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Model from: cn
Languages: en,zh
Birth Date: 2001-08-01
Body Type: bodyTypeThin
Ethnicity: ethnicityAsian
Hair color: hairColorBlack
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
Subculture: subcultureStudent
Date: February 24, 2023
This is 100% about your dad's own personal issues. He's getting older, he's out of shape, he's aware that his son (who he was always able to make fun of as looking like “a refugee” whenever he needed to feel better about himself) is now bigger, stronger and better-looking than he is. He's still 'the man' of the house as long as he's better than you in some way…so he's clinging to this idea that he could still beat you in a physical fight because of street smarts or whatever other pathetic reason. You're basically a reminder that he's no longer a young man, the son is surpassing the father.
I think you should just give him short, non-answers to his comments that don't escalate the situation:
Dad: “Being big doesn't make you tough.” You: “Okay.”
Dad: “Muscles may not help you in a real fight.” You: “Hmm.”
Is your mom aware that this is happening, or is it only when she's not there? I think it would be worth telling her that you're concerned that your dad is trying to force you into a physical confrontation, that you don't want that and you would like her advice on what to do. Your dad is acting out because you're taking care of yourself at the gym; that is ridiculous and she needs to be made aware if she isn't already.
If that doesn't help, you're probably gonna be stuck keeping your head down and steering clear of your dad until you can move out. Really sad that he would let his own insecurities hurt his relationship with his son.
“However, he says that partners need to show up for their SOs and do things once in a while that they wouldn't necessarily love to do but that their SO really wants them at.”
How often does he join in to your hobbies?
You don't want to go clubbing, you also see this as bad for your health and expensive…. You shouldn't feel like you have to go
No thanks, I’m married. That would make me a cheater.
Like this guy ?♂️
Massive insecurity lol
I also want to add that she is now responding by saying it was a miscommunication and that she really doesn’t seem the issue. Also that she has been trying really hot all weekend to not hangout with them, that they have been begging her so she just said go get a beer with them. If anyone has any advice on how to respond to this kindly, that would be nice as well. Thanks guys!
out of curiosity, what’s the timeline of your relationship? when did you two start dating, get married, etc.
five years isn’t huge, but when you look at how a 21 year old vs a 26 year old may feel about starting a family, there will likely be two opposing views. it makes sense that as a woman in your early 20s you aren’t ready for pregnancy, motherhood, etc, and want to be as careful as humanely possible, but as someone approaching his 30s he is starting to consider parenthood.
If I were you, I would have a very candid conversation about your views and fears, and see how he reacts. remember that for him, it’s thirty seconds of orgasmic bliss, and for you, it’s 9 months of pregnancy. if he can’t understand that this is a big deal for you, then you really should take a little step back and reevaluate some things about your relationship. I’m sorry you feel like you need to hide this. sending love your way.
There is a law that is working great. Why does is seem like the government is on the side of the victim in UK and Canada?
She cheated. Dig deeper. Tell her you want her to take an infidelity polygraph and gauge her reaction. Is she remorseful at this point?
If by “missing out on your youth (college years)” you mean getting some strange whilst at university, I was single the entire time and had sex once so you might not have missed much.
But in all seriousness: it's good that you didn't go into marriage if she had any doubts. 16-23 is a time you change a whole bunch as a person and you might have been setting up for a disaster years down the line if you went through with it.
If by “missing out on your youth (college years)” you mean getting some strange whilst at university, I was single the entire time and had sex once so you might not have missed much.
But in all seriousness: it's good that you didn't go into marriage if she had any doubts. 16-23 is a time you change a whole bunch as a person and you might have been setting up for a disaster years down the line if you went through with it.
I agree it's weak; but it's not just the sexual stuff. She was living this whole fantasy relationship. The relationship she wants ours to be. It sucks, and she should have just communicated with me. But it wasn't just the sexual aspects.
I agree it's weak; but it's not just the sexual stuff. She was living this whole fantasy relationship. The relationship she wants ours to be. It sucks, and she should have just communicated with me. But it wasn't just the sexual aspects.
I agree it's weak; but it's not just the sexual stuff. She was living this whole fantasy relationship. The relationship she wants ours to be. It sucks, and she should have just communicated with me. But it wasn't just the sexual aspects.
If by “missing out on your youth (college years)” you mean getting some strange whilst at university, I was single the entire time and had sex once so you might not have missed much.
But in all seriousness: it's good that you didn't go into marriage if she had any doubts. 16-23 is a time you change a whole bunch as a person and you might have been setting up for a disaster years down the line if you went through with it.
