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penelope-lewis Public Chat Channel
Date: October 10, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
penelope-lewis Public Chat Channel
I don't think your assessment is “clear” at all. It's clear you live! in some bizarro world where people are generally nice. Please grow up.
so youre saying that he's told you that she's better than you and that he'd be with her if she wasn't taken AND she has you blocked on everything?
what are you not seeing? ?
my partner saying that shit to me would be an immediate fuck you, go date her then.
the signs are so clear. break up or be second best for the rest of your life to this “best friend”.
She sounds exactly like me! I hate small talk over texting and don’t like investing time and effort into getting to know someone over text when we can just meet in person. There are also a lot of men who are looking for pen pals to keep them occupied with no real intention of spending time in person and it helps weed them out.
I have said that exact same thing to guys so they don’t take my lack of texting as disinterest. Not sure why your friend thinks it’s strange
Give her an ultimatum honestly. I’m not sure if that’s good advice though, so maybe don’t!
god i hope this is fake.
And you arent training to be an intelligent human. So lets call it even.
i’m in therapy. i’m working on it.
Yeah I can understand that. I too experienced a similar mentality growing up. The “figure it out yourself” sort of thing but at some point everyone needs a little help. This is only if you really want to go through the effort that is salvaging a train wreck. It will definitely be hot, will it be worth it? Naked to say. If she cant respect simple boundaries especially when in an argument like the physically blocking you bit. She either needs some serious anger management work or you need to let her know of your position. Either something improves or you might need to call it quits
Instead of saying thats so mean, how about you try looking inward to understand why people on reddit are telling you these things, besides “being mean.”
You guys are both “adults” act like it. She is 31 and should be able to deal with a hotel and a cat allergy, right?
Brutal but plausible
He keeps moving the goal posts every time they meet his goal. Odds are, he doesn't want to get married. It's not like they couldn't get engaged and have a long engagement.
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That's not the problem. OP's wife asked what he wanted for his birthday, OP said what he wanted, his wife entirely disregards his wishes and wants to have sex instead.
How is this OP's fault? From what is explained, OP's wife asked for OP's wishes and ignored it.
I get that she did a lot to get the scene up, getting the kid away, getting in the mood and all. But OP didn't ask for that, OP already told her what he wanted.
And I know off the top of my head like 6 people who would have a problem with it… and we're 22, all liberal, not religious, openly with our sexuality etc
I sleep around alot and am the farthest thing from a religious extremist and I would not be ok with this.
the person you're reply to
Tell me about repeating third grade again.
I wish more people had your constructive attitude! But yeah as the one who is doing the dumping or saying no thanks (and I had to do this a lot when I used to live! date) it's just already such an awkward situation to be in. And particularly as a woman, you never know if it could turn dangerous. There's no benefit to prolonging or expanding the conversation for the person who is doing the dumping, and the dumpee is not owed an explanation or detailed analysis of their personality flaws from the dumper.
Summary: GF is grieving, pushing me away. Need help.
Most domestic violence offenders do NOT see jail time.
Those who do repeat it often
Those who strangle eventually kill someone
It’s a month dump him ghost him and report him to the app
Makes you wonder what else he is doing that you haven't (consciously) noticed yet
Definitely tell him. Two people who are ok with cheating deserve each other.
GIRL DO NOT DISTRIBUTE THAT DRAMA AT WORK THAT IS EMBARRASSING AS HELL. BE AN ADULT
It was a shock how much it gave me. It gave me confidence in myself, and as the project grew and we saw the impact, it was awesome. We started a tiny charity shop that also sold eco products to raise money to buy land for a community garden. It also paid for energy advisors to visit people and tell them where they were losing heat, what grants they could apply for, etc. The community garden is amazing. Older and disabled people have a purpose, they share knowledge, plants, veg, etc. Anyone who is struggling is welcome to a big box of organic veg whenever they need it. It’s cut down on the recycling that’s taken off the island and they run classes on all different crafts, paint effects, up-cycling furniture, sewing, etc. People who would be sitting alone at home are organising, meeting, laughing and have a purpose. It’s one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen, and as far as self esteem goes, it’s hot to beat. The higher value donations get auctioned off once a year, everyone gets dressed up and has fun. We’ve had community taken away from us, we are all separated and angry, male suicide rates are ridiculous, I don’t think people realise how much they’ve lost, and I wonder if it’s deliberate.
