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Rose , ॐ, 20 y.o.
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Date: November 6, 2022
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Can I borrow your boyfriend for a week?
I bet i can!
The fuck is wrong with you? Her brother might have been a piece of shit, but your friend is grieving. It doesn’t matter if you liked her brother or don’t understand why she is upset, you are there to support your friend.
Does she expect you to give her oral? Only way it could be a red flag is if the answer to this is yes.
“I just wanna feel the different coochies babe. Just practicing my skills babe. I’m sorry love, but if you love me you’ll put this behind us and forgive me.” /s
Your wife is a grown woman if she couldn't realise that her friend is nothing but trouble out to destroy her marriage then she's foolish. You shouldn't keep this to yourself but to talk to her(your wife) to end hehe friendship. If she's unwilling then you need to hire a PI, gather all proof and talk to a divorce attorney.
I communicated how this hurt me and he just laughed about it. It was a hurtful thing to me because we had already been together “officially” for almost a year at that point. That’s my main concern over ending it.
Beating an autistic child. Sorry, your boyfriend is an asshole.
Right I just gotta tell myself that during all this time I haven’t done anything weird or awkward so this should be fine right?
This advice isn’t as dramatic as the rest of the comments here but is a lot more likely to lead to a decent outcome: maybe you should talk to her? She could be an irredeemable pos and a conversation with her about the why’s behind both of your actions will make it very clear.
She could also be a current pos who can grow and change. You can be open and honest (and ask the same of her) and see if you two can work through this.
Either way the solution begins with open communication with your gf, not asking a mostly teenage audience on Reddit to tell you to dump her.
Confronted her over what, surfing Instagram after lights out? After curfew?
PUNCH EM BACK IN DA FACE N SEE HOW HE FEELS..OR SEND HIM TOO ME SO I CAN TAKE HIM N A FEW MORE OF MY SO CALLED PROBLEMS ON BOYS NIGHT OUT-_- A MIDNIGHT FISHING EXPEDITION ??
Delete it
Just think about it….. I wouldn’t even want to go down on that just…NOT
I don't think you are exaggerating here.
I believe that you should talk to him about what you feel and that you demand to have your work equally validated.
Therapists are not miracle workers. We want to help but we can only support clients in helping themselves. I've had potential clients decide not to sign on with me because in their assessment they made it clear that they wanted me to promise I could improve their relationship and I refused to promise that. I'm sorry, but your therapist is only human and she can only do so much, you have to be willing to do the work yourself or there's really no point.
regardless of whether or not they were valid excuses, 3 cancelations in a row to me say that she doesn’t want to put in the effort to see you. you shouldn’t have to be the only person putting in effort. cut your losses.
Oh no she's single now 100%, he missed her family dinner didn't you read?! He's definitely not sleeping somewhere and embarrassing tf out of op, she's not a second option!
I'm so used to my boyfriend's beard, that in the two times he has clean shaven during our 4 year relationship, I was really uncomfortable looking at him. Give it some time. And it's definitely nowhere near healed yet.
I could be way off here but just a guess – is he from a different cultural background to you? Not that it excuses it at all, just a few things you’ve said remind me of other situations I’ve heard of and have been involved in personally too.
So he:
Did something to make you distrust him;
Decided that the hurt he caused you wasn’t his fault for hurting you but your fault for being hurt;
Unilaterally decided to withdraw affection from you to “fix” you being hurt by his actions;
Expected to be able to come swanning back and that his absence would have made you regret calling him out when he hurt you, and that you’d be desperate to take him back;
Then attempted to hurt and upset you with a big, dramatic pointless and spiteful gesture when you turned out to have more self-respect than he expected.
Not seeing the downsides of this breakup for you at all, to be honest.
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Look, you made the conscious decision to be with her despite these issues that are apparently a big deal to you. For whatever reason, showering at night is something she is not happy with. She’s communicated that to you and you need to go from there. If you have an issue with her problems then it is your job to communicate that to her and go from there. If you don’t actually have an issue with her problems then you shouldn’t be bringing them up here. They’re frankly unrelated.
If you feel like this relationship isn’t reciprocal, that you put more into it then you get back, then that it is a separate, and serious, conversation to have. But essentially saying “well I’m a saint for putting up with your crap so you should shower at night” is not a helpful way to think and will get you nowhere.
