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Oil show FULL HOT [394 tokens remaining]
Date: October 6, 2022
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No…you ABSOLUTELY don't deserve this. If your partner is not respectful
of the Connection's confidentiality, this is a huge Red Flag as it directly
impacts the ability to build trust.
No Trust = No Relationship.
Tell him that this is One-And-Done. Zero Tolerance for having a Big Mouth
about private matters. Period. Full stop.
Sooo, what goes on during a one-hour threesome lapdance and should you get an STI panel?
Respect would be one thing
Being poly is okay. Being monogamous is also okay. No one should be trying to force something like that on you. Tbh if my partner did this to me my trust would be broken. Idk if I could carry on a relationship where I wasn’t completely sure my partner and I were on the same page in regards to that.
It's about time you stopped tolerating his abuse. You didn't overreact. Please follow through.
No
If i were you I would go and get tested because that story is crazy and if I were you I would worry about myself. He would be gone from my life. His story is bullshit and even if it is true ( which I don’t think it is )He thought that it was okay to just hang out in a brothel while in an exclusive relationship with you is not okay.
She took a decision and gave you a key, you don’t have to do the same. Explain yourself to her and if she is mature she will understand.
Any reason you can't switch chores and make cleaning the toilet one of his responsibilities?
Asking for consideration from your partner isn't nagging. If you feel unsafe to speak up in your relationship, you need to figure out if it's because you are scared to be yourself or because your partner has made you feel like you don't deserve to speak up.
If it's a matter of low self confidence, take a deep breath and speak up. If your partner reacts badly to any request you make, please consider if this is a healthy relationship to be in.
Nope. She's too young.
I’m in this same situation now but with my bf of 2.5 yrs. I too put in 150% in the beginning and over time it became clear that he wasn’t going to do that. I would estimate that he does little more than he has to. Maybe 70-80% typically.
So for your partner here the issue is that they have only known you and have gotten used to and come to expect 150% from you, and view this as your status quo base line. And because they have been spoiled by this stellar treatment they get upset if you drop down to a more normal even 100% effort and think there is something wrong or you’re not trying anymore.
Nevermind that they never even met you with a 100% of their own.
For you the issue with this is that you who puts in more effort than required over time gets really tired, fed up, resentful, hurt, distrustful of the relationship etc.
You only have a couple options here. One is to break your back giving the 150% that she expects and is accustomed to from you, making her happy and you miserable. You fall back to a more normal effort expenditure, and maybe she will wise up and step up herself, or maybe she won’t and will have to get used to something less but more normal from you. Or you break it off because she’s so accustomed to being treated like a princess she won’t be able to handle anything else.
It’s going to be kind of a rough few months no matter what option you go with imo.
And as I’ve discovered in the same position as you, in future don’t start your base line above what is really sustainable or that you are willing to give and not get in return. Basically more quickly match energy expenditure levels because it really sucks to be in a one sided relationship and imo it doesn’t get better with time.
Gtfo that's all there is to it. Not excuses.
He’s an idiot. He didn’t have an issue w the person who pierced them yet he has an issue w letting your FEMALE friend see them. This is controlling behavior. It’s emotional abuse to cause someone of cheating especially in this scenario.
I’m sure if he played any kind of ball in high school he saw other guys junk in the shower. Even if he didn’t he’s trying to manipulate you into thinking you did something wrong and not talking to you.
I don’t see a future w y’all if he’s this sensitive & jealous over this issue. I’d be gone & find some who isn’t as jealous & childish.
Just be supportive and tell him, he will get the next one if there is a next one. Also remind it's also cool to vibe people out before engaging because you know.. it's not cool for kids to see their daddy get his ass beat or really fight in front of them until they get older and can process that he is trying to defend you.
Dude, you made them feel terrible and now that they moved on you want to apologize so you can feel better about yourself while reminding them of the pain you caused. What kind of selfish person are you?
I dont watch porn because I'm with my girlfriend. no real reason to. but I usually feel very guilty looking.
He wants to remove the infant from the situation. That's not being an asshole, that's being a good parent.
She doesn't want help. In fact, as he also pointed out, she actively avoids the couples therapist until he does something she can blame him for. He is 10000% not at fault for deciding not to help someone who doesn't want to be helped, especially when she's been abusing him regularly.
Let me say it again.
IT IS NOT ANYONE'S RESPONSIBILITY TO HELP THEIR ABUSER FIND MENTAL HEALTH TREATMENT.
