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Date: November 6, 2022
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How about suggesting therapy to him to get this under control. He is binge drinking and it needs to stop. It will not get better unless he seeks help.
3sum. Highest value reward to any guy. I’m just saying what everyone was thinking but apparently are to afraid to say ??♂️
thanks, I hope it does for you too.
This is exactly how I feel currently, so crazy how accurate it is.
Family comes first.
He threatened your life, you don’t go back to that… you get away from that as fast as you can and you don’t look back.
Yet it’s OK for her to have an OF and sell feet pics to fetish sites.
Absolutely agree with this but as he has moved into your house, he needs to be the one leaving
Wait… he snaps his fingers at waitstaff?! What in the entitlement?? And he’s only 18?! That is learned behavior. If he acts like that now, imagine what it’ll be like when you have to be parents (raising a baby) with that! His entitlement will just get worse. That and the boyfriends parents will also teach your child the wrong behavior. I agree with others, get an abortion. You don’t want to have to raise two kids (the baby and that man-child), do ya?
Your bf really needs to toughen up, a comment like that shouldn't affect you this much. He isn't 5, what your brother said was banter and your bf could of just said something to the same extent , but chose to run away from a comment. If he can't face a simple comment, how will be in the future?
Don't do anything, no need to. Your wife was fine with it and agreed and she even checked her friend for being out of line and hung up on her. Her friend had zero right to say anything, and definitely not to the point where she was swearing at you. Very out of line and disrespectful.. Your wife handled it, it's over with. Just leave that topic alone entirely.
I cried too, and also vomited. ? I am so sorry you've been through something similar. It's awful.
Thank you so much for the link, I'll pass it along next time we talk.
100%. He'll use it to justify why she can't go out with her friends to a bar. Then dinner. Then she can't go see single friends alone. Eventually he will isolate her from everyone
I'ma say this under the assumption that you know your gf better than we do and you trust her.
Under that context, to me it sounds like she went out with people she was close with/trusted, got hammered, went to sleep it off and the dude either because he's very hot for your gf or because he was drunk and horny, went to creep on her.
It can be shockingly easy to manipulate inebriated people, especially if they trust you, there was no reason for him to go in the room unless she called him or he was creeping. I don't think a woman has ever told me “I'ma go to sleep, have a good one” and I thought to myself a while later “yeah I should definitely go in there with her and lay down just incase”
Sus.
I’m asking this as mom—how old are you? You sound young. I promise you will be able to move past this but don’t wast your energy on hating her.
Focus on putting positive energy and growth into yourself, and think about the kind of partner you want to attract. Be the kind of person that your ideal partner would be attracted to. And I don’t mean go to the gym—work on your mental health. Do things that bring you joy. Play video games. Enjoy being single.
But don’t waste your energy on hating her. Don’t carry that in your heart and with you into your next relationship.
Updateme!
i don’t think that way. my mind is not completely set on him being a narcissist. i am certain that he is, but if it turns out that he isn’t then my perception of him will obviously change.
I agree completely and I’m a woman. It’s wrong for women to lie about the paternity of the father and not fair to the children. Children should know where they come from, even if the dad is a piece of shit. It’s extremely important to their identity. I say this as a child of adoption who didn’t know their biological dad until I was 22. And guess what? He sucks, but I feel so much better knowing.
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Going through datings apps yes I would say that is at the very least not uncommon.
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It's time to ask yourself… who's more important to you, your friends or your girlfriend? If it's your friends, consider that maybe you shouldn't be in a relationship.
Where does it say the specific words panic attack.
For someone so obsessed with reading, youre shit at it.
Lol damn autocorrect.
At first I was like “I’m glad you’re acknowledging what you did was wrong” but as I kept reading I was like “wtf. You only hit him on the shoulder?” Cause for real OP. That’s reactive abuse, he was pushing you and pushing you and PUSHING YOU until you finally snapped. Because he wants you to feel bad about it, so that you’ll be too focused on the fact that you hit him instead of the fact that he literally pushed you to the point of reacting physically.