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Well then I’d definitely keep my defenses up if I were you, something doesn’t smell right about his reaction. Maybe get into couples counseling or insist he no longer drink without you present if his medication makes him that incapable of controlling himself when mixed with alcohol.
There are a range of possibilities, with possible innocent motives or nefarious motives on both sides.
For wife, it is entirely possible she is hoping to surprise you with the photos, and that is why she’s been cagey about getting you a copy.
Of course, it’s also possible she wants to get with the guy (or already has(
For photographer, it is possible his intentions are exactly as stated, and he is just a bit immature in this area professionally and doesn’t yet know how to help clients through the trickier aspects of boudoir photography.
It’s also possible he wants to take advantage of her, use the sessions to get with her, etc.
Your concerns are valid, and you absolutely have a right to state your boundaries. And she absolutely should respect your boundaries, and understand that just because someone is supposed to be a “professional” doesn’t mean they may not be inappropriate (see Larry Nasser, Harvey Weinstein, etc.). She should respect your concerns and address them without making you seem paranoid.
But also, don’t take the responses here and jump straight to assuming she’s cheating or accusing her of it, unless there’s more. Only you know your marriage/wife/trust level. But please at least consider the “want to surprise my husband with some naked photos” possibility, and whether you think that could be her goal before accusing her of anything. If she thought the end goal was a gift for you and you come at her with “Reddit says you must be cheating”, the end result will be bad for you.
I’m not sure this man is long term relationship material. I’m sorry if that’s not what you want to hear right now but I’m getting some serious red flag vibes here..you are an adult and can stay out as late you sound like. His drinking and anxiety are likely not going to go away anytime soon and may get worse over time. Start setting some firm boundaries and don’t apologize. If he can’t accept them that’s a good sign you may want to end things.
All of my friends at that age that took a vacation alone, had someone waiting to see them or had someone else that was going to meet up with them. I guess it depends on what you classify alone, is it all by yourself or is it with GF'S or is it with a friend group and you want to be alone with no BF?
Early in my relationship with my now husband we had a HUGE discussion that HIS way was not the only right way. This was After the biggest fight we have ever had to date- which ended with my taking all his pots and pans off the stove and driving to my storage unit, getting mine, and then driving back to his house to finish cooking dinner. ??
After 10 yrs I still have to remind him his way not only way. However, he does it with everyone not just me.
I want this for us. I wanna take things nice and slow.
Text or call him
One thing at a time. You're meeting up for drinks, if it gets to a point where you're deciding where to go you could say you still online with your parents and they're sleeping/have to get up early for work. I don't think I could argue with that especially if I live! alone. I would assume she doesn't really want to sneak around your parents house either lol and I guess you could maybe throw in a joke about that. Just let the night go where it takes the two of you. If you end up deciding you both just want to go home and meet up another time, that might be what happens as well. Most of us mid-twenties peeps live! with our parents so the ones who don't usually host.
Because of toxic masculinity and purity culture.
She didn’t lie to you as much as protect herself from your shaming.
ok
I was raised by the next door neighbor basically. Long story short my mother has 3 children, my two older sisters and me. I was the product of an extramarital affair because my dad was married at the time he got my mother pregnant. I was basically a mistake and my mother honestly didn’t want anything to do with me. Me and my mother don’t have the relationship that a mother and son should have and at my age I still see favoritism and etc to my two older sisters.
Try not doing those things and see his reaction. Then let us know if you should continue allowing him to control you.
They want what is best for her at the end of the day. Just keep treating her the best you can and you will win them over in the long run.
Putting any more energy into thinking about him is truly a waste for you.
Drop the fiancé. What’s going to happen if you decided to have children. Will he miss the birth because his brother is having a panic attack
!remindme 4 days
You’re hearing the call for therapy. This is long overdue. But here’s what I see as another issue. The parents. Cut the sister off!
Mary feels entitled and arrogant. She’s been allowed to do this her entire life only because the parents allowed it.
You need to sit them down. Now! Explain and get their feedback and a solution. If they do not support and have your back, you cut the entire family off. Protect your wife!
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I would of given you different advice when you were first dating your wife but im not sure what steps you’ve take prior to this incident to support and protect your marriage from her sister if any.
