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Nika, ♥, 18 y.o.
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Date: November 1, 2022
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They won't make it past 12 months if everyone only does “whatever they want”. Relationships are about compromise, if you can't adapt to each other, then you're not ready for a commitment.
Him juggling multiple women, at least one other plus yourself, is NOT going to help his mental health! And it will be your problem, not the side chick’s, she’s only there to cuddle and fuck…. Send him packing and he can cuddle whoever he wants.
Well a piece of the puzzle is… that you’re not treating each other as equals. You’re turning your backs on each other.
You’re expected to extend your hand out as far as possible, struggling to keep your balance. And he refuses to put his hand out there so you have something to grab onto.
Meet in the middle. So one person does not trip and fall on their face. Even though you might not see eye to eye right now, you still have to support each-other in these situations.
And you’re totally right. Your love should not bring you down. It’s suppose to uplift you.
Dump him before you end up in jail or dead in a botched deal/raid/robbery. Sounds like a no brainer.
He cheated on you. Leave him. Period.
Two things here: 1- yes you got fooled 2- would you like to know if your boyfriend is a cheater? If the answers is yes, then go ahead and do what you need to, hope you have evidence to prove. Good luck.
Some people consider exclusivity as default when the relationship starts ( talking stage ) , others not. If you think that it is not a good idea to tell him because of his reaction, you are probably better ripping off the band aid now than 1 year into a relationship
In the end, it doesn't matter who's to blame, because he's the only one whose behavior she can influence. Work wife would like nothing better than for OP to give up and end the relationship.
This is the simplest, most balanced answer. Sounds like neither of them were in a good place emotionally at that moment. Yelling and throwing things isn't okay. At the same time, I've known people who would yell, but when confronted, they would insist that they weren't yelling, they were being “firm”. None of us were there, so both OP and her husband may have been coming across as more hostile than intended toward each other. But the throwing things is still unacceptable.
I'd suggest a week or two for things to cool down, let everyone grieve the grandfather, and then suggest marriage counseling to work on communication both ways, and anger management for husband. And ensure that the husband apologizes to the children.
You're not alone. A massive number of people don't know what a healthy relationship should look like, mainly because they never experienced one.
I agree, but the not marrying part isn't the issue. The issue was “hey, sex, party, see ya I am going to bone other people, you're on your own to swim”. While connecting with someone emotionally in swinging is one thing, but tossing her into the deep end without helping her better understand and being there is a total mistake. Her hubby is obvs disconnecting {may guys can) from the sex, some women need that connection and he should've eased her into the mix, for example, forget his needs and help her into the program more by sharing and or having sex with her while other people are there too.
This is so so common when someone who claims to be sexually liberated forces their monogamous partner into an open relationship they never wanted, be that swinging, polyamory, unicorn throuples, or what have you that anytime I hear about a similar situation as yours I recommend jut ending the relationship.
They’re not actually interested in fair, equitable sexual exploration. They just want to sleep with whoever they want and get their partner to accept that and participate with only their sexual desires considered, not the partner who was forced into the situation, while keeping the security of their relationship there.
Notice how it’s fine for him to engage in threesomes you are super uncomfortable with.
Then as soon as the monogamous partner tries to enjoy themselves, all of a sudden the one who set up the swinging/open relationship/ethical” nonmongamy (ha!) blows up at their partner and accuses their partner into not following the “rules” they agreed to but never clearly defined and only seem to benefit the one who wanted the situation, or saying they “didn’t communicate” their intentions just right, so they actually cheated, and they’re just such shitty partners for being tricked into a nonmonagmous situation they never wanted in the first place.
Spoiler: he never wanted you to have fun either. It was all about his sexual wants, not yours.
Everyone shutting in you for “accidentally cheating” doesn’t seem to understand your husband never intended for you to actually get some on your own. He was lying to you to trick you into participating into this.
This happens over and over again in these nonmonogamous situations.
If it's not that Girl, it'll be someone else.
She's a cheater, the friend did not put a spell on your wife. Your wife blatantly cheated and will do so again, she has no remorse.
Talk to your gynecologist to see what's going on.
Leave your BF. What he's doing is abusive. Healthy sex relationships look like a person doing the necessary things to make sure their partner enjoys things, too, such as using lubricant or taking the time to do adequate foreplay. An abuser focuses only on their own pleasure and gets angry when their partner isn't aroused or is in pain. An abuser gets frustrated, says not nice things, and cheats.
