You DEFINITELY NEED TO GET A LAWYER ASAP. Don’t let him blindside you. Have your ducks ima row so when he tries to do anything he will be just as shocked. I’d definitely stay on his good side and have him sign some paperwork about financials and stuff before he realizes you found out. He’d probably sign his life away thinking you have no idea what’s going on.
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It makes sense if it's about being playful and youthful. If the woman wants to fully take care of her busband likes he's a child, then to each their own. I would be highly upset if I had to keep telling my husband to do things that abt grown person should be able to do.
I know things may seem daunting right now but give Yourself some time to mentally reflect and accept this new journey. During this time it's best to put him in the back of your mind and concentrate on your new future. Prepare yourself for the possibility that he may never come around. But through this You will find so much strength and happiness you never imagined you were capable of.
I was 21, a full time college student with extended lab hours required daily and a part time job. I was told if I decided to have my son It would be on my own. We had the same friends and I saw him daily on campus with a big belly and he would completely look the other way. I did the entire 9 months alone.. I went to all appts alone, constructed all the furniture and prepared the nursery myself, morning sickness, midnight cravings, all while continuing to work and a full course load ending the semester 8.5 months pregnant with a 4.0. Yes it would have been easier to have the other person there but honestly I now cherish that time because it was so empowering and brought out a drive in me I didn't know was even possible. You don't want the stress and honestly if they don't want to be there it truly is their loss. You did your part trying to make him aware of the situation and that is all you can do besides file the proper paperwork later on. Surround yourself with positivity and peace and remember this could be the start of a beautiful new beginning. You got this!
I don't think it matters.. I'd say your old friend is going and that she's a friend. If your girlfriend has issues with that and says it's “disrespectful” then you know what she's like. Personally that would be a deal breaker to me as Its not disrespectful to have friends of the opposite gender.
What strange obsession? He literally just had his gun on him, the fact that her mom didn't know he was carrying before meant that she didn't even know he had one. So clearly he doest have an obsession because then he would be taking it out and talking about it as much as possible
Nah. Netherlands is in short supply of houses and plenty of roommates to be found. You only beg for someone to be your roommate if they have the house lol.
Yeah part of me is wondering if part of his antics is so he can slither out of his family responsibilities without being “the bad guy” by being the one to initiate a divorce. It might be interesting to see how long the fetish thing keeps up once he thinks he’s free and clear and single again.
I don't know if you can get back together. But I would advise you to get some real help for your anger, not “think before I speak”. This is an issue that you can and need to address.
Should you get back together? I don't know. My dad taught me that if there's a lot of drama in a relationship, it's usually best to go your separate ways.
But you can give it a try. AFTER you deal with the anger issues.
Well that moved pretty fast – actually I think 6 weeks off is fortunate. Drop her a text now and then but don't overdo it. Be upbeat, affectionate. and complimentary and don't betray any anxiety.
Six weeks can go pretty fast unless you obsess about it. Happy holidays.
You had to ask, now you either trust this girl or you don’t. Her laughing in your face was pretty dickish but to be fair you probably voiced your concerns in a way that made her feel like she was being attacked. Finding an unused, still packaged condom in your gf’s underwear is definitely weird but you don’t lead with an accusation because what exactly are you accusing her of having done? Explain to her what you were concerned about and she should agree that you have the right to wonder wtf was going on. I mean, how would she react if she found a condom in your wallet/pocket?
But you’re not even blood related so what’s the problem? Also why are they saying you’re disgusting? It’s all very over the top given that it’s your uncle’s stepson so it’s not even his actual blood related son. So therefore you have no blood relation to the guy at all. How can they disown you over that, it all sounds very over the top and I suspect there are deeper dynamics at play as in the way your family feel about your uncle in the first place. As you said he’s your dad’s half brother I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s some issue there and they are projecting this on to you.
I am employed I help my mom with rent, I don’t live! alone. I have hobbies. I can’t really afford to on-line on my own, and my mom is also struggling so I’d rather help her anyway. That’s where I’m at, so yeah I spent a lot of time on Reddit, gaming, but I also have hobbies and a job.
So I looked through your comment history just to see if I could paint a picture. You want a girlfriend who loves dick and will always suck you off, you didn’t think it was weird when a girl stared at a guy while masturbating.
You just view women as sex objects no wonder you’re saying this stuff.