Get rid of this guy OP. What he’s doing is literally torture, not just annoyance .
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Can you dm me then thanks
It was of other women. I should have mentioned that.
You are right that this sub, if gender were reversed, wouldn’t ask that question and would quickly declare the man as a worthless manipulation pos that should be dumped asap.
However, that question is relevant to assess the wife’s response to the situation.
If they are in a dead bedroom situation and they haven’t had sex in the last 6 months and he keeps rejecting her, her reaction can be more understandable.
If she is mad cause she thinks men are all horny 24-7 and if they turn down sex once, there must be something fundamentally wrong with their relationship, I would not have much sympathy with her then,
Look, OP, it sucks but you're NOT getting what you want here. Forgive my crassness, but ask yourself this question: could you suck dick to make your gf happy? Like, even if you were willing, is that how you'd want to on-line your life? (Caveat: obvious assumption that you're cis/straight and have no real interest. I'm aware that other folk may find this arrangement more enjoyable and I wish them the best).
Your lesson here is that sometimes relationships come to an end and part of being a healthy, happy individual is learning to accept that.
Maybe it’s time you logged off Reddit for a bit..
You’re in your 30s and have plenty of time to start over. Regardless of your age or what you put into the relationship, there isn’t any way to move on. You said it yourself. You can and should start over.
I want to say this plainly: this man has proven that he can kill you. This stuff escalated and if you stay and nothing changes, it is most likely that he will kill you. He threatened you with a weapon over a simple request of being left alone. Whether he keeps his weapons or not, what’s stopping him from doing it when you get into a worse fight?
He doesn’t work. He’s an addict. He doesn’t seem to be actively working on his mental health. He’s abusive. What do you get out of this relationship exactly that you don’t want to throw away? 2 years of you holding everything down and nothing changed positively. Don’t fall prey to the sunken cost fallacy.
Do not marry him. Leave as soon as you safely can. Contact a women’s shelter for help and guidance. Get far away from this man and protect yourself. Then focus on getting therapy and building your life up again. You deserve to be safe, loved, and supported. Never has my husband ever exhibited any form of violence toward me when we have disagreements. We talk and come to an understanding. When we ask for space, it’s given. Your experience is so sad and abnormal. I’m sorry.
Good for you!
Idk how people think this story is real
Yes, and all I read was the title of this post.
I'll never understand why people think that your life is supposed to stop after commitment or marriage. Those people were there long before you and if you try to control when and for how long they're allowed to see them, you'll be gone soon after. Those people will still be there though. I get that you're supposed to put your spouse first but this is taking it too far. It doesn't mean that you don't get to have a life separate from them. It doesn't mean that all your other relationships stop.
I’m 25. I ended a 6 year relationship with someone that wasn’t good for me. I’ve been in a relationship with my current partner for a year and a half and he’s so much better than my ex. My ex and I will always be apart of each others lives unfortunately because I believed he was the best I’d ever get and I wanted a kid so we had one.
Leave. You’re 23. You don’t deserve to be questioning your relationship with someone that’s almost double your age. You deserve someone that tells you the truth no matter how hot it might be. You deserve someone you can trust.
He slowly but surely undermined you. This is textbook abuse.
It’s very suspicious, especially this is someone he met recently. And why hasn’t he asked me to plan a trip. Very weird
I've been told that men and women can't be just friends.
Lol no I just want you to tell me why I’m a nightmare. ..
grown man….then proceeds to throw a tantrum like a toddler…
You ignored this problem for 5 years and shot yourself on the foot. You stayed married even though it makes you financially liable, your house is on the chopping block! How don't you know that's irrelevant that it's co-owned by you and your dad? You bought it WHILE married! And you don't have a prenup, otherwise you would have found out about the fact that he hadn't filed taxes in years.
You need a lawyer ASAP. You need to divorce and cut ties, or you and your family are going down in a hole you cannot dig yourself out off!!!!!
