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Date: October 6, 2022
AmateurPub
Dealbreaker
I didn't , because even tho I suspect it , Vic is a good friend , my gf needs good friends tbh , a lot , and I don't want to ruin their relation if I'm not sure
How did you find out?
None of your business and that's not what she's asking.
Why though?
You should probably dump her, she sounds like an asshole
I have OCD and often my worrying/doubts are intrusive thoughts versus anything of merit, so it can be really difficult to determine when his behavior is something I should actually be concerned about or something to ignore as a relationship-related obsession. My therapist said this instance with this girl seemed like a valid concern. I will say I've never had worse OCD thoughts with a partner before and maybe that's a red flag?
Its unfortunate that it took 3 years for him to realize the two of you are most likely not compatible. It's also unfortunate that he reacted the way he did instead of discussing it like adults.
The bright side, at least the two of you are now free to move on.
One time five years ago my boyfriend was working late and I was sleeping. I woke up to a barrage of texts asking me where I was, what I had been doing, and screenshots of my little character in a nearby Marriot. I couldn’t explain why either, it seemed impossible. I was dead-center in the middle of it. And it didn’t help that I was sleeping so I couldn’t defend myself in time
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He didn't respond to sexy pictures? I personally would think he's just not into me. I've had men lose their erections, but they didn't act weird about it for days.
A conversation about how you feel is not supposed to end in an argument.
He’s abusive – he doesn’t want your self esteem to improve.
A conversation about how you feel is not supposed to end in an argument.
He’s abusive – he doesn’t want your self esteem to improve.
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End the friendship and sleep with one eye open. She doesn’t sound like a safe or stable person. I’m more worried she’s going to hurt you or Sue than herself.
There are reasons why people have no friends
Well, he has lied about this situation (like regarding the gay porn) and he did have a lying problem in the beginning of the relationship about unrelated things, so I do have some trust issues with him that I’m working on. That probably contributes to me not trusting him saying he’s straight now.
And about him being attracted to me, I’m not sure if it’s really deep platonic, since we’ve been friends for 10 years, or him being into me. He has said before (when we were friends) that he doesn’t think women are pretty, yet he does find men attractive, which is another reason why I think hes gay instead of bi
Boomer here. Point out to her that if you take a job you don't want, you won't have time and energy to look for something that will pay more and be much better for your joint future, in the living ng run.
Try to find out what's at the bottom of her attitude. What's she afraid of? What is she feeling? This is naked for you but it's triggered something in her. You might consider finding some kind of counselor to facilitate this conversation, too. Like a counselor who specializes in short-term help with communication in times of stress.
I hope so. However, I feel like the main issue here is the lie
Noo dont worry I was not planning to. I already told him it wouldn’t work. Yes the age gap is a fair point. I feel like because of it she doesn’t really know what she wants. She also told me she has never been in a relationship before. I’m not necessarily looking for one tbh, but I felt she would be relationship material. Anyway I’ll just leave her be and go my own way.
Ooof. This is tough.
The main thing to understand is that it’s always a bit awkward when two people come together for the first time, no matter how experienced they are. You won’t know each other’s bodies, histories, tastes, or preferences. So even if you were Casanova himself, there’d still be a learning curve before you know her, specifically.
My instinct would be not to tell until afterward. If it goes well, it’ll be a surprise. If not, and explanation. I don’t think it’s helpful for both of you to be stressed on the topic, however.
IMO, the most important thing is to find out what she wants and likes. Whisper in her ear, ‘What do you want?’ Clear communication is usually the best way to make sure sex is fun for all.
Your other challenge is figuring out what you like. That’ll mostly come with experience.
Good luck, man!
Life is too short to spend it with a man this insecure
She has been in therepy, we involved her in pre marital counseling sessions. She has a therepist now.
I have been keeping a check on that
Sure they should have talked about it, but there are definitely things that you don’t realize are happening/ are a problem until you move in.
I really appreciate your reply here.
I think that when I say I love him, I don't even mean it in a romantic way either, though. I just….love him. He's my person that I do everything with, but both of us need to be honest that it isn't enough to be in a relationship without that. We both see each other in our futures, we both have hope for things to continue, but we don't fertilize the garden. We just keep being us, and I don't do anything either to help foster feelings. I think I need romance because I feel like that's the only way we can continue, right?
