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Date: October 21, 2022
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Honey, you need to set boundaries for the sake of your sanity and your marriage. I'm sure your husband will eventually get fed up with having to cart your mother on every single outing you ever have. Maybe pick a day of the week you guys can all have a family dinner, another day that you and her can perhaps go grocery shopping together and have that be IT. Tell her that while you understand shes grieving and misses your dad, its still healthy for you both to have your own lives and it concerns you that all her time is spent with her daughter instead of out making her own friends and her own routine. Tell her you and your husband love her dearly, but you need space to actually be a married couple, and that includes being able to go on dates and shopping trips and holidays without her. Suggest therapy for her to deal with her grief if she's not engaging with that already. Be compassionate and understanding, but firm. Take back your life.
So you think once your in a relationship you should not be allowed your own social life? This guy said you should always go out with you SO to stop them cheating so you’re just not supposed to trust your partner then?
It is. Go away, please
Look back at the type of women you are attracted to. Are they very attractive and very social?. I dont know. You have to reflect back.
totally understand… but… it sounds like this is something that needs to be addressed before you go forward.
I was in your shoes before. I understand the desire to have something work but it sounds like this is going to end in a lot of unresolved anxiety that will have you spiral. I feel like I'm talking to my past self and I know it doesnt end well :/
It's really clear from the post that OP is focused on weight.
Stop making excuses, get a backbone and make your son a priority. Court can absolutely impact this…..make sure your custody agreement requires daily FT, if she fails to comply you keep going to court. It’s work if the other parent is difficult but you keep pushing foresees. You don’t allow her to get away with it.
By sharing your thoughts and what you think went wrong; chat with a confidante or a family member to try rationalise why the relationship failed. You are among good people here in the forum who are likely to be able to support and offer constructive advice and coping strategies moving forward. I wish you well and look forward to any feedback or constructive criticism you the OP may have. Stay strong ? and keep smiling
That's besides the point My only issue is her new boundaries I don't think I'm going to let her have them to be honest I'm just waiting for the right time. If she asks me for more drugs, I'll tell her how I feel
I think it's time to end this relationship. It's just going to get more toxic and more frustrating.
A MONTH?!? Good riddance tbh ?
How do I do this? When he’s being vulnerable he’s been doubting if he deserves me. I tell him he does and that I like him for who he is and I accept all his flaws. He’s mainly just vulnerable with me over text. I’ve tried talking to him in person but he doesn’t seem to be ready to open up in person.
Next her No forgiving to cheating It'll eat you up alive for the rest of your time with her
Yep, that's it guys, we found the perfect comment!
If a guy was getting regular gifts from a girl in the office, like chocolate and a cake, would you also just let it go if he advised you that you were overthinking it?
I'm sorry this happened to you. That's a really poor way to react to a SO crying. The couple times I saw my boyfriend cry broke my heart. She doesn't sound like she has the capacity to be there for you.
Stay out of it. You have a grater obligation to your son than to anyone else. Don’t jeopardize that, especially if you think that she will tell him and hurt your coparenting situation. She is an adult.
yessss
Thanks for the quick response. I don't have “neutral” people to talk to so I hoped I would get some clarifying responses on here.
Joey doesn’t share food.
So easily deceitful to get her way, and blame shifting to make you question yourself.. oh yeah, this will end up a disaster of a marriage.
If you believe in the Sanctity of Marriage, then you should already know you've been duped, and she's going to get away with it, Scott free, because you stand behind morals that she can use and abuse.
She knew what she was doing, and she literally broke up with you to be with this guy EXCLUSIVELY, let THAT sink in… It wasn't to try it out, it was to try it out whole having you as a back up.. so have fun with knowing you're the stability, and that she can go and do this whenever because you will “stand by your vows”…
Because for some reason, for so many people.. the vows aren't concurrent, and even if one party breaks the contract, the other party seems to think they have to still play by the same rules… If you believe that Malarkey, then slide into my DMs and I'll show you a small container of magic beans I've been meaning to offload for sometime…only need your social security and the soul of your first born… Nothing fancy.