How? Do y’all know me? What’s my real name and where do I live!? Lmao but ok. Baby I’m not embarrassed or ashamed of anything it’s LIFE
Lol I just looked through a ton of your other comments – I really just hope you’re a troll because if not, those are some seriously deranged views you hold on life. My situation may disgust you, but fuck am I glad I’m NOT you
Found the stinky person in the comments
You can obviously love somebody and just not be able to be with them because you are not in a place financially or emotionally to be with them. Right person wrong time.
I'm 74yo. Married 45 years. I've known men from all walks of life and under all sorts of conditions.
Stag parties at a strip club are a comedy show.
The attraction for 'normal' guys isn't the women. They are just decoration.
The music, the dancing, the taboo nature ( just read the the posts from people with little life experience), collectively create a setting for a:
A group of guys making alcohol fueled one liner jokes non stop. There's also sexual gag gifts. And they embarrass the groom with a lap dance.
Advise your fiance to initially act like he's the organizer and misdirect the lap dancer to think it's some other guy in the group. It's an old trick and adds a lot of humor.
I definitely think that it’s more respectful and endearing that he wore one with you. If he’s sleeping with other people, it is respectful that he wears a condom with you instead of potentially giving you an STI.
Agreed. It seems like she herself is filling a void and is lapping up all the attention knowing how you feel about her. She's stringing you along.
She is hurting her boyfriend, you, and herself in the whole process by playing games with y'all.
Just walk away
Like a human pyramid scheme? Sounds kinky
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I’m not going to win anything either way it goes. At least this way, I don’t always have to wonder and worry
Where’s the update?
No, that would be insulting to the snake.
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You’re not wrong – she’s overly needy. You want more time for yourself, and that’s perfectly healthy.
Why would you willingly date a single mother?
Grow a backbone lmao
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This prompted me to do some googling–I'd heard about some of the things but I'd forgotten about them. Put all together like that…sigh. Dammit. They make my favorite perfume (Dolce) and I'm almost out of it. Gonna have to find a place that makes dupes.
Many people with mental illnesses can be quite improved by treatment.
It sounded like you are considering a breakup anyway.
Damn I’m so sorry that happened to your SIL. I’ll definitely show him this. ??
Yeah I second this, OP.
Even for people who aren’t the most doting romantically, taking care of someone when they’re sick is like the most practical show of affection. It’s super easy to help someone with a cold/UTI/basic infection, and it’s also the bare minimum.
After all, what does it entail? Making tea, ordering in or doing some basic cooking, one extra trip to the grocery store (or delivery, it’s that easy), making sure you’re stocked with tissues and any medication, and being generally helpful.
The even bigger red flag for this than him being selfish and wimpy during a cold is the UTI and tonsillitis thing. UTIs are rare for men to get until they’re senior citizens, and the odds of you both having tonsillitis AND a UTI at the same time, resolving at the same time basically guarantees he’s not being truthful (and doesn’t understand how to lie convincingly either— comes off as unhealthily selfish and potentially not that sharp/assuming you’re not).
I would leave. The fact that he’s not even trying to take care of you and pretending he has a worse illness tells you multiple things at one time:
He’s willing to lie to you — probably whenever he feels benefits him, definitely whenever he experiences this deep need to be the bigger victim / get attention / suffer more
** He won’t take care of you— maybe at all** Even if this behavior changed a little, you might have to fight for every inch of dignity and basic care. No one should be in a relationship with someone who they have to fight for basic care and respect.
** This behavior will probably show up in other areas** That’s if it hasn’t already. The fact that the lies are so obvious and so tightly correlated with your suffering an illness makes it seem like this deep need is somewhat pathological. Getting treated this way when you’re sick is bad enough, but about work? Social situations? No thanks.
Maybe something about sickness makes his issues worse— but I’d assume there’s still an underlying pattern to do with this callous selfishness and urges to bend the truth to justify his wants. You’re sick and suffering, and he’s not only refusing to help, but making your time sick worse.
It’s possible this guy can eventually realize how shitty his behavior is and spend several years working growing as a person. He’s young but an adult, so it probably will never fully go away as an urge, but he may eventually learn how to cope with whatever makes him feel some type of way not being the center of attention (or whatever similar issue this is) and can learn to still behave more maturely, not lie, and manage his feelings and balance them with other people’s needs.
But— that will take years.
And he won’t do that growth while he’s being enabled to mistreat people.
He’s not capable of offering you the least bit of grace while you’re sick, and is weird and lying about it. That’s what matters now, not some hypothetical of self-improvement he may never take seriously.
