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  1. I'm going to give all the details. So I'm going to start with a story I had posted here but deleted it. My bf found his cap that he had left at mines didn't fit him as it usually does, he claimed it had been adjusted to a bigger size. I hadn't done anything to it, I had just put it away safely for him. This led him to accuse me of cheating on him, which I wasn't. When I posted that story, a lot of people commented that it sounded like projection. So I started to be suspicious. A few days after his accusations I found out I had an sti, this further confirmed the projection theory. When I went to talk to him about it he said he had been faithful, I wasn't buying it, I told him I don't trust him and neither do I believe him. So I broke up with him.

  2. He told me that I'm a type of person who shuts things down when he brings up an issue. He said that I should change my view on the world. He compared my, not controlling my pelvic muscles, and saying that I couldn't control how my body reacted during intercourse to that of someone who says they can't do a back flip when they could put in the initiative and learn

  3. TLDR: my boyfriend has stolen my car, phone and is a dead beat dad. He is also emotionally abusive. I need help getting over him and moving on

  4. Insufficient context. If he'd found out you were hiding it or something? Going straight to BLOCKED makes it sound like the context is “if you were hiding a massive fact about yourself, I would block you”, but the lack of context makes it seem like you're validation seeking and trying to make it sound like he was like “ew fatties”.

  5. WHATEVER YOU DO: do not get back together with her down the road, should the option becomes available. You don’t want to be with someone who needed to sleep with others in order to know that they wanted to be with you.

  6. Or he can talk with her and see if she would mind not posting those anymore.

    Y'know, communication. That thing that is normally important in healthy couples.

  7. It doesn’t happen anymore but it shouldn’t have in the first place. I’ve been in this type of relationship before and we aren’t together anymore. I do hope it works out for you, but I also don’t want you to waste your time especially if you’re feeling not desired. Know the feeling too well

  8. That's a major red flag and a pattern that will continue. He's showing you what your future is going to be like.he is choosing to help his friends while you guys struggle. Which means he is also putting his friends over your children. I'm not impressed by him. I say run while you can before you tie the knot and it's even harder to get out. I'm really sorry

  9. Put on a complete show. Bring yourself to an explosive orgasm and then lick your fingers. Then look at him and ask if he can discern the difference between pleasure and ordinary life. If he bitches about anything, make him sleep uncovered on the sofa.

  10. You spent $600 on your boyfriend of two months at the time? Oh wow, I mean this kindly, please stop wasting your money.

    Me and my boyfriend, coincidentally, have been together for nearly the exact same amount of time you guys have – we also got together in October of last year. For that Christmas we spent around £20 on each other, and we were both happy with our gifts because thought had been put into them. I could not fathom spending hundreds on him at that point in our relationship – or even now really, as much as I love him.

    Please let your boyfriend know how much these thoughtful gestures mean to you, how they're important for you in a relationship (but also do not expect him to spend that much money on you, especially in one go, thats just unreasonable). It doesn't mean you're materialistic – if you and I are the same, then it's more the thought and effort into a gift that matters, right? Something that shows that they listen to you, think about you, and found something they know you'd enjoy BECAUSE of this.

    And for you – trust me I understand wanting to give my partner the world, to spend money any time I find something I think he'll enjoy or make him happy – but that's just not realistic. Especially if he doesn't seem to appreciate the cost as much as you would if the same was reciprocated. He may not see as much value in these gestures as you do – and that's ok.

    I think this should be a lesson to you to be a bit more reasonable and sensible with your money – and to communicate with your partner what is important to you in these situations. If he cares to listen, he'll learn to accommodate that in the future. And you should ask what's important to him too, if anything is in terms of celebrations and gift-giving. It's entirely possible he doesn't care for it at all and that's why he seemed to just get you something out of obligation.

    It's just another thing to learn about each other, another stepping stone in your relationship. Learning each others values is important and I wish you both the best of luck in the future 🙂

  11. Think about the flip side. It’s your birthday.. And you are completely free to do whatever you feel. Be a bit irresponsible. Have a blast. Fine a one night stand and get a little wild. Happy birthday dude.

