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Princess Kendall, y.o.
Location: USA – West Coast
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Date: October 12, 2022
If you don't have trust, you no longer have a relationship….Leave.
It's not what she ended up doing, it was the fact she is being decietful all around. She already hung out with the guy behind your back before and never admitted, he did, then she came clean. She wanted to break up and had already arranged to go out with 2 guys, possibly staying with one within AN HOUR of the split.
You are being gaslight very hot. She is making every excuse in the book as to why she wouldn't have slept with him. Bringing her brother as a witness, taking a lie detector, she doesn't look at him that way, he would never do that to her are all typical cheater excuses. If she went out with a guy behind your back and admited it only after being exposed, how many more skeletons and lies are in her closet. You are right about her building trust seems forced, she was wrong and she knows it. She is trying to save what she can, but will eventually do the same things again not to mention she probably hasn't come even close to clean at this point.
Break it off and go no contact. She sounds immature and dishonest at best.
The sister is manic/bipolar and on drugs. I had a girlfriend like that about 20 years ago. It’s not pretty when they are on these benders. They actively looking to break and destroy things. They come up with these crazy stories in their heads and then will violently attack random people around, sometimes with weapons.
Break up with her. Save yourself the troubles.
To be fair, your situations sound very different. Yes, the husband pivoted, but he attempted to pivot WITH OP, and make this apart of their marriage. It sounds like he's been very transparent (he could've kept the Twitter private, he could've lied about spending time with these friends). It sounds like your partner kept you completely in the dark, lied, cheated and broke your marriage vows. But once you breach the vows of your marriage together, you've got to redefine them again as a couple. And you might not be able to.
You are on the right track, OP…..but I wonder if you know why.
The single greatest damage that porn does is to instill unrealistic parameters for how a typical Human Being expresses themselves Sexually, including Behaviors, Emotions, Cognitions and Beliefs. Many of these bits are absorbed almost subliminally and do not express themselves until you review your comportment in Hind-sight. Often, by then, the damage is done.
Oddly, its not as though your partner will suddenly start demanding that you perform, or submit to, some aberrant activity….though that Has been known to happen. Rather, an individual begins to frame emotional (see: affirmations) and intellectual (see: validations) feedback to their partner in inordinate and variant ways. Further, even if the Partner is grounded enough to observe and provide feedback on this comportment, a person taken with porn tends to discount the need to respond their partner's thoughts, needs and positions. Its a simple matter of backing the calendar down then, to where the partner feel sufficiently devalued in the relationship to bail.
Most people submit to the tyranny of porn because…honestly….
the Human experience is pretty mundane by comparison. The truth is
revealed when it is finally time for porn to deliver on its promise and it can't.
But by that time the producers have their money and could care less.
And your relationship is in the shitter.
Your partner is aware, on some level, that everything I have written is
the truth and he continues to disrespect you and the Bond.
If you think you are some kind of Relationship Hero by giving him
chances, enduring his lies and submitting to his disrespect……..
Your Not. FWIW.
If you enjoyed yourself, and it was appropriate to the way other people were behaving there shouldn’t be an issue here. I’d be wary of changing your normal way of expressing yourself. You shouldn’t change yourself because of your partner. You can be considerate of his feelings, but he should also be considerate of yours.
Perhaps apologise that he felt uncomfortable, but explain that it’s how you usually dance. If he persists, tell him that he may have been uncomfortable to see it but that it would be more uncomfortable for you to not express yourself the way you are used to.
If he loves you, he should support you being yourself
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You’re an evil, evil woman with a dark, black heart
he said these things jokingly, so I'm not sure how important they actually are to him.
What does this mean?
Ask him.
Also probably not a good candidate since you sound insane. But there's a 10 year age gap so get used to sounding insane.
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As a practical step, you should not stop visiting your mum but stay in a nearby hotel or whatever. Visit her and invite her to meet you at hotel etc.
It's perfectly fine wanting to please the ones you love, but it should never be something that you're uncomfortable with.
Thank you for your comments. God, it’s messed up.