You can rent your house after divorce and go on-line with your parents. Get yourself back together.
Yeah my mom said she stopped being broke as soon as she separated from my dad.
He's holding that shit over your head as an excuse to get you to do all the housework. Who the hell cares who is paying for the mortgage? If you both work, you BOTH need to do chores – don't let him talk you into thinking otherwise. Men like that are very persuasive in their attempts to get out of housework.
Personal experience here: I work about 12-15 more hours a week than my partner, and make 3x what he does (and contribute much more to our rent). Yet we split things around 35/65 around the house (with him doing more than me). Sure, the income/time difference contributes to SOME rebalancing of domestic work, but I would NEVER suggest he do all of the chores just because I make more money and work longer. Unless he's staying home all the time, there's no way I would expect him to do so many more chores than me – because I love him, respect him, and want him to have free time. Your partner should do the same for you.
You need new friends.
Id just take it as is, he wants there to be no drama that pops up later about these things. Maybe tell him that it's weird and sounds suspicious though.
He’s allowed to not like certain things but that doesn’t mean he has a right to start issuing out ultimatums for each thing he dislikes. I’d be wondering what’s next. In order to take your relationship to the next level after this or get married will he expect you to not go anywhere without him? Not allow you to go out for a girls night?
Partners should respect each others wishes. Reasonable wishes. It’s your wish to be able to act independently from him when he’s unable to attend a party and that is something HE should respect. But I have a feeling that he’s only worried about his own wishes being “respected”.
If you enjoy going to parties, then go. If he dumps you over you wanting to attend a party every so often, he’s acting like a child. People who are in serious HEALTHY relationships with mutual respect don’t issue these types of rules to each other.
What EXACTLY are you expecting to get out of this meeting? What is the point?
You're happy. Leave the past where it is. Your ex will have to figure out how to get closure on his own. He doesn't deserve to get it from you….and that's the best case scenario from him. It's entirely possible he has negative intentions, and the last thing you want is to invite his drama into your happy home
She’s pathetic and needs to get over it
A new girl just joined my workplace, we’re both engineers but i’m higher ranking and been there for more years than her.
Stop waffling like a kid who got caught smoking weed. Either shit or else get off the pot. This isn't a time for moral tepidity.
Start dating her seriously, or else tell her you're not ready for dating right now, than go low- contact with her.
Stop making excuses for a lack of commitment.
I will say, that you found here an intelligent and charming woman who doesn't have a problem setting boundaries and has self-discipline.
In my experience women in general just tend to share more about their lives, and sex is a part of that life
Except they're sharing a part of their life that involves someone else without that other person's permission or knowledge even. That's nasty.
OP's partner is not saying, “Dang, we had an amazing night last night on the balcony of our hotel. It was so hot and I can't wait to repeat it tonight. We were like two animals” No. She shared someone else's kinks with her friends. That's just not cool.
In my experience women in general just tend to share more about their lives, and sex is a part of that life
Except they're sharing a part of their life that involves someone else without that other person's permission or knowledge even. That's nasty.
OP's partner is not saying, “Dang, we had an amazing night last night on the balcony of our hotel. It was so hot and I can't wait to repeat it tonight. We were like two animals” No. She shared someone else's kinks with her friends. That's just not cool.
You can’t possibly say this little and expect useful advice from the internet
I just found out she was pregnant for two months and had a miscarriage recently
How did you find out? Why didn’t you realize she was pregnant for 2 months or that she had a miscarriage? Have you been living separately? Because those things are hot to hide
told me she never planned on telling me
Why is that? Is she a crazy person you’re married to (if so why?)? Did you do something that’s making her not trust you and someone else like a neighbour?
I feel like I should’ve been the first one to know
I fully agree, just that you didn’t tell us why she decided not to
we already have some trust issues and this event didn’t help
What are those issues?