  12. Not it doesn’t make sense:). He crossed a boundary and she expressed her feelings and that’s totally normal. So we should never express our feelings because it’s guilt tripping now? You should also google that word ;).

  13. Why should she bring up her insecure feelings? How would he resolve the issue, be less confident? She probably needs to keep these feelings to herself and get over her insecurities. Like you said, a cheater would cheat regardless.

  14. If you can, get her a present too. I am sure she's going through a though time rn as well, since there are so many changes going on and she has to adjust to so many new people. It would ne beautiful if she could feel included and make friends with her maybe step-cousins. Maybe you can already explain to them that it would be nice if they included her in their games and then introduce her and the other kids. I'm sure she would appreciate it a lot. She deserves your welcomeness as yes, she's an innocent party in this.

  15. I let him know and he agreed with me and genuinely seems like he wants to respect my boundaries. he was very sweet about it and actually thanked me for speaking up and saying I wasn’t ready for it to be that intense of a relationship right now

  16. Play it cool until you get back home. Then you need to leave him. Whether or not you intended to go through his stuff, you found that he was being unfaithful – whether that be solely texting or physically cheating. Don’t put up with that behavior.

  17. I think this is her way of still talking to you. I can’t lie, I’ve “accidentally” messaged someone on Facebook before. I did it and unsent the message to get their attention. She probably regrets breaking up, remember she’s pregnant so her hormones are talking. I would just take things day by day. Good luck.

  18. Geez girl NEVER get drunk at a work party! That was almost a worse mistake than making out. You shouldn't have to completely avoid work parties unless you are an alcoholic and cannot control your intake. Go to the party and drink sparkling water with lime or something.

  19. Andrei and I have had instances with her in the past that have brought up the conversation where we both considered that she may have some sort of psychological issue. She is ridiculously privileged for one, and doesn’t see herself that way. For instance if you have less than 60 grand in your savings you’re “middle class”, which is something she believes she is. If you try to get her to see her own privilege she becomes very hostile and defensive.

    I did show Andrei the screen shots and he said that he too definitely feels like it’s a ploy for attention especially since he didn’t say anything when she sent him money, and she knows how close we are, so it was practically a call for attention.

    I told him I don’t think it would be a good idea to talk to her, and he thankfully agrees. He said the betrayal felt worse than a breakup, especially since it left him severely financially struggling and she didn’t care.

  20. Sounds like you have already done whatever mental gymnastics you needed to in order to be OK with the idea of not being with her. Is the validation needed here for you to pull the trigger?

    What piece of information is missing? Is there some reason you'd feel you 'deserve' this treatment? Do you want her to be the one to end it for some reason? Is there some connection to that friend group you are concerned about? I'm pretty sure you knew what the response would be here based on what you wrote, so what are we missing?

  21. I am afraid you are alone on that hill. Going NC with your in law won't solve the problem and will create some more.

  22. O sounds like a bad person. Your friend sounds like she’s totally okay being around a bad person. My guess is that she’s willing to shrug off both the behaviors and beliefs that you find so odious with O. Perhaps this is because she shared some of them. Perhaps you’re best off without either of them.

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  24. u/catpower1, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.

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  25. Ok so he doesn't take your life threatening illness seriously. Ask yourself this do you want to have a kid with this guy and him do the same to your children?

  26. No one says he has to text me every couple of hours. But if he tells me beforehand that he will be out with X doing Y, he would avoid any sort of anxiety. That is something I voluntary do with him. If he doesn't text me for a long time after telling me he won't be avaliable I won't think about it. Of course I am not talking about urgent situations. Thanks for your perspective though

  27. No it would not be a mistake. He's taking things out on you. It sounds like he has some anger issues over the divorce and is verbally abusive. My ex-husband was verbally and emotionally abusive and I stayed with him 3 1/2 years too long. Your husband needs to be in therapy to address these issues. You can not be a verbal punching bag every time your husband gets angry.

