My husband still can't keep his hands off me. I'm 47 and we've been together for 18 years. He will probably jump me tomorrow after we get all the kids to school.
Take a long ass walk, a shower and go to bed. There's nothing you can do now, the only person who can is the person who doesnt want to talk to you. You can't blame them or justify it another way so just accept it
Time will make it easier but I think what you did was the right thing. Sometimes in life though the shittyiest, hardest thing to do is the right thing. But it's their decision not yours to start contact again
Well us potheads know that having a joint is way better and less dangerous than drinking. I've never had my head kicked in when I've been stoned and I've never got into any serious trouble either. On the other hand when I've been drunk I've got into all sorts of bother. I don't have any more advice but I hope it works out for you all the same ?
why do you think your friends will leave you cause of your age gap with him? And if they do, they really aren't your “friends” especially if they think he could be a creep or something
I am going to say if you want to remain with your girlfriend then you give up this fantasy unless your girlfriend brings it up first. Do not initiate that conversation. That is her best friend, you just do not go there.
OP my reading of the situation is that when a person comes out of a toxic relationship they actually have trouble adapting to not having the rollar coaster ride of highs and lows.
Not saying that justifies her comments this person probably needs to be single for a while so they can learn to be a better partner and not see someone who is non-abusive as being boring.
As an old and boring person I think my response would be that I'd give her a chance to work to work that out if she was interested in my boring self but honestly it IS a red flag because this lady may in fact be grooming you to take the blame for her poor behaviour because you're so boring.
Up to you my dude what does your gut feeling tell you? Don't let her run you ragged
Collective trauma is a thing, because if you care about other people, then bad shit happening to them can be very upsetting. Even if you don’t know the people involved, did the Challenger accident upset you? 9/11? The war in Ukraine, the pandemic. Did you know people who remembered Pearl Harbor or JFK? Some of these upset the whole world. Have you ever helped someone through grief? We’re wired to remember the negatives. People who can relate to other people’s trauma get to have the lessons without the direct pain.
So if you can have collective trauma from things that happen to people you don’t personally know, then doesn’t it follow that when bad things happen to people close to you, that you’d relate to it even stronger?
OP is 21, not a child. This is presumably something she herself can talk to her sister about. And also presumably the sister might be more repetitive than if OP “tells mommy and daddy”.
Not saying OP should take it on to solve her sisters problems. But she can and should address her concerns and draw a firm line in the sand that her sister needs professional help. OP can do things like compile a list of numbers or give her sister a ride if everything feels overwhelming, and when one is depressed, it can.
Interventions for ANYTHING rarely work and alienate family members and friends. The person feels conspired against and talked down to rather than cared for.
Cooking is a term of endearment for me – a love language. My excessively abusive ex used to do exactly that. I'm a pastry chef by passion, and come from a family of chefs(my brother owns a wildly successful BBQ sauce company out of Denver and just won the bid for the new restaurant South Parks creators are opening), so cooking for people is how we speak. He used to get livid at me for wanting to share with people and make me feel like it was for something nefarious.
Run, girl. Run fast and far and cook him a shit pie on the way out.
I mean. See rule 3, rule 7 and rule 8. No moral judgement requests, all comments should be on topic, focus on the OP and be made in good faith, and they should be kept civil.
Again, this isn't AITA. You can answer without saying literally saying 'YTA'. I have faith.
If he’s new to sex, then why are you just hinting and implying at things?
You need to spell it out for him clearly and without any subtlety. “I like it when you call me names, such as _____ or ______.” Or “I like it when you take me from behind and you pull my hair. Can we try that tonight?” Etc.
Use literally any hobby or profession as an analogy or example — would a seasoned manager expect a fresh out-of-college new hire to instantly know the company lingo and policies and methods of operating? Nope! It takes time to learn, and someone has to teach them.
