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You are wrong 100%. Just because someone give op a Christmas gift doesn’t mean that he has to give one in return. He has established that it’s too much for him at this point in his life. His family accepted that. If they want to stop giving gifts then that’s their choice. But demanding some give gifts is the opposite of gift giving.
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I also wonder if she somehow cheated, maybe a one time thing, and feels so intensely guilty this is her way out. If it’s not that, then I would agree with other commenters that she just regrets her decision.
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I spent 16yrs living with an alcoholic and I can tell you now he meant it. Its not your fault and it doesn't mean that you really are those things BUT he doesn't… and CANT value you. He is the sum of his addiction and beleive me you CANNOT make him sober and change him. It doesn't work that way. Walk away because it will only get worse, sadly love isn't enough. Only he can fix himself.
Figures. You sounds really shallow considering you see both of you not fairly out of shape. Its good to encourage a healthier lifestyle, but maybe you need to get over yourself a little bit and consider the fact that both of you are getting older, raising a family and expecting your partner to be rocking the body he had 7 years ago is unrealistic.
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Dude get out of this relationship now. Literally everyone I know has a celebrity crush. I have SEVERAL. Not just one, but a whole bunch. And it's not like I'm actually in love with them. I love their work and their characters. I don't actually know them.
If somebody acts like this in a relationship over a CELEBRITY crush, then they shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. It just screams that he's controlling.
yes I knew it was called something, couldn't think of it at the time. and there is help for it,
I can't do any medications, because I am allergic to so many, so I don't risk those. Thats why we found other ways to help in controlling it for me. My husband made a suggestion to me today that I never thought of. I like to hunt, but loud noises hurt my ears. So he bought me headphones for shooting. And when I wear them I can't hear. So when at home, he suggested I wear them when he eats lol. I think it might work.
If you forgive him because of this, he will use suicide as a threat every single time you fight. He made the choice to cheat. He made the choice to attempt suicide. You need to make the choice if you want this in your life or not. God may want you to forgive, but God wouldn't expect you to spend the rest of your life miserable. (No, I'm not religious, but if that's the family's argument, then that's the counter argument.)
This is something that would be on my list of things not joke about if I were a man. I know I would take a joke about “stealthing” seriously as a woman and the trust would be gone for me. There’s a time and a place for off color/dark jokes based off the context you provided this was not that time/place.
Even if you two do have an accident in the future (which can happen because condoms are not 100% effective) would you be able to trust that it was a true accident and not sabotage? Do you want to have to check every condom you use with her for the foreseeable future? Even if she tells you she’s on BC after this would you believe her?
Well it's not the only way, it's just that we got used to talking to each other like this. I can't really go out I'm in a little village where I really don't know anyone so it'll just be me alone with my thoughts
If you're not talking to a therapist, I'd start looking into doing that.
He's allowed to like his sister. If he starts imitating her behavior, then I'd worry but so far, it doesn't sound abnormal.
He's already limited his conversations with his friends to ease your insecurities and asking him to contact completely is out of the question.
If you don't like the people he hangs out with and view him differently because of it, just don't date him. You don't have to be besties with his friends but if you dislike them that much, why stick around?
But it’s not realistic to ask her friends to behave like they are in relationships when they aren’t. It sounds as if it was her friends asking the guys along which is going to happen if they are single and out at a club.
The only difference between and a million other wives whose spouses have moved on behind their backs is that it isn't behind your back. Your wife has emotionally moved on from you and is now invested in this relationship with the boyfriend. This isn't a healthy marriage, to start, but it's also NOT how polyamory works. You aren't polyamorous anyway, but that still could be acceptable IF all sides acknowledge and respect each other's boundaries. They have no respect for yours, however.
Her stress is inconsequential at this point. That is a her (and, apparently, him) problem. You need to worry about yourself and your stress and well-being. Get the fuck out now, while you can. There's no “getting better” from this. They don't respect you at all, and somebody needs to. That person is you.
I know I’m late to the party, but I gotta ask, are you sure you trust your sources here? “Found out through someone acquaintance,” a girl “close to my bf.”
