I feel women jump to conclusions. Yes dubious stuff can of course happen…but I know I've been I'm a situation where my GF at the time asked about some blond hair follicle she found in my bathroom. I'm like I dunno….it's prpb yours!! Lol (she was blonde) and I'm like …are you kidding me here? Lol
Anyways….trust your gut. But it sounds like a random coincidence and it sounds like you don't believe he's cheating either
I tried an hour or two ago and she says she doesn’t know, I don’t want to keep pushing her because it’ll upset her further but I just want her to love me back again you know? She says she still loves me as a partner and boyfriend, she’s still attracted to me but doesn’t want a relationship. But she’s said that previously – said we’ve broken up during a bad mental health period but she’s always there and we’ve never OFFICIALLY broken up you know? She apologised and we come back together and it’s all fine again. I’m just so scared I don’t want to lose her. I brought up the fact that she said she doesn’t want to lose me and how it goes against what she said about being friends but she said “I wouldn’t be losing you as a friend” but I reminded her we both know what that means, you would. And she said she doesn’t know. I asked if we were to be friends then that would be our “friendship” would respect our boundaries of our relationship and we both not get another girl/boy as we still love eachother and she agreed. But then I said so we’ll still be in a relationship just not the official title? She said she doesn’t know about that either. I think the title is what’s scaring her but I just want to improve too for her to love me as much as she did
Don't shame him for certainty. A woman is 100% positive a baby is hers. A guy is not most of the time. Especially with people out here doing what they do nowadays
Like you said, there’s only so much you can do if she’s ignoring you. It’s not your job to console her in this situation. Maybe there was some form of misunderstanding but she handled it poorly and immaturely.
At this point all you can do (if you choose) is send a text or a letter expressing how you feel and that you’d like to resolve this and understand why she got upset and together figure out a way to prevent this from happening again. After that, it’s out of your hands. Try to remember that you cannot control how others act, you can only control how you react.
You might also want to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship. It can be difficult to recognize poor behavior especially if it’s been a part of your life for so long. Does your mom normally have unreasonable demands or expectations? Does she have a habit of throwing tantrums when you don’t do what she says? Has she shut you out like this before? how do you two normally resolve issues; are you frequently the one to sweep issues u see the rug or extend the olive branch even when you weren’t in the wrong?
This little comment train here you have with yourself is further proof the root issue isn't his dream life. Your trauma about a terrorist attack has NOTHING AT ALL to do with her or his dreams. You're conflating completely separate issues. That's an emotionally driven and irrational thing to do.
Unfortunately it also opens you up to being susceptible to bad, emotionally-driven advice like you've already seen here.
You need to work on separating out and dealing with issues without conflating in completely different issues. You're just making it harder to deal with things when you conflate them.
Your right! She isnt old enough to hit the bar since she is 19. I feel like inviting her over for a cooked meal and wine would be nice, she would decline since its at my house first time hanging out alone. I have asked her to “hang out” but i agree that sends mixed signals but the way she acts around me suggests she is really into me because she is always stumbling over her words and has given me tons of compliments. Just the wording of “wanna go on a date” feels so weird to me, “wanna hang out”, sends friend signals. Also I live in a tiny town where there is no comedy clubs which is what id love to do.
These comments defending your girlfriend are so ridiculous. Yeah, it's a trauma response, yeah it was probably tough to see. But this is why it's so aggravating when people don't get help. You potentially saved her from getting murdered or raped or both and she's scared of you??? Your fight or flight triggered and you did what you had to in order to stay safe. I think it's honestly really sad and pathetic that her poor trauma response makes her want to leave you. There's no excuse for her behavior. She has no right to be scared of you. I'm sure that was just as traumatizing for you and just as scary. Tell her to get therapy and medication, otherwise I'D leave HER.
I agree. Once I’ve cut ties with her and got her stuff safely out of my condo that’s my next move. I don’t care what she thinks I’m doing it because I know I need to, she can retaliate but she’s wrong
Dude, do you really think you can hide untreated mental illness for very long?