  28. Basically anything you do that is romantic and or sexual with someone else than your partner and he/she doesn't agree with is cheating

    If you know she wouldn't approve, yeah it's cheating But i think you should just keep this for yourself, as you said you didn't go too far and it'd probably just cause a lot of trouble for a very minor act

    However what you should try to do is to talk to her about your fantasies and see if she is willing to experiment with you

  29. Also delete her pictures. It could be a scam. A man contacts you saying he is her father and she is underage and you now have child porn and must pay him to not report you to the police. Some men freak out and pay but the “father” then demands more money. If that happens, just reply that the pictures are gone and you have reported him to the police for attempted blackmail. He will lose you real fast.

  30. She turns him down twice and then runs around in the daytime in her underwear and bra. Like he is supposed to have no feeings, frustration or anger. Maybe he should just leave….until they can agree on what their sex life is.

  31. Yeah. Okay. I’ve never heard of people only having wipes and no toilet paper. But if you insist, then I say those people are disgusting too.

  32. I never claimed I wasn’t a bad person (quite to the contrary). Just that, on the balance, I would rank myself ahead of a drug dealer.

  33. Help her by leaving her alone!

    She dumped you.. adios

    Her family is proud of her for standing up for herself!

  34. It hopefully isn't her intent, but she is creating a paper trail that could be used as evidence of a history of abuse. If at some point in the future she wanted to blackmail you or otherwise hurt you, she has evidence to bring a case against you (it would be weak in court, but enough to trigger an investigation). If you stay with her, you have to get her to stop. If she doesn't stop, run

  35. Thank you very much, again 🙂

    Once I've moved out and I'm safe, maybe I'll just block her. It's a hurtful thing to do to people, but I feel it's necessary here.

    The thing is, when I tried to tell my friends who also know her, they refuse to believe me. They were all like “what??? She would never say that! She probably means well, she's so nice.” They refuse to believe she'd be intentionally weird like that.

    My friends who don't know her believe me, though. They told me to get away from her. Which I will. But quietly because I worry about what she might do. She has fallen out with quite a few people I know before, and it's always “their fault”, so it would definitely be the same with me.

    Thank you!! 🙂 I will try my best

  36. I slightly phrased it wrong honestly, I forgot to add she said she’ll rather participate, but considering she never initiates or participate when I try to initiate anything I guess it’s basically the same as telling me not to – but you’re right

  37. He doesn't care about your PAIN. Why are you with such an asshole? Dump him now! This is far worse than not giving you an orgasm. That would be bad enough, but not caring about the fact that he is causing you pain and not even trying to find ways to avoid hurting you is unacceptable

  38. Because he gave the “wtf” look and I talked to him privately. He’s here 98% of the time he knows what’s going on he isn’t a little kid anymore

  39. True, but my first engagement (and future ex husband) was in a far shorter time span, and incredibly awful. I was in a naked tub (vacation with another couple). Gone in cuz the other woman talked about being nervous jumping in first. Then I was alone. My future ex kneeled next to the nude tub and asked me to marry him…the ring was a giant heart sized monstrosity, apparently based on sailor moon’s ring (I had no idea, just loved the show as a kid).

    So yeah, my partner who I vibe with and love more everyday needs some extra time? Fuck yeah. Will a convo be had soon? Absolutely. This post just helped me figure out the words. In the last 4 years we have worked together on learning better how to communicate and overcome past shit.

    He’s the only person in the world I can speak so frankly to. Marriage or not, he’s my guy. The rest will work out. I’m not stressing on it as much as I guess I made it sound.

    At the end of the day getting married doesn’t make a relationship better.

  40. Why the hell would a hacker want someone's finger?? I'd change the damn locks and tell his family he's lost his mind. Maybe he has a brain tumor or something

  41. I’ve been in your shoes (sahm and daycare). I played the hand wrong. Divorced now. You have to put your foot down and get her treatment. It doesn’t get better. Something is seriously wrong with her and she needs medical intervention. If the grandmas watched the kids all day she would still complain about how you aren’t doing enough and that’s not normal.

  42. It is an insane rating, i was always called a 4 before. But i just expected to be called a 10/10 since its my girlfriend and she always called me a 10

  43. Hey I’ve been married 15 years. He cooks, he clean, he looked after baby. When I was a sahm we decided on having the same “allowance” of discretionary funds. He then gave me 30% of his because he thought I needed to get out and about with baby and that I needed more of our fun money to do so. Monogamous, wholesome good men exist.