It all depends! How long was your relationship with ex? If it was for 10 years, then he is a moron. And if you broke up after say 4 months, then there is nothing wrong in having sex with her
I’m still curious, if you could share tour relationship years!
Hope you feel better and get over this! Hugs from canafa
“I don't wanna talk about it, gimme some space”
But I made them talk about it because of love
No
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I like to stick to the golden rule, half your age + 7. So, the lowest point for you would be 19. I'm 26, so the lowest for me is 20, but I also generally stay within 5 years.
I’d be leery as to true Intentions. People don’t change overnight, let alone in 2 years. Ask him if wants to talk on the phone then be Frank with him and ask why he really wants to get together. If it’s genuine you’ll know. Always trust your gut.
i tried to seduce him.
No. No you didn't. He treated you nice and gave you compliments and you fell for his predatory behavior.
No 22 year old in his right mind goes after a child. I don't care if you were technically legal, 15 is still a child.
As a man who has nudes still on his phone from previous partners, why would I ever show anyone? Those were and always will be for my eyes only. It’d be different for me when I’m with someone else – i’d delete them then. But unless I wanted some sort of revenge, I wouldn’t want to share those with anyone.
Your better off with the guy your age, the older guy is probably in a relationship that will be hidden from you or worse. Things that are too good to be true, usually are.
She should mention it to the gyno. If it’s just because you’re curved though then experimenting with different angles and positions can help.
Yep, probably love bombing to get you to fall for him, and now he reverts to what is actually his normal self. You'll only spend time chasing and hoping to see the person he was in their beginning, which was a lie. What he did was mean and sets the tone for the future. When people show you who they really are, believe them. What he did in the car is exactly who he really is.
Call 911 if he threatens suicide again but regardless move out ASAP
He is allowed to not like your body type but
wants to open up the relationship on his side.
Lots of lol, he is crass. Dump him. You're 22, don't allow a douchecanoe to waste your time.
Sometimes the grass only looks greener because it has toxic waste in it.
Plus poured water on him in bed. Sounds like the abuse boundaries were tested very early on and OP didn't realise what was going on
Don’t do it. Once you do there will be a time where they will ask for more.
No anyone can get it it's not an STI, she can even get it by cleaning herself and using perfumed products
Might have to get an eviction for her.
Find someone that wants to spend as much time with you as you want with them. Spending your birthday with your gf is kind of expected.
It takes time and that’s all I can say. There’s no quick fix to getting over cheating. I’ve been cheated on by someone and it was horrible, but I’ve then went on to have healthy relationships after it, so please don’t worry about that just now. Were you both tied into a lease? If so, then she should financially help out. Sounds as though she’s trying to ease her guilt, but if it helps you out, then why not.
Sex on the first date doesn't necessarily doom a relationship, but having it too early might cause difficulties you could have avoided by waiting a bit.
One of the problems, for women especially, is that sex causes the release of oxytocin, which causes you to have “feelings” for your lover, which might not be the best thing at a very early stage in the relationship, especially if he does not have similar feelings towards you. So too early sex can lead to unnecessary heartache if he is not feeling it.
Nevertheless, this is water under the bridge now, so if both of you are willing to sincerely make a go at trying to make the relationship work, it can succeed.
Whew this is a lot.
It's kinda sus that you and the ex you spoke with had a similar experience with him, but with the one he's telling you about – he was tearing her clothes off and what have you.
Why was he even giving you such details about their sexploits when you guys are struggling? Was it in response to you complaining?
Basically I wouldn't believe what he's saying about the most recent ex.
Have you personally seen him wanking + what he's wanking to?
My guess is your guy just isn't into sex. Is it because he's gay, I don't know. You could probably get a few more clues by paying more attention to his actions not his words.