I’d take figuring this out as a blessing and leave. Let him figure out how to be a respectful and mature adult on his own time. Don’t “date a project”— especially when that “project” will lie to get out of basic care.
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You obviously haven’t seen this alleged blackmail video. You claim it only contained the bj and fingering? It could have been full intercourse in the video, but there is no way to know. Because according to you, she deleted everything. Also, I doubt you’ll get honest answers from people who allegedly are blackmailing her.
She’s lied to you repeatedly. She went against your agreement. I get you want to salvage your marriage, but I’m not sure how you come back from this and how she can earn your trust again.
Oh yeah it's incredibly awkward. It's on him to ask his friends if they want you there or not and then if he wants you there or wants alone time. If he never wants alone time with his friends then idk what to do with that
And the UK – Smirnoff have done a bottled one for about 20 years. It was probably one of the first alcopops
Yeah and all of the reddit is gonna team up together so you can lie your ass of. Hope the world crumbles under your feet.
Why would you want to be with someone who’s biphobic?
It's not this complicated. The guy is a rich old dude hunting for young girls, and he knows how to pick'em. OP is a dumb gold digger who is getting what she deserves
Appreciate your feedback. I do want to mention there are wonderful qualities about her as well, the difficult person comment is relevant to what has gotten worse during pregnancy. Regarding waking her up, The ironic thing is that now the story and problem is how “sad and alone she was on New Year’s Eve, pregnant with our baby, to welcome what is supposed to be the best year of our life” and that I am at fault. She asked me why didn’t I just come in at 11:45 and apologize for “treating her like shit” that night, so she could come back out and celebrate midnight. When I mention that she asked me not to wake her up twice, and asked me to leave when I did… her response was “women say things they don’t mean” and I should have known how important it was that we were together for Midnight. I have explained that she left the group, she left me alone, and she asked me to leave… but logic is irrelevant, it’s still my fault.
SAH parent does not mean “housewife.” It is also a job. Caring for children full time is considered to be equal to 2.5 full time jobs. In some partnerships if the working be partner works excess hours to the point they can’t contribute to household work (~12+hrs a day) the SAHP takes care of the majority of that. But more and more you’ll see SAHPs fulfilling only what a nanny would do during working hours and then all household chores and childcare duties when the other partner is off work get split equally. Because that is equitable and has both partners working equally.
A lot of what this man has problems with are things we should have learned in kindergarten
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We had that spark that made wanna try to improve it. But those constant arguments really make me feel exhausted. I understand your point of view and I even did it at some point, but after breakup I thought that this decision was too hasty and we got back together. At this point I am simply confused.
I mean I fell like I am not attracted to her because usually after some of arguments I really don't want to get close, but she has no problem in that and it triggers more and more arguments.
Red flag girl. I'd feel the ick too. Obviously it's not okay in his mind for women to age. When you ask him why is his age range so much younger than himself what is his response? How does he rationalize such a fucked up position?
I agree with your mum
Why are you determined to be with whats close to a child?
You're 23.
Pretend you're double your age and ask the 23 year old what he would do.
I wish you and yours the best. May your trails lead you to a favorable place.
I would advise you read Dan Savage's advice column Savage Love. Just because you are different than the majority of the population and are fine not seeing, talking to, touching, cuddling, your spouse..Basically actually participating in a relationship doesn't mean your spouse isn't a robot like you. I would suspect that she probably actually needs attention and companionship. You have absolutely convinced me that she make really terrible decisions regarding relationships though.
That was all he could even find to try and make some kind of deal of. I know he is being crazy about it but I try to be understanding of his trust issues.
Why do you make excuses for him? How is he working on his trust issues? Is he in therapy?
Oh Gawd. She is as sensitive as a clitoris and you are as tactful as a razor. Not sure this will work
If you were having problems with your fiancée the mature thing to do is to discuss these with your partner and either work on them or part ways. Instead you went with having an emotional affair with your 22 year old coworker. That “energy” around you that everyone senses is probably just awkward for your professional peers who are watching an engaged 32 year old inappropriately flirt with a girl 10 years younger at the office. What you’re doing is not just unfair to your partner. Tell her what you’re doing and work on becoming a better man because right now you’re just one of those guys who escapes their relationship problems by monkey branching from their relationship to a new one. You aren’t ready to be a husband to your partner. Be honest with her because it’s the least she deserves.