I think it would make sense to limit video games or something like that, that is what my parents did. But to limit the computer all together?? I’ve had to do so much research related stuff for school that could not possibly be cranked out in 2 hours. Not to mention there is a whole lot of interesting stuff on the internet which makes you think, for example, I became extremely fascinated with engineering through cars and learning how they work. Now I’m rebuilding an engine in my garage thanks to what the internet taught me. You’re demonizing something for what you fear it could do, not because their is any rationality beyond that. And no shit he resents you. It seems like you’ve controlled every aspect of his life since he was born. My parents were similar and all it taught me to do was learn how to lie without blinking an eye and get away with shit. The more you try and control him the less you will be able to control him. Guarantee when he goes away for school he’s gonna do a lot of shit you would be very glad not to know about. If you care about your relationships with him cut him some slack. Nothing is more infuriating than being treated like you have no self control and are some stupid child even when by a legal standard you are an adult
Not to be mean, but if you can do all of that for him, you can work. Work as a house cleaner if you need to so you have your own money and don’t rely on him.
Leave. Adults don't need to be told not to hit people in the face. She said it herself, she thinks it's funny. You've told her how it makes you feel and she still does it. Pretty wild to abuse you in public but some people just don't care who sees. The fact that this behavior has just started recently indicates to me that she was waiting until she felt like you were invested to test these boundaries. If she'd hit you on the first or second date, would you have continued the relationship?
This kind of thing almost always escalates. She has never hit you at home yet. If there have been three instances, there will be a fourth. If you are not ready to leave her yet, you may have one more very serious conversation telling her clearly that if she ever hits you again the relationship is done. Be prepared to follow through with that.
He expect you to pay since his time is money and you're his sugar mama. It's a red flag when sugar mama ain't willing to pay for her boy toy, is this right? /s
COME THE FREAK ON. You're going to waste a lot of $$ on this guy, he's not willing to meet halfway because he doesn't see you as his permanent partner. He's just sleeping with you, he's a fudge buddy, mm'kay.
I mean doing ‘tests’ on your husband isn’t really a clever strategy. Remember, you’re on a fitness journey for yourself, not for anybody else. So stop thinking about what he thinks and focus on what you want. Good luck.
Your job and ADHD did not interfere with your ability to clean up your cooking mess over the weekend. That’s a cop out. It’s not fun to come home to a mess you didn’t make and feel like you have to clean the minute you walk in the door.
Her harping clearly doesn’t work either. It’s not affecting change on your part and if half the time it’s her mess then she’s fixating on you inappropriately.
You two both could do better. What you’ve got going now isn’t working. Investing in some therapy would likely be beneficial.
He does not want to go back to school. You seemed fine with that until your parents weighed into your relationship. Now you're pushing him to do something he has made crystal clear he does not want to do. Both of you are living at home and are heavily influenced by your parents, a college education does not guarantee the life you think it does. I would be astonished if you haven't split within the month. You just cannot listen to what he is clearly telling you and he won't repeat it flatly because he doesn't want your parents to look down on him.
No. You really don’t know them that well. Going to visit for brief spurts along with communicating is also not knowing them pretty well.
Don’t delude yourself. I say this as someone who has been in a similar situation. Take this slow. Take some time to be sure you and the kids are in a good place both mentally and physically/financially.
It’s nice to have a person who is totally in your side. One you can bear your soul to and only get positive feedback from. It’s euphoric and something to look forward to and you never feel alone.
Be realistic. There is a huge difference between chatting/texting and an actual in person relationship.
I’m not saying it can’t work or it’s bad. I totally am not. Just be aware and don’t let the good feelings blind you.
Honestly? Unlike many men, I don’t need 45 minutes in the bathroom. If something is actually urgent, someone can call twice or send a text to convey the actual urgency. Do you really expect someone to stop mid-whizz to laugh at a video?
Stop being so dramatic.
Not being available to anyone/everyone 24/7 won’t break anything, or anyone with rare exceptions. This expectation is recent. Humanity survived for thousands of years without being able to demand someone’s attention on short notice.
If your daughter was in the position of her bio mum, how would you hope the father would proceed?
An eighteen year old girl not wanting to raise a child isn’t an odd need. She’s a grown up now (like you were when the baby was born) so it makes sense she wants to at least get to know her.
Is the daughter adopted by your wife? Did you ever actually REMOVE parental rights from the bio mum? Because you might actually HAVE to let her be involved if you didn’t.
No you don’t. I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 4 years and still learn new things about him. It actually took 1-2 years to really really get to know him. You are fantasizing the relationship. Realistically if he moved to your state what is the plan? You don’t even know how you two are together physically? You don’t know how he will be around littles kids, how he will interact with your kids and you said you can’t wait for your kids to see a healthy relationship? Take the blinders off
I don't think 365 is consensual and there's lot of erotica which have a huge fanbase from women with the same similar theme, that is rpe. Icest also seems to be a popular category in porn. So I don't think it's overreaching to say some one who wrote fantasy fiction about (not own) an inestual scenario and rpe wants it to happen in real life .