Tell him only if she pays your bills…. get something out of it for you…… for real tho…. he probably already has one if he practiced a conversation like that enough to spill it out of his face hole. Idk you, but I would like to think you have higher standards then the class clown being a mama…. blessings and ?, it's gonna hurt either way at this point.
I'm in Canada and my situation was wildly different when it hit the courts. His abuse has worsened over the years and now our daughter is a victim of it and we're 50/50. There is no amount of proof that helps unless she's willing to tell on her father, which is impossible.
So in her worl you are either gay or depressed and all she cares for is that “gay” and how this is her biggest fear yadda yadda me, me, me. And first she comes with “are you depressed?” and then talks shit about everything about you – just think if you were really depressed what damage she would have done.
I would run. Her views about what is “gay” is just wtf. She sounds toxic and egocentric.
OP – your instinct of making a clean break was SPOT ON.
This little floater turd….had the actual nerve…to-
Girl. Someone that has THAT NERVE doesn't change. He already sees you as a doormat.
What you need is time – time away to realize that this is NOT a partner for you, nor is he a friend in any shape or form. He is not someone you want in your life outside of seeing each other at parties (but not if you can help it).
My advice? Stay unattached. Don't get any boyfriends for the next year or two and just. have. FUN. Have fun with your friends, have fun by yourself, and don't let yourself get attached to anyone while you are processing why this relationship had to end forever.
It's crazy common to be really fucked over by a partner, break up because that's the logical thing to do, still have them in your heart and have that make you second guess the decision…and either get into another shit relationship that is 'at least better than the last one' or even get the 'they've changed' thing and get back together with the floating turd.
It's okay to love someone but accept the relationship for what it was and not be with them. It's okay to love someone and not have them in your life at all.
Enjoy being single for a while, and thank the lord you dodged that bullet.
I see it this way as well. Most of us wouldn't spend someone else's money, but we should also be aware of not spending someone else's time. It's one thing to spend time doing an activity together, but when you start a conversation like the one in the example, youre basically saying “stop what you're doing/thinking and listen to me”, which is fine, but then…get to the point, lol. And I hate long pauses. I get that we all have different communication habits, but I get where the wife is coming from.
I saw that episode, I don't think that show was appropriate for a 7 year old. I don't think you covered his eyes because it was two men but because you were aware the scene wasn't age appropriate. Personally he should not have been in the room, the show is not appropriate for a seven year old. If I was with a child and a sex scene came on I would cover their eyes regardless of who was having sex. Your wife and SIL are too sensitive, you did nothing wrong.
A part of wanting to settle down is making a vow to not cheat on the one you decide to settle down with. Please, for your own sanity, stop making excuses for him.
This sounds like reproductive coercion on his part, especially for the “you murdered my last baby” accusation on his part.
He seems to be harboring some massive resentment against you. Whether it’s actually about terminating the last pregnancy or whether it’s about you being an individual again, I don’t know, but horrendous accusations like this are unacceptable.
It seems as if you will need to follow through on this pregnancy, but you can request sterilization after your delivery, especially if you end up having a C-section for any reason.
Perhaps you can look into social services and see what options are available to women in your position? They are probably more knowledgeable on how a case like this would be handled in divorce court, what recourse you could have if your birth control was tampered with, and what potential options you have now if the option for termination is gone.
Good luck. This positions sucks and I am wishing the best for you and your family.
Thank you. I really appreciate the kind words.
My dating style is if I’m going on a second date with someone I’m not going on dates with anyone else. That seems to be really uncommon based on these responses. I would talk to her about being exclusive on your next date and based on her response, see if you vibe.
Easy thing- be nice. shrug
Thank you, that is really kind of you to say.
Don’t let people put you down for that OP. I’m where you are in that regard and I know how difficult it is
She isn't commited to you nor does she plan to be. I guess she wants to have a few more yeaes of “fun” before settling down. You are a temporary partner for her. While it might be convenient for her I think it would be better if you didn't lose more of your life waiting until she leaves you and should just break up with her.
You deserve better than that.
