My advice is that his reaction is not lining up with someone who would want to reassure you that it is nothing to worry about. His reaction screams “I am going to hid whatever is going on with that key card by deflecting them with my anger, and make them feel like shit for even questioning my faithfulness”.
Him bringing up the impossibility of him cheating is the biggest red flag. If you did not bring it up in this current scenario, it was already on their mind. He smelt it because he dealt it.
This may sound stupid but you can trt Put a camera at night in ur bedroom to see what’s going on definitely take his permission or you can sleep on different room or something. Lets see if he is intentionally doing it or not.
But he doesn’t have more kids and will likely never be a father but an uncle to that child. I’d be mad at the lack of communication and mistrust but not at the sperm donation.
With the relationship being so new he may not forgive you in honesty I wouldn't unless there's extenuating circumstances not mentioned in your post. If you haven't already you need to be completely transparent and own your intention and deed. Sincerity is the best way forward to rebuilding trust. Best of luck.
You know what? Judging from your post history about this sane dude, I would say you have far more problems with him than a mere argument about joking over breakfast foods. His nastiness at the end of the jokes was a symptom of the bigger issues, such as all the emotional abuse he levels against you while hiding behind being BPD (that's a reason and not an excuse btw). Or how about the nasty insensitivity of his wanting you to throw out the physical memories you have of some one who was once dear and close to you who died by suicide? I hope you do not do that, or you will regret obeying this jerk boyfriend you have who's most likely going to be a distant memory in 10 years.
If he's anxious with notifications, the app would probably have the same effect on him unless, of course, his anxiety about notifications is linked to the act of opening the text the notification was about. What is it about the notifications that makes him anxious? Would putting his phone on vibration mode help? Or silent mode and he just looks at it periodically, responding to any messages he might find? I think we need more info.
it's good that you did that is the first line of defense. Your mom may not realise it but you did that dude has nothing good planned… Involve at least the school counselor asap he cannot tell your mom unless you want him to.
The risk is that you’re way more likely to see them after you break up. OP says they won’t have to interact, but she will see him a few times per week.
Every relationship you have prepares you for the love of your life. You will love people and learn that they are not forever. When you finally are really ready, it will happen. What you need to do is think about what is important to you in a partner. Some people want them to be exactly like them. I needed someone who had all the things I was missing. Someone who is calm when I’m going crazy. Someone that can make me laugh when I’m mad. Most important is to have someone that thinks their lucky to have you.
she’d been snooping through my phone and found texts and calls to Kelsey.
That's not no contact, you lied to her. Straight up.
I told Lauren honestly that I was just keeping Kelsey in the know (our Great Dane passed away) because she deserved that much, she was very close to the dog and when we broke up she cried because she was sad she’d never see him again.
YALL. BROKE. UP. she doesn't need “updates”
All told, she raged at me for near enough an hour. She said that her main issue is the fact that I won’t just block Kelsey, which I’ve said I’m not going to do because I’m not a 21 year old kid going through girls like candy,
Oh but you are. Grow up and block her. Like you said you're not a kid, adults can block adults. Clearly yall still have feelings for each other and you should just leave your current gf because honestly both girls deserve better than a non-commital spineless coward who can grow up.
It's a cultural thing. In my country prenup/postnup are REALLY uncommon, usually only people from very wealthy family have them for family request (and usually just cover the inherited assets). So I can understand why OP finds the request offensive.
You absolutely nailed it. You said everything I wanted to say, but better. OP needs to leave this emotionally abusive man who treats her like crap.
And no, your husband shouldn’t “be sweet” sometime and treat you like absolute garbage the other times. They don’t cancel each other out.
This to me (a survivor of domestic violence) sounds like the classics tactic of breaking someone down. Until they’re so far from who they used to be, they don’t know how to get back. Ans their husband has them so broken and isolated, they won’t allow them back.
Her dad is her best friend. She NEEDS to leave this terrible “husband” and make her life a “do-over.”
