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sam, 39 y.o.
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Date: November 5, 2022
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I think this is a good conversation for a family counselor. Dynamics will change anyway and a therapist will help make the transition easier. It will also give you a chance to voice your concerns in a safe space with a neutral person
Thank you!
He was just stating his opinion. That doesn't have to mean anything. Especially if she was asking for your opinions.
This is normal thinking when you find out you have an STD. Note that she is probably thinking similar things in that she was stupid and dumb for sleeping around. Have you tested positive ? If not go get a test now. Note that this virus is much worse for women than it is for men. She is ultimately paying a much higher price than you for catching this and neither of you really know exactly where it came from so your thinking on this could be 100 percent wrong.
Person A doesn't want kids. Person B doesn't really either but would be open to it if person A wants it. Middle ground is they don't have kids.
Your partner deserves privacy to sort out his thoughts on this crush. It doesn't sound like he's acted on it, so maybe just dealing with some complicated feelings. He was getting praise from his boss on his workplace accomplishments. Maybe he was feeling insecure about his abilities and transformed this validation into something more in his fantasies.
In any case, flip the script, if you ever had fantasies about someone other than your partner and wrote out this fantasy, your partner would probably be hurt if they read it.
He got in on a discount lol I was in a dark place when we got together. I'm scared of doing life on my own I suppose, but I honestly don't even enjoy my time with him anymore. I didn't have the best model of healthy relationships growing up so I'm still learning…
There is more at play here than his mental health – I can’t really say much about it from second hand accounts.
Seems to me that you have a fundamental breakdown in your relationship, and you either need some guided therapy to get to a healthy place or you need to just leave.
It’s not fair for you to just put it on him to do it your way, and it’s not fair for him to treat you like the enemy. But if you continue doing the stuff you’re doing, which clearly doesn’t work, you’re just going to go deeper into the marital death spiral you are already in.
TL;DR – marital counseling, either together or 1:1 (you, not him).
OP, it sounds like the behaviors are concerning to him as a whole. For instance, pet hair, not weird to keep it per say, but why not in a special keepsake box in your closet vs inside a drawer for clothing just loose? Sugar- 4 to 5 packets of sugar in a coffee drink is a disturbingly high amount and could be setting you up for diabetes. Then you take more for home? That means you are practically emptying a ramekin of its sugar every time you go out for coffee? That seems inconsiderate of others- especially if it’s a regular habit. I would definitely consider getting into therapy as a lot of these behaviors could be linked to unaddressed trauma and anxiety. Wishing you the best, but if this is all new to your boyfriend who may have not been aware of these patterns before- it could be quite overwhelming. The good news is you are in a prime time of your life to start addressing issues and wounds your younger self had to bury to keep you safe. Best of luck OP.
Trying to fault the girl for him not giving her time and priority whike taking all the benefits of a relationship?
You're from which century?
Yeah but why would she be live and not answer?
I have an uncle who owns a small pharmacy chain. Has the multimillion dollar house, 8 figure net worth, 40 foot yacht, member of the right exclusive private clubs, etc. He does very well for himself and by all reasonable standards he is rich. He can't touch the lifestyle of the private jet crowd though, and has a social circle that makes him look like a pauper in comparison.
Another fun anecdote – I forget who it was specifically, but a major NBA star, think Lebron or Kobe, was in Europe on some international sports junket/charity thing. Ended up going out with a bunch of European pro soccer stars. At the end of the trip, he started calling the night early or just staying in, essentially saying 'I make good money, but I can't keep up with these guys, I have bills to pay'.
There's always a bigger fish.