This is a description of your inner world. Pls go on
She was nude and cold with you. Couldn't provide you with a stable connection. Still dealing with past emotions that are affecting your reletionship. Due to the uncertainty of things, you pulled back and considered other options (rightfully so). And then she used your pull back, against you… which was a direct result of her actions. And topped it off with “Ah-hah! I knew you were trouble.”
She needs to work on herself before she steps into the dating scene, regardless if its for you or someone else. Her behavior is dysfunctional for relationships.
You've got to stop letting her live! rent-free in your head. It's been 5 months. You need to move on. Once you do that, her attempts to poke and prod you into a reaction will fail completely.
Can I ask, why don't you ask men out?
I guess in my eyes being a Christian means being filled with Christ's love and treating others the same without judgement.
OP has said that this guy has been her friend from college, so I doubt this is the first time he's heard of him, also he has 0 interest in meeting this guy and going to a Raven's game with a friend isn't a date.
We don't know how the girlfriend acted in the conversation, we only know his version of the events, and maybe she doesn't have the money to invite him.
Then use all that money to pay a cleaning person to help pick up the slack.
Do you think masturbation would help? I mean if you want more sex than he does or can handle it would make sense to take care of it yourself. Also you aren’t gross for having a high sex drive or wanting a lot of it, just thought I’d throw that out there.
She doesn’t normally go through my phone.
In case OP is being dense. That is a huge red flag.
My partner of 10+ years has access to my phone and uses it occassionally, but she's never searched through it.
We’ve been dating for just 4 months and he has been really great and no hitches so far. I am kind of dreading breaking up with him from just one thing. If possible I’d like to talk to him but I don’t even know how to bring it up without sounding accusatory.
Mixing tea tree oil with the prep h works wonders. Does tingle a bit but it actually feels good. Will make the swelling go down much faster.
I'd be willing to be his priorities would be (1) spend time with my girlfriend as long as that's an option; (2) if she's not availalbe, hang out with my buds.
Don't make a big fuss about this.
However, if you would like a change of scene sometimes, SAY SO and make your wishes be as important as his wishes.
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Don’t just break up with her. She deserves to know, she deserves closure. If you truly love her then you will tell her.
You do you.
I was 37 when I met my SO (34 at the time). we smashed on avg 2x a day for the 1st 2 yrs of our relationship. Both worked full time.
Slowed down a bit to 3-5x a week. A few kiddos will hamper that….imo of the attraction is there…why not
This wasn’t a 5 year old and a 7 year old slapping and pulling hair. This was a grown ass woman committing felonious assault. Strangling you means she’s okay with potentially killing you and you saw with your own two eyes that your parents were okay with that. This is the shit they make Lifetime movies about.
If her family and friends are reaching out for you to give her another chance I think you're in the clear on any 'blame'. That's the silver lining of what happened being in public, no lack of witnesses to the bs you put up with and decided you were done.
Did someone say garbage???
I have lost all interest in self-expression. Every passion I've once had has become meaningless. That is another reason I posted this. I have been further and further disengaging with everything that makes life meaningful. Without intervention, I will eventually reach a point where I will be compelled to let go of life completely.
I have let her know that my isolation has nothing to do with her and that I greatly value her. She knows I have problems. However, I know she feels pain that I have not been able to overcome them. It hurts being unable to establish a bond I yearn for so greatly.
You're right about needing more understanding. I have a lot to learn and work through so I can make sense of the way my brain works.
I can't see them either. Maybe they are shadow banned
Tbf I doubt it has anything to do with confrontation; he just doesn't want to lose his current lodging while he's getting his new place organised.
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Yes. But it is a harsh situation.
You are right being broken doesn't make someone a bad person – a broken person becomes a bad person when they break other people because they refuse to put themselves back together.
Just because you feel “love” for someone is not enough in any kind of relationship (platonic, romantic, familial) – love for someone also requires a duty of care and requires personal responsibility to and for the ones you love. Love is not just a feeling it is also actions. What have your actions shown in the past? What do your actions in the future need to be to show that you care about the people you love?
If my house is on fire – I can feel deeply and truly that I want it to not be on fire. And if I don't get up and actively do something to put out the fire – the house will still burn down no matter how strongly I feel like I want it not to burn down. If I don't want my house to burn down, I also shouldn't set it on fire. Do you see where I am going with this metaphor?
I mean this sincerely – please find a counselor/therapist for yourself and your family, because your house is on fire.