It’s never too late to start again and start treating herself like SHE deserves more.
But her Nan seems to be part of the problem here, no? If the kid goes back to her, things are not gonna change. You dont want this problem child in your home, but she's still your husbands' kid, and the idea of ditching her may not sit well with him
He is a jerk, you are immature and passive aggressive. You can't fix him but you can learn to communicate with your partner.
You know you shouldn't do things for thanks but then do things for thanks and get pissy when you don't get them (which is it?).
You then hit him…and claim it's no big deal. But you didn't hit him with a pillow in a fun pillow fight way, you did it out of anger. You hit your partner from anger, them not being injured isn't the point.
Weird passive aggressive joking about a chore…just weird and wrong.
Silent treatment as a punishment.
Getting upset about what he sees on a meme page like he is following that stuff on purpose.
You are abusive, immature and fail at communicating….why should he stay?
DNA test immediately. Without her knowing. Grab a piece of hair of something while spending time with him. Then send it off. Her behavior is baby trapping you and doesn't want to work.
Don't think for even a second that she is crying because she is losing you; she is crying because her life is about to be upended. She was more than content to chat with other guys and cheat on you for the thrill, while using you as her stable anchor for a stable home life. Keep strong, divorce her, and find someone who will genuinely love you for who you are
Sorry for confusion. I live! with my mom still. We aren’t married yet. As far as seeing him, probably twice a month. He is no longer giving any financial support for our child. In fact, I’m having to give him money to support him while he’s away. He is using most of his funds to pay for his mom’s treatment
Thats how this sub works. Post and don't talk to your so
My advice is that his reaction is not lining up with someone who would want to reassure you that it is nothing to worry about. His reaction screams “I am going to hid whatever is going on with that key card by deflecting them with my anger, and make them feel like shit for even questioning my faithfulness”.
Him bringing up the impossibility of him cheating is the biggest red flag. If you did not bring it up in this current scenario, it was already on their mind. He smelt it because he dealt it.
Is she cheating? Tell her son!
That’s another game. You should tell him to shove it up his ass. Then block him on everything the restraining orders isn’t a bad idea.
This may sound stupid but you can trt Put a camera at night in ur bedroom to see what’s going on definitely take his permission or you can sleep on different room or something. Lets see if he is intentionally doing it or not.
But he doesn’t have more kids and will likely never be a father but an uncle to that child. I’d be mad at the lack of communication and mistrust but not at the sperm donation.
Doctor here – a baby conceived on July 10th would not survive if born on November 1st.
She grew out of it and then whats next?
With the relationship being so new he may not forgive you in honesty I wouldn't unless there's extenuating circumstances not mentioned in your post. If you haven't already you need to be completely transparent and own your intention and deed. Sincerity is the best way forward to rebuilding trust. Best of luck.
Why do you even bring anything serious up, when she is on the phone? Mute or not doesn'T matter here.
You know what? Judging from your post history about this sane dude, I would say you have far more problems with him than a mere argument about joking over breakfast foods. His nastiness at the end of the jokes was a symptom of the bigger issues, such as all the emotional abuse he levels against you while hiding behind being BPD (that's a reason and not an excuse btw). Or how about the nasty insensitivity of his wanting you to throw out the physical memories you have of some one who was once dear and close to you who died by suicide? I hope you do not do that, or you will regret obeying this jerk boyfriend you have who's most likely going to be a distant memory in 10 years.
If he's anxious with notifications, the app would probably have the same effect on him unless, of course, his anxiety about notifications is linked to the act of opening the text the notification was about. What is it about the notifications that makes him anxious? Would putting his phone on vibration mode help? Or silent mode and he just looks at it periodically, responding to any messages he might find? I think we need more info.
it's good that you did that is the first line of defense. Your mom may not realise it but you did that dude has nothing good planned… Involve at least the school counselor asap he cannot tell your mom unless you want him to.
The risk is that you’re way more likely to see them after you break up. OP says they won’t have to interact, but she will see him a few times per week.