    To say a man can’t be “loyal” is reducing them to a dog – men are so much more than their sex drives. Anyone who tells you otherwise is wrong.

  44. I actually started throwing around favorite book character's names last night and just making a list of good/cool words to present as alternatives so we'll see how that goes ?

  45. She obviously values herself. She’s right. If the thought of staying with your sick girlfriend makes you angry, then just leave her be. She’s young and beautiful, she can probably get many guys that will take care of her when she’s sick. She doesn’t need some aggressive guy around her who doesn’t even see when he did something wrong. Just leave her be.

  46. Bit of a nuclear option. Some people see flirting as harmless. I know I wouldn’t go to HR because someone flirted with me even if they continued after I said I had a partner. There’s being a bit flirtatious and there’s being inappropriate. HR only care about the latter

  47. If you dated someone new, would you find yourself listing off people like that? I'm really hoping that the answer is that he had a really jealous ex.

  48. I hate that this sub always jumps to sabotaged birth control.

    None of that is implied here. His actions can be extremely inappropriate and a giant red flag without us making up extra awful details.

  49. Wow. So. She goes on the hunt in bars specifically for male friends? That’s nuts. She cheats on you. She then cheats with you. But, hey, she’s such a lovely human so let’s give it a try. But wait, I am not allowed to speak to a friend that I’ve never been appropriate with because you don’t trust me. Okay sweetie. Seriously? Are you listening to yourself? You sound like a nice man. Find a nice woman.

  50. There's quite a difference between sex being everything and sex being an important part of a relationship for many people. If it's not for others, that's also fair, but missing something in a relationship is a completely valid reason to break up. It's not as simple as loving someone.

  51. But the anger is likely coming from stress, is my point. And it sounds like it's stress you're not aware of, so some big miscommunicating happening all around.

    So maybe you can sit him down, just give him a list of all of the jobs you've applied for and ask him to take a look when he has the capacity, but otherwise not push it. Then you can possibly ask what prompted the conversation, if there's anything you should know about, and perhaps give some suggestions of what more you can do? For instance, are there any chores he's doing? Maybe you can offer to take those on? I dunno, a proactive approach may help, but the more I read, the more this sounds like stress.

    He's certainly not being fair, regardless, please let me restress that to you.

  52. How is that clear? Just because someone realizes things won’t work out long term doesn’t mean that they didn’t put in all their effort to make it work. Sometimes relationships just aren’t meant to be.

  53. You need to put your foot down right now, today, this very second.

    “I SAID NO.” That’s it. There’s no backtalk, to justification. You said no, that’s it. He doesn’t get any more say. He’s already done this twice. If he does again you need to stop having sex with him.

  54. This man is willing to leave you over this weird secret. If he has to chose between honestly with you and the secret he’s clearly choosing that.

    How/why would you want to begin a life with someone who refuses to be transparent with you??

  55. I feel sorry for him. I truly do. She would have broken up w him way before I believe but she stayed because of his mental health. He was seeing a therapist and she was the only thing he to hold on to.

  56. To me as an American this all sounds batshit crazy and you may want to take several steps back. Her family sounds like a nightmare and there's no way she won't bring all of that crazy into the marriage. She needs to work on all of her issues before she can be present in a healthy relationship. You deserve better than this chaos. I'm sure she deserves better too, and it would be kind of you to try to help her, but you can't save her from all this. She's going to have to save herself first.

  57. I think it's pretty fucked up how she wanted to be totally honest with you, so she showed you the conversation & instead of appreciating the honesty you yelled at her. So, that wasn't fucking cool.

    I don't think there's anything wrong with not feeling comfortable with her texting this guy. However, I also see how in her perspective that it was all light-hearted fun, so what's the big deal? This is just one of those things you have to deal with & learn about when being in a long term relationship with a person Some people are okay with it & others are not. Neither one of you is wrong or right. You just have to figure out a compromise.

    What you shouldn't do is yell at your significant other. You should know that shit better by now.