This is a shit show. You’ve been pregnant at least 4 times before yet are shocked when unprotected sex leads to pregnancy? He’s 41, and he’s right. This unplanned disaster WILL upend and ruin life as he knew it and probably your relationship as well. Hell, you’ve not even been together a year. Neither one of you has any business having another child. Horrifying.
If you are in an exclusive relationship, you have agreed not to fuck other people.
My point is people define “respect” or “basic respect” in many, many different ways. You need to be very clear if you have specific requirements for what your partner must disclose to you.
Next time, once you are “talking about the future” etc., I suggest you propose, and do it in grand style – special place, special ring, down on one knee, etc.
Possibly both of these girlfriends were waiting for a new title that never came – the “Mrs.”
You shouldn't have to be basically begging to be yourself, and if she's not interested in sex and you are, that's your que to move on, she is not going to change, and you are in an uneven relationship.
You shouldn't be made to feel ashamed in an even relatonship.
After two years together, this is how she reacts to you opening up. Even after nagging you to do so. There is something fundamentally wrong in this relationship.
The situation isn't your fault but going forward you need to realize that immature guys are going to be immature. I mean what do you think that people do inside of clubs?
Guys go there to basically have sex with clothes on with all the women wearing basically no clothes, who are drunk, high, or those that are there for the same thing. The more someone spends time in a place like that the more that person is likely to be engaging with other women.
You just need to move on and if you want something serious don't date guys who frequent places like this. I can understand going to a chill bar and having a few drinks with your friends. But nobody's doing anything responsible inside of a club.
Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh man. By the time you're 30, in the US, a lot of people have been to jail for less than 6 months. That is not even in the same COUNTRY as rock bottom.
A. I suggest starting with simple things like taking a walk every evening after dinner. Anywhere, around home or wherever. Perhaps take a walk on weekends for a coffee or something simple. A chance to simply be together quietly or talk about whatever comes up. Very mellow.
A. Similarly for any light exercise. Further ideas include: 1) window shopping as an avenue to talk about things you like to open conversations; 2) watching some free music somewhere (in spring/summer); 3) Going to listen to an art or other exhibitino of almost anything to wander and see things. So many choices here.
A. Why not set one night a week as “cheap as date night”. The goal is a “date” you alternate arranging that is below $X (where X is small). It's a challenge and reminds me of my PhD student days when my wife was studying and we had like $5 discretionary per week (ack). Our answer was 1x per week a frozen yogurt date because the student paper had 2-for-1 deals, with occasional splurge on cheap burritos somewhere. Be creative.
A. My wife and I have always run together, we met that way. Find something you can do together as a hobby, and it doesnt have to be exercise. Make it an active goal.
From all that you will figure out new things…
B. Get the Love Languages book and take an on-line quiz each of you. Discussing it will be a fun thing for “A”. It is not the answer to all things, but is also not a bad insight into the kind of love feedback your partner prefers.
And remember, it's a partnership, not a competition for partner at the law firm.
You’re young. You’ll be okay. Move on. Sometimes people need a jumpstart on life and that usually doesn’t happen with you staying around. He needs that jump start.
You need to be wanted and so much more. There’s a big sea out there you’ll find another big fish.
He is, to be honest, and he’s afraid when a woman stands up to him too. He ran away when I did it, and I have a disability, I’m not much of a physical threat lol. He’s not an intelligent man and I think he’s being fed all these ideas, possibly from a website, possibly on the dark web. He hasn’t the brains to think up any of this himself.
Did my best to bear the brunt of chores around the house after she told me she felt burnt out. Encouraged her to get back to work as a vet tech which was something she thought would help. Took vacations with and without the kids. Supported her getting back into hobbies (painting, book clubs, yoga). Went to a few of her therapy sessions when she'd ask me to.
Get out. I’ve been cheated on and I can tell you, you never forget. You don’t want the rest of your life quietly questioning what she’s doing whilst you’re away. You don’t want to have to be checking her phone in some sort of agreement. You don’t want to be sneaking to public bathrooms so you can listen into what’s happening in your house. Sure, she may never do it again. But you’ll never forget the time she did and it’ll eat you up.