I read this in, er, Colin Robinisons voice
Every relationship you have prepares you for the love of your life. You will love people and learn that they are not forever. When you finally are really ready, it will happen. What you need to do is think about what is important to you in a partner. Some people want them to be exactly like them. I needed someone who had all the things I was missing. Someone who is calm when I’m going crazy. Someone that can make me laugh when I’m mad. Most important is to have someone that thinks their lucky to have you.
You’re 100% trying to get out of this marriage under the guise of “knowing in your heart” that she needs to find love with someone else.
The situation I’ve found myself in is this:
The situation you PUT yourself in
she’d been snooping through my phone and found texts and calls to Kelsey.
That's not no contact, you lied to her. Straight up.
I told Lauren honestly that I was just keeping Kelsey in the know (our Great Dane passed away) because she deserved that much, she was very close to the dog and when we broke up she cried because she was sad she’d never see him again.
YALL. BROKE. UP. she doesn't need “updates”
All told, she raged at me for near enough an hour. She said that her main issue is the fact that I won’t just block Kelsey, which I’ve said I’m not going to do because I’m not a 21 year old kid going through girls like candy,
Oh but you are. Grow up and block her. Like you said you're not a kid, adults can block adults. Clearly yall still have feelings for each other and you should just leave your current gf because honestly both girls deserve better than a non-commital spineless coward who can grow up.
This is spicier than the Lannister family affair…
It's a cultural thing. In my country prenup/postnup are REALLY uncommon, usually only people from very wealthy family have them for family request (and usually just cover the inherited assets). So I can understand why OP finds the request offensive.
You absolutely nailed it. You said everything I wanted to say, but better. OP needs to leave this emotionally abusive man who treats her like crap.
And no, your husband shouldn’t “be sweet” sometime and treat you like absolute garbage the other times. They don’t cancel each other out.
This to me (a survivor of domestic violence) sounds like the classics tactic of breaking someone down. Until they’re so far from who they used to be, they don’t know how to get back. Ans their husband has them so broken and isolated, they won’t allow them back.
Her dad is her best friend. She NEEDS to leave this terrible “husband” and make her life a “do-over.”
It’s never too late to start again and start treating herself like SHE deserves more.
Hey, fun fact for you: consent exists even in relationships! How weird, right?
But her Nan seems to be part of the problem here, no? If the kid goes back to her, things are not gonna change. You dont want this problem child in your home, but she's still your husbands' kid, and the idea of ditching her may not sit well with him
He is a jerk, you are immature and passive aggressive. You can't fix him but you can learn to communicate with your partner.
You know you shouldn't do things for thanks but then do things for thanks and get pissy when you don't get them (which is it?).
You then hit him…and claim it's no big deal. But you didn't hit him with a pillow in a fun pillow fight way, you did it out of anger. You hit your partner from anger, them not being injured isn't the point.
Weird passive aggressive joking about a chore…just weird and wrong.
Silent treatment as a punishment.
Getting upset about what he sees on a meme page like he is following that stuff on purpose.
You are abusive, immature and fail at communicating….why should he stay?
Get some help on navigating adult relationships.
DNA test immediately. Without her knowing. Grab a piece of hair of something while spending time with him. Then send it off. Her behavior is baby trapping you and doesn't want to work.
Don't think for even a second that she is crying because she is losing you; she is crying because her life is about to be upended. She was more than content to chat with other guys and cheat on you for the thrill, while using you as her stable anchor for a stable home life. Keep strong, divorce her, and find someone who will genuinely love you for who you are
Red flag city! Be done with him and find someone who appreciates you!
Red flag city! Be done with him and find someone who appreciates you!
Sorry for confusion. I live! with my mom still. We aren’t married yet. As far as seeing him, probably twice a month. He is no longer giving any financial support for our child. In fact, I’m having to give him money to support him while he’s away. He is using most of his funds to pay for his mom’s treatment