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Date: October 3, 2022
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Sorry you’re going through this!
Can you offer to take her to counselling with you so the two of you can work through this together with the safety of a 3rd, unbiased professional? It could help your girlfriend out a lot to have that security to talk through this and they could probably help you with some longer term tools to help yourself help her through this. Hot situation!
And you're sure your not actually 15 years old?
Hi, just a kind reminder that, although this involves intimate acts, these maladaptive behaviors that he's developed don't have anything to do with who YOU are as a person. I know I can be sensitive around intimacy myself so I can imagine how him always using porn and saying that he's visualizing other people would be incredibly hurtful. Please don't feel like you're not enough, you are. He is filling a hole or hiding from fear/unpleasant emotions and developed these maladaptive coping behaviors over a long period of time, long before you were dating him. Don't let his addiction degrate who you are. Please be kind to yourself and I hope you find yourself in a healthier place soon.
People process emotions differently. Just because the commenter did or didn't cry doesn't mean your gf shouldn't or should've cried. I honestly think she cried because of reasons above.
I'm in the process of a divorce. My STBX always made me feel less than, always put himself above me, despite paying all his bills and birthing his child–he had the audacity to say that I could never be 1/3 of his cheating ex. Do you know how painful it was to hear that? And he claimed he'd never get married again. Let's say in 2 yrs, I find out he gets married. Despite being less emotional than the average person, I would still probably cry. Not in public because I don't cry in front of people, but still, the tears would be there. I would mourn for the lies and the ego filled version of him, and mourn for that poor girl he'd marry because it wouldn't be worth it.
Tears are tears. As long as your girlfriend apologized, then it's possible to move on. I think you're lacking empathy because in itself is a red flag.