As for the ED thing, don’t be too concerned. It happens. I’m 30 and occasionally have exactly what you described. Sometimes no desire at all. I’ve got a pal 5 years younger than me who’s never without pills. It’s not the end of the world anymore. For example, a good amount of people use lube to make up for a woman not quite being wet enough to be comfortable. Yet when a man takes a pill to make sure he’s rock hard it’s all pathetic an and emasculating? Bull crap, there’s nothing wrong with it.
Yeah she doesn't feel comfortable when she is really down, and blames herself and cries a lot.. I always feel bad, because she doesn't want me to talk about it in the moment and doesn't want to be touched..
Yeah she doesn't feel comfortable when she is really down, and blames herself and cries a lot.. I always feel bad, because she doesn't want me to talk about it in the moment and doesn't want to be touched..
You are 20 he is 30. He is acting 16. This controlling behaviour is a HUGE RED FLAG. If you have been in absolutely horrible relationships in the past I can see how this might seem better- but it’s not. This is also an unhealthy relationship. The age difference is super concerning. No wonder he is dating someone so young, NO WOMAN his own age would put up with that crap. Let him read this.
Leave or stay and feel ugly for the rest of your life.
My husband still can't keep his hands off me. I'm 47 and we've been together for 18 years. He will probably jump me tomorrow after we get all the kids to school.
Who said behind the partners back?
that was not my suggestion
read my comment again
Take a long ass walk, a shower and go to bed. There's nothing you can do now, the only person who can is the person who doesnt want to talk to you. You can't blame them or justify it another way so just accept it
Time will make it easier but I think what you did was the right thing. Sometimes in life though the shittyiest, hardest thing to do is the right thing. But it's their decision not yours to start contact again
Well us potheads know that having a joint is way better and less dangerous than drinking. I've never had my head kicked in when I've been stoned and I've never got into any serious trouble either. On the other hand when I've been drunk I've got into all sorts of bother. I don't have any more advice but I hope it works out for you all the same ?
This is a good time to end things with her. You can help her learn something about herself.
why do you think your friends will leave you cause of your age gap with him? And if they do, they really aren't your “friends” especially if they think he could be a creep or something
Just wait till all the little tacos turn up looking for a home..
Ignore them. And if you can’t , act like you don’t recognize them lol Why does it have to be a big deal?
I am going to say if you want to remain with your girlfriend then you give up this fantasy unless your girlfriend brings it up first. Do not initiate that conversation. That is her best friend, you just do not go there.
OP my reading of the situation is that when a person comes out of a toxic relationship they actually have trouble adapting to not having the rollar coaster ride of highs and lows.
Not saying that justifies her comments this person probably needs to be single for a while so they can learn to be a better partner and not see someone who is non-abusive as being boring.
As an old and boring person I think my response would be that I'd give her a chance to work to work that out if she was interested in my boring self but honestly it IS a red flag because this lady may in fact be grooming you to take the blame for her poor behaviour because you're so boring.
Up to you my dude what does your gut feeling tell you? Don't let her run you ragged
Collective trauma is a thing, because if you care about other people, then bad shit happening to them can be very upsetting. Even if you don’t know the people involved, did the Challenger accident upset you? 9/11? The war in Ukraine, the pandemic. Did you know people who remembered Pearl Harbor or JFK? Some of these upset the whole world. Have you ever helped someone through grief? We’re wired to remember the negatives. People who can relate to other people’s trauma get to have the lessons without the direct pain.
So if you can have collective trauma from things that happen to people you don’t personally know, then doesn’t it follow that when bad things happen to people close to you, that you’d relate to it even stronger?
That's abuse? Break up with him. Wth. Get some sleep! Rest! HUH ?
Good for you for leaving, he is repulsive. Grown ass man. I doubt he bathes either.
OP is 21, not a child. This is presumably something she herself can talk to her sister about. And also presumably the sister might be more repetitive than if OP “tells mommy and daddy”.
Not saying OP should take it on to solve her sisters problems. But she can and should address her concerns and draw a firm line in the sand that her sister needs professional help. OP can do things like compile a list of numbers or give her sister a ride if everything feels overwhelming, and when one is depressed, it can.