Your wife can’t recover while around her sister. Cut the sister off! No text! No social media! Period!
HEY! I have dealt with depersonalization and derealization in the past and also had an “epiphany” moment where my emotions were super messed up and I just needed CHANGE. That’s what helps. These types of things happen when you repress emotions. And it’s ok for your emotions to change. Change is a part of life. But if you need to see what else is out there in the world, now is a chance to do that. Sure you may not fly all over Europe and date celebrities, but there is still a lot of world to see. Get consumed by a new hobby. Meet some new people. Go on a trip to see an old friend. Start thinking about what YOU want to do. If your emotions are overwhelming or the depersonalization persists, seek psychiatric advice on your symptoms. Therapy helped me deal with my shit so I could start listening to myself better. You may regret your choices, but you’ve made them. Make the best of this freedom you have.
And delete/block/stop talking to people who know your ex. She will always be a reminder of the life you’re leaving behind. Put some distance between you if you can. Mourn what is lost, but moving on so you can shape your future is your next step. Godspeed!
Daaamn, ma. There's no trouble like financial trouble. I didn't know “independent contractor” was a synonym for “tax evasion.”
And I'm so damn sorry to add to your troubles, but did you consider that the IRS holds spouses partly (or fully) responsible? Maybe only for the years you were married, but still.
Surely something can be done. I'm always hearing ads on the radio about companies that can “settle with the IRS for pennies on the dollar.” So how about that? Maybe better than nothing at this point.
Also, when life crashes down around me, I assess three things that are important to me: my relationship, my job, my shelter. It sounds like one of those is still safe, OP. Hold onto the job for dear life and ride it out. See what the next week/month/year brings.
And good job on that sobriety. Keep it up.
First you explain you knew about him suffering SA as a child.. then you go on about how you acted like you didn't know or care at all.
Of course it is a disgusting thing to happen to you. But if you saw him shaking and crying, you should have stopped for a tiny second to think about him and what he was going through. Like at least pretending his feelings also mattered. I honestly wouldn't forgive you.
I really appreciate your opinion, is there any method you'd suggest me to use to dig deeper as you said , i mean my head is blank about the kind of questions i can ask , what kind of conversation i should open ..
I never expected instant gratification. All I said was that he didn’t reply yet. I really don’t expect him to even reply based on how many times I’ve sent almost the exact same message and he didn’t reply.
I mean… asking a partner to cut contact with ex's isn't entirely unreasonable. Unless there's a good reason (kids, work, etc.), it really serves no purpose to stay in touch.
It is kind of strange that you decided to text your ex out of the blue, despite knowing how it would make him feel. To top that off, you lied to his face about it. For me personally, that's a red flag.
What sort of hobbies do you have? Maybe your area has a group centered around it where you could meet people that share the same interests?
What sort of hobbies do you have? Maybe your area has a group centered around it where you could meet people that share the same interests?
You stop watching her shower, like a normal human. What else can you do? Divorce her? This is a silly argument.
That’s good. It’s common… can be many things.
Finish university before you accidentally burn down the bridge
Finish university before you accidentally burn down the bridge
Don't cheat. Just leave. You are too young to be in a deadbedroom
You are mad
Man, this is what I need to hear I think. Appreciate that.
i felt a bit pressured so i did it.
In the future, don't do anything that you don't want to do. If you don't feel like giving him a hand job, then he probably doesn't deserve one from you. Selfish people have their hands they can use.
I'm sorry, I'm not a person that understands sarcasm easily. Is this sarcasm?
I'm sorry, I'm not a person that understands sarcasm easily. Is this sarcasm?
When I asked my partner about it she said yeah she cut it off because I should have no ties to anyone but her.
WTF
I (23f) just recently moved to a new country a few months ago and started dating my partner a few weeks ago (also 23f).
How…WHY are you calling this woman you just met a few weeks ago your PARTNER??!
I swear this new generation is different. A partner is not just someone you sleep with, have sex with. A partner is someone you have an established relationship with built on mutual understanding of relationship status, mutual trust, compatibility, shared morals and values, and shared/compatible goals.
At a few weeks of knowing each other you two are little more than acquaintences. I would side-eye you if you called her a FWB even, because you don't know her well enough yet to call her your friend. Slobbing on some stranger does not make them a friend, let alone a partner.
