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Ruby Rockafella, 27 y.o.
Location: London, United Kingdom
Room subject: Vibrator Fun [780 tokens remaining]
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Date: December 4, 2022
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Oooh that will be fun when he disappears for three days and you and the baby don’t know where he is. You are not marrying this guy so just end it and tell him sometimes the timing just isn’t right. Clearly he knows this too as proven by his up and down behavior
Stop doing stuff for him. Stop cleaning his dishes and clothes. Let it pile up. Stop telling him to brush his teeth. Stop acting like his mother.
Honestly, this isn’t going to get better. He knows he has you on lock and you’ve established the history of doing stuff for him when it becomes too frustrating for you. You’ve taught him that his weaponized incompetence works.
If you want to try to save this, or prove a point, quit doing anything for him and see how long it takes him to notice. I’d bet money that instead of doing basic chores for himself, he’ll start whining at you about why you’ve stopped.
I think the problem here is the definition of “so far beyond what was necessary.”
In the moment, while he's sleepy, scared, and fighting for the lives of not only himself, but his girlfriend, it makes complete sense why at that second, where he was forced to react before thinking critically, that what he did felt necessary.
What if he has a gun on him somewhere? OP stopping, for even a split second, and letting up on the guy, could cost him, or, again, his girlfriend's life. What if the second guy comes back? OP needs to make sure he won't be stuck in a 2 v 1. We can't possibly know exactly how this fight went down, but OP had little time in a high stress situation.
I'm not saying the GF isn't allowed to be scared. She's had a terrible past. Sounds like you have too. Violence is a terrible thing to witness, whether it's for protection or not.
But I don't think we should necessarily jump to being concerned, or of conclusions about OP looking for violence. That just sounds like a bad faith argument to me. Lives were at stake, you should be able to give your life partner the benefit of the doubt.
Let's assume for a second you're ugly. Now what?
I personally won’t date someone who is still in contact with an ex or someone they “talked to” or attempted to date. Or in this case, said they were in love with.
In my opinion, your boyfriend had a choice and he chose you over the friendship. I can’t really say whether this was a good choice. But whatever.
I don’t see anything wrong with saying “I don’t want this in a relationship and I don’t see this working out this is how things are going to be”.
You asserted a boundary. He chose to make an adjustment.
I don’t see an issue on your end here. We are all allowed to choose what we are willing to deal with and what we aren’t
He might give off queen vibes and unfortunately some hetero people are homophobic, whether they are aware or not.
When the bros say they didn't think he would be interested, they probably meant fight, strip clubs, the whole Vegas vibe.
Might also be why he got along with the queer crowd.
Frankly, these ppl don't deserve him. He sounds intelligent and really good company.
It really is so stressful. Pets are a huge part of our lives. I have told him multiple times that I will leave him if he keeps threatening my cat but he says I’m being unreasonable. ?
BS. The boss is responsible for his own behavior. She’s not responsible for fixing him by reporting him. That’s some serious victim blaming right there.