You could’ve because you left that avenue open. Nothing about this is about your boyfriend but about making yourself feel better for testing the waters with your ex to see if there was still chemistry there. You’re for the streets.
This gotta be a troll no way people like this exist
Why do you think he doesn’t already know?
Judging by what you have said about her, I think it would be okay to pull her aside and talk to her about it when you see her next. “Hey I wanna talk to you about something, is now a good time?” Or something like that maybe.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. There is a lot to consider here but, ultimately, yes, she needs to change for this to work because I can't live! like this anymore. I will read this again and let it sink in but I just wanted to let you know I appreciate it.
You should maybe have comforted not marrying someone so profoundly insane
I was with a guy like this, and let me tell you — it gets old fast. Sooner or later you're going to get tired of having 2 meals every night and being embarrassed when you're with friends. Also, while he's young now, over time that horrible diet WILL catch up with his health. So if this is a lifelong thing, you'll probably wind up having to take care of a man with high blood pressure and heart disease.
Would you cut every other person you're attracted to out of your life entirely? How do you think that you would accomplish that? Would you (always) lie to your boyfriend about (never) being attracted to any other men? How believable do you think that would be, if you never admitted to finding anyone else attractive ever again? What do you think your boyfriend is doing, do you really think he's “using” you to get close to your sister? If you really think your boyfriend is that callous or that stupid, do you even have enough respect for him that a stable long-term relationship is possible in the first place? Just some things that you might think about yourself.
You may be right that he's a good person. But that doesn't obligate you to stay in a relationship with him. He lies to you regularly and you can't trust him, so it would probably be best for you to leave him.
I think you are being somewhat controlling. You meet people where they are at. He works in an industry that has people he works with periodically that he has had sex with. If he doesn't work with those people, he would be limiting who he can work with. Some people have a flirtatious way of speaking and while it would be nice if he toned it down, you can't tell someone how to behave.
It sounds like you both are incompatible, and that neither of you are bad people. You do seem insecure and he sounds like a flirt. You would probably do better with someone who has a more predictable job, and a more reserved personality.
It literally says “demand to be respected as a professional” in the context of the post it definitely implies that sex workers are not professionals.
Yeah a lot of university mental health services are lacking but I think it might be worth trying, worse thing that happens is that they do nothing
Has your professor made any moves on you? Do they text you kissy faces every morning? Do they talk to you outside of work/school all the time – and do the messages contain explicit/suggestive material? Do you go out on dates? Have you attempted to make a move on HIM?
If you answered no to these questions, then… well… it just sounds like he's a genuinely nice guy and he's just being cordial. Nothing is inappropriate about saying someone can read your mind, or even that you have a pretty smile. Now, if he told you that he'd like to see you hot… that's another thing entirely. But, a word to the wise… and I feel like 90% of the people I know have learned this lesson the naked way… if they cheats WITH you, they WILL cheat ON you. Someone willing to cheat on their wife once isn't going to stop with just you. It's not that you're not good enough, or that you aren't special… it's just that people who cheat don't usually do it one time and swear off of it for life. There is a real, tangible rush that comes from cheating, one that some become addicted to. Some people are more obsessed with “the chase” than they are with the prize. I was 23 10 years ago. It's a naive age. Don't be naive. You wouldn't trust an alcoholic at an open bar, would you?
But, just for fun, let's play Devil's Advocate – let's say that this guy DOES like you like you like him. He dumps his wife, marries you, and you get to live! “happily ever after.” Do you HONESTLY believe that, 10 years, 5 years, even 1 year down the line – when you're at home with a whole slew of kids and he starts coming home behind schedule more often… He starts “staying late at work” all the time… he's NOT cheating with another colleague? You will not wonder where he is, not once? What makes you think you're the exception to the rule, here? Because he looks at you “a little more than just colleagues should do…”?
It takes two to tango. People who pursue partners who aren't available don't know how badly it hurts until they're on the receiving end of the pain. You help ruin a marriage, I guarantee you – you're gonna have a real bad time in the future.
This man has tried to rape you on multiple occasions and you had to physically stop him from doing that. I know that seems harsh but rape is the only word that correctly describes what he was trying to do. He wanted to still stick it in without your consent and even with you stating that you do not consent. Afterwards he is sulking and manipulating you to think that you are the one who is behaving wrong. You are not entitled for not wanting sex for any reason and especially not if it hurts you. The only one who is acting entitled is your fiance who thinks he is entitled to sex.