  58. I remember as a kid/teen my mom wouldn’t allowed me to lock the door. I wanted to lock the door because she rarely ever knocked or asked to come in. My older sis sometimes did this and would enforce this rule as well which btw my sister didn’t have this rule. I also wanted to lock the door because my sister has taken things from my without permission or I was made to share them. One time I locked my door and my mother ended up breaking down the door. I wasn’t allowed back the door for a while and I was like 16 then.

  59. Have you got a life of your own? Majority of people think of the SO regularly but those who feel secure in their relationship don't think of the worst when something doesn't go how they imagined.

    How long do you expect LDR to go for?

  60. It is a full breakup if she finds someone new and it is a temporary breakup if she is unable to find some other guy and decides to get back with you.

  61. That's a naked one to approach.

    I dated my ex for about four years, and this was never a concern of hers, outside of her asking me to text her brother now and again. That said, I wasn't close with her older sister or younger brother. Sometimes you just don't have a lot in common with people – that's okay. If you have a family that gets together often (uncles, aunts, cousins, etc.), you'll see a lot of people that don't really have a lot in common but are cordial. You don't have to be close to everyone. Does her brother even care?

  62. Let's just attack the elephant in the room. Often they keep these sort of “friends” around because they're keeping their options open. Your relationship is still in it's infancy at only 3 months and it's not clear how the future may go. If they've swapped nudes then naturally there's history there that he's unwilling to part with. Ask him if the shoe was on the other foot with a guy friend of yours if he would still feel the same? Likely not.

  63. Sounds like she is worth having some fun with , maybe open to exploration.

    Stay until it becomes an obvious problem

    Who knows maybe it will grow on you

    However I would keep it wrapped up tight just in case.

  64. You don't control him or his wife and have no idea of what their issues are, and they seem to have many, and they have nothing to do with you.

    Just stop talking to ex manager, and stop worrying about it and live your life

  65. First of all, thank you. It’s hell dealing with it, and nice to hear supportive words. Frankly, while I think mental issues are impacting her behavior, it is simply her selfishness and lack of empathy that is the problem. The few weeks I dated her, she told me about how she stalked an ex boyfriend and even crashed into the back of his car. She’s spiteful to an extreme degree. She’s extremely cynical, and she thinks she’s smarter than everyone. Those terrible characteristics even rubbed off on my son, and we’ve been working on changing that this whole time.

    Again, thank you, and kind wishes back to you.

  66. OP is already making an email for her child and will write letters for him as he grows up, so that he’ll have a record of her and her love for him over the years. What a horrible, selfish bitch, right?? God, she’s just the worst.

    Again, email =/= “showing your face.” But do go on with all that angsty rage, it’s really flowing now.

  67. Either she actually doesn’t use Insta that much or she wanted to look cool because you told her you didn’t use SM and she didn’t want to admit she kinda liked Insta.

    Anyhow, no evidence of cheating here. Simply ask her if she likes the app because you stumbled on her account and that’s it.

  68. No, it wasn't pretty great. You only thought that because you did not have the full information. If you had known of her cheating, then you would not feel the same way.

  69. Moving out wouldnt be a waste of money. Its about having your own personnal space.

    I feel like thats what you should do if youre not willing to have a conversation about boundaries and alone time.

  70. Orbital bones and teeth can break with one punch though, and fingers get broken from struggles easily- their has hands on the wheel or wrapped in a seat belt/grab handle? Broken.

    The description sounds psycho but in reality a couple punches and dragging someone out from the car could easily result in the injuries listed. Crazy, yes? Disproportionate/hyper violent? Eh. I dunno.

  71. So what do you think would happen if he had said “sorry boss but my girlfriend says I can’t work my rota because it’s Valentine’s Day”?

    He’d be out of a job is what. He’s still in his probationary period. He does what he’s told.

    And Valentine’s Day? Seriously? That overhyped money-making rubbish invented by hallmark cards to skim money off suckers.

    You’re 24 not 14. It’s not your birthday.

    Go out for a meal when he’s back. It will be cheaper because restaurants home their prices up 200% to catch the suckers on the day lol.

  72. Oh don’t doubt yourself ever. You are on the right track and you won’t settle for less than your worth. ❤️

  73. Anything I say would depend on how you think he should hold him accountable? You already said that you don’t want him to cut him off so do you think he needs to tell his friend that he’s wrong?

