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Niko, 36 y.o.
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Date: October 29, 2022
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I think everyone else has been pretty clear about this, but let me be blunt. You're so broken, that you can't comprehend what normal, respectful communication looks like, and you're going to ruin your relationship because of it. Your request for her to be rude to you, and to not gauge a situation before making a determination about how she should proceed is controlling, bizarre and a gross overstepping of your place in the relationship. It's not your job to turn her into a doll who says exactly what you want when you pull a string, and she does nothing wrong.
Shouldn't she, as an adult in the relationship, have the same authority to tell you that you have to do her three-point communication style from now on because it makes her more comfortable, and you don't get to refuse because her request needs to be respected? If yes, then your desires cancel each other out, and you should leave her the hell alone. If not, why do you deserve more respect and more authority about how she speaks and thinks than she does?
You owe her an apology. A massive one. You probably need therapy to figure out why you would even think that your response is appropriate, and not controlling, toxic and paranoid delusional. Get some help, and stop harassing your wife before she leaves you.
I am, it seems like. It’s also worse I realise for me because I’m away from family, friends I’ve made in several years, basically my whole life. That’s when he came into the picture and he’s been this sense of stability in my life (crutch I’m sure). I’m scared to lose it.
But I feel like I at least deserve a conversation to know where I stand.
My opinion is that it is not easy.
Reddit is most Americans and are probably Americans telling you to cut everybody. But my opinion is that in general Americans are very lonely, so I don't think it is a great advice.
Specially in Brazil when your new friends are usually the friends of old friends, or people that your friends introduce over work, gym, etc. So most of the time you will need your old friends to make new friends.
You mention that you work together. Are you both at the same level at work? Are you competitors for the same position?
If you were to be promoted ahead of him, will he be likely to drop the little nugget about your skillset?