This girl says your bf confessed to being physically violent with women, and she’s still “close” to the abuser? Knowing that?
Does that really pass the smell test here?
I think it’s worth raising alarms and should absolutely be taken seriously, but tbh I’m immediately questioning the source of the info when the source is turning a blind eye to said info. Clearly their actions do not back up what they’re saying. Why would anyone, particularly this woman, knowingly be “close” with someone physically violent with women. Just doesn’t make sense to me.
I think you’re lying, but if you are really a teenage girl then please reach out and get help for this extreme anger while you’re still young. That’s no way to online.
So it's only 1% of the time that you are trying to separate your gay tenants from your partner? Or is that all the time because you online in the same building? I also hate blaming her homophobia on her heritage, like people who say racists are being “old school”. Decent people who can tell right from wrong regardless of their upbringing exist.
“Finding yourself” is what one does when one doesn’t feel their life plan brings them happiness/fulfillment in the way they expected it would. I completely agree that, if a child is in the equation, the child needs to take priority over any other “quest” that may call. But, I do have a lot of sympathy for people who believe a conventional lifestyle will bring them happiness, only to realize later that it won’t.
I travel and explore and create, I hardly work, I would never have kids, I would never get married, but I knew I wanted this lifestyle by age… 15? 14? I’ve never really had family, and I’ve always been an outcast, so nothing was stopping me from pursuing what I actually wanted to do. I’m 31 and living my dreams so I feel very fortunate.
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You are wrong 100%. Just because someone give op a Christmas gift doesn’t mean that he has to give one in return. He has established that it’s too much for him at this point in his life. His family accepted that. If they want to stop giving gifts then that’s their choice. But demanding some give gifts is the opposite of gift giving.
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You’re messy y’all need to break up he deserves to be in a monogamous relationship where he’s not competing with others break up
Don’t think your grasp of English is fully there.
Did you look up “narcissism” in your native language?
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I also wonder if she somehow cheated, maybe a one time thing, and feels so intensely guilty this is her way out. If it’s not that, then I would agree with other commenters that she just regrets her decision.
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UpdateMe!
I spent 16yrs living with an alcoholic and I can tell you now he meant it. Its not your fault and it doesn't mean that you really are those things BUT he doesn't… and CANT value you. He is the sum of his addiction and beleive me you CANNOT make him sober and change him. It doesn't work that way. Walk away because it will only get worse, sadly love isn't enough. Only he can fix himself.
Figures. You sounds really shallow considering you see both of you not fairly out of shape. Its good to encourage a healthier lifestyle, but maybe you need to get over yourself a little bit and consider the fact that both of you are getting older, raising a family and expecting your partner to be rocking the body he had 7 years ago is unrealistic.
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This doesn't sound like a healthy environment to raise children in to you?
Dude get out of this relationship now. Literally everyone I know has a celebrity crush. I have SEVERAL. Not just one, but a whole bunch. And it's not like I'm actually in love with them. I love their work and their characters. I don't actually know them.
If somebody acts like this in a relationship over a CELEBRITY crush, then they shouldn't be in a relationship in the first place. It just screams that he's controlling.
Well gosh, I guess she's going to have to make a decision then.
Wish.com ?
yes I knew it was called something, couldn't think of it at the time. and there is help for it,
I can't do any medications, because I am allergic to so many, so I don't risk those. Thats why we found other ways to help in controlling it for me. My husband made a suggestion to me today that I never thought of. I like to hunt, but loud noises hurt my ears. So he bought me headphones for shooting. And when I wear them I can't hear. So when at home, he suggested I wear them when he eats lol. I think it might work.
You are being abused
That was insane. I lost it when they claimed the native Americans were Israelites, like I guess they just fuckin swam?
Understood, though the reason I didn’t list reasons I need to break up with him is that rooted in complex feelings (nobody did anything wrong)
No.
If you forgive him because of this, he will use suicide as a threat every single time you fight. He made the choice to cheat. He made the choice to attempt suicide. You need to make the choice if you want this in your life or not. God may want you to forgive, but God wouldn't expect you to spend the rest of your life miserable. (No, I'm not religious, but if that's the family's argument, then that's the counter argument.)