I WFH and rarely drive, whatever car my SO doesn’t take out of our automatics that day I drive… (I rarely leave if it’s during school breaks) I can’t remember the last time I put gas in either car. He fills both tanks, I offer him gas money and his response is why? You drive the kids to school down the block and home. If you drove the same car daily you’d fill it once a month. ( which is correct)
So instead I just cover groceries.
I’m confused as to why OP WFH means OP needs to pay for gas. Or maybe I’m spoiled idk
I’m upset that he’s knows my birthday is really important to me and didn’t check in and communicate with me that he might be missing it.
Someone else commented that a birthday isn’t a holiday, but the thing is, I’ve always viewed that your birthday is your own personal holiday. I always take the day off on my birthday, always will plan something for me and all my friends, it’s one of the few days of the year I don’t care what I eat, etc.
Of course if my birthday is on a weekday celebrations happen the weekend before or after.
He knows this. We’ve talked about it in depth.
So when he finalized these plans it made me think he forgot about my birthday or doesn’t care that it’s important to me. Both kind of suck.
Like, if he came to me and said “hey, so it looks like our trip is going to overlap with your birthday. Is it okay if I say those dates work and we can celebrate when I’m back, or should I see if we can go earlier or later?” I would of course tell him to still go and not to plan around me, but make sure he knows we still need to celebrate somehow.
But that didn’t happen. Instead of checking with me, he confirmed he was free and finalized his plane tickets with no thought or consideration. So it’s the courtesy and feeling like he recognizes that my birthday is important.
He has a choice about how he spends his time and who he spends it with. You are not what he’s choosing. You are not what’s important to him. You have nothing to feel guilty about. He made the decision for you.
Considering this has been an on-going thing for a long time and you’ve been trying…I wonder if a trial separation would do you both some good. You can both have some space to reflect/think/regroup. Then hopefully you can come back together to decide what the next steps are and how you’re both feeling.
I think it’s about his own femininity, because just then he mentions that to be an androgynous angel there must be balance. So I don’t think they’re talking about a literal woman.
Thats called a friendship, my dude. Not sure what exactly is weird about it. Maybe try working on your insecurities.
Just move on. You two aren’t compatible. And PS would also be unhappy if my partner did that.
As someone from lil’ ole Belgium, anything relating guns feels extremely odd and uncomfortable to me.
I don’t exactly have any real advice to give you, since this is so alien to me, but maybe have a serious conversation as to why you’re not comfortable signing off on something like that? It’s barebones advice, I know, but I can’t think of nothing else and I don’t want to fall into the Reddit trap that is often “break up with him” or “run!”
People are very quiet about their private sexual lives. We can't know from a distance what his thoughts and intentions are. Do you think you could talk to him about your feelings, focus on your experience and feelings and how this event made you feel?
You have not moved on. Why on earth would you? Total disrespect and probably illegal. Get advice. Legal advice. And break up with someone who so much does not have your best interests at heart. She can't see what she did wrong is on her. Not your problem. She still did wrong.
Your body, your choice.
sounds like you’re already punishing her for a “what if” that hasn’t happened
DO NOT HAVE ANY CONTACT WITH HER AND HER PREGNANCY BEFORE OR AFTER BIRTH WITHOUT A PATERNITY TEST
Even if you are not the father she could claim you took in a father role and be hooked for child support. There are ways not to get a test before birth, don't give her money, attention or emotional support until she gets one.
Stay away from this mess, and lawyer up if you think it's necessary, retaining order could be a good idea so document everything she says or does. Be careful if she tries to get your name on the birth certificate or something
sounds like you’re already punishing her for a “what if” that hasn’t happened
That might be a bit of a leap. I'd probably guess only child before I'd guess latent incestuous fantasies. There is a reason incest porn is more popular with only children – they dont really get how siblings can be hot without you feeling attracted to them.
If you've known this man two decades and this is really out of character…it sounds like he may have already opened that door and feels guilty. Your gf was the voice of reason and gave him perspective he didn't want to hear. I can't imagine why else he'd be so concern about her thinking he's dirty or insinuating he has an STD. That wouldn't enter my mind unless I had something to worry about. His reality is a lot of married couples are going to think the same thing…
We did discuss this but were both unsure. It isn't the children that is the main thing but also the divergence of the lifestyles we are living.