You need to round up a posse of bigger men.
Abusive spouses tend not to punch you when they have been “politely corrected in the error of their ways”
Type him an eviction notice. Date it. He must be out May 1st. No exceptions. On May 1st, make sure he is out of the house. Put his things out and change the locks if he has not moved his things himself.
Everything was so great besides finding out he cheated so you’re right it is comforting. Our days together aren’t just sex. We’ll go on dates, have some food and our days are always full of laughter. He expressed the idea of trying again and says he’ll never cheat again, but I said no. He had a new gf right after me who he cheated on with as well so I feel like he’d just do the same to me.
Thanks for the advice. I definitely shouldn’t and won’t be his gf again but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to try again. I still love him a lot.
End it. She literally told you how she feels.
Would you ever truly trust that she didn't act on her kinky little fantasy to cheat on you. From what you describe she literally seems to outright get off on the idea of betraying you as if that is almost half the thrill of it.
Even if we assume she wrote this early on and she never actually followed through….the fact that she wanted to means those feelings are still inside her. Suppressed maybe, but who's to say one chance encounter with the ex and a sly wink wouldn't be all it takes to reignite them in the blink of an eye?
What's the cliche saying going around nowadays? “When somebody shows you who they are, believe them.”
You dating a loser, this is what happens.
There sort of is, it's just normally called “low support needs”, or “level 1” in the DSM-5.
Call the poo-lice.
Something I always noticed about the Eastern Europeans. They act very tough but that's cause they travel around as a family and use their numbers.
Like this guy was going around saying your soft and a pussy. Yet when confronted needs his daughter to talk for him? Or her cousins to come give him back up?
Who's the real soft pussy here yano. I'd say you got some balls standing up for yourself like that even if it was rash.
Additionally you don't know if it had anything to do with race either. Alot of older Baltic people are very isolationist and only feel one of their own is good enough to be with their daughters.
Way to bury the lede. This isnt about the breakfast and you shouldnt tolerate anyone speaking to you that way.
Out of curiosity, did you reach out to him at all yesterday?
Either way, you can certainly have a discussion about communication expectations. My personal opinion is that if all is good in person, I wouldn’t overthink texting. Given the additional context that you’ve met families, spend a lot of time together, are planning a vacation, and you’re considering the L word after only roughly two months, then it would logically seem to be an illogical concern, but to really drive the point home, you’re here saying you’re falling in love with him but are genuinely worried about his texting. That would suggest you’re telling us that you think you might be in love with someone that can’t really confirm you have all of the information you need to know about someone you’re in a relationship with to suggest what you’re saying to be true.
You’re also diagnosing your boyfriend with ADHD. Maybe it’s true. Maybe it’s not. But your focus here is on taking trips and talking love with someone you’re also telling us you barely know. Put that into perspective.
Good. Now take it to heart, grovel at her feet and make a serious and concerted effort to never do it again. If you don’t do it in public, that means you’re aware you’re doing it in the moment and are consciously choosing to disrespect her. She’s very well aware of that and even a single fuck up will NOT be excused by “I’m trying to be better”.
If I were able to I would give this a reward.
OP was the one who outted his behavior to his crush and so even tho Melanie has all the protection from those around her, OP had nadda. He needs to be careful and watch for brysons car or one of his friends cars stalking his house or him while he is ourside
She is 22 and doesn’t want a relationship just attention. Block her you have stated what you want and she doesn’t want that. Move on
My advice is: Get your own husband, and stop fucking another woman's husband.
My advice is: Get some self respect and stop believing his nonsense.
Certainly a dangerous game
Unsure why everyone is getting up OP for being insecure. Let’s look at a workplace, where crushes begin all the time.
Hell, my girlfriend has the beginnings of a crush on a guy she works with – and that’s completely normal. Time, occasional recreation and proximity are basically all that needs to happen for a crush to develop and that’s why it’s normal to talk about these things in a relationship. I trust her completely, and no – I’m not worried about this crush. Just like I have simply not fed into an emotion I can’t prevent the existence of, she does the same and they pass without any issues. Except now maybe I’ll tease her for it, because it’s funny and involuntary. Pretty much a normal thing to happen in a long term relationship.
