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nataliepeterson chat
Date: September 25, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
nataliepeterson chat
I have a friend who was like this. She was often late in the exact timeframe as your girlfriend. One day, she was supposed to meet her friends at a restaurant and was, as usual, a half hour late. Her friends were so tired of her crap that they left after 20 minutes. She took umbrage at the fact that they didn't wait for her when she was “only” a half hour late. The thing is that, after that, she started taking being on time more seriously and improved her habits.
I don't know what the deal is with your girlfriend, but some people view time differently than others based on culture. My friend is of Italian descent and she didn't see being late as a big deal. Her friends (and I) do. You're not being stupid. You are entitled to your notions of time and your girlfriend is being disrespectful of others by making people wait for her all of the time.
Step 1 is to sit her down and have a serious and involved discussion explaining how her lateness makes you feel and lay out your expectations. Being late is acceptable if a person has a good reason (e.g., car breaks down, health emergency). Otherwise, it's not managing her time well (which could be a neurological issue or executive function problems – but she'd have to be late even when it really matters or is super important – if she can make a doctor's appointment on time because she'll lose her appointment and have to pay, she does not have a biological reason). Tell her that there will be consequences if she continues to be late. You will leave without her. You will go ahead without her to whatever and she'll have to catch up on her own.
Step 2 is to enforce the consequences. If you go to pick her up and she's not ready, leave without her or go home. If she's late to a party or event, start without her. Stop catering to her lateness and she may do better.
Step 3 is to seriously consider if you want to on-line with this. With my friend, I think she got off on the power she felt making people constantly wait for her. It made her feel more important if people valued her enough to keep waiting for her. When they ditched her for being late, she lost that sense of power. She didn't prioritize other people's time or attention until she found out that she could lose it by behaving as she did.
Speaking as a fellow Catholic woman: this is what men do when you tell them you’re Catholic (or religious in general) and they want to know if you’re a virgin and/or waiting until marriage without straight up asking. I have always found this to be gross and I would literally rather have a man ask me outright so we can have a real conversation about it. It gives me the ick so fast. It shows a lack of maturity. If you cannot have a real conversation about sex at a grown age, you have growing up to do.
It’s only been 2 weeks and you’re already having doubts about him, so call it off. Don’t feel like you need to compromise or justify your faith and values to anyone.
I think a lot of it has to do with losing who she is.
I think that's an astute observation. Perhaps she feels that with all of your support (and especially a nanny), she doesn't have a “good reason” to feel out of sorts with this new arrangement. Maybe you could begin a conversation with her focused on this, checking in on her and asking how she feels now after a few years of being a stay-at-home mother.
He's allowed to be sad. YOU'RE allowed to be sad. It doesn't make the decision wrong though. Sad things happen in life.
The lack of empathy and compassion worries me. I’m wondering if he has always been this way, but has hidden it from you. Maybe it’s time to get some space from him and grieve properly for your friend. Consider individual counseling to help with the grief, but also the uncertainty of your husbands behavior. You’ve probably tolerated questionable behavior in the past and you need to learn why. I’m so sorry for the loss of your friend.
Your wife says she has self-diagnosed mental health issues and refuses to get help for these issues. In the meantime, she gets to live like a carefree teenager. This is not a life partner and you had better figure out what you want out of this relationship because the longer you are married and support her being a stay-at-home wife the more likely you are to be paying alimony if it comes to divorce.
Make sure there are no babies brought into this situation because it could only complicate an already difficult situation. It is also best if all mental health is addressed before having children. Maybe she needs a psychiatrist and not a therapist or counseling?
The comment you responded to is talking to another commenter, kalethegoose who states they got away from an abusive ex. They’re not calling OP’s ex abusive
It sucks you feel this way but you need a better outlook on it. Y’all are together and if you actually plan on marrying her she’s helping your future too, not just hers so your “winning” too. It also doesn’t help having a job you don’t like. Have you looked at other jobs around you? Even the seasonal ones? In the summer mowing crews can get up to 18 an hour and depending on the place you could do part time.