Okay my guy you have already tired to “Make it work” and has failed twice only the clinical insane is going to try to reconcile and expect a different outcome. She has showed you who she is and she has cheated twice as far as you know. How many more red flags do you need before you grab your balls and stick to a decision
Sorry but if I were G I'd be out of there in a heartbeat. My girlfriend still willingly keeping touch with a man who she acknowledges and recognizes is still in love with her? And now you're coming here with conflicting emotions? Huge disrespect to G whether or not you intend to. Sounds like as much as you say otherwise you're not fully over H. Dude needed to be gone yesterday.
What? You say he shouldn’t call the daughter his but then call them “her” daughter??
No. It’s none of your business. You got rid of her. If her past is important to you, move on.
Then she is hiding something and you need to decide if you can have a relationship with someone that’s not willing to be honest and accountable.
Lol the answers in this sub always shock me.
Instead of a calm and non-aggressive: hey, it’s cool you bring other people but this is hurting my strained budget.. it’s she’s a psychopathic manipulative and you need to have a confrontation.
I doubt most people would take their own advice. It’s some weird passive aggressive thing: passive in their own lives, aggressive in others.
We have been together for 4 years. She is the only person I have actually fallen in love with, and have bought an engagement ring for her.
The password manager is lastPass. It is one of the most secure. I think though, she just got into it on my phone with my phones passcode.
We have been together for 4 years. She is the only person I have actually fallen in love with, and have bought an engagement ring for her.
The password manager is lastPass. It is one of the most secure. I think though, she just got into it on my phone with my phones passcode.
We have been together for 4 years. She is the only person I have actually fallen in love with, and have bought an engagement ring for her.
The password manager is lastPass. It is one of the most secure. I think though, she just got into it on my phone with my phones passcode.
Maybe you should bring her break up flowers!
You can't have a healthy relationship with someone you don't trust.
Break up and move on.
You 100% overreacted and this was really mean and controlling of you.
Yeah, most well ajusted people do not “joke” about raping people, especially people they “love”.
We have been together 4 years, he has indeed shown strange behavior before and more often than not blamed it on him having a high libido and not being able to control himself after trying to have sex while I’m asleep or just being generally pissy and rude when I decline to do it, so far I hadn’t really been that concerned because he’d sometimes apologize and stop pushing for sex but today when I confronted him instead of apologizing or saying he regrets the comment he just bluntly stated that he didn’t even know where to buy roofies.
Oh, so he has literally tried to rape you before… And you decided that you want to marry him… cool, cool. Uhm, well as a CSA survivor, maybe don't? Or if you will start getting into therapy now and be ready because he will inevitably rape you.
Your ignoring the fact that a strange man is inquiring about your girlfriend. The guard is just giving you the heads up…maybe he thought it was creepy. Do you think Guards are hitting on your girlfriend?
Ah, another “should I meddle in somebody else’s relationship even though it has nothing to do with me” post.
The answer in this sub is pretty much always yes, meddle. Get in there. It’s not about you but you get in there and you make it about you.
Recklessly breaking the law and endangering other people's lives daily, and getting pissy when called out on it to the point where you plan a revenge would be a relationship ender for me tbh. Same with a person who's unable to accept criticism over their mistakes but sees them as insults to be avenged. Both together in the same guy, topped with bang quick to take offense and burn bridges? Yeah nah. “He says he didn't do it any more” but clearly he does?
That kind of entitlement where you don't give a shit you're constantly putting the lives of innocent bystanders at risk, and react to a parent being worried for their child with annoyance that someone dared criticize you and even planning a retaliation is appalling and alarming.
He is courting his friend … imagine if his guy friend was a female and he was texting her about you like this. Does that make it more or less acceptable. To me neither. You need to drop the boy, your obviously a woman and he’s just a boy. Contradicting his own words / behaviors then. Trying to trash talk you with his buddy IN YOUR PRESENCE!!!! Fuck that. I’d be out. Whatever you decide I wish you luck and promote & appreciate patience, communication & good manners.