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Don't puke a pile of your feelings all over her, that can be a bit much, but after some time together, give her little comments to gauge her reaction. For example, you might catch her eyes, smile, and say “you know I really enjoy our time together” . No matter how she reacts, keep smiling and continue whatever you were doing. If she agrees and says she enjoys your time together you know she is starting to feel as you do. Be playful, fun to be around, considerate and complimentary.
And yeah, obviously I don’t mean a random someone I mean someone who has a problem. Also YES malicious people are very much capable of causing problems.
So someone saying that they saw you having lunch with someone is enough to hurt your relationship? With literally no proof of cheating, them just saying that you are cheating is enough?
That's not feasible either. Then you are basically saying you either spend time with your old hobby you no longer interested in or you can have no hobby at all. Which is quite a strange way of disregarding someone's mental health.
They can still pay their essentials + put some money away to have something in case of emergencies. Why should he give up his hobby just to get a tiny bit ahead of something you can already do and give up his mental health for not having something to do in your free time?
I work in immigration and if she’s here on a student visa there are really slim chances she will be able to remain in the US after her studies. Even if she is able to land a job, the work sponsorship option s beyond graduation are very limited. Might explain the 2 year timeline.
To be clear, I am not accusing her of using you for a Green Card. But, if she does have strong feelings with you, sees a future with you, then her timeline is likely that tight because she can’t commit to physically being here beyond that amount of time. I’m all for legitimate and loving relationships that work that may result in a Green Card allowing a foreign national to stay here, so please don’t take this comment to mean anything other than some additional perspective.
Either way 25 year old me probably would have had this same timeline in my head when dating but 32 year old me realizes timelines usually go out the window anyway. As the saying goes, we plan and God laughs.
I sort of never understand the “we go for dinner but I have to pay”. Surely you budget your own money and the. You can say, no I cant take you to dinner as it’s not in this months budget and it’s then up to her to contribute. And she can say whether she has it in her budget and it’s up to you to offer, or you both decide something else like a walk and nice dinner at home.
You can do a bachelorette party, no one is stopping you. The only thing you can’t do is drink alcohol. It sounds like alcohol is too big of a part of both your lives, and you’re jealous that he can still drink.
If alcohol is such a big part of your life that you can’t have a bachelorette party unless you can drink, that’s very concerning. However, if that’s the case, plan one for after you’ve had the baby.
If you’re having trouble staying sober if he’s drinking around you, that’s a separate issue. Staying sober needs to be the top priority, so get help if you need it.
I think he only saw the parts in the movie he wanted to just like the parts of this job he wants to. I'm waiting to get to my parents on Friday with my stuff, but he's been quite mean this week since accusing me of being on his boss's side and everything. Hasn't yelled at me or hit me, but pretending I'm not there and eating and sleeping alone
The best thing is for both of you to block all contact, learn from your mistakes and move on. She invested her own money. Yes you encouraged it, but personally, as an adult, I am smart enough and responsible enough to say no to people who are trying to encourage me to take a risk I don’t want to take. I am smart and responsible enough to know that MY investment would be MY loss, and would not be the responsibility of the person who encouraged me to do it. She needs to learn that you can’t blame other people for your mistakes, or hold other people responsible for them, even if they did encourage you. She made the decision to trust it, and put her money in it. SHE made the decision, not you. And you should, and hopefully have already, learn not to encourage people to do risky things. Before you do something, think “could this go wrong? Exactly how big of a deal would it be if it did go wrong? Am I prepared to handle that?”
I am so so sorry but she has just lost all feelings for you. Probably because of the distance. But that isn't a reflection of you as a person. You are probably an amazing person and spouse. But it is too late to be hers.
Abuse against women is just so common and young women aren’t given the tools to recognise that they’re being mistreated. It’s sad.
Okay. You've already made your decision. You don't need to convince me.
Hmmm. Sounds sus. Very SUS…
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Don't puke a pile of your feelings all over her, that can be a bit much, but after some time together, give her little comments to gauge her reaction. For example, you might catch her eyes, smile, and say “you know I really enjoy our time together” . No matter how she reacts, keep smiling and continue whatever you were doing. If she agrees and says she enjoys your time together you know she is starting to feel as you do. Be playful, fun to be around, considerate and complimentary.