Exactly that. It's the lying at first and the offering up of not wanting me to worry. Well I wasn't worrying about that stuff until you randomly decided to bring it up.
so once again, you have solved the problem and spoken to the guy, clearing up all the loose ends and miscommunications…Why are you here again? what advice do you want again? anyhow. I think our conversation is at an end unless you come you come up with some advice you are looking for..
Y’all ain’t divorced yet but it’s still time for your ex to grow up and put her big girl pants on
Why is the onus on OP’s husband to learn the language, and not also on OP’s mother to learn the language of her daughter’s long term partner? OP herself stated that her native language is difficult to learn, I think you’re being a little unfair to the husband here
he admitted that he did show my pictures to him and I told them those were private and were only meant for him to see.
If nothing else (even the age gap), this should have told you everything you needed to know, along with his friends asking if they could “have a go” like you're a bicycle.
He's using you and sharing your intimate photos with all his buddies.
C'mon, you're smarter than this.
Doi. Who cares about 30th? Honestly embarrassing that you even threw a party ?
Maybe she does not have a good poker face?
So she's lied about who she has been talking to, deleted messages etc and is now trying to accuse you of something you haven't done.
Why are you apologising when you know you didn't do anything wrong?
Either she's incredibly insecure and controlling or she is up to no good again and is trying to gain some moral superiority
Either way she sounds like a massive red flag. Do you really need this crap when you're only 22
Bin her off and concentrate on your engineering degree
I mean yeah that’s the most obvious answer haha. But Im worried that it could come off as clingy or something to double text. What should I text her?
Oooff…. I bet there's more to this guy
More that it could be worse! Drop this man, wth? Trying to control you, even on a ponytail? Jeez
If you have a problem with someone, tell them. Otherwise, you’re angry and it’s eating you up and the other person doesn’t even know it’s happening or why. As evidenced by when you had your boyfriend ask him why you weren’t invited (fishing for a dramatic argument) your friend didn’t even know what you were mad about and was like “sure bring her” he probably didn’t invite you cause you’ve been ignoring him…
If you wanted to say something, say it. Otherwise, don’t bother other people turning it into a dramatic issue. Act like an adult.
She’s not insisting on the song being incorporated into the wedding “for you,” she!s doing it to reclaim the song to be about her and for herself.
I’m not saying she’s a terrible person, but she is being selfish and insecure. She needs to understand you had a life before her and not everything that!s meaningful to you has to be about or incorporate her.
Tell her the song, while meaningful for you, brings up a very specific and painful time of your life that you do t want yo be reminded of at your wedding or associated with her
You are not wrong to threaten to postpone if she won’t drop this.
I really hope I'm wrong.
What should I do?
Find a boyfriend that isn’t a disrespectful ass.
I think you just described my mother. She has the exact same problem of wanting to make friends and putting in a ton of effort and energy but they never truly pan out. For some reason she is always socially excluded and I can never figure it out.
No it does not, but this is not a case of being coerced and manipulated. Getting hot in front of your spouse's friend without your spouse knowing should be a hard no.
like a hub of videos or something like that
By breaking the rules
The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts by Gary Chapman. This is a great resource!
I'd be concerned there is possibly already someone she wants to bang. Hopefully there is not With that in mind, let's pretend that this potential reality is unfolding for real. For example, some guy at the market where she gets vegetables routinely flirts with her and gives her compliments. Wouldn't that piss you off? For all I know, maybe you are doing those things but the point is, someone out there would love to have her. Make sure she knows you want her, need her, and appreciate her. Even though you two have been together awhile, make an effort to “date” her again Seeing her enjoy your attention may begin a reciprocal situation that ignites the passion for you too again.
Read this like the setup to one of those almost “what are you doing, stepson?” videos and have to say – if it was, this wouldn't sell a lot of copies (or it'd be so bad they'd demand refunds).
Seems absolutely fine – I know most folks after a very hot day or two of painting would want a break and unless anything genuinely fruity was going on this sounds absolutely fine and not a problem.