Interventions for ANYTHING rarely work and alienate family members and friends. The person feels conspired against and talked down to rather than cared for.
Cooking is a term of endearment for me – a love language. My excessively abusive ex used to do exactly that. I'm a pastry chef by passion, and come from a family of chefs(my brother owns a wildly successful BBQ sauce company out of Denver and just won the bid for the new restaurant South Parks creators are opening), so cooking for people is how we speak. He used to get livid at me for wanting to share with people and make me feel like it was for something nefarious.
Run, girl. Run fast and far and cook him a shit pie on the way out.
I mean. See rule 3, rule 7 and rule 8. No moral judgement requests, all comments should be on topic, focus on the OP and be made in good faith, and they should be kept civil.
Again, this isn't AITA. You can answer without saying literally saying 'YTA'. I have faith.
If he’s new to sex, then why are you just hinting and implying at things?
You need to spell it out for him clearly and without any subtlety. “I like it when you call me names, such as _____ or ______.” Or “I like it when you take me from behind and you pull my hair. Can we try that tonight?” Etc.
Use literally any hobby or profession as an analogy or example — would a seasoned manager expect a fresh out-of-college new hire to instantly know the company lingo and policies and methods of operating? Nope! It takes time to learn, and someone has to teach them.
I think it would make sense to limit video games or something like that, that is what my parents did. But to limit the computer all together?? I’ve had to do so much research related stuff for school that could not possibly be cranked out in 2 hours. Not to mention there is a whole lot of interesting stuff on the internet which makes you think, for example, I became extremely fascinated with engineering through cars and learning how they work. Now I’m rebuilding an engine in my garage thanks to what the internet taught me. You’re demonizing something for what you fear it could do, not because their is any rationality beyond that. And no shit he resents you. It seems like you’ve controlled every aspect of his life since he was born. My parents were similar and all it taught me to do was learn how to lie without blinking an eye and get away with shit. The more you try and control him the less you will be able to control him. Guarantee when he goes away for school he’s gonna do a lot of shit you would be very glad not to know about. If you care about your relationships with him cut him some slack. Nothing is more infuriating than being treated like you have no self control and are some stupid child even when by a legal standard you are an adult
Not to be mean, but if you can do all of that for him, you can work. Work as a house cleaner if you need to so you have your own money and don’t rely on him.
Leave. Adults don't need to be told not to hit people in the face. She said it herself, she thinks it's funny. You've told her how it makes you feel and she still does it. Pretty wild to abuse you in public but some people just don't care who sees. The fact that this behavior has just started recently indicates to me that she was waiting until she felt like you were invested to test these boundaries. If she'd hit you on the first or second date, would you have continued the relationship?
This kind of thing almost always escalates. She has never hit you at home yet. If there have been three instances, there will be a fourth. If you are not ready to leave her yet, you may have one more very serious conversation telling her clearly that if she ever hits you again the relationship is done. Be prepared to follow through with that.
He expect you to pay since his time is money and you're his sugar mama. It's a red flag when sugar mama ain't willing to pay for her boy toy, is this right? /s
COME THE FREAK ON. You're going to waste a lot of $$ on this guy, he's not willing to meet halfway because he doesn't see you as his permanent partner. He's just sleeping with you, he's a fudge buddy, mm'kay.
I mean doing ‘tests’ on your husband isn’t really a clever strategy. Remember, you’re on a fitness journey for yourself, not for anybody else. So stop thinking about what he thinks and focus on what you want. Good luck.
How about some individual and couples therapy?
Your job and ADHD did not interfere with your ability to clean up your cooking mess over the weekend. That’s a cop out. It’s not fun to come home to a mess you didn’t make and feel like you have to clean the minute you walk in the door.
Her harping clearly doesn’t work either. It’s not affecting change on your part and if half the time it’s her mess then she’s fixating on you inappropriately.
You two both could do better. What you’ve got going now isn’t working. Investing in some therapy would likely be beneficial.
What relationship advice are you looking for?
Who determined how much she pays in rent? Sounds like it's time for a household meeting about money, food, etc.
Right. That part lol I wonder if the load approved by the insure company is also in ops name . Cause thats another story ?
He does not want to go back to school. You seemed fine with that until your parents weighed into your relationship. Now you're pushing him to do something he has made crystal clear he does not want to do. Both of you are living at home and are heavily influenced by your parents, a college education does not guarantee the life you think it does. I would be astonished if you haven't split within the month. You just cannot listen to what he is clearly telling you and he won't repeat it flatly because he doesn't want your parents to look down on him.