That's totally fair that it wasn't obvious, he sounds like someone who is good at minor manipulations and getting what he wants out of pity. And I would say that he isn't the worst, but it's just clear that he has no respect for your feelings or your wishes, so I am relieved to hear you'll be ending it. This kind of behavior only gets worse when they realize they can get away with it.
Drop her and don't look back.
Drop her and don't look back.
I have, he says he can’t do it through text because it just doesn’t work for him. I’ve tried explaining why it’s better for me and trying to find solutions that could make it work better for him (tone indicators being one), but he pretty much refuses to or ends up getting mad if I try and have the conversation over text.
Just leave. She doesn't care, blamed out and won't cut them off. Be done
Do i love her?
My gut reaction is no.
I’ve dated other people who, when I see them, I feel instant sparks. Fireworks. I don’t feel that with her. Never have.
I don’t know if those feelings are simply associated with young love that I’ll never feel again, or love In general and she’s just not the one.
But I know if someone asked me to say something I’m proud of her for, I couldn’t say anything. That thought is what settled it for me.
If she is getting huffy about a song and a memory that doesn't belong to her them that's a huge red flag.
But also, if you haven't opened up to get about this but you are about to get married, that's a red flag on your part.
Did you have an intimate relationship with the other tattoo owner? Thought regardless of you did or not, I can see her having some feelings about you sharing you most inner feelings with someone (even though it was in the past) but refusing to open up to her.
She is supposed to be your person. Hiding your past is probably not the best start to a marriage. Maybe take some more time to get to know one another and build trust.
Girl c’mon!?! You can’t be this blind or stupid???? It’s not like they’ve been bffs since childhood (which still wouldn’t excuse this behavior imo). He doesn’t respect you or love you. I’m going to let you in on a little secret…just bc someone says something doesn’t make it true. You ever heard of actions speak louder then words??? Girl you need some help with your self esteem or you are going to get walked all over then rest of your life. Good luck with that.
Also tell him to clean his dick.
Take a break from dating and get back to being your number one fan. I read this and basically detect you are neg about yourself. That alone is a turn off.
Based on what I have seen, looks are not an impediment to having a relationship. World is full of less than conventionally attractive people who pair up and marry and have less than conventionally attractive children who will also grow up, pair up and marry. Therefore it is not looks that will prevent you from having a relationship with anyone. It may prevent you from having one with someone you view as beautiful who may also be pretty shallow or have a limited attraction palette.
The thing to do is to talk to him. Calmly and in a relaxed manner. Ask him if he is still hung up on his ex. If so then you probably should break up and move on. No one wants to be the 2nd choice.
Communication is the thing. To find out, get him to think about what his feelings really are, which is why you need to be calm and relaxed. Ask him why the public and private at the same time with their accounts and why she went from blocking you to unblocked. Depending on these answers will tell you how invested you want to be in this relationship or if you even want to stay in this relationship. Are you the rebound well that depends on if he is over her I guess. You are his next relationship, but if he is truly over her then I wouldn't consider it a rebound but just his next relationship.
Good luck, Stay safe, stay strong.
Ask him this question, exactly as your wrote it. This isn't too confrontational to just ask.
Idk, I like to shower before the deed, so this is something I've done to my husband. It wasn't because I want to be in control, I just prefer not having to wonder if I smell funky instead of being in to it. And then there's times he makes a move and I wasn't feeling it, but then on second thought it seems like a good idea. I don't very often randomly feel in the mood until something initiates it.
Really, you'd have to ask him about it, but there may be other explanations.
I moved out of home at age 20. I think parents really need to let their kids become independent past the age of 18-19. Of course we’ll always be there for them and if they needed us to pick them up in the middle of the night if there’s a problem, but geez, time to let go a bit at age 19.
He’s looking at you now as a mother and equates it to having relations with his own mother.
He needs to see a psychiatrist and a psychologist.
In the mean time hold off on the marriage until he gets professional help.
Well this is what that thinking got you. He can’t have you and a life.
Understandable. Conversation. Needs to happen. Be comfortable.