Asking him out? You already have a toothbrush at his place. Soon it will be some extra clothes.
I think it is more of a matter of finding out if you're gonna stay a booty call or be in an “official” relationship.
I say go.
We have but we was together a few years ago and started things up again. I asked her to text me when she got home from work and she replied with “I can look after myself”. I’ve told her she doesn’t need to tell me anything she doesn’t want to just wanted her to know I’m there for her. We supposed to be going for dinner tomorrow night and then again on Friday. She normally stays at mine on a Friday night too
Don't you need to be careful the rapist doesn't end up with some rights? Or his parents?
This sucks man. I'm so sorry
Yea if he made it clear he doesn’t want to do things that will make you happy and your lifestyle is suffering cut your losses. Find someone who likes to do the things you like or at least is willing to compromise
Yes that's exactly what pisses me off the most, he just says things to get brownie points in the moment but he never wants to follow through.
So your idea after noticing a change of 2 days is to demand to invade her privacy?
Couldn’t you instead just tell her you’ve noticed a different and ask her what’s up?
I think the whole thing is ridiculous and that you’re being weird about it—especially at your age. But you get to feel how you feel.
I would absolutely end things if my partner was expecting me to text all day and in a certain amount of time.
regardless of my grammatical error lol, I stand by saying that OP's wife is abusive. She is gaslighting OP and using a baby to fulfil her emotional needs, which clearly states the fact that she cares more about how she feels over how to properly raise a literal infant.
There is no instance here in which OP was inconsiderate to her wife. Being a parent is putting your kid first, not your insecurities about yourself lol, which is exactly what OPs wife is doing. OP's wife should not be a parent and in my opinion should stay away from kids entirely
He said preparing food for someone = expressing love and then pitched a fit at the idea of expressing love to you 1-3 times a week while living together.
You could not continue with such a one sided relationship.
No one forced him into construction. No one forced him to move in with someone who works from home.
The whole suing thing just shows how illogical he is being, and I thought I knew him, but it's like he said that he's a different person at work and that he “doesn't bother me about what I do at my job”
I get where you are coming from. She knew you were romantically interested, and instead of telling you she was seeing someone so that you could stop chasing her, she went ahead and kept it secret and badically led you on. For that, she is definitely an AH. However, instead of calling her out on it and either moving forward or quitting as friends completely, you kept eaking over the same coals that did no favors for either of you. She is either your friend or she isn't. so for that, you are an AH.
Question, could OP file on grounds of infidelity? And if so, would the wife be entitled to OP’s assets?
No guilt, you did nothing wrong. Move on, the further you get away from his douchebag-ness the better. No contact.
Having kids should not be “spontaneous”. It should be a decision made carefully, over time, where your wife is sure that’s what you both want. She’s not there yet, in the meantime she is choosing a very reliable contraceptive method that can be removed and reversed at any time. Just because an IUD has a lifespan of 5-10 years doesn’t mean it HAS to stay in for that long.
My biggest concern with your attitude is that you seem to want her to suddenly, in the throes of passion, ask for a baby, and that it will happen immediately. It takes most couples 6-12 months from deciding to stop all contraceptives until they conceive. You can, and should, be able to cope with having that romantic conversation and then her scheduling an appointment for removal as part of the process. Additionally, this is the same thing that she’d have to go through for something like the implant you’ve suggested, so your “it must be spontaneous” attitude is inconsistent.
You need to have a rational conversation with your wife about what your lives could look like child free or with children, and really listen to where she’s at. Parenthood should never be the default – too many kids are raised by parents who only sort of wanted them. If it’s not a 100% hell yes from both of you, it’s a no.
My husband has to move in with me several months before we got married. Even shared a bed
Still waited until we were married
No regrets
Just because it wouldn't work for you doesn't mean it won't work for anyone
Give him the engagement ring back.
Tell him to get fucked for everything else. 1. That’s not how gifts work. 2. Fuck him
From your post it sounds like you're unsure, and your fears revolve around worries about your potential children's futures and wanting to give them a good life. To me, that reads more “scared to have kids” than “doesn't want kids”.
I love my children dearly, would to save them with no regrets. The best part of my day is usually seeing the smile on their face and hearing their laugh when we play or hug.
However, people often seem to de-emphasize the mental, emotional, and physical costs of having a baby.
It sounds like financially you are ready, so I'll ignore the absurd shell game costs for having a baby ($40k bill, actually pay $2k was our experience) and talk about the other aspects.
