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Date: October 25, 2022
Being able to have a good relationship with an ex is a sign a maturity and anyone who says it’s automatically cheating is a walking red flag.
I think the commenter is coming to Borderline Personality Disorder. Who cares? Sure, she can go in and get diagnosed, boom, there's your explanation but is this relationship going to bring you any peace? People with BPD need A LOT of therapy. You can probably find her behaviors under Histrionic Personality Disorder as well. How will a diagnosis for her change YOUR life? Do you want to wade through YEARS of these behaviors which I imagine will only get worse. Is she controlling your social media yet? Does she go through your phone? Check your search history? Read your texts from others? How does she feel about your family and friends? You'll probably hear how toxic they are and you need to cut them off for her. There will be dramatic crying sprees, explosive tantrums, unwarranted jealousy, unreasonable expectations and an endless need for attention/ constant validation. You're trapping yourself. There are other women in the world who will have sex with you without demanding EVERYTHING. You can find a woman to be in a relationship with who won't make YOUR life all about HER.
Being introverted has nothing to do with whether he’d protect you or not? My sister—psycho, she comes in hot, she will come at you and she can hold her own. I’m more calm, very girly + sweet, I work in vet med, a lot of things/comments really don’t bother me. Looking at me I do not portray as a confrontational person, but I am if I need to be. I know when to confront and when to just not care. Not everything needs to be a battle.
You’re 30. Being confrontational all the time is not cute. That’s the high school mentality “Oh he’s so bad and edgy” when really he’s just a jerk. Truly mature adults know when to confront and when to let it slide—you pick and choose your battles. If there’s a way to deescalate something calmly—ESPECIALLY in this very violent era we are in—that is the best and safest option. You have no idea if your ex was nothing but talk. Or if he was only mean when it came to those he could take advantage of (aka you and anyone smaller) if anyone larger stepped to him, OR YOU what would he have done? I bet your current bf wouldn’t let anyone mistreat you and you know that.
I don’t think you want an extremely confrontational person. You want someone with a more dominant personality, which is fine, but be careful not to confuse them, as looking for that opens you up to assholes and abusers—-HENCE your ex being mean and probably controlling. Gentle is GREAT. Caring IS safe. You know your partner will have your back and support you through it all, THAT is what security feels like and should be.
If you want to end your relationship cuz you aren’t a good fit that’s perfectly fine. But to me it sounds like nothing but self sabotage. And please don’t tell him if you dump him, that shit turns guys into assholes thinking thats what women want when there is someone who will adore and devour him as he is.
Nor sure of either of those questions.
My job works well with her school schedule so seeing her isn't an issue. She helps with my weight loss. I put on quite a few pounds during the divorce.
We also agreed to not talk about our future together either. She asked me first, what was my goal for the relationship ? Towards something serious or something mediocre.
She told me she wanted something serious. She graduates college next year so she's not looking to play around.
She's 29, not 49, and she chose to leave. He's not making anything she couldn't get next month (or close to it) if she worked for it, but she wants to work only 2 days a week.
He's not obligated to do anything.
At 23 I dont know a guy that “withholds affection” over an untidy place. This whole thing is just odd. Something else is going on here.
The key point your missing here is the end. “Then this isn’t going to work.” Because it’s not. Cut your losses and move forward, this relationship is past the point of mending. Not sure why you’d even want to at all.