Now take that situation, but one in which alcohol and exhaustion play a part in decision-making. OP has not said his partner has a crush on anyone and until she says she does A- she doesn’t. The worry is that she isn’t self-aware enough to recognise this environment, and isn’t self aware enough to starve that kind of situation from escalating.
Which isn’t to say that that’s what is happening. But hell, that’s a normal worry to have. OP is worrying that that that environment exists and his partner is feeding it instead of starving it.
So just talk to your partner, OP. If neither of you can’t have a rational conversation about it, you shouldn’t be in a relationship to begin with because neither of you are comfortable with each others preferred lifestyles.
Totally. I hate to accuse OP of anything but as I'm an armchair psychologist I wonder if he gets a kick out of seeing how vulnerable these girls are sitting in his car next to him, knowing he could do anything to them, but then doesn't because he's not like that.
Tell her you know she's cheated on you and now she needs to find a new living arrangement..You'll do 50/50 custody.
I remember living with an alcoholic woman who was almost 30 and had zero life skills or street knowledge. I had to save her from being raped by men she randomly brought home more than once.
1 was one guy she knew from uni who was stone cold sober compared to her, who he plied with vodka. He tried to kick me out my own flat and lock himself in her room, telling me to mind my own fucking business.
She later turned to self harming, writing me notes under my locked door to deal with it. It got to the point that me and another flatmate had to phone the police with her worrisome behaviour because management did nothing about it except to say “you live! with her, you should be counselling her!”
Fuck that. Nope. Not my problem, not my drama and nobody should be getting roped into that shit. Move out and give your flatmates/friends a break from your bullshit.
They put themselves in a dangerous situation they didn't need to because of your poor judgment. You're a liability and a really shitty “friend.”
You are clearly too busy for a girlfriend!
As much as you care and work for your wife, you need to let her do her part, whatever is possible and insist on it.
Either that or for your own sanity divorce. I am a strong advocate to let divorce be the last resort only so for the time being, having in mind that if you do not act with certainty the marriage is gonna fail, you have to do everything in your power to get help from her and from the professional side of the spectrum.
Walk away of course. I'm not sure why you are even asking this question.
But he abused me in ways too like I said he was controlling and would put me down with insults and make jokes about hitting me. I admit I was worse by being super emotional and reactive but I think I can change. Do you think people who have been emotionally abusive can become good people?
A few days of taking antidepressants and anti convulsants are unlikely to have such an instant and drastic change to her personality. The vast majority take a certain amount of time to properly settle in the system. She could just be on a BPD downer, feeling disconnected etc.
Some people are very drowsy when starting these types of drugs, generally this wears off as the drugs balance out. If in a few weeks this continues then I would probably reach out to the psychiatrist again.
I’m slightly more concerned by your dramatic concerns that she may have suddenly changed, become hollow, lacking in personality, disappearing. The best thing you can do is just be supportive. Don’t press her on being different than she was (only days ago) or on being uncommunicative. BPD is not a quick fix. She is likely to go through several different meds before they find the right ones.
Of course she is not always going to be like this? Don’t you think that’s a bit of an extreme view to take after like a week or less of treatment? Take a breath.
Out of interest, which drugs is she on?
I completely agree, definitely could be predatory depending on when they got together but 25 isn’t something to raise alarms over
Just pop one and see if you recognise the feeling easy
Bs. Horrible advice. There's absolutely nothing to apologize for.
Bruh you are making 6 figures, is she fucked in the head?
Let him leave and tell him to not let the door hit you where the good lord split you as he walks out.
I agree very much. I feel like a lot of kids frowning up too fast. Same as I’ve for people who want to start married as barely legal. Date for a long while, really get to know each other. That’s just my two cents though.
this is mad weird ? i’m 30 and would never say that weird sh!t to a 19 year old. don’t do it.
Well if you can trust him, you trust him to not engage. Don’t worry about her, it’s not about her, this about how you boyfriends responds to her going forward. Talk to him about you concerns, let him know you’re feeling uneasy but don’t accuse him of anything, just be honest.
Sis, you need to text him that. He needs to see it on his screen and mull it over.
If you come home and the house is still filthy, please pack a bag and go stay in a nice hotel for the night.
You don't deserve this.