You are not safe around this person. Right now he lets you push him away. But there will very likely come situations where you won't be able to do this or where his abuse will intensify. You are about to get married. It's highly probable that he will contain himself somewhat untill you are married because that will make a separation harder. If you were to get kids someday you would be tied to him even more and the abuse would escalate even more.
If you don't want to live! as a domestic abuse victim (anymore) the time to leave is now. Create a plan, find a safe space where you can stay (friends, family, woman's shelter …), Pack up and leave while he is gone (if possible not alone) and only inform him after you got to a safe space. Abusers that are about to be left get more violent so please prioritize safety! If you feel insecure about how to proceed, contact a help line or talk to a social worker.
I know this is hot to hear and you are feeling very deeply for this man. But you are not looking into a bright future if you choose to ignore the abuse. Because some day you won't be able to do so anymore.
Her behaviour was wrong, I warned him, he didn't belive me and didn't establish boundaries, he's the one to blame.
He hangs out alone with female friends all the time, as long as they aren't overly friendly it's perfectly fine. But we had to established very clear boundaries regarding his friends to prevent this from repeating.
Btw, I'll be taking longer to update, bf and I agreed he wouldn't text her for anything personal and I remembered her birthday is coming up. I want to see if he crosses this boundarie before I ask for the (possibly gone) texts.
Internet mom here. He can afford it. It makes him happy. He’s not expecting anything in return. Let this one go. It’s really that simple.
I have a unique talent for being the world's finest cupcake detective.
What does he do for you, exactly? Honestly trying to figure this one out.
The practical side is a HUGE part of adulting. Or is this weaponized incompetence on her part so you are never free of her?
You'd think a therapist would be good with boundaries…
I’m assuming it was on tik tok, but regardless, you can always post the full video with a description and let that spread. Surely Reddit can help with that.
Annoying as hell when people cut something a certain way to cause more hate, just because it gets more views.
Cool, so how exactly does that justify threatening to throw someone down an escalator?
Are you white?
I think you took her unawares and she regrets her answer. But, nothing you can do or should do now. Just continue to give her space and if she wants to approach you, she can.
“Movie n Dinner at a hip joint this weekend?”
You are asking of 2$ for each! Come on. How much time do you spend on one? And he get miffed? Maybe he should try to ask someone else and see if he can get it cheaper.
Just because you are his gf, you shouldn't to your art for free. To do one or two little things okay, but he got used to it and he doesn't see how much work is behind it, so asking for money was the right way. He behaved as if you asked for the normal price but 20 bucks? I would have give you more without asking.
The other possibility is that people see similar situations and feel okay talking about theirs.
Lying to steal $5k is “miscommunication”?
Accusing her of cheating for trying to talk about it is “miscommunication”?
My comment was not aimed at the GF it was to stress he was in a no-win situation. Also, he needed to get her into therapy. Please the whole comment.
Some people just love their music loud. Some songs are just so good you need to turn them up and sing along.
I guess she could use headphones, but a normal speaker just makes it nicer. Plus, it's nice to enjoy music with others.
You ever explain why you don't like it so high?
Run and dump. But first cancel all your cards and change your bank accounts. A GF has no business in your wallet. Kick her to the curb.
except by saying that, you're implying that he would have been seen as weak if he would have done nothing.
seemed weak by whom?
You were definitely set up. He is hoping for alone, hook up time with you. Don’t be alone drinking with him and you’ll need to watch your drinks and how much you drink around him. If you can swing it, get your own room.
he admitted that he did show my pictures to him and I told them those were private and were only meant for him to see.
If nothing else (even the age gap), this should have told you everything you needed to know, along with his friends asking if they could “have a go” like you're a bicycle.
He's using you and sharing your intimate photos with all his buddies.
C'mon, you're smarter than this.
I don’t see this as break up material. I wouldn’t even necessarily call it quits on the kinks. Her friends were probably going on and on about their sex life, and she got caught up in the moment and chimed in. She would have done that even without kinks being done probably. She was wrong and at her age should have known better. Made that very very clear to her, and that the consequences of her doing that has damaged some trust and confidence that is going to take a while to repair if ever, and under no circumstances is this to ever happen again because there will be some major consequences and damage to your relationship if it happens again.
This is my take, if he has gone through the work and has truly changed I think he should be upfront and honest about it. He wasn't so…
I get where you are coming from. She knew you were romantically interested, and instead of telling you she was seeing someone so that you could stop chasing her, she went ahead and kept it secret and badically led you on. For that, she is definitely an AH. However, instead of calling her out on it and either moving forward or quitting as friends completely, you kept eaking over the same coals that did no favors for either of you. She is either your friend or she isn't. so for that, you are an AH.
