attitude and essentially leave it yo her whether she will let your relationship die or introduce you to her family.
On the other side, I feel like it should go without saying that sexting in a relationship is obviously a no go though too.
Eh, not everyone views what is acceptable in the same way, so this is something you need to talk about.
Maybe you should look at the bigger picture, because there’s so much more going on than simply not seeing your son for one night.
It's less about the money and more the poor decision making that got her to this point, the consequences for those decisions, and the fact that you'll be voluntarily taking on those consequences.
There's no way I'd marry someone with such a bad debt to income ratio.
Exactly this. Willing to bet she'll take up with a new man before the year is out and “Oops, broke the promise to myself” which is a pretty sorry promise to start with. There's a reason orbiters remain orbiting, because there's no chance.
Had he been more receptive and it was over something else I’d say go on and tell him as it could be good for him for future relationships. But it’s literally over him not listening to you and your expectations(boundaries) of the relationship. So I’d agree and doubt he’d listen, and the friends thing would be a waste. I’d just say no thanks to staying friends and move on
It sounds like it’s her. Lume is excellent for both pits and parts.
Had he been more receptive and it was over something else I’d say go on and tell him as it could be good for him for future relationships. But it’s literally over him not listening to you and your expectations(boundaries) of the relationship. So I’d agree and doubt he’d listen, and the friends thing would be a waste. I’d just say no thanks to staying friends and move on
Girl…this is shaping up to be disastrous! You need to slam the breaks…the number of red flags in this post is terrifying.
I 19F am marrying my husband 31M soon
my mental health wasn’t great
I’m worried that I’m going to feel really low after the wedding is over now that I’ll have nothing to look forward to or plan.
I’ll be alone for 12 hours 5 days a week.
I have no friends and my family work.
I’m just lost really
You don't seem like you're in a good enough mental space to get married, first of all. Second, you're incredibly young…you won't even know who you are for 5-10 more years. How can you commit to someone for life with any confidence? Third, no healthy, well-adjusted 30-year-old in their right mind wants to marry a 19-year-old. MASSIVE red flag for age gap, especially considering that you're effectively dependent on him right now. Fourth, you don't have good social connections and a healthy life independent of your parther.
This is all disastrous. Please don't do this.
I think we have either different definitions of the words or different opinions on how to classify behaviour. Either way both our definitions are valid though I guess yours is kinder than mine
He is trying to force you. You get to choose if you want to stay in a relationship dependent on you abdicating personal choice.
When someone hurts you, they don’t get to tell you they didn’t. This is abuse. And it will get worse from here. You don’t need to explain anything. He already knows. Ask yourself if you could see someone in pain and not care. Then ask yourself if his regard towards you matches how you’d react if you hurt someone.
That's pointless, you choose to be and stay ignorant. Sex in itself hurts, sometimes. When you finger someone it might hurt because of many reasons, you did it to rash, you used to many fingers, should have used more lube or saliva, finger- nails were not cut enough or had some rough edges. Etc.
There are a lot of reasons why occasionally fingering is hurting. So telling someone it hurts doesn't mean that it fundamentally hurts, everytime, all the time. If that's the case then she should have told him and made him aware but she didn't.
It's so interesting to see how easy you use the word 'abuse' but don't seem to have the capacity of general understanding.