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ALL GOALS MET [Multi Goal]
Date: October 3, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
ALL GOALS MET [Multi Goal]
You’re not okay with him going to the strip club at all, even when you’re there.
What the hell, where did that come from? How are you telling OP about their own boundaries?
I obviously can’t tell what your relationship is like based off one post but it’s not shocking that he did this, anything that you wouldn’t want him to do without you is not something you want him to do period.
Nah that doesn't track. There's plenty of things I'd enjoy experiencing with my partner if we both discussed and agreed to it first that I'd hate for them to do behind my back. It's not the action it's the honesty. E.g. going out for an expensive meal for our anniversary? Yes. Lying about working late and spending hundreds on a meal for himself? No.
Yeah that’s wrong man, don’t keep those people around
She was just an on and off girl then. Not even a girlfriend.
Ask his bestie why he didn't inform OP.
Unfortunately it's a common side effect of anti depressives.
You can try to use another approach, try to change medication, or communicate with your wife and live! with the Ed until your depression gets better even without anti depressives.
(does happen for some. If you manage to get out of depression for long enough, it can start to reflect itself in your neural pathways.)
Consuming lions mane mushroom may or may not speed up that process.
Smaller studies at least indicate that it has neuro protective properties and helps with forming new pathways.
Plus, for people that enjoy mushrooms it's a delicacy.
I meant the bride strategically planning the bridal party stuff, not OP contributing to it because of distance. Obviously the rules are stupid, but people stress over it and often follow the blueprint. I just don’t think it should be taken too personally and maybe it’s something the bride wanted to broach in person (OP said the party was a surprise, but not necessarily the visit). I generally enjoy it more not being in the wedding party, and still typically attending the Bach party and other wedding events as a guest, without having to shell out extra money for the required matching bridesmaids dresses/ groomsmen suits, and god forbid if you have to do choreography for a wedding party dance, but obviously that’s just me. It goes both ways too for the equal numbers. One friend has dozens of “close” friends and sorority sisters from college, and is planning on having 15 bridesmaids, therefore my friend that she’s marrying is trying to figure out how the hell to get 15 of his friends to be in the wedding party as groomsmen. She really wants it to be equal in numbers… dumb sure, but it’s their wedding.
The older you get the more you realize that trust is super important. At the end of the day you can't control what your partner does so you just have to trust them and if you can't have that with someone then they probably aren't for you.
Yeh trust is important. I just know that if she were in my shoes she would be slightly more peeved than I am. Thanks for being so understanding and cool abt it
Your crush is ghosting you, his actions show a clear lack of interest. Please dont reach out to him unless he reaches out to you
Talking stage for 4 years? Bruh. Tell her to move on
How come you didn't ask him if she is a stay at home Mom or what kind of work he does? Could be a nude working guy who's exhausted after saving the world and putting food on the table.
This is how I feel. I was a grad student in a renowned lab. I mastered out because of workplace bullying. Did a 6 month remote writing job that promised 40 hours per week. In actuality, the best month was 110 billable hours. All while my partner worked full time in person for half my hourly pay (not due to being forced to by bills but out of passion for her job). She is incredible, and I try to be the best I can considering the work imbalance, like most of the homestuff and all the dog care. I have respect for you and your wife. Kind of feel like your wife given my circumstances. I wish you the best
Some people just really shouldn’t have kids! Two out of three of my children have autism with one having adhd as well. I wouldn’t dream of doing what you have done. Your poor sons only escape from you was in the ground and at peace. Leave your daughter the heck alone and stop manipulating your other son! You clearly haven’t learnt anything!
You’re really uneducated in autism. Just because he was autistic does not mean he couldn’t have had those become realistic. The fact that he got himself into his dream university by himself should clue you in on how bright and smart your child was, autistic or not.
Delete without opening and block the account. Also talk to your parents about what happened. So if the person tries again under another account your father can go after them
There are scammers out there doing this to guys Then demand money from the guys .
Do not fall for it.