Reddit is amazing and it also can suck. You can get good and bad information and advice here. But the problem you find yourself in now will not be solved here, at best you are going to get a wakeup call – I think you need to find an impartial 3rd party who you can work with to do the work to dig yourself out of this hole so you can move towards the best outcome possible for your children.
This situation and how you got into it; how you have handled it all along – and how you treated your husband cannot be your standard operating procedure for living life if you want to have a good life and if you want the people you love to have a good life.
This does feel like an unintentionally manufactured argument. It's almost like you're both talking past each other in regards to what you mean here.
The older I've got, the more I've realised that type isn't really relevant, or even that much of a thing. It might be for some people but honestly, hair colour, eye colour, skin tone, height etc… it doesn't really matter because it all comes down to whether you find that specific person attractive. It doesn't matter whether they conform to a pre-conceived notion of what type someone thinks they have.
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You’re always allowed to feel whatever feelings you have.
Have you talked to her? Was it a sudden drop in Sex drive which might indicate a medical problem, or was it gradual, which is pretty normal? Also, have you asked her what turns her on? Do toys turn her on at all? How does she like being seduced? Does she masturbate? Or is there maybe something going on in her life that is killing her sex drive – such as lots of stress?
Yeah alchemy? Lol freak.
I'm going to play devil'a advocate because most people seem to be coming from a monogamous standpoint and jump to conclusions without any wiggle room, so I figured I could give my two cents.
what you're experiencing is absolutely normal. We are raised into the default monogamy and anything short of that is considered deceitful or wrong. You're also feeling understandably insecure and worried, like you might not be good enough for your partner and have a million questions- your attachment style sounds to be more anxious detached, since you don't know how to approach this new information at the moment- so retrieving emotionally is how you're protecting yourself.
First of all, it's absolutely okay to want to be monogamous, I'm not here to convince anyone otherwise. But It's also okay to question if monogamy is for you, especially as polyamory and other open configurations become more mainstream, and it doesn't mean automatically that you're no longer happy with your current partner. Maybe you want to explore your bisexuality, maybe it's a fantasy, who knows with this little amount of information.
I've seen people on posts like these always bring up that opening up comes with disastrous results, and it certainly can! But it doesn't fail because it's something that can't ever work, I've seen it work successfully many times, just as I've seen monogamy fail over and over again (after all, our divorce rate is roughly 50%) it fails because people aren't ready, they simply don't want to, or their insecurities get in the way.
you've spent two years together. Have an honest and open conversation with her to find out what she is thinking and feeling. Give yourself time to process and decide what you want, especially after that initial gut punch reactive feeling, to unmask the underlining feeling. if this isn't something you want to try that's absolutely valid, you can tell her that and decide if this relationship isn't for you any longer.
Time and time again I see people too scared to ask why they feel a certain way when these topics come up, and prefer to not open that door. If anything it's a good exploration of attachment styles, trauma, understanding our needs and the needs of others, “ownership” and more.
Good luck, OP!
So…. You were already broken up then?
Doesnt want to talk to me so honestly not much has been said at all
Can you expand upon “protective of one another’s feelings”
OP was talking about a relationship with his father not with his father's wife.
Dude, that's so far and away from a “love languages” issue(which again, they're only a conversation starter, so this isn't possible) that's the point. So asking us how to help resolve that won't get you a single answer that can do any good for you.
It's like asking how to help score a goal in soccer, when you're playing football; any answer you get won't help you solve your problem.
This is a massive communication issue, and she's withdrawing emotionally. You need to get into relationship counselling, so that someone can work with you during these conversations, to ensure what each of you need can be considered and worked towards. You're two silos at the moment, and you can't resolve anything from there.
I’m sorry, but I hate that society has convinced you that performing genital mutilation on yourself for cosmetic reasons is somehow good.
Your foreskin has tons of nerve endings that will be severed once it is removed.
Unless you have a foreskin that is too tight, there is no reason to remove it.
You are experiencing a form of body dysmorphia brought on by trauma. I would suggest taking to a therapist before making any big decisions about you or your baby.
You can’t get it back once it is cut off.
And I for one love uncut penis. The sex is just better. Yeah, guys gotta clean right, but the sex is really just better.
I think you don't give a shit anymore. Honestly you sound apathetic. I hope when all is said and done, you find a faithful love, and your heart can mend.
He's put you through it.
You’re reaction (both emotionally and physically) suggests that there’s a deeper problem than some guy breaking up with you. Having your total self-worth dependent on outside forces is extremely unhealthy. Please don’t pursue any other relationships until you speak to a therapist. I’m sorry you’ve allowed this shallow person to affect you so. It should not be that way.