It’s horrible how many people in the comments attempt to vilify him while OP actively dispels their comments.
Is everyone’s first reaction to break up a relationship…
OP I’m glad y’all are getting some alone time. It sounds like your dude is just going through something which we all do. Keep talking as that has been the best thing in my relationship whether good or bad.
They didn't mention it to me, either, as far as I can remember (it was 20+ years ago), because it is an unintended thing, I think? Like they didn't intentionally change it? My dorsum got wider, but my mom lost the little hook end of her nose when they fixed her septum. She had it broken when she was younger, and it sort of curved it down a bit when it healed. She used to be able to touch her tongue to her nose and after her surgery, she couldn't. lol
Honestly if you're already going in for other things, I'd get the septo done at that point. You're going to have to have the packing up in there anyway for the other things, so the splints isn't that much more. lol Just, whatever you do, take pain meds before you go in for them to remove the packing, it's not terrible but I had a headache afterwards, as expected. The doc apologised that they didn't tell me to make sure I took something. And don't let whoever drove you in with you. My brother was a bit traumatised by the experience. I still laugh about it.
FWIW I had the septoplasty, turbinate reduction, ethmoidectomy, cryoablation of the nasal passage and some bone and tissue removed to make the drainage between sinuses better. I have had no issues until recently, but it's my ears. My sinuses look fantastic still (I got to watch the camera too lol).
I just grew up practicing Catholic because my parents did. Even until now, whenever I’m around my parents, I get forced to go to church. If I don’t follow, I felt some judgement or conflicts coming up (the typical asian family pressure) and I somehow don’t stand up for myself despite my rebellious nature in the family.
After I moved out from my parents house, I practiced less. What I mean by that: it takes effort for me to go to church and practice the ways of catholics but I still do routine prayer because of habit.
Now because my fiance practice and dedicate herself to catholicism (she was an altar girl), she’s been the person who keeps me accountable about practicing. Mostly by making sure I go to church every Sunday. I fear that there might be more expectation coming so I’d also try to talk to her about these religious expectation.
Before I met my fiance, I just went like twice or three times a year.
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Yes I do shave.. Once she told me that she doesn’t do waxing bc her mom told her it’s dangerous but I had no idea that it would mean that she doesn’t shave either
You don't need them to understand your decision because you really don't owe them anything. If you must give them an explanation, just tell them you refuse to negotiate with emotional terrorists and you're not responsible for his actions — he is.
Nope, get out if you can afford to live! without a second income! He sounds like a millstone around your neck.
I'm curious- does he “have his daughter from a previous relationship” there on the three nights a week he doesn't work, or is it 100% that you do all the work and caring for her?
Wait…. you didn't invite your daughter to come to Disney with you and the younger kids?
And these are things you never gave her when she was little – so what exactly is the excuse for not bringing her now?
mind you the bus was an option here
So you think she lost her job just to spite you? What?
You sound really detached from your daughter. Like you don't seem to actually care about her at all. I understand that you couldn't afford to help her but I'm so confused why she wasn't invited in the first place to go. Every family trip I know about every kid regardless of age was invited to go.
Also…. why are you going on Disney trips if you don't have an emergency fund? That's incredibly irresponsible.
I live! in an apartment so we have been using pee pads which they are normally really good with but they’re learning. Thank you so much, I feel slightly less worried about them. I have given them a lot of toys for nose work and to keep them stimulated while I’m gone. And I’ve been working on training them to be alone with eachother. Which has been going really well. I’m just glad they have eachother at least.
I completely agree with you. I am beyond done with this mans antics. I’ve tried to resolve countless arguments etc. He’ll smash the place up. I’m so tired of this
I love how you started off your paragraph with essentially “I’m a rich, model golden child” and then referred to your husband as a fat, poor, nerd. Safe to say I don’t see any hope for reconciliation with that attitude, or at least I hope not for his own sake.
Personally, I think it's sweet (except for those with negative connotations, that's a no brainer).
BUT!
Nicknames aren't for everyone and I think that has to be acknowledged rather than people expecting everyone to be fine with it.
You can always try to compromise and let him have some input with what he calls you both in public and private. He can make suggestions and you can okay them or not?
Otherwise, I think he'll get over it. He was probably thinking it was something special or sweet between the two of you and it could have something to do with his love language, maybe. But even love languages need to be able to adapt sometimes.