Do other things in life. Fill it with active hobbies and make some new friends
This couldn't be explained any better, tbh OP, please understand what he is saying, right, and don't hate you Bf for asking at least he's honest and communicating with you.
To the streets mate , i am sorry to hear. U will be better but not with her.
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I think I read through 200 unhinged posts before reaching yours, the first that takes a reality-based, non-judgmental view of the common parasite that is the pinworm.
He's found out about you. You represent a 'threat' to what he considers his property.
And your GF is either blind, or is actually trying to get back with him, but keeping you on the hook, just in case.
Hon, trust me, they never change, they just stop what they're doing for a short time in order to suck you back in then they go right back to their old ways, it will happen several times until you hit a breaking point and then it'll finally be over, don't be that person who finds out when they're 40 that they should have left at 28.
Well now you know she has no problem lying to you. Question everything.
Give her space, but her silent treatment is a problem itself.
Some things about childhood can be really vulnerable and can even bring up the worst feelings. I've shown pictures of me and my father smiling together when I was 5 to people… well, to say the least… I'll just say any mention of my father can make me very angry now because of his actions. I don't even talk to him anymore.
That picture I've shown to people is a vulnerable one and I don't like to show it because it is something that reminds me of his manipulation. If she had pictures like that, it makes sense to me.
If she did not want to show you those photos now in your relationship, she did not have to. In a few years? Maybe, but can't say for sure.
Also, when people are hurt by something or someone else or just have a nude time opening up anything remotely sensitive, they won't do it easily if at all. Personal things in pasts exist and happen, and people are not willing to always share.
She can be open and show you her vulnerable side, but it does not have to be from childhood pictures.
Yeah, I always speak up and tell him how I feel and he always tells me he’s joking and he’ll do better. It’s constant disrespect and I really don’t know what to do bc he apologizes profusely
Like i get he's mourning… But that's like the worst thing to bring up to your partner in any moment. Moving the relationship forward if you guys stay together and actually get married is it real or this dumb pact or is he “settling” because he feels he's loosing opportunities.
If you decide to stay he'd really need to find a way to make it up and rebuild trust.
You put in the work to cook a nice meal, you get to bask in the praise. Fishing for compliments my ass.
Cooking for people is a really nice thing to do, it would be a shame if your BF got you to stop. Idk what his problem is
Ok, first and foremost your husband is behaving terribly to you. He is pressuring and threatening you to perform sexually in a way that terrifies you. He is apparently ok with your fear and lack of enjoyment as long as he gets to have sex the way he likes. That does not sound caring and loving to me. That sounds the opposite.
Secondly, it sounds like you have a irrational fear of pregnancy. The chances of your getting pregnant now are vanishingly slim, and you definitely need some help to work past your issues. You deserve a happy healthy sex life, and if it's not obvious, that does not include sleeping with a man who values his orgasms more than your comfort.
Yes, is that an issue? My husband can also say “I can’t do that” and we’d go from there. That’s not what happened though, I expressed my needs and he said he wants to try to meet it. I would do the same for him under most circumstances.
she deserves to burn in hell slowly and painfully
Blah. Guys never date down is the same saying as girls never date down.
If you fancy him and he doesn't return the favour, just do a 180 degree turn and go fetch somebody else.
This recommendation of minde holds true for both, men and women.
So you going out she isn’t trapped financially and you are angry she is taking steps to avoid being baby trapped.
I think this started out sounding legit and ended sounded trollish.
I didn't know about the wife one, ugh.
The one with the secretary was a wild ride, definitely unexpected.
Or just leave instead of going through all this bullshit.
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I was in a marriage like this. It didn’t last ?
Thank you. I have had a conversation with him and he has changed nothing so I doubt he will ever be the person I fell in love with!
On one hand you definitely need to distance yourself from her. On the other hand, I have been so drunk that I did not recognize my husband in front of me before. If he wasn’t twice my size I probably would’ve tried to throw something at him in that moment. I sat on my floor holding onto my Rottweiler for dear life screaming like I was being murdered, because there was a strange man standing over me. He left me in my kitchen until I settled down and then he dragged me into bed. Never tried to wrestle my wet and dirty clothes off of me or tried to move me somewhere more comfortable, just let me settle down in my own time.