What do you want?
If you don’t want to go then don’t.
I’m female. I personally wouldn’t leave the house or my bedroom. If she wants to go she can, but the kids can’t.
Honestly, that is one of the weirdest dating stories I’ve heard. Don’t second guess yourself, you did nothing wrong and her reaction was extreme.
And yeah, obviously I don’t mean a random someone I mean someone who has a problem. Also YES malicious people are very much capable of causing problems.
So someone saying that they saw you having lunch with someone is enough to hurt your relationship? With literally no proof of cheating, them just saying that you are cheating is enough?
That's not feasible either. Then you are basically saying you either spend time with your old hobby you no longer interested in or you can have no hobby at all. Which is quite a strange way of disregarding someone's mental health.
They can still pay their essentials + put some money away to have something in case of emergencies. Why should he give up his hobby just to get a tiny bit ahead of something you can already do and give up his mental health for not having something to do in your free time?
I work in immigration and if she’s here on a student visa there are really slim chances she will be able to remain in the US after her studies. Even if she is able to land a job, the work sponsorship option s beyond graduation are very limited. Might explain the 2 year timeline.
To be clear, I am not accusing her of using you for a Green Card. But, if she does have strong feelings with you, sees a future with you, then her timeline is likely that tight because she can’t commit to physically being here beyond that amount of time. I’m all for legitimate and loving relationships that work that may result in a Green Card allowing a foreign national to stay here, so please don’t take this comment to mean anything other than some additional perspective.
Either way 25 year old me probably would have had this same timeline in my head when dating but 32 year old me realizes timelines usually go out the window anyway. As the saying goes, we plan and God laughs.
Women are also life. And abortion is controlling if a woman gives birth. It's supposed to be a birth control.
I sort of never understand the “we go for dinner but I have to pay”. Surely you budget your own money and the. You can say, no I cant take you to dinner as it’s not in this months budget and it’s then up to her to contribute. And she can say whether she has it in her budget and it’s up to you to offer, or you both decide something else like a walk and nice dinner at home.
Wife to coworker… “Hey do me a favor, tomorrow wear my watch while you are working.”
Lawyer up.
You can do a bachelorette party, no one is stopping you. The only thing you can’t do is drink alcohol. It sounds like alcohol is too big of a part of both your lives, and you’re jealous that he can still drink.
If alcohol is such a big part of your life that you can’t have a bachelorette party unless you can drink, that’s very concerning. However, if that’s the case, plan one for after you’ve had the baby.
If you’re having trouble staying sober if he’s drinking around you, that’s a separate issue. Staying sober needs to be the top priority, so get help if you need it.
I think he only saw the parts in the movie he wanted to just like the parts of this job he wants to. I'm waiting to get to my parents on Friday with my stuff, but he's been quite mean this week since accusing me of being on his boss's side and everything. Hasn't yelled at me or hit me, but pretending I'm not there and eating and sleeping alone
The best thing is for both of you to block all contact, learn from your mistakes and move on. She invested her own money. Yes you encouraged it, but personally, as an adult, I am smart enough and responsible enough to say no to people who are trying to encourage me to take a risk I don’t want to take. I am smart and responsible enough to know that MY investment would be MY loss, and would not be the responsibility of the person who encouraged me to do it. She needs to learn that you can’t blame other people for your mistakes, or hold other people responsible for them, even if they did encourage you. She made the decision to trust it, and put her money in it. SHE made the decision, not you. And you should, and hopefully have already, learn not to encourage people to do risky things. Before you do something, think “could this go wrong? Exactly how big of a deal would it be if it did go wrong? Am I prepared to handle that?”
That OP had to go through such an uncanny and nasty experience first time he plucked his courage!
I am so so sorry but she has just lost all feelings for you. Probably because of the distance. But that isn't a reflection of you as a person. You are probably an amazing person and spouse. But it is too late to be hers.
A lot of people do end up with people who aren't their typical “type,” although they should make their partner feel beautiful and secure.
Boy, bye. Sorry, OP, but it’s done. Let some other unfortunate support his ass. Don’t set yourselves on fire to keep him warm—boy, bye.