  74. Frankly, I think you're both doing each a disservice by doing this “fwb” thing. I can't think of one fwb situation that I've heard of where the two people who were not complete strangers that it ended well for both of them. Feelings are going to be caught and they are going to be hurt, even if it's not admitted, when one person eventually moves on to a real relationship with somebody else. The thought would be of not being good enough.

  75. Nah, that is whack.

    She's not ready for a real relationship with you if she's going to make her past trauma your responsibility without taking accountability of her own. She should be working to get through it and develop healthy communication skills, not picking fights with you trying to pull you down to her level.

    Definitely take those days to think about stuff, my dude. See if you find it easier to breathe without feeling the need to defend yourself.

  76. I have to say after your first post I really sided with your fiance but after all the things you typed here… No… They should have taken care of you, they should have prioritised you, gone to your games. It's not fair to ask them to stop what they are doing usually, but if they neglect their own child just to get railed that's so far from okay or healthy or “just making [them] happy” or whatever

  77. That's not a relationship, you are his servant. Just get out and find a guy who respects you. You deserve better than this guy.

  78. Can't you do both? Cooking dinner and playing Nintendo doesn't sound like it's going to break the bank on your holiday budget. Can't you do one on the day and one the day after, or the weekend right before, and celebrate it both days?

  79. You literally just stole this from the Leo situation and switched the genders and we reacted the same way. Your thought experiment didn’t work.

  80. 3-4 months of dating and you're having these kinds of conflicts? Yeah, be done with him. To him I would say, Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.

    I would, however, send apologies to his mom and dad. THEY didn't get in conflict with you. It would be good manners to send them a card with a little note. HB to his dad, apologies to his mom for not showing up.

  81. For me it’s bruises on my legs, between ankle & knee. A place that you’d never hit if you fell or dropped something on yourself. It was super confusing and odd until I realized it was from bar stools- I just don’t notice how much pressure I’m putting on them I guess.

  82. Its just a day like any other day. Plus everything would have been more expensive and everywhere packed with couples.

  83. “I’m worried she that she’ll form a relationship with my daughter”

    Holy shit dude, read that sentence again and see how crazy that sounds.

    Don’t you mean HER or OUR daughter? Even if she was talking up how she wanted to pop the kid out and be done, it had to cross your mind that she might feel differently after the birth and she held her kid in her arms. Pretty foreseeable situation. Both of y’all are this kid’s parents. Figure out how to raise this child together instead of just secretly hoping that S is just going to make it convenient for you and pack her bags on her own.

  84. Do you have friends you could celebrate with? Valentines doesnt always have to be romantic. Go on a friend date. Get a group of people. Gi get lunch. Schedule a spa day. Buy yourselves flowers and then go home, pile on the couch and floor, and watch a movie. Just because hes a party pooper doesnt mean you cant still have a party.

  85. Sorry but in this instance you don’t get to be angry.

    He asked you your thoughts on Poly relationships. You then asked him if given the opportunity to try it would he take it.

    You are the idiot who went down that road, not him, sure he may have been about to ask you that same question, but you opened your mouth and put both feet in before he could.

  86. The towel is not the issue here, neither is hygiene. FFS, you are sleeping together. It's your unwillingness to share such an intimate thing with her and her disrespect for boundaries you are trying to set up. Work it out…

  87. Not LGBT….but I think it's obvious that this relationship will not work out. Sex is supposed to be mutually benefitting, if it isn't, then you must evaluate whether or not this relationship fulfills ALL of your needs.

    Honestly, let him go. DUde is confused and would not surprise me if he's gay.

  88. Not LGBT….but I think it's obvious that this relationship will not work out. Sex is supposed to be mutually benefitting, if it isn't, then you must evaluate whether or not this relationship fulfills ALL of your needs.

    Honestly, let him go. DUde is confused and would not surprise me if he's gay.

  89. Honestly, you could say that marriage is a product of patriarchal norms.

    That doesn’t mean it’s automatically wrong. There are lesbians who get married.