Having a kid deeply cuts into your free time, your sleep quality, your time with friends, ability to travel, and puts huge strain on your marriage. I was terrified both times that my wife was going to die in childbirth, my wife had heartburn for 20+ weeks, and pregnancy/postpartum/breastfeeding hormones are wildly unpredictable and almost never in a fun way.
Dealing with a 2 year old's temper tantrums as you save their life repeatedly on top of work stress (I'm the sole breadwinner) sometimes takes every last shred of my patience and sanity and I'm very much tired after 2 years of cleaning up poop and getting spit up on. I'm lucky enough to work from home, my wife is lucky enough to be a SAHM, and both of our days tend to start at 7:30am and neither of us gets a break until 8:45pm-9pm when both kids are finally asleep and we've taken care of the last bit of chores for the day. I'm so grateful my parents will take the kids for 3-4 hours on Sundays because otherwise my time with my wife would be in 20 minute doses when she's already exhausted and touched out (Assuming she's not desperate to sleep because our youngest woke up every 30 minutes the night before). We got pregnant the first time shortly before covid hit the US, so I'm sure you can imagine how fun that was.
For me, even with all that and still being in the thick of it, still 100% worth it despite being the hardest thing I've ever done. Even when I'm tired, grumpy, burnt-out, and stressed I see their smiling faces and it makes it bearable.
If your worry is more if you can give them a good life, that's probably “want kids but scared” territory. If you're worried more about the negative impact on your own life, that's “I don't want kids” territory.
It's fucked up that he's involving his friends and other people in your couple issue instead of working it out with you. It isn't constructive
Arguing and disagreements at least once a month in only the first year of dating doesn't scream “happy and healthy” relationship.
If you have to ask how often is TOO OFTEN, it's probably too often.
yeah dude shes clearly uncomfortable that youre going to be living with her. why cant you live w ur gf?
You have made an excellent attempt at assuming what’s happening in my life based on a short paragraph. Please go ahead and run with it
Dump him, this is absolutely concerning and you are not safe with him nor associating with him.
Comprehension wasn't the issue here, i overlooked the fact that it was about a prior relationship. I thought it happend in a period of 3 weeks ago, he asked about it and tried to reassure her 2 weeks ago & only later she came clean and he wasn't okay with it while they were dating those 5 months. I can't help the fact i bounced once or twice on the head while i was young. & It wasn't really clear in that post, + the tl;dr was kinda unclear too.
Wow, I'm sorry but that's unforgivable. His selfishness and total disregard for your well being is super disturbing. His impulse control is also a huge red flag. Imo moving on would be way easier than trying to forgive this insane breach of trust and disrespect.
What he did is against the law. You should charge him
I paid for my wedding. It was small and easy to manage financially 🙂
Cheating is wrong regardless. End the marriage, go separate ways whatever, and do whatever tf you want but don't cheat.
I would never want to be friends with a cheater. They will throw anyone under the bus, they are cowards, lie, and are the most selfish people because they do not think of anyone but themselves.
I know how you feel and I'd be uncomfortable too.
I'm so glad for you that you told him that if he wouldn't compromise, you'd leave him. That made him leave and really it was the best thing that could happen to you. He is obviously a controlling, jealous and unreasonable man. Your relationship could never have worked out. You dodged a nuclear bomb there.
How could it go wrong. She’s cheating. What’s she gunna say it was a leprechaun she was visiting
I was about to say the same thing! How long have they been dating? Because if he’s been in the family for years and gets treated like the help when they go abroad I could see how resentment would happen.
You seem to think the only thing a woman care about is dick size and not his personality, attitude and how he treats others
That's you putting words in my mouth. I don't care what women look for, but I'm sure they must have seen something hence they were with me. That's not my thing to worry about. But I have seen women liking big dicks, one right in front of me. Why should I be with them? Regardless of what she looks in a guy, its unacceptable for me.
By that analogy, I've spent enough time on social media and live dating sites/apps. I found several many women who had in their bios “don't swipe right if you're below 6ft” . So should I conclude they only look for height? You cleverly dodged the misandrist point here.
You think all women should worship your dick.
Again putting words in my mouth. Only the woman who is with me, not all.
Yeah, I'm not even thinking about other women. The thought of me meeting another woman and having a new girlfriend… That's just completely inconceivable. I don't think it will ever happen. I don't bond with people easily, and this girl was special to me, even if we had our differences. Now she's gone… I've got nothing. Just back to being a lonely loser.