I came home from an after work social gathering. There's one every Friday. I usually come home at 630pm but tonight I came home at 730pm. My gf encourages me to go because she says I need to socialize with people otherwise I become a dick according to her. We online together and spend every moment together at home/outside except when I'm at work or at this social Friday event.
When I get home she doesn't acknowledge me, which is weird she always says hello. So right away I know I might be in trouble because I came home late. She says she's not angry. Everything goes okay for the next 2 hrs. I tell her what I talked about with my friends/colleagues. But during this time she's asking what the weather is like outside, about every 30mins. I put on a movie and immediately 1min into the movie she starts asking questions about who that person is, what's going on, etc. So I ask her if she'd like to put something else on. She says no so I put on a reality show that she'd be able to understand. For reference English is her second language but she's definitely able to speak and understand it at a high school level.
Anyways, she asks what the weather is again this being maybe the 3rd or 4th time. I get annoyed and ask her if there's something wrong/going on because she keeps asking the same question. The tone I used was not my normal voice, it was a tone of annoyance. She says nothing is wrong and that she wants to know the weather to adjust the heat. 5mins go by and she says why I'm not apologizing to her for yelling. I say I'm sorry but I wasn't yelling and say I was frustrated being asked the same question so many times. She then tells me I get like this after I socialize with friends. I burn my energy enjoying myself with them and come home with attitude towards her.
For context we've had similar fights over my Friday night socials. I talk with friends and come home tired and she says I sling attitude at her. I don't think I'm tired coming home, it just gets annoying because she always asks a million questions about what I talked about. And if I can't provide details she questions how I was able to converse for 2 hrs and not remember exactly what was said. She often wonders how I can talk to my friends for hours and not her. I've explained to her that we talk politics and work. She hates my work talk and when it comes to political/cultural talk, she always says I'm wrong and to do my research. Her references are based on what other people/tiktok/social media have told her so it's considered gospel. We try having these geopolitical/cultural talks but it's always a disaster. I admit I can be stubborn but I try to consider someone else point. With her, it seems like she's just trying to tell me I'm wrong.
Back to what happened tonight. She turns off the tv and living room lights and tells me I need to go to sleep. I'm sitting in the dark in disbelief. I grab the remotes and place them beside me and just sit in the dark for 5mins wondering what to do. I leave to use the bathroom and hear her run downstairs and rustle around. I come back to the living room and find she's hidden the tv remote, my ps5 controllers and phone. I go looking around for them laughing about how childish this is. My gf then comes back downstairs and begins yelling at me about how I'm not listening to her. And that if I'm going to say I'm tired, I should go to sleep and not be watching tv. I actually didn't react. Normally she yells at me and i get heated and start yelling back. I think I laughed in disbelief. She told me if I like socializing with friends I should just go hang out with them. I said I think will. It just escalated from that point. She'd go upstairs, stay up there for 5mins, come back down throw some clothes at me and tell me to leave. Or start insulting me, calling me stupid or asking if my friends blowing me is worth it. Told me to have some respect for our neighbors and stop yelling at her causing a seen. Because I didn't leave the house like I said I would im a liar and dishonest. I'm pathetic and two faced. And that Im a different person to my friends compared her.
I pointed out the fact that I wasn't yelling at all and that she's the one stomping around making all this noise. She continues to blame me for everything that she's doing saying I'm causing the scene and this whole fight is because I didn't say sorry for yelling at her. And me saying sorry after she brought it up shows my guilt for everything thats happening now in the fight.
I finally confront her about this issue with us fighting on Fridays. I told her I think shes acting jealous/seeking attention.. That we talk every night when we are in bed usually for an hour (7 days a week) and that we live together And that the reason I can talk to my friends/work colleagues for 2-3hrs is because they respect my thoughts and opinions. Where as when I talk with her about this stuff, it turns into an argument of her telling me I'm wrong and how her opinion is the correct one with zero consideration of my thought/point. Also, I don't talk to these people regularly only at this Friday event.
She then went ahead and removed my ps5 from the tv stand and brought it up stairs. Goes and starts unplugging all the electronics in the house including WiFi. All the while insulting me and tell me I brought this on myself by saying I think she wants attention.
I'm truly at a lost as what I should have done. By being calm and not yelling it seems like things escalated. If I had yelled and been angry I know she wouldn't have escalated as much. I honestly don't know what I should do at this point. Do I apologize for saying I think she's being jealous? Any advice is appreciated. Thank you
Sorry for the long read. I think I just needed to rant.
Tldr: fought with the gf over not apologizing to her after being annoyed with all her questions. Didnt yell back during the fight which resulted in her escalating things.
Edit: thank you for advice. Some of it was helpful specifically the communication part. Just to be clear, this is only my perspective and is noway an unbias pov.
For better context, she's super loving and caring when she's not like this. That's why I love her. It's when she's not that it becomes a problem. She is Filipino so there are cultural differences at play.
She's stay at home right now. She's very much an introvert and only talks to family and a few friends. So besides them I'm her only source of communication/human contact on a regular basis. I try to get her out of the house 2-3 times a week. But, it's hot because she doesn't like spending any money on dates which we can afford.
She has definitely made huge changes since our relationship began. There were way more fights before over things I didn't think we're a big deal, like coming home late from work because I chatted with a colleague, talking to other women (ie friends gf or female coworkers). I definitely know there's some jealousy/insecurity occurring. Which has been toned down a lot by her.
submitted by /u/ih8pandaz
[link] [comments]