No. You really don’t know them that well. Going to visit for brief spurts along with communicating is also not knowing them pretty well.
Don’t delude yourself. I say this as someone who has been in a similar situation. Take this slow. Take some time to be sure you and the kids are in a good place both mentally and physically/financially.
It’s nice to have a person who is totally in your side. One you can bear your soul to and only get positive feedback from. It’s euphoric and something to look forward to and you never feel alone.
Be realistic. There is a huge difference between chatting/texting and an actual in person relationship.
I’m not saying it can’t work or it’s bad. I totally am not. Just be aware and don’t let the good feelings blind you.
Honestly? Unlike many men, I don’t need 45 minutes in the bathroom. If something is actually urgent, someone can call twice or send a text to convey the actual urgency. Do you really expect someone to stop mid-whizz to laugh at a video?
Stop being so dramatic.
Not being available to anyone/everyone 24/7 won’t break anything, or anyone with rare exceptions. This expectation is recent. Humanity survived for thousands of years without being able to demand someone’s attention on short notice.
You can’t want better for other people, they have to want it for themselves.
Don’t do it. Once you do there will be a time where they will ask for more.
If your daughter was in the position of her bio mum, how would you hope the father would proceed?
An eighteen year old girl not wanting to raise a child isn’t an odd need. She’s a grown up now (like you were when the baby was born) so it makes sense she wants to at least get to know her.
Is the daughter adopted by your wife? Did you ever actually REMOVE parental rights from the bio mum? Because you might actually HAVE to let her be involved if you didn’t.
No you don’t. I’ve been with my boyfriend almost 4 years and still learn new things about him. It actually took 1-2 years to really really get to know him. You are fantasizing the relationship. Realistically if he moved to your state what is the plan? You don’t even know how you two are together physically? You don’t know how he will be around littles kids, how he will interact with your kids and you said you can’t wait for your kids to see a healthy relationship? Take the blinders off
At least you recognize that you're overreacting.
I don't think 365 is consensual and there's lot of erotica which have a huge fanbase from women with the same similar theme, that is rpe. Icest also seems to be a popular category in porn. So I don't think it's overreaching to say some one who wrote fantasy fiction about (not own) an inestual scenario and rpe wants it to happen in real life .
It's kind of an insult to toddlers though ??.
This is a shit show. You’ve been pregnant at least 4 times before yet are shocked when unprotected sex leads to pregnancy? He’s 41, and he’s right. This unplanned disaster WILL upend and ruin life as he knew it and probably your relationship as well. Hell, you’ve not even been together a year. Neither one of you has any business having another child. Horrifying.
She cheated. Of course it affected your relationship.
And as she did it so soon into your relationship (or rather you caught her so soon) her apology and remorse is all BS.
Don’t be surprised if when you make the right decision to leave this relationship, that she is straight back with her ex.
So when your family member with Alzheimer’s wants to leave the house and walk to the next city or state, be sure to honor their wishes.
Plenty of options with a body count higher than 7.
Eh. Is this all you've got? Is this your A game when it comes to trying to be funny?
Noted!
If you are in an exclusive relationship, you have agreed not to fuck other people.
My point is people define “respect” or “basic respect” in many, many different ways. You need to be very clear if you have specific requirements for what your partner must disclose to you.
Next time, once you are “talking about the future” etc., I suggest you propose, and do it in grand style – special place, special ring, down on one knee, etc.
Possibly both of these girlfriends were waiting for a new title that never came – the “Mrs.”
You shouldn't have to be basically begging to be yourself, and if she's not interested in sex and you are, that's your que to move on, she is not going to change, and you are in an uneven relationship.
You shouldn't be made to feel ashamed in an even relatonship.
After two years together, this is how she reacts to you opening up. Even after nagging you to do so. There is something fundamentally wrong in this relationship.
If you wanting kids is important to you, then sorry, you need to find someone more compatible with that shared future.
I'm not really sure how we can help you out here.
The situation isn't your fault but going forward you need to realize that immature guys are going to be immature. I mean what do you think that people do inside of clubs?