Of course breaking up with her was the right thing to do. Fin! And in the future, take your time getting to know someone you date. Really go through the dating process, the vetting process. And choose to develop the emotional intimacy neccessary before declaring someone your partner. Sexual intimacy cannot fast-track this process.
I would’ve dumped him for the steak thing alone. That is the biggest sign he doesn’t respect you and you’ve already forgiven him n let him back. Only a matter of time before he does it again.
Honestly the only way I could see you moving on is marriage counseling. I am sure that we reddit people use it as a scapegoat but coming from a man who is currently putting his money where his mouth is and in marriage counseling, I honestly think it's the only way to be real about everything and see how/if you can move on.
I wish you all the best 🙂
Are you accustomed to always receiving compliments from others? Maybe he just isn't the type to compliment often. Does he compliment other girls that you know of? If not, then I wouldn't worry about it.
His family sounds boring and judgemental.
That crack about “drunken activities” sounds like it was directed at you. I would have instantly asked, “What drunken activities are you talking about?” Learn to be okay with making people say explicitly what they mean, rather than let them make sly, indirect criticisms of you. Put them on the spot, and lean in.
You should ask your bf what his mother was referencing. Don't let him slide away from the question. His mother probably already talked to him privately about it.
Your boyfriend is trying to act like he is just requesting “Let's just all get along” when what he is really saying is “Please pretend you don't know my mother wishes I wasn't with you.”
By your own admission your life was already upside down. Your were a raging drunk when you met. Your bar was already a sub level of a basement. This could've been your chance to truly turn your life around and be a better human. Instead you chose to continuously cheat (whether physically or emotionally), fall off the wagon more than once, and generally treat her like shit all while you degrade her looks. You say foul shit in anger and just expect her to forgive you. Exactly what positive to your bring to the relationship or her life. It seems like you just want to drag her down to your sub level. Do one honorable thing in your life and pack your shit and leave her home immediately. Then leave her alone completely.
1) keeping pics of an ex, that he no longer communicates with, after 7 years, on a public profile, is a red flag. What is he holding onto?
2) moving into together, after six months, is very fast, and a huge move. Requires some serious respect and trust.
3) snapping at you, and calling you a cunt, is a deal breaker. He immediately broke your trust and disrespected you.
Respect yourself. Kick him out.
You got swindled, she was never pregnant and you’re an idiot
You can’t trust him. That’s the answer. Don’t be a doormat.
I imagined saying that and I imagine her client saying”I thought it was funny I just didn't laugh”
Quite foolish of you to assume cheating means wanting to leave you. Some people want to eat their cake and have it too.
Do what you want, but someone that does what she is doing right now is not who you want to commit to. Even in theoretical scenario where she does not cheat on you, this is still the case.
Thank you for your response.
I am most upset by his reaction to expressing my feelings about the yelling, to me that’s worse than the actual yelling. If he had just apologized right away I would probably feeling okay right now and not posting about this on Reddit ?
Yes! I have an amazing group of family/friends. I am flying back home next week.
And, I wouldn’t 100% say he is, but I would take it as a red flag that he’s okay with keeping potentially relationship-ending material, and doing this behind your back too. Another ex of mine also kept provocative photos of other women on his phone, and he cheated on me multiple times as well.
Talk to a lawyer, don’t agree to anything. All communication should be through lawyer, now. Don’t trust him, he’s already screwed you.
I work in a big consultancy in London. I’ve literally seen employees doing it off a bosses table when he’s out.
I go to a pub after work with some friends for a chilled drink. Queue for the toilets is longer than the bar…
I go on hinge and match with a girl who went to my Ivy League equivalent university, teaches school kids, loves her job. Turns out she smashes coke and MDMA at events and on weekends.
It does seem quite naked to hide from I won’t lie
Girl. Leave him.
This person wasn’t saying the mom had a say. They are saying either they both say yes (OP and fiance) which means she can move in, or it’s a one no which would mean it cannot happen. Meaning OP no is a bigger deal then the fiancé wanting this. OP had to be completely on board otherwise fiance shouldn’t move her mom in.
This is obv about her lack of self-preservation skills, not a jealousy issue