Confucius was actually among the first who wanted to make education in china available to everybody and not just the priveleged. He made a tremendous impact on asian intellectual history.
Do not lie.
You are both agreeing to be posessive of each other when you agree to be in a monogamous relationship.
So it would be just normal.
Usually a karma-farming post doesn't involve a throwaway account with the one, single post, like this one. Kinda defeats the purpose I would think.
Some folks read outrageous or nonsensical stories and assume they're fake. Maybe it helps us to discount that there really are people out there in these vulnerable, unbelievable situations.
Oooh a rare AITA post where it has unanimous responses, and all say YTA!
All your comments keep arguing about just wanting a calm discussion but you know that's rubbish because you knew blocking her wouldn't calm her down.
Also the comment responding to someone asking if you own her with “yes” is sickening. This is either rage bait or you're a truly despicable person.
Forbidden Mayonnaise
Bro you have issues, get help. This is not normal
OP I don't want to be an armchair psychologist but maybe some food for thought. Do you see the same traits in your husband that are present in your father? I think we tell ourselves that we do not want to be like our parents and inevitably we choose partners in the same ways our parents did.
That was the first time I had to bring anything up, when he's over next I'll try talk to him and if it doesn't go anywhere he's gone I've put up with bs from guys for too long and he knows he fucks up I'm not sitting with it, I'll keep you updated with it all I really do appreciate the advice it means a lot
Sometimes I don't even realize i'm carrying my 7lb chihuahua around, i'll just get up to get something and she's magically in my arm as well because she was stealthily in my lap. Total auto pilot at this point
Girl he took you hostage and you’re making excuses for him? Maybe look at yourself and figure out why you’ve become so dependent to paint him in a good light. I suggest leaving him
And if that’s how you feel, that’s how you feel.
If you’re always playing your role, doing the right things, thats when you decide if the relationship is a good fit or not.
You’re trying to do your best to make the relationship work. You don’t want to contribute to the failure.
If you’re doing the right things always, then you know it’s her side, not yours. That’s how you know if you should continue or not.
You need to tell your bf you used to work with his brother. Tell him you thought it was weird that brother was pretending not to know/remember you so you awkwardly went along with it bc you didn't want to ruin the dinner.
You haven't done anything wrong but the deception will make it look like you did.
If bf, asks what your working relationship was like with brother, you can mention that you had a little crush but nothing ever happened. I'm assuming your text to brother wasn't anything too provocative so it will be easy to pass over.
Well you can tell that to the next girl you get pregnant, I guess
I don’t have a car
Why does she want to go alone? That’s what you ask.
If her answer revolves around you it’s deflecting.
I mean if he cheating I’mma put a foot in his ass and play that European soccer World Cup level if that’s the case
The decision was from both of us to have a baby
Comments are revealing that OP is in the military and wife is a former stripper. Sounds about right.
Jesus Christ. You’re literally torturing your gf and you’re still playing the victim? This is wrong on so many levels that you’re making her jump through so many hoops only to be ranting about her on the internet still.
From what you say, she’s got the patience of a saint and is willing to bend over backwards to keep you safe and happy. Her “broken promise” about the alcohol thing…smdh. Why do you believe you must be in control of her all the time?
Do you not care for her own happiness and her desire to live! the way she enjoys? She seems to be putting in the hours to support you, but letting her be with her friends is a major red flag for you? Poor girl, seriously.
It’s good that you acknowledge some of the issues you have but you likely need professional help, for both your sakes. This will surely end up in another tragedy if you’re just going to micro manage all her actions and not trust her.
Having a sip of alcohol is not the same as getting shitfaced at a party, with your close friends mind you. Why aren’t you ever with her when she’s hanging with her friend group anyways?
I am glad too because, OP was coming across a bit wish washy about dumping that toxic waste product of his.
Don’t compare me to that piece of trash. The biggest risk of sex is pregnancy regardless of how safe you are. Just because she did everything she possibly could does not justify sacrificing and entire families well being because you can’t think to have another child.
Thank you so much for the advice 🙂
So no need to bring up heavy-commitment subjects like marriage and kids (things I’m not even sure about at this moment). Instead, just talk to her about things that may bother her (if anything) and if there’s anything I can do more of so that she’s more satisfied. In turn, this will create a longer-lasting and healthier relationship, and all that heavier stuff will follow if it’s meant to be.
Got that right?