He has these really bad mental blocks, and I sent him a message about it (we're both at work, and he told me to send him over any thoughts after the talk last night so we can face them head on). He's willing to try anything to be with me, and he has attraction and deep feelings for me, but he says there's this mental block there, and he feels that mental block with everyone. I don't have that mental block, I just…can't understand that mental block.
I told him ultimately if we keep trying to throw things at the problem and nothing is working, then I don't think the problem is our compatibility, or our spark, or our feelings. I just don't know how to go about talking to him about therapy. He refuses it so profusely that he won't even google why he has panic attacks sometimes, even though I KNOW they come from his last relationship.
He also thinks that love doesn't grow slowly, and that he will just “feel” it one day, but that doesn't make sense to me. Especially when we already do everything a normal relationship does, and neither of us attribute that to being romantic. I can't feel romance from him washing my hair, I feel like that's just our special thing.
Anyway, ultimately I wonder if his mental blocks are the problem, and I may need to ask another question about how to even talk to him about looking into himself.
Get a video doorbell and cameras for your home. That way you can prove they are harassing you if need be. His wife's issues aren't your problem. I agree with permabanned about getting an Attorney to draft and cease and desist letter and send it certified mail with return receipt. That green postcard that will be mailed to you proving they received the letter because they have to sign for it.
One of the smartest things I’ve heard recently is “don’t let perfect be the enemy of good.” Good enough is good enough in so many areas of life.
I think I'm running out of stuff to say to let her know that I'm listening to her, Like I usually say “I'm sorry to hear” or “oh my bad” I don't want to just say those things over and over again and I feel like just saying that stuff is pretty shallow/hollow, what else do you think I can say?
Time to dump him.
What he’s done is despicable, and it isn’t something that will ever be fixable because trust has been shattered. If his brother has heard this bizarre story, then so has everyone else. Your husband has abandoned you and your unborn child, spread vile lies about you, left you with stress and hurt that is not good for you or the baby, and has decided you are capable of an immense level of deceit—he has betrayed you. You should begin planning how you are going to care for this child moving forward, and figure out what all your options are. If you have family you can contact for help, you should reach out to them. You should also get a lawyer to prepare for divorce, custody, and child support when the time comes. Any evidence you have that this child was planned will be great as well, and you could potentially send screenshots to anyone who buys into his lies.
He doesn’t want a side chick, he wants more of your time. If your social life is getting in the way of your primary relationship are you really committed to the relationship?
Is he simply reflecting back the energy that you are putting into to him and your relationship?
You never did trust her. It seems maybe she lies because you blow tiny little things out of proportion. You need to get help for your insecurities.
I hav a feeling she will have an excuse not to meet in person.
Are you worried about getting pregnant or getting STIs or both? If STIs what if he got regular blood tests.
That being said he is being a jerk and you should be reconsidering everything.
Well if that's all it took to break up then it wasn't gonna work anyways
I mean wtf does she expect. One of the few times you could tell your girl to get over it. Protect your home and family at all costs. No excuses.
Sure there is! Leg hair! Or pubic grooming! Or pit hair!
Agreed
totally agree
and you also seem really cool! that’s super sweet 🙂
Sorry to hear that. Maybe you can pose a real threat next year.
Turned you life upside down? You got sober and cut people out that weren't good for you and think that's turning your life upside down? You really aren't anything more then a useless lying drunk are you?
Turned you life upside down? You got sober and cut people out that weren't good for you and think that's turning your life upside down? You really aren't anything more then a useless lying drunk are you?
Do you have a bf or truth worthy male friend OP? Maybe you can tell him that your bf (even if you don't have one) doesn't feel comfortable with you going to your ex's wedding. If you want to be extra petty, tell him you can only attend if you bring your bf. And if he accepts, go to the wedding with yoir bf (or fake bf) and tell him to act super flirty in front of everyone all day, be very touchy and keep your eyes on your bf all day. Im sure your ex will die inside seeing you happy and in love with another man, because it seems like he isn't over you and wants you to be as miserable as him. But he cant say anything or act weird because then he will be the jealous one, so your relationship will still be good but he will suffer inside.
Yeah but how soon until this happens again? He wants to pledge to put you first but he can't even say don't contact me to one woman. That's my stance. You also need to get over this “bad guy” mentality if you're going to get married. Things need to be addressed immediately and directly or they fester and cause divorces.
No he just can't read minds.
I’m telling you reality. It’s not logically “over” because there’s nothing to end. It’s time to use your words and tell them how you feel.