I think the world is full of psychopathic personalities. Most don't commit horrific murders, but they are perfectly capable of hurting people in nonviolent ways without the slightest bit of guilt.
There's two options. Either you sacrifice time to spend with your partner which in a relationship should be a given and you accept you can't juggle your workload 24/7 which is absolutely insane and would drive the sanest and most resilient person to a burnout and maybe cut one club short or you break up and let your girlfriend find a partner who is willing to spend a bit of time with her. End of the story.
Based on these details, she is the problem. This is definitely abusive. And when one partner actively works against peace and conflict resolution, you will have neither. Couples counseling is a bad idea if one partner is abusive.
I’m sorry, but it really sounds like you guys need to split. Plus it can’t be healthy for your kid to see these occurrences. She needs personal therapy and maybe a health checkup to make sure there isn’t anything causing the drastic change in behavior (although maybe you just missed ? over the years?).
So you have had the privilege of your friends never bitching about the things that frustrated you about your so. That’s lucky for you. Not so much everyone else in the world. Handling that is tricky.
Yeah I just don't care. As long as I'm taken care of and she doesn't bring anything back to me, I don't care. But I'm not, so it's a problem
If she was going to leave me for a woman she would have done it whether or not I allowed it
I just don't want to argue about it because you see how women think of men every day on social media.
It's not just the internet, this is how women are in real life. Like, as a man, you're a piece of shit just for existing and knowing what you want.
You DEFINITELY NEED TO GET A LAWYER ASAP. Don’t let him blindside you. Have your ducks ima row so when he tries to do anything he will be just as shocked. I’d definitely stay on his good side and have him sign some paperwork about financials and stuff before he realizes you found out. He’d probably sign his life away thinking you have no idea what’s going on.
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It makes sense if it's about being playful and youthful. If the woman wants to fully take care of her busband likes he's a child, then to each their own. I would be highly upset if I had to keep telling my husband to do things that abt grown person should be able to do.
I know things may seem daunting right now but give Yourself some time to mentally reflect and accept this new journey. During this time it's best to put him in the back of your mind and concentrate on your new future. Prepare yourself for the possibility that he may never come around. But through this You will find so much strength and happiness you never imagined you were capable of.
I was 21, a full time college student with extended lab hours required daily and a part time job. I was told if I decided to have my son It would be on my own. We had the same friends and I saw him daily on campus with a big belly and he would completely look the other way. I did the entire 9 months alone.. I went to all appts alone, constructed all the furniture and prepared the nursery myself, morning sickness, midnight cravings, all while continuing to work and a full course load ending the semester 8.5 months pregnant with a 4.0. Yes it would have been easier to have the other person there but honestly I now cherish that time because it was so empowering and brought out a drive in me I didn't know was even possible. You don't want the stress and honestly if they don't want to be there it truly is their loss. You did your part trying to make him aware of the situation and that is all you can do besides file the proper paperwork later on. Surround yourself with positivity and peace and remember this could be the start of a beautiful new beginning. You got this!
Thank you. I have a photo album with a ton of pictures of us and it felt strange to throw out physical pictures
I don't think it matters.. I'd say your old friend is going and that she's a friend. If your girlfriend has issues with that and says it's “disrespectful” then you know what she's like. Personally that would be a deal breaker to me as Its not disrespectful to have friends of the opposite gender.
If you go back to him, then yes YTA.
What strange obsession? He literally just had his gun on him, the fact that her mom didn't know he was carrying before meant that she didn't even know he had one. So clearly he doest have an obsession because then he would be taking it out and talking about it as much as possible
Nah. Netherlands is in short supply of houses and plenty of roommates to be found. You only beg for someone to be your roommate if they have the house lol.
Or maybe he just doesn't? Might not be normal, but that definitely doesn't mean he's a liar.
Yeah part of me is wondering if part of his antics is so he can slither out of his family responsibilities without being “the bad guy” by being the one to initiate a divorce. It might be interesting to see how long the fetish thing keeps up once he thinks he’s free and clear and single again.
I don't know if you can get back together. But I would advise you to get some real help for your anger, not “think before I speak”. This is an issue that you can and need to address.
Should you get back together? I don't know. My dad taught me that if there's a lot of drama in a relationship, it's usually best to go your separate ways.
But you can give it a try. AFTER you deal with the anger issues.
100% troll. has to be.