U got a great point!
I was trying to ask for a female perspective for there are things that I dont understand like “what I should do in this situation”
I’m not sure what you think is your fault… you had a conversation with a trans woman, that you didn’t know was a trans woman, in front of some bigots, who have no right to judge this trans person they way they are… NTA bro, your sister is upset clearly and while I understand that I think if she was to assign malicious blame to you she needs to have a good nude look at herself… your parents are jerks.
It is when it prevents you from having a proper romantic relationship .
I only ever suggested it a few times, and respected when she said no. I never brought it up after
she literally told us he has jealousy problems and went through her phone. I'm not making assumptions.
And you should be with someone who wants you. Stop asking yourself what she wants and why she wants it. Ask yourself why you are staying with someone who doesn’t deserve you.
…that’s still Tiktok. Those “annoying ass bullying kids” are not on literally every other social media app- not like this. I don’t have any issues with harassment from children on any social media site and I’m very active on multiple. The culture cultivated on Tiktok is genuinely harmful and the company does not care to try fixing any of their problems because it gives them more engagement.
Why are you assuming OP is doing this to be vindictive? My aunt decided that she was going to disown her child for coming out as NB. So now I don’t talk to my aunt. Not out of principle. Not because I want to punish my aunt. But because I value my cousin more than my aunt, and care more about supporting cousin than I do about maintaining a relationship with aunt. I suspect it’s the same for OP.
Lol hell yeah everyone is unique. I would probably date 20 years my senior if they wanted to be my sugar mama.
I do typically date a little younger than me. There are alot of young people who lie about their age on dating apps.. It can be scary like you should really be checking drivers licenses.
To me your fiancée seems unreasonable with his behavior. Don’t know why he cares.
Also answer me this, based off of that logic right there (and I’m assuming you’re a straight guy, correct me if I’m wrong) if let’s say, you had a good guy friend and you guys connected, would you suddenly be down to do it, or would the fact you’re not attracted to other men stop you? Like let’s be real, I’ve had many gay guy friends and never once have any of them wanted to suddenly sleep with a woman, because they’re not attracted to women and it’s that simple. It sounds like there’s some insecurities here you and your girlfriend need to talk through, because this isn’t exactly a healthy mindset to have.
No you should not, these are things you discuss with a therapist not a date
I’m still going be there, just not romantically. All I’ve done so far is nothing but support her for the past 4-5 months.
OP, my grandma had a boyfriend who eventually moved in with her and her husband as a “roommate”. We only ever saw them alone growing up in the sense they were never invited to parties where friends or non family members were present.
Eventually as a teen it dawned on me that grandma was in a polyandrous relationship. It completely grossed me out when I understood what that meant and how nude it had been for my dad growing up so I went no contact.
This might very well be your future with your daughter. She'll never be able to explain this to most people and might very well be ashamed when she figures it out.
Up to you what you do with this. But me, I never understood why grandma brought so much shame to my dad and his brother. They were totally embarrassed and made fun of when people found out about their parents. My advice? You aren't getting what you need in your marriage? Divorce. But while you are together, superfluous partners should not be in the kids' lives.
I've been saying that to her for months because she absolutely has somethings going on but she says moneys too tight. I appreciate the suggestion for couples counseling it's a good idea but being so far apart and in different time zones with the nature of my work it might not be so easy. Thanks though!
You'll make new friends and you learned some valuable lessons. That's whats important.
This is a really difficult decision, and it's clear that you're exhausted.
I think the way to approach the conversation is concern for the dogs' happiness. The dogs are anxious, and you simply don't have time to fix the situation by yourself.
I wouldn't jump straight to rehoming the dogs, though. You might end up at that conclusion, but it's something you need to arrive at together. Discuss various options and solutions with your husband. Be open to what he says, but also be honest with him about the limitations on your time and attention with the baby.
What's your mom got to do with this?