This is something that would be on my list of things not joke about if I were a man. I know I would take a joke about “stealthing” seriously as a woman and the trust would be gone for me. There’s a time and a place for off color/dark jokes based off the context you provided this was not that time/place.
Even if you two do have an accident in the future (which can happen because condoms are not 100% effective) would you be able to trust that it was a true accident and not sabotage? Do you want to have to check every condom you use with her for the foreseeable future? Even if she tells you she’s on BC after this would you believe her?
Put him on the couch, give him 3 months to get out, and start separating everything. Grey rock and avoid him and save your money!
He needs therapy it’s not your problem
So what happens now? 🙁
Well it's not the only way, it's just that we got used to talking to each other like this. I can't really go out I'm in a little village where I really don't know anyone so it'll just be me alone with my thoughts
This is reddit. Dogs get chosen over men all the time. Breakup.
If you're not talking to a therapist, I'd start looking into doing that.
He's allowed to like his sister. If he starts imitating her behavior, then I'd worry but so far, it doesn't sound abnormal.
He's already limited his conversations with his friends to ease your insecurities and asking him to contact completely is out of the question.
If you don't like the people he hangs out with and view him differently because of it, just don't date him. You don't have to be besties with his friends but if you dislike them that much, why stick around?
Yes, yes it is.
But it’s not realistic to ask her friends to behave like they are in relationships when they aren’t. It sounds as if it was her friends asking the guys along which is going to happen if they are single and out at a club.
The only difference between and a million other wives whose spouses have moved on behind their backs is that it isn't behind your back. Your wife has emotionally moved on from you and is now invested in this relationship with the boyfriend. This isn't a healthy marriage, to start, but it's also NOT how polyamory works. You aren't polyamorous anyway, but that still could be acceptable IF all sides acknowledge and respect each other's boundaries. They have no respect for yours, however.
Her stress is inconsequential at this point. That is a her (and, apparently, him) problem. You need to worry about yourself and your stress and well-being. Get the fuck out now, while you can. There's no “getting better” from this. They don't respect you at all, and somebody needs to. That person is you.
I know I’m late to the party, but I gotta ask, are you sure you trust your sources here? “Found out through someone acquaintance,” a girl “close to my bf.”
This girl says your bf confessed to being physically violent with women, and she’s still “close” to the abuser? Knowing that?
Does that really pass the smell test here?
I think it’s worth raising alarms and should absolutely be taken seriously, but tbh I’m immediately questioning the source of the info when the source is turning a blind eye to said info. Clearly their actions do not back up what they’re saying. Why would anyone, particularly this woman, knowingly be “close” with someone physically violent with women. Just doesn’t make sense to me.
Oh and she says she's sorry but said she did this for months gtfo ?
They just repeat that it’s their duty to take care of me.
What? I’m talking about her kissing the other guy
In America, one of those guys blew up a gay nightclub. You're totally right to recommend caution
I think you’re lying, but if you are really a teenage girl then please reach out and get help for this extreme anger while you’re still young. That’s no way to online.
This reads like a robot trying to simulate human drama.
And there it is.
You're a child.
So he can’t stop putting money into her ‘fun’ account if she abandons the family? K
So it's only 1% of the time that you are trying to separate your gay tenants from your partner? Or is that all the time because you online in the same building? I also hate blaming her homophobia on her heritage, like people who say racists are being “old school”. Decent people who can tell right from wrong regardless of their upbringing exist.
“Finding yourself” is what one does when one doesn’t feel their life plan brings them happiness/fulfillment in the way they expected it would. I completely agree that, if a child is in the equation, the child needs to take priority over any other “quest” that may call. But, I do have a lot of sympathy for people who believe a conventional lifestyle will bring them happiness, only to realize later that it won’t.
I travel and explore and create, I hardly work, I would never have kids, I would never get married, but I knew I wanted this lifestyle by age… 15? 14? I’ve never really had family, and I’ve always been an outcast, so nothing was stopping me from pursuing what I actually wanted to do. I’m 31 and living my dreams so I feel very fortunate.