Well that moved pretty fast – actually I think 6 weeks off is fortunate. Drop her a text now and then but don't overdo it. Be upbeat, affectionate. and complimentary and don't betray any anxiety.
Six weeks can go pretty fast unless you obsess about it. Happy holidays.
You had to ask, now you either trust this girl or you don’t. Her laughing in your face was pretty dickish but to be fair you probably voiced your concerns in a way that made her feel like she was being attacked. Finding an unused, still packaged condom in your gf’s underwear is definitely weird but you don’t lead with an accusation because what exactly are you accusing her of having done? Explain to her what you were concerned about and she should agree that you have the right to wonder wtf was going on. I mean, how would she react if she found a condom in your wallet/pocket?
you could always hire someone to accost you and get beat up by him, like in some sort of sitcom
sure to work
But you’re not even blood related so what’s the problem? Also why are they saying you’re disgusting? It’s all very over the top given that it’s your uncle’s stepson so it’s not even his actual blood related son. So therefore you have no blood relation to the guy at all. How can they disown you over that, it all sounds very over the top and I suspect there are deeper dynamics at play as in the way your family feel about your uncle in the first place. As you said he’s your dad’s half brother I wouldn’t be surprised if there’s some issue there and they are projecting this on to you.
I am employed I help my mom with rent, I don’t live! alone. I have hobbies. I can’t really afford to on-line on my own, and my mom is also struggling so I’d rather help her anyway. That’s where I’m at, so yeah I spent a lot of time on Reddit, gaming, but I also have hobbies and a job.
So I looked through your comment history just to see if I could paint a picture. You want a girlfriend who loves dick and will always suck you off, you didn’t think it was weird when a girl stared at a guy while masturbating.
You just view women as sex objects no wonder you’re saying this stuff.
It’s horrible how many people in the comments attempt to vilify him while OP actively dispels their comments.
Is everyone’s first reaction to break up a relationship…
OP I’m glad y’all are getting some alone time. It sounds like your dude is just going through something which we all do. Keep talking as that has been the best thing in my relationship whether good or bad.
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They didn't mention it to me, either, as far as I can remember (it was 20+ years ago), because it is an unintended thing, I think? Like they didn't intentionally change it? My dorsum got wider, but my mom lost the little hook end of her nose when they fixed her septum. She had it broken when she was younger, and it sort of curved it down a bit when it healed. She used to be able to touch her tongue to her nose and after her surgery, she couldn't. lol
Honestly if you're already going in for other things, I'd get the septo done at that point. You're going to have to have the packing up in there anyway for the other things, so the splints isn't that much more. lol Just, whatever you do, take pain meds before you go in for them to remove the packing, it's not terrible but I had a headache afterwards, as expected. The doc apologised that they didn't tell me to make sure I took something. And don't let whoever drove you in with you. My brother was a bit traumatised by the experience. I still laugh about it.
FWIW I had the septoplasty, turbinate reduction, ethmoidectomy, cryoablation of the nasal passage and some bone and tissue removed to make the drainage between sinuses better. I have had no issues until recently, but it's my ears. My sinuses look fantastic still (I got to watch the camera too lol).
She pays the bills. He's not struggling to pay his rent and keep the power on. She pays for everything but 300 a month.
I just grew up practicing Catholic because my parents did. Even until now, whenever I’m around my parents, I get forced to go to church. If I don’t follow, I felt some judgement or conflicts coming up (the typical asian family pressure) and I somehow don’t stand up for myself despite my rebellious nature in the family.
After I moved out from my parents house, I practiced less. What I mean by that: it takes effort for me to go to church and practice the ways of catholics but I still do routine prayer because of habit.
Now because my fiance practice and dedicate herself to catholicism (she was an altar girl), she’s been the person who keeps me accountable about practicing. Mostly by making sure I go to church every Sunday. I fear that there might be more expectation coming so I’d also try to talk to her about these religious expectation.
Before I met my fiance, I just went like twice or three times a year.
You’re the one wasting your time not me. You good?
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Get out of there, how do you expect to live! the rest of your life like that, she needs help big time.
She will not change and you will be miserable for as long as you stay with her.
I don't even think he had cancer. His wife definitely wasn't the nurse that was in on a surgery he had. You got played.
Stay out of it
He found someone else. That's probably all there is to it.
Yes I do shave.. Once she told me that she doesn’t do waxing bc her mom told her it’s dangerous but I had no idea that it would mean that she doesn’t shave either
If he’s acting this way he’s the last person who should have a gun and the powers that be know it.