“Kill your child” Grow up.
Invite a girlfriend over. Make him think he’s getting a three way without stating as much.
Plot twist: you dump him and she was there for moral support the whole time.
It could be that they harbor ill feelings about him because you are together 15 years with kids and not married (you implied boyfriend, but I could be wrong), and this is their passive-aggressive way of handling it. As others have said, the next time it happens, tell them you will not attend any family function in which a person outside the direct family is included while your SO has not been invited in advance. Then, just leave and not attend whatever the event was. Hold your ground. To allow this to continue is completely disrespectful to your SO.
She wants it to go back to the way it was too. Before you caught her. You are in the sunk cost fallacy spiral. Sorry but your castle is made of sand.
Go back a little: Eva broke Mark and Rose up, then briefly dated Mark. She does NOT find him ugly nor unattractive. It seems Eva lines playing games. She likes to get one up on other girls. Try not to hang out with Eva, go elsewhere for your dates. She is flirting émeute your bf in plain sight.
No I did not sleep with anyone I just got a dance
Let me ask you this:
What do you think will happen when you get old? Maybe you fall, break your hip. Maybe you get dementia while he's still fine.
Can you trust him to take care of you with love and respect, instead of abusing you with verbal insults and making you feel like a burden?
If you can't trust him to not hurt you when you are sick and vulnerable, what can you trust him with? And what's the point of your marriage for you if you can't count on your husband to be kind to you when you're vulnerable, if he won't sacrifice anything at all when you need care but expects you to sacrifice everything when he does?
You deserve someone who will take care of you like you took care of him. Alternatively, you need to NOT be with someone who will abuse you when you are unable to defend yourself.
Most of all: he does not see a problem with how he acted. You can't make him respect you, you can't make him care about you, you can't make him cradle you when you are vulnerable. That's the long and short of it. You can coach him to make the right sounds, but when the chips are down and no one else is around, you already know how he'll act when he has power over you.
Bruh you’re worried her showing cleavage means she wants a anew “mate”
You literally sound like a caveman or something.
Just dump her and be done with it – you sound controlling and mediocre anyways
Do not get involved with a disfunctional pair of brothers. You are getting played.
You're being a fool to yourself. This is going to end with you hurt only. I don't see the point in any of us giving advice because you've still got your rose coloured glasses on. If she was truly a problem to your bf he would have gone to the police by now. But he likes the attention and you two fussing over him. He's eating his cake right now and you're too blind to see.
Texting might work. My above suggestion was physical contact (not sexual, but possibly flirtatious – the hand on the back) and a private word of expectation: “if today you don't arrange a date with me, I'll be disappointed. Text me”.
This puts your intent, commitment and expectations so clear as to be unmistakable and his method of reply as simple as you can make it.
Once you meet him for the date, you need to be sure to let him know in clear and easy to understand ways how much touch you expect from him. Grab his hand. Hug him, make him know you want him. Tell him to relax, you want this. Tell him to relax, he's not going to scare you off by making a mistake. Tell him you give him permission to make moves.
Say nothing. She’s just had a baby, don’t take away her joy. She’ll find out soon enough what he’s like.
red flag red flag red flag
I'll admit you sound like a douche
His love is conditional. Do you want that? This isn't about you, it's about him.
So how do I bring it up without sounding like “I’m jealous” or “I don’t trust you to have male friends”?
Jealousy is normal. You can feel jealousy and envy and sometimes it's 100% justified and appropriate.
Just talk about it. Don't make demands. Don't accuse. Be very specific about the behaviors and how they make you feel. Don't bring a manic, panicked energy to the conversation.
“Hey, I've got some jealousy eating at me and I want to talk to you about it. You're talking a lot about Jacob, when we're out together you seem to pay a ton of attention to him, and it seems different to me than how you treat other men you're friends with. No accusations here. No shaming or scolding, just sharing how I feel. Do you think I'm totally misreading things?”
What is there to talk about? What’s the issue?
If he wants to go rest and decompress for an hour, that seems reasonable.?♀️ Going out with friends seems normal too.
How is he belittling you?
Do you need him to come to your races? My husband loves D&D but he doesn’t need me to go to his sessions. Maybe he wouldn’t be so negative about it if you took that pressure off of him.
There was no suicide attempt