I wouldn't be able to help with this. I can't understand her tbh. If she's upset cuz she feels inadequate because of this situation, it doesn't make logical sense. She doesn't know why he's marrying someone else. He could be marrying that girl cuz she got pregnant, some people marry for that reason. That would have nothing to do with her. She also started dating that guy when she was a teen. Your brain isn't even done growing until you're 25. By the end of their relationship they are 2 different people.
If she's upset cuz she's not over him then she shouldn't have gotten into a new relationship if she wasn't over her ex. If my ex got married, I wouldn't give a crap. His actions have no baring on my feelings. She needs therapy so she can regulate a bit better cuz 2 weeks seems like a long time for me. I probably wouldn't still be there for someone like that after 2 weeks after only dating for less than a year.
Yeah, OP, how dare you put it on him to do things your way – you know, clean up after yourself like an adult and take care of the kids without screaming at them. /S
I told her no yesterday and said all the reason why we shouldn’t and she hasn’t contacted me in more than 24 hours. I’ve tried to reach out, but she refuses to talk to me ??♂️
Why is it that people feel they have retrospective rights to a relationship?
Surely this is the guys issue?
thanks so much for this response. It means a lot. I will try to focus on taking care of myself until then and hopefully we can have a mature talk about what happened.
The part of birth control that is 100% on you is being with a partner who will support and have these conversations with you. Everything else both of you should be concerned about. Very effective method of not having a kid with this guy would be to never have sex with him again and get someone new in your life.
Yeah give him the benefit of the doubt, be curious, ask open ended questions so they can’t be misconstrued. Like “hey no one’s don’t that to me before, so is there a reason you felt the need to disclose that info? If you stay 100% open and curious, you’ll find the right answer.
Thank you, most of the comments are bad, but I deserve it. I appreciate your support
Not “breaking” when something bad happens isn't toxic masculinity, it's emotional resilience.
It's up to you what to do. If it were me, of course a paternity test would need to be done before any reconciliation could happen, but even then… No. I'd be done with her. I wouldn't believe for a second that this was the only time she cheated during your relationship , either with this guy or ANYONE else. She lied to your face for months, not omitted, outright lied even when confronted repeatedly with her lie of being at this friends house. I would not have slept with her during this time AT ALL! Big mistake. I'd tell her that a paternity test is absolutely necessary and that if the kid isn't yours, your marriage is over either way. So if she wants to keep it she should. But that you are getting divorced. And you will only play dad to the kid they're yours.
Dump the loser, he is a narcissist. Remember looks fade, smart lasts a lifetime. No one is good looking enough to treat you like that. You aren't lucky to have a boyfriend who puts you down, and makes you question your appearance.
Your girlfriend is being utterly immature and childish.
Honestly, she is the one with the problem if she has to attribute a sexual motive to a brother or father taking care of their profoundly disabled relative.
I’m not one of the people who instantly jumps to “dump them”, so by all means try to explain the true nature of the situation to your girlfriend, but if she continues to act this way then you’re probably better off without her.
The grass is not greener on the other side. Remember this. It's greener where you water it. Communicate with him. Damn yall been thru a lot. If he cared so little about you as a human to move next door, it would be creepy. That would mean she ain't all there and they could be selfish idiots who deserve eachother. Make sure he doesn't gaslight your boundaries. Do u have a clinical psychologist psychotherapist that you talk to about these core issues?
???
Just dump her, out of the blue no discussion. Then block and ghost. You end it with Hand.
Just for some more context. I'm not a serial stalker, and I wouldn't even call myself a stalker at all. I called him that evening (5 days ago) and messaged him saying I wanted to come over. That's no excuse, I know. That is the only time I have ever been to his house without his permission. One time too many, yes, I agree. I literally just saw him today, so I'm trying to better myself already. I'm posting here on reddit for a reason. For more perspective. I don't mind if I'm grilled, I deserve it. My reflections are responses to all the comments that I have been receiving. I do feel this way, wholeheartedly, that what I did was wrong. That is why I want to change. I am not looking for the “right” answers from you or anyone. His reaction, his expressions, were evidence enough, that what I did was wrong, for the both of us.