I feel women jump to conclusions. Yes dubious stuff can of course happen…but I know I've been I'm a situation where my GF at the time asked about some blond hair follicle she found in my bathroom. I'm like I dunno….it's prpb yours!! Lol (she was blonde) and I'm like …are you kidding me here? Lol
Anyways….trust your gut. But it sounds like a random coincidence and it sounds like you don't believe he's cheating either
I tried an hour or two ago and she says she doesn’t know, I don’t want to keep pushing her because it’ll upset her further but I just want her to love me back again you know? She says she still loves me as a partner and boyfriend, she’s still attracted to me but doesn’t want a relationship. But she’s said that previously – said we’ve broken up during a bad mental health period but she’s always there and we’ve never OFFICIALLY broken up you know? She apologised and we come back together and it’s all fine again. I’m just so scared I don’t want to lose her. I brought up the fact that she said she doesn’t want to lose me and how it goes against what she said about being friends but she said “I wouldn’t be losing you as a friend” but I reminded her we both know what that means, you would. And she said she doesn’t know. I asked if we were to be friends then that would be our “friendship” would respect our boundaries of our relationship and we both not get another girl/boy as we still love eachother and she agreed. But then I said so we’ll still be in a relationship just not the official title? She said she doesn’t know about that either. I think the title is what’s scaring her but I just want to improve too for her to love me as much as she did
Don't shame him for certainty. A woman is 100% positive a baby is hers. A guy is not most of the time. Especially with people out here doing what they do nowadays
That's true… I wouldn't either, but he's adamant about being friends with her. I would say cut her out, but he's probably gonna struggle with that.
Like you said, there’s only so much you can do if she’s ignoring you. It’s not your job to console her in this situation. Maybe there was some form of misunderstanding but she handled it poorly and immaturely.
At this point all you can do (if you choose) is send a text or a letter expressing how you feel and that you’d like to resolve this and understand why she got upset and together figure out a way to prevent this from happening again. After that, it’s out of your hands. Try to remember that you cannot control how others act, you can only control how you react.
You might also want to take a step back and reevaluate your relationship. It can be difficult to recognize poor behavior especially if it’s been a part of your life for so long. Does your mom normally have unreasonable demands or expectations? Does she have a habit of throwing tantrums when you don’t do what she says? Has she shut you out like this before? how do you two normally resolve issues; are you frequently the one to sweep issues u see the rug or extend the olive branch even when you weren’t in the wrong?
Then that’s not a religious upbringing.
Go to your brothers religious leader and discuss your success and see if he agrees.
Sorry your toxic masculinity doesn't realize crying is normal and not a form of manipulation.
Maybe work on that. Of course she is mad at you, you insulted her.
I spent about 30 minutes engaged. Partner said, “Wanna get married?” I said, “When?” They said, “Chu doin right now?” We went to the JoP.
Wait… So she did…
This little comment train here you have with yourself is further proof the root issue isn't his dream life. Your trauma about a terrorist attack has NOTHING AT ALL to do with her or his dreams. You're conflating completely separate issues. That's an emotionally driven and irrational thing to do.
Unfortunately it also opens you up to being susceptible to bad, emotionally-driven advice like you've already seen here.
You need to work on separating out and dealing with issues without conflating in completely different issues. You're just making it harder to deal with things when you conflate them.
But if it was all before I met my bf, then it shouldn’t really matter, right?
I’ve not been with anyone else since we started dating.
Your right! She isnt old enough to hit the bar since she is 19. I feel like inviting her over for a cooked meal and wine would be nice, she would decline since its at my house first time hanging out alone. I have asked her to “hang out” but i agree that sends mixed signals but the way she acts around me suggests she is really into me because she is always stumbling over her words and has given me tons of compliments. Just the wording of “wanna go on a date” feels so weird to me, “wanna hang out”, sends friend signals. Also I live in a tiny town where there is no comedy clubs which is what id love to do.
These comments defending your girlfriend are so ridiculous. Yeah, it's a trauma response, yeah it was probably tough to see. But this is why it's so aggravating when people don't get help. You potentially saved her from getting murdered or raped or both and she's scared of you??? Your fight or flight triggered and you did what you had to in order to stay safe. I think it's honestly really sad and pathetic that her poor trauma response makes her want to leave you. There's no excuse for her behavior. She has no right to be scared of you. I'm sure that was just as traumatizing for you and just as scary. Tell her to get therapy and medication, otherwise I'D leave HER.
I agree. Once I’ve cut ties with her and got her stuff safely out of my condo that’s my next move. I don’t care what she thinks I’m doing it because I know I need to, she can retaliate but she’s wrong
Don't go to a country where women are considered less than equal.