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Date: November 14, 2022
AmateurPub
First and foremost, you need therapy dude. You need to gain a self esteem that will have you recognizing toxicity and leaving when nothing changes. You are kind to give her multiple chances, but you weren't giving her chances to change. You were enabling her to keep doing what she's doing bc why would she change when there are zero consequences for her. People only change when they're so uncomfortable the option is change, usually. You need to go to therapy and get the tools and confidence to set boundaries and stick to them. She's a horrible person for cheating and taking advantage of your kindness. But quite frankly you shouldn't be so desperate for love that you overlook the blaring red flags staring you in the face in order not to be alone or continue to see someone as you wish they were instead of who they really are. Once you gain that self esteem, those tools, and learn how to set boundaries and follow through when something is not in line with your truth and what you want for your life, you'll be less likely to deal with something like this again. Her behavior is not your fault though. Cancel her membership and tell her she doesn't like it find a different gym.
Lady why dont you reject the award of his marriage proposal because this guy is a true fucking idiot.
Your relationship is over bro. The only question is when you'll admit it.
I can't think of an instance where I went on a date and the girl even talked about her best friends, so it's possible that you're focusing on the wrong things during your dates
If it were me, it would be over. What is there to “work out”?
My reply was just to the point in that post, but I would agree that he's trying to override her wishes. That said, letting him move in and living together was bound to cause problems and I'm surprised she agreed to it if she didn't want to sleep with him.
That’s not proof ..
Enabling somebody means cleaning up their messes without them having to handle the problem.
Your bf shuts down and refuses to talk about anything. That’s a problem. That’s not a healthy coping mechanism to stress. And it’s hurting you. By constantly giving in and letting him behave as he does you aren’t encouraging any change. What reason does he have to change his hurtful behavior if every single time you accept what he does and make the first move to fix everything?
You make excuses for him to defend him because you care and don’t want him to feel bad. We all understand that feeling. But is it helping anything ? Will this guide him to seeing the problem and addressing it? No. Because he has been trained that if he shuts up and doesn’t discuss anything, you will come crawling back a day or two later full of apologies and sweep it under the rug again. I don’t think he is a schemer necessarily or that he plans to do these things. He may not even be aware of it. But so far he at least subconsciously knows “if i’m silent for a bit the problem goes away”. Only the problem doesn’t go away, it just sits in your heart and hurts you, but he doesn’t see that so he sees it as consequence free way to end an argument.
You protecting him means he will continue the behavior. You need to get him in therapy or break up. He won’t change over time or if you love him more or try harder. HE has to do the work, and he has to WANT to do the work. But he doesn’t, and having you there to smooth things over and ignore the problem won’t give him the push.
Maybe your breakup is the rock bottom he needs to sort stuff out, maybe it’s not. But you shouldn’t drain your life force for someone who doesn’t reciprocate it will only lead to you trying harder to reach him and more heartbreak when it doesn’t cause the change you need. Better to force the change now, than regret your inaction years later.
Don’t listen to the puritans in this thread. If you’re attracted to her and she’s attracted to you then you have the green light. You’re both consenting adults, don’t listen to this “power dynamic” crap.