Also, sure, a therapist may help also but again, I wanted more perspective. That's why I'm here. I sympathise with your own situation as well, as a woman with similar diagnoses, and I appreciate the advice that you have provided me with. I will certainly take it on board.
My family does know but I basically live! on my own, and they're not around much otherwise.
Wait…What??? You are French and you are gorgeous… girl….you can get anyone you want…don't waste your precious time (sorry had to sneak a peak at your profile)
It sounds as if he feels he can't take up space in your home without you telling him to remove himself. Whether that's accurate or not, it's how he feels, and when he brought up those feelings you called him selfish and childish instead if seeing it as something that needs further conversation.
This isn't about a hook on a door, it's about how you talk to each other and how you just dismissed his concerns and escalated the argument instead of stopping and figuring it out as a couple.
I did read that correctly. But instead of blocking he could've talked to him and you or both of you. This is immature and stupid behavior and I wouldn't want to be a part of this shit.
He was only saying hello
He wont meet her, won't go out with her even tho he knows she wants to and he will win? He knows she likes him romantically and he himself told her he doesn't want anything, isn't looking for anything and doesn't like her?
She is putting Mark before you. It's not stupid to want to be your partners priority. Mark sounds like he has some narcissistic tendencies too. She will always have relationship issues with Mark in her life, I suspect.
What’s delusional about it? This is my real life and it’s how I truly feel.
Time for him to provide a bigger home, with 2 wings!!
If you are willing to accept 3rd place in his life, make sure you have what makes you happy!
You could say exactly what you told us. He might ask for more details, at which point you can decide to do so or not. Otherwise, you can’t control how it’s received. Good luck.
Right. Anyone with any kind of self awareness would understand that being over at someone's house every day isn't appropriate. And bonding with OP's kid (if it is OP's kid) every day is just wrong.
Also – wife flipping out about OP cutting his hours to spend more time with the kids is a red flag.
You are all a mess and all need to move on ALONE~
Or maybe accept the fact that you don’t get a bachelor party when you’re no longer a bachelor?
This is true, OP. I know you don't want to admit it, but someone who cares about you will not treat you this poorly. Wake up!!!
You don’t care about her or respect her. You don’t accidentally cheat on someone. If you actually had cared for her you’d put all that energy into chasing her instead of other women. Something tells me you’ll move on fast since it only takes some compliments to cheat on your fiancée.
Because you’re THAT unreasonable. She said what she needed to, to shut you up. What you’re expecting isn’t normal or healthy and it’s and objectively stupid request, so either start living like an adult who understands adult responsibilities or find yourself left behind while you whine about panic attacks. Your panic attacks are YOUR responsibility!!! Find a therapist!
As someone who used to work like 90 hours a week sometimes because my field is messed up like that – you need to learn to separate the things that frustrate you about your job from people complaining about their jobs that you feel are objectively easier than yours. Otherwise, you will just build resentment for others that is really misdirected, because what you’re really upset about is the things you lack in your own job.
It’s likely true that she would not be able to handle what you do. But her job suddenly becoming harder wouldn’t change the things you want to change about your job. She isn’t living your life, she’s living hers, and she’s allowed to complain about her dissatisfaction about her job even if it isn’t the hardest job in the world.
Rather than “can you stop complaining, you don’t realize how good you have it” maybe you can approach her from the standpoint of “I’ve noticed that you often complain about XYZ regarding work. Do you want to brainstorm some ideas together about how we could try to change that? I also have some stuff on my mind about how stressful work is” and then go from there.
I hate to be the one to ask, but…does she want to get married, by chance? 15 years and still just being “partners” is not the social norm—I know some people are fine with this setup, but most aren’t and take the step toward marriage before 15 years have passed.
If I’m assuming incorrectly, I apologize. Just thinking about things through the lens of a typical 30-something woman.
Just sent a text that the relationship isn’t working out and block. You already know he’s a liar, a manipulator. If you wanna call him out on his behaviors then do that, if you don’t then don’t.