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Nyla, 23 y.o.
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Date: October 3, 2022
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Does she see you as an only partner, or the only male partner. Maybe the two of you have different ideas of what you are. If she's more 'open', then you have to decide what you want in a partner and go from there.
I can imagine it's been very overwhelming. It's hot to think about leaving this guy when you are trying to make everything work. It has to be mutual though – and if he shuts down or is otherwise uncommunicative about his needs/wants/expectations, then what? Does he expect you to read his mind? If he's undecided that's fine, but he needs to share that with you. Maybe he's got cold feet, maybe he's looking at other girls, or maybe he's distracted with his own life and friends. You won't know until you ask and he actually tells you what's going on in his head.
Definitely find someone impartial (and professional!) to help you untangle all this. He could just not be able to handle a relationship right now. That's not your fault, either. You're not supposed to be the one to solely keep the relationship alive.
You are supposed to make sure you are keeping yourself well and happy and fulfilled. If he wants to join and enhance your life, that's great – but it sounds like he's just giving you more insecurities and stress that you'll make your therapist have to analyse in the future.
🙂 You're welcome. I really hope you're able to get some help and ease your mind over this situation. I firmly believe we need to help each other in this world – and lift each other up when we can. (I'll get off my soapbox now…lol)
I considered gaslighting, but the term might be too general. It also seems to be used a lot by some people who think it's a shortcut to winning an argument regardless of actual circumstances, and where any attempt to reason with them is just further supposed proof of them being gaslit.