Guys go there to basically have sex with clothes on with all the women wearing basically no clothes, who are drunk, high, or those that are there for the same thing. The more someone spends time in a place like that the more that person is likely to be engaging with other women.
You just need to move on and if you want something serious don't date guys who frequent places like this. I can understand going to a chill bar and having a few drinks with your friends. But nobody's doing anything responsible inside of a club.
Hahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha. Oh man. By the time you're 30, in the US, a lot of people have been to jail for less than 6 months. That is not even in the same COUNTRY as rock bottom.
Fair enough,
A. I suggest starting with simple things like taking a walk every evening after dinner. Anywhere, around home or wherever. Perhaps take a walk on weekends for a coffee or something simple. A chance to simply be together quietly or talk about whatever comes up. Very mellow.
A. Similarly for any light exercise. Further ideas include: 1) window shopping as an avenue to talk about things you like to open conversations; 2) watching some free music somewhere (in spring/summer); 3) Going to listen to an art or other exhibitino of almost anything to wander and see things. So many choices here.
A. Why not set one night a week as “cheap as date night”. The goal is a “date” you alternate arranging that is below $X (where X is small). It's a challenge and reminds me of my PhD student days when my wife was studying and we had like $5 discretionary per week (ack). Our answer was 1x per week a frozen yogurt date because the student paper had 2-for-1 deals, with occasional splurge on cheap burritos somewhere. Be creative.
A. My wife and I have always run together, we met that way. Find something you can do together as a hobby, and it doesnt have to be exercise. Make it an active goal.
From all that you will figure out new things…
B. Get the Love Languages book and take an on-line quiz each of you. Discussing it will be a fun thing for “A”. It is not the answer to all things, but is also not a bad insight into the kind of love feedback your partner prefers.
And remember, it's a partnership, not a competition for partner at the law firm.
Stay well and happy!
You’re young. You’ll be okay. Move on. Sometimes people need a jumpstart on life and that usually doesn’t happen with you staying around. He needs that jump start.
You need to be wanted and so much more. There’s a big sea out there you’ll find another big fish.
I don't want to leave my husband, if I did I couldn't call my family for a ticket home. my family is either dead, has cancer, or is broke.
See therapist
He is, to be honest, and he’s afraid when a woman stands up to him too. He ran away when I did it, and I have a disability, I’m not much of a physical threat lol. He’s not an intelligent man and I think he’s being fed all these ideas, possibly from a website, possibly on the dark web. He hasn’t the brains to think up any of this himself.
She will regret, but it's not something that she can fix it. and for the rest of things that you've said.. I don't know what to say
Did my best to bear the brunt of chores around the house after she told me she felt burnt out. Encouraged her to get back to work as a vet tech which was something she thought would help. Took vacations with and without the kids. Supported her getting back into hobbies (painting, book clubs, yoga). Went to a few of her therapy sessions when she'd ask me to.
Get out. I’ve been cheated on and I can tell you, you never forget. You don’t want the rest of your life quietly questioning what she’s doing whilst you’re away. You don’t want to have to be checking her phone in some sort of agreement. You don’t want to be sneaking to public bathrooms so you can listen into what’s happening in your house. Sure, she may never do it again. But you’ll never forget the time she did and it’ll eat you up.
As for the ED thing, don’t be too concerned. It happens. I’m 30 and occasionally have exactly what you described. Sometimes no desire at all. I’ve got a pal 5 years younger than me who’s never without pills. It’s not the end of the world anymore. For example, a good amount of people use lube to make up for a woman not quite being wet enough to be comfortable. Yet when a man takes a pill to make sure he’s rock hard it’s all pathetic an and emasculating? Bull crap, there’s nothing wrong with it.
Yeah she doesn't feel comfortable when she is really down, and blames herself and cries a lot.. I always feel bad, because she doesn't want me to talk about it in the moment and doesn't want to be touched..
Yeah she doesn't feel comfortable when she is really down, and blames herself and cries a lot.. I always feel bad, because she doesn't want me to talk about it in the moment and doesn't want to be touched..
You are 20 he is 30. He is acting 16. This controlling behaviour is a HUGE RED FLAG. If you have been in absolutely horrible relationships in the past I can see how this might seem better- but it’s not. This is also an unhealthy relationship. The age difference is super concerning. No wonder he is dating someone so young, NO WOMAN his own age would put up with that crap. Let him read this.