    Marriage exists to bind people legally and perhaps socially and emotionally together for stability independently of patriarchal norms. When you entered your relationship, you made a monogamous commitment to be mutually beneficial in each other’s lives. It isn’t misogynistic to want a person to yourself, nor is it selfish to want a person to yourself if you also maintain monogamy.

    Now that the initial agreement has been altered, you have essentially been pulled into an agreement you didn’t actually consent to. The unspoken or actually spoken contract has been altered by your partner, and you have an opportunity to express that. Failing all else, you should leave.

  90. I get why you find it odd that she wants to keep that “connection”, but you should definitely let it go. Her reasoning sounds completely legit, and either way – it's none of your business.

  91. What can I do to fix this situation?

    Ditch her and find someone who'd actually appreciate the effort you went to instead of giving you the silent treatment. She's behaving like an entitled brat.

  92. All this to say, I feel such a strong desire to pursue my big city dreams and be single.

    You're criticizing her to justify your desire to be single. Stop blaming her and just make the decision already.

  93. That's true. It is my first relationship and I've been thinking maybe I'm just not ready. I have a decent amount of life issues I need to work out myself. It's just tough when she helps with them so much. I never know what I need. Man I feel messed up

  94. I'm going to talk it all over with my friends, but I realy don't want her to come so I will try that. Thank you

  95. What's the Original Post? LOL

    From some of the comments, it sounds like you invested/work on a business without your partner's input or to her disagreement.

    She stayed put but resentful. Thankfully after 3 years, the bet paid off.

    If those are the first 3 years together, I wonder why she's staying put. She must have felt a great deal of care toward you or something. But she's resentful.

    Maybe she can go on private counseling to work out her resentment for the 3 years. And basically “treat” her and start doing couple-stuff to build foundation for the relationship/marriage if you guys want to still be together.

  96. He doesn't think that divorce is a viable option because it would mean me dying alone

    Frankly, your husband can go fuck himself. You don't deserve to be pitied or treated as less than simply for having an illness.

  97. He might just be responding differently to others on IG because that is his primary way of engaging with them. Do you mainly message him through another app? If so, try sending the memes and funny videos there and see how he responds.

    I don't think you can really compare how he responds to your PMs vs others, because you have a different relationship with him than they do.

  98. Sounds like you guys aren’t compatible. Ask him if it’s okay if you fuck another dude platonically

  99. I guarantee that “ten percent” is literally just her acknowledging she might change her mind in the future and leaving her options open in case a kid she knows is left orphaned or something. She has not ever wanted kids.

  100. This is really awful and gutless. Don't involve strangers in your dumpster fire, sort your shit out yourself.

  101. Fair point it may have been 2 charges for one case, but that's why I said she needs to find the case, read the charges, and find out why he was acquitted.

    Either way, not disclosing this for 2 years & telling her what happened makes it a really big lie of omission.

  102. has told me to completely cut ties with

    You don't have to accept that. Are they next going to be telling you who you can and can't have as friends, and who in your family you have to cut out of your life, just 'cause they don't like 'em or want you to interact with them?

    She doesn't want my ex to see the dog, ever.

    And she's cruel. Just dump her and be done with it.

    Her feelings are understandable

    Understandable, yes, acceptable … no, you don't have to put up with or accept that.

    hoping to convince her

    Don't bother – she prejudges and pushes her mandates on you. Now you go push back and push her out of your life – problem solved!

    possible to be in a committed relationship while still being friendly terms with your ex

    Absolutely.

  103. Were you in a relationship at the time of this drunken incident? Were you in a relationship with your bf at the time?

    I feel like there is more to the story.

    But to address your request for advice, how important is this friend? How important is your boyfriend? Its quite possible you can't have both whether that's fair or not is irrelevant.

    If your bf is not comfortable with it that's his choice. You can appeal to him but if it still makes him uncomfortable then you have a choice to make. Drop the friend for the romantic interest, or drop the bf for the friendship?

    Its really up to your bf and I don't know any secret password that will get him to see it your way. You can only ask and see how he feels.

    I'm sure your friend being single again and seeking you out is not going to help your case … and if you omit that part of the story to your bf then something shady is def going on. Good luck, tho.

