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MorenaMitch, 28 y.o.
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Date: October 6, 2022
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A simple solution here is to set a very firm boundary with him that you won't tolerate any discussion of politics around your friends
Hello,
To address the issue of seeming like a user, I hear you. I know I have been lucky to have support while I have been floundering. Hopefully these points will clarify:
First – I've often brought up the idea of moving out before the full time work became a factor. But, he doesn't see how the relationship could work if I were to do this. He has insisted that although the timeline is less than ideal, he wants me to stay.
Second – I had the option to live with my parents, who actually live! close to our current house. We have a very good relationship and I'd have lived rent free as long as I was employed.
I do hope he and I can have this conversation. I've already started spreadsheets organizing where I spend my finances each month and calculating averages that illustrate my contribution, and hope to update this again. I think it becomes a question of a) what proportion of our shared finances seem fair for me to take on (and do I have the funds to take care of this proportion?) – should it be 50/50, or is he okay being more of the breadwinner while I help out in other ways? and b) how do we factor expenses toward a house investment in the equation – do we just leave those out of the shared expenses entirely?
As for sharing the property ownership, is a good question about whether we could be equals. I think he's seeing his mom as an example, and his mom is not sharing the title with her new partner either. I am not particularly happy with this but I will confirm with him.
Thanks very much for your input!
“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time”
I don’t know, I think my life is ruined.
You're 20, your life isn't ruined, even if he breaks up with you.
Your best chance is to respect what he has said he needs and give him space. I know that can be hot in this type of situation when you want to remedy whatever is going on, but trying to force your presence on him when he needs time isn't going to win you any points. Don't text him, don't show up to his event. Just try to calm down and let things go how they will go. If he wants to fix things, he will contact you.
It does seem very suspicious especially when there have been past issues regarding other men. I also felt like her punch was justice, what more do you want me to do you know? I feel for her but it’s not worth me throwing my life away after all it took for me to get here.