She is creative- I will give her that.
2 hours is a long time to blab on and on and on though. Maybe that is the point.
Though I have a feeling you will suck it up and go more underground with your cheating….
You don't need them to understand your decision because you really don't owe them anything. If you must give them an explanation, just tell them you refuse to negotiate with emotional terrorists and you're not responsible for his actions — he is.
Tell her that it's your decision and you werent asking for approval or permission. And then move on.
And next time don't tell her about decisions that you know she will disapprove of until after they've happened.
Nope, get out if you can afford to live! without a second income! He sounds like a millstone around your neck.
I'm curious- does he “have his daughter from a previous relationship” there on the three nights a week he doesn't work, or is it 100% that you do all the work and caring for her?
Your family aren't the ones married to her. They don't get a say in whether you stay together or not.
Reading your previous post, you have an ex wife already and you married again, so soon and so young.
If this marriage does end, stop making the same stupid mistakes.
Wait…. you didn't invite your daughter to come to Disney with you and the younger kids?
And these are things you never gave her when she was little – so what exactly is the excuse for not bringing her now?
mind you the bus was an option here
So you think she lost her job just to spite you? What?
You sound really detached from your daughter. Like you don't seem to actually care about her at all. I understand that you couldn't afford to help her but I'm so confused why she wasn't invited in the first place to go. Every family trip I know about every kid regardless of age was invited to go.
Also…. why are you going on Disney trips if you don't have an emergency fund? That's incredibly irresponsible.
I live! in an apartment so we have been using pee pads which they are normally really good with but they’re learning. Thank you so much, I feel slightly less worried about them. I have given them a lot of toys for nose work and to keep them stimulated while I’m gone. And I’ve been working on training them to be alone with eachother. Which has been going really well. I’m just glad they have eachother at least.
I completely agree with you. I am beyond done with this mans antics. I’ve tried to resolve countless arguments etc. He’ll smash the place up. I’m so tired of this
I love how you started off your paragraph with essentially “I’m a rich, model golden child” and then referred to your husband as a fat, poor, nerd. Safe to say I don’t see any hope for reconciliation with that attitude, or at least I hope not for his own sake.
Personally, I think it's sweet (except for those with negative connotations, that's a no brainer).
BUT!
Nicknames aren't for everyone and I think that has to be acknowledged rather than people expecting everyone to be fine with it.
You can always try to compromise and let him have some input with what he calls you both in public and private. He can make suggestions and you can okay them or not?
Otherwise, I think he'll get over it. He was probably thinking it was something special or sweet between the two of you and it could have something to do with his love language, maybe. But even love languages need to be able to adapt sometimes.
Your girlfriend's a fucking cunt. Good call breaking it off
What do you like about her so much? I’m curious
Ew.
Aw fuck off its deleted again
I think the world is full of psychopathic personalities. Most don't commit horrific murders, but they are perfectly capable of hurting people in nonviolent ways without the slightest bit of guilt.
That's literally rape.
otherwise it's just “vaguely hinted at non-consent”.
I think this is the part she's interested in.
There's two options. Either you sacrifice time to spend with your partner which in a relationship should be a given and you accept you can't juggle your workload 24/7 which is absolutely insane and would drive the sanest and most resilient person to a burnout and maybe cut one club short or you break up and let your girlfriend find a partner who is willing to spend a bit of time with her. End of the story.
But I took responsibility so many times, did you read my comments?
Just a question…do you ever take time out for yourself? Meditating, yoga, reading etc.
Based on these details, she is the problem. This is definitely abusive. And when one partner actively works against peace and conflict resolution, you will have neither. Couples counseling is a bad idea if one partner is abusive.
I’m sorry, but it really sounds like you guys need to split. Plus it can’t be healthy for your kid to see these occurrences. She needs personal therapy and maybe a health checkup to make sure there isn’t anything causing the drastic change in behavior (although maybe you just missed ? over the years?).
It will be hot, but worth it. Peace is priceless.
So you have had the privilege of your friends never bitching about the things that frustrated you about your so. That’s lucky for you. Not so much everyone else in the world. Handling that is tricky.
Were you pregnant when you started dating? You said he talked about golden showers basically off rip so….
you basically are saying that she isn't enough, though
are you married to a lemming? wtf is wrong with your wife just going along with a creeper?