  104. Thank you for your input – I certainly could be projecting.

    I have previous marital problems that are stacking up and factoring into this, as most recently a deadly gas leak in my house was left ignored by my husband despite many mentions of the smell of fumes by myself and visitors, and he continually denied any sort of issue and refused to let me call in a technician. A week ago my daughter and I nearly passed away from carbon monoxide poisoning and now we do not have a furnace in our home until the technicians can bring in a new one – and my husband continues to avoid responsibility and deny deny deny. I’m beyond my limit with him at this point, and before we crossed this line, he was initiating or pursuing sex repeatedly after I had told him on several occasions that I am just not comfortable with it. He just pursued anyway and then I didn’t have the nerve to stop him or say no because of the shame I’m feeling after my SA.

    And then during sessions in counselling I would explain to the counsellor the same lack of desire and she would encourage me to “try” not to turn him down also. The more I “try” anything related to sex right now, the more repulsed by the thought of it I become.

  105. Some women make their boyfriend their whole world. When they break up, she comes back to you. If the friendship is one sided, it's okay to walk away.

  106. So that’s my question in the first place, what can I do other than “feel really really bad” or breakup?

  107. You're really willing to die on this hill aren't you. Just because you're insecure doesn't mean others can't build trust. This wasn't your point from the beginning, building trust and being being physically abused aren't the same. Most unhinged reddit user I've seen in a good while.

  108. On whose part? She literally told him hours before dinner on the way to dinner and they were already in the car.

    Maybe he was upset that there was no mature communication beforehand. Perhaps it was intentional that he said nothing or perhaps it’s because you might need more than a few hours to process that information.

    He had a great response and I’m not really going to judge that when he’s supposed to react to something viewed as fairly pertinent within a narrow time frame.

  109. I think you should cut your losses and make the separation final. Dont do the vasactomy or the tube tying. You are separated for a reason and the communication between you is still very bad. Just make a clean cut now. Go on with your lives and let eachother go.

  110. You did all the sacfricing and not only that but I'm sure OP's wife is still thinking “who gonna take care of the children during recovery?”.

  111. An update on how she takes the break up would be interesting, has she ever mentioned her debt getting the way of her love life before?

  112. Blocking is sometimes a great boundary for yourself, you shouldn't feel terrible about it if it is what you need to heal.

  113. I hear that, it's not an immediate threat but that's not what I'm worried abt I'm looking to the long term. Also my gf might go visit her overseas probably this year sometime or next so whatever happens happens honestly, i just dont want to be taken for a fool by this girl.

    Yeh you're right tho I'm not gonna go nuts, I just like to understand things.

    It's also not abt my gf leaving really its about someone else taking advantage of my gf (to some degree), the night they were high on edibles one laid on the other face to face, my gf didn't like that and felt very weird when that happened. so I want to protect her but if she's gonna be naive and not listen there's rrly not much I can do cos I've sung this song last year and it doesn't seem like she listened tbh

  114. Yikes! I get that she is likely feeling a bit lost and thinks another child may give her more purpose, but that could result in a substantial burden to you and the two children you already have. Maybe she could consider a residency in another form of medicine that is less physically taxing than surgery? I know it’s a financial hit and she envisioned something different for her career, but she could still make a huge difference and help people.

  115. Why doesn’t she like you? Is there a specific reason? Were you abusive to your ex? If you were, you have to understand that’s her daughter, and her first instinct is going to be to protect her. You’re going to need to prove to her mother that you truly have changed and that won’t be an overnight feat.

  116. It's important to have open and honest communication with your girlfriend about how her behavior is affecting you. Let her know that you feel uncomfortable and concerned about the amount of attention she is receiving from other men, and that her constant posting of almost naked pictures on Instagram is making you feel disrespected and unvalued.

    It's also important to try to understand her perspective and motivations. While she may not have any underlying trauma or need for validation, her desire for male attention may stem from a variety of reasons, such as low self-esteem or a desire for validation from others. Encourage her to explore these motivations with you, and try to work together to find a compromise that makes both of you happy.

    If your girlfriend is unwilling to change her behavior, despite your concerns, then you may need to consider whether this is a deal-breaker for you. Ultimately, it's important to prioritize your own emotional well-being and to be in a relationship where you feel respected and valued.

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