Some people CAN be long-time platonic friends without it automatically leading to a FWB arrangement. Because he values your friendship, he hates the idea that if he won't date you, you'd rather not hang out with him at all. But you know yourself best, and if what feels best for you emotionally is to break off contact indefinitely, then that's what you need to do.
He has no right to try to force you to stay friends with him, if the friendship is no longer working for you.
In fact, if he truly WAS your friend, he'd understand your need for distance, even if it made him sad to be losing you. He'd wish you well, and let you go.
If he tries to contact you again, IMO you should just block him on everything and move on with your life.
I’m the same. I can’t stay in a house who’s PREVIOUS owners kept cats, that’s how bad it is. My in laws had a cat that died 4 years ago and I’d still get asthma when I’d go to their house, albeit less than when the cat was alive.
When the cat was alive, they started restricting it to a room when I visited and would have the house deep cleaned beforehand, which would usually help some. But a friend of mine went into the cat’s room, pet it, and then came to sit with me and I had such a terrible asthma attack that through the strain of coughing I got a shoulder injury that took two years to recover from.
I love cats and would love to have one! But it’s incompatible with my life. I could not consider a partner who owns a cat for that reason.
He just doesn't seem like a really kind person who cares about your feelings. He seems to kind of take his sexual frustrations out on you and blame you for not being able to get him off. The way he is pulling your head down to blow him and then pushes you away when he can't finish doesn't sound respectful or loving to me. It sounds like he's treating you like more of a sex object than someone whose feelings he cares about.
Ever work with addicts professionally?
I don’t see any reason for you to feel this way. You are irrationally jealous of this poor girl. I kinda hope your bf sees this and runs away.
There are girls out there that don’t need two men or a horse cock to be satisfied. Go find one.
But if my dad know nothing of this i will just blew my family up while I’m far from them
You had consensual se with two guys, that’s not disgusting, it might not be some people are into, but it’s not disgusting is how your bf made you feel. I noticed he was only 22 so maybe not sure mature. And learning you had a threesome with 2 guys could have made him feel insecure about his possible lack of experience, but that’s his issue not yours. You have to decide is he really worth your time, do you see a future with him? If not, move on
If you go over that whole conversation objectively, it is very manipulative, condescending, and controlling. And not based on any facts. You did nothing wrong! If this conversation is similar to other conversations you have then I think you would be better off with someone not so self absorbed.
Oh no, Canada it’s worse. Depending on what country you’re from, you may have to re-enroll in medical school entirely.
Maybe they broke up because he didn’t want to get married or something and then it just feels like a slap in the face and wasted time.
She used him for sex, even though he didn't really want to.
I am so sorry for your loss. I wish you happiness as you go forward in your life.
The damage she is doing to your reputation could be permanent, and she clearly either intends as such or doesn't care. If she wants to be back in your life, it's on her to do that healing. Not you.
As for the mourning, my best advice is not to rush it. Crying helps sometimes, laughing helps sometimes, telling stories about how she used to be helps sometimes, and all of those will sometimes just lead to more crying. Remember that's allowed, and encouraged, when mourning someone so important. You won't get the same sympathy that you might from a death, so leaning on closer friends and mental health professionals might be your best bet. It will hurt, but not more than this. It is nude to accept someone you love going away, harder still when it's their own fault. There are no very hot and fast rules for Healthy Grief – best I can say is make sure to give yourself all the time you need, and make sure to take some specific times to think about the relationship you lost.
It sounds like a tough pill to swallow, but what you get is the freedom that closure brings. Understanding that you and this person are done lifts a weight from your shoulders. I have had family die, friends die, and I have had to all but disown one of my family members, and of the three the grief was the same, but the freedom from the third is worth it.
I know you love this girl but you need to love you more! It’s not worth it take it from me. You won’t be able to move past it and she’s lying to you. Let her be with this other man while you find someone so much better!
Yeah of course, I never thought you were naive anyways, just that he’d said that BS and you didn’t buy it. Clearly you’re not as naive as this dude wants to believe you are. Trust me, not only is he not “the one”, but he’s also a disgusting loser hanging out with college kids. I hope you’ll dump him and never look back!
As for the herpes, it really sucks to have but is generally not contagious unless you have active symptoms and only flares up rarely. The first time is supposedly the worst for almost everyone and it sounds like you’re through that. I myself don’t have herpes, but my sister and several friends do. They all have great sex lives/partners who accepted them anyway, so if that’s a concern of yours I’d recommend getting as much of an understanding about this condition as you can to educate yourself and your future sexual partners.
It’s not remotely unbelievable…