This. Reading through other comments, I keep hitting a “yeah I guess I agree” point with all the reasons fiancé is overreacting, but I still have consistently thought, how does he not know, and also, OP is also willing to throw away 3 years and an engagement over semantics.
Should the knowledge have to be known? Not necessarily. But, fiancé was concerned and OP clearly didn’t care too much about resolving the concerns. Like seriously went from – fiancé super upset, I said he should trust me, he left.
Doesn’t sound like she tried to ease his concerns at all. Just kind of…gaslit him? Maybe? Especially since in 3 years he’s never been jealous or concerned about any other male friends… obviously the dynamic was different this time around, in his eyes.
Clearly there’s some kind of disconnect. This was to be her partner in life, and I feel like not much effort to clear up her fiancés concerns. Especially one that is not frequent behavior from him.
It’s not directly about sexual orientation, but that’s what people are clinging to here. I get it’s not her place to say for her bff. But after 3 years, I’m sure her long time best friend probably also assumed her fiancé adirectly knew he was gay. Why all the beating around the bush about it? I would 100% think it was for some reason shady after 3 years if I didn’t know more about my SOs best friend. Certainly wouldn’t be engaged if I didn’t.
I think fiancé should stay away. I know that’s going against the grain here, but just all seems too weird.
“He won’t cheat as long as I give him satisfaction”.
He clearly stated that he is using you. I haven’t had any play in a while and I haven’t thought about cheating cause I don’t care. She my babes and I hers.
That is the problem. He has feelings for her. And what happens if she decides to come back in a Few mths? Or years? Girl, move on. It hasn’t been too long, trust me, this may be a blessing !
I hope you're not expecting any sympathy here. You slept with a married man. What did you think was going to happen? A fairy tale? Do not spend time with him. He needs to tell his wife and get a new job.
This whole post is bizarre to me to the point that I think this is likely fake. But let's say it's not, I don't give a fuck that your wife sucks. At this point you're choosing to be a shitty father by not giving your daughter any attention. This is on you bucko, you are making these choices.
In my opinion, children come first. This has become a daughter vs wife situation, and your WIFE is making that way. Divorce your wife and shower your daughter in love.
I guess I was trying to figure out if this is just a case of extreme cold feet or just manipulation- but as I wrote this I realize none of what I wrote would make me want to stay- I just hate that we’ve (his mother just made a lump sum payment and so has my parents and I) paid all this money and the embarrassment that come with this argh!
To answer your question, no. But I’ll give you unsolicited advice anyway – this dude will cheat on you again because you’ve proven yourself to be a spineless pushover about it.
He’s still going to see her – he’s just not going to tell you about it. Good luck.
Woooooow, someone who actually loves you wouldn't talk to you this way. Why tolerate it? Tbh I would leave for the weekend. Go stay with a friend, parents, hell even a hotel alone would be better than his toxic abusive ass.
Because she shouldn't have a dog if she can't afford it – the dog is clearly suffering because she can't meet his needs by locking him up on his own for 10 hours a day in an apartment.
The best pet owners are often thisenwho don't have any – they recognise an animal's needs are more important than their wants.
All I can say is do what you want or need to do, but you need to examine yourself before getting into another relationship. They'll come and go but you'll be the constant. What kind of life do you want to online? What you're in is not optimal. Consider making an effort to be the best you that you can be. What your in right now will chew you up and spit you out. Take care of yourself and start thinking about choices and consequences, and be the person you need to be.
Oh I see, so you just don’t understand how open relationships work, so in your eyes it must be just an excuse for someone to cheat.
Believe it or not, some people actually accept that their partner may not be able to fulfill 100% of their needs, and they’re ok with their partner having those needs met by someone else. For example, one of our friends is asexual but it married. He understand he can’t fill that void for his wife so they have an understanding and it works for them.
After browsing this sub some more I’m realizing that 9 times out of 10 people will just recommend to end any relationship after the slightest hiccup, and I think a lot of that has to do with other people projecting their own insecurities to the person asking for advice.
I read a post this morning of a woman who divorced her husband and she stayed single, but improved many things in her life, image, work, but kept minimum contact with the ex. The ex moved in with the AP and were planning to marry, but he was super mad at her because she had moved on. He was upset because she was happy without him. That’s may be the reason your ex is upset. You are no longer depending on him for your well being. He can’t control anything in your life anymore. What this other woman did was to go NC with the ex. He would pick up their daughter when she wasn’t around.
“As someone who comes from a single parent household”.
I understand what you’re thinking here, but you don’t have children. So if you and your husband divorce, you will not be a single parent. You will just be a person who is free to start a new relationship with someone who actually loves you and respects your marriage.
That person is not your current husband. He is just an insecure person with a bad case of “I only want what I can’t have, and then when I get it, I don’t want it anymore, until it goes away again.” You deserve better.
It's a metaphor to say “How would you behave if the same thing happened to your husband ?”
You're weirdly secretive about it and hiding important information.
If you're doing something dangerous/illegal then she is right to be worried and should probably leave you.
This. Reading through other comments, I keep hitting a “yeah I guess I agree” point with all the reasons fiancé is overreacting, but I still have consistently thought, how does he not know, and also, OP is also willing to throw away 3 years and an engagement over semantics.
Should the knowledge have to be known? Not necessarily. But, fiancé was concerned and OP clearly didn’t care too much about resolving the concerns. Like seriously went from – fiancé super upset, I said he should trust me, he left.
Doesn’t sound like she tried to ease his concerns at all. Just kind of…gaslit him? Maybe? Especially since in 3 years he’s never been jealous or concerned about any other male friends… obviously the dynamic was different this time around, in his eyes.
Clearly there’s some kind of disconnect. This was to be her partner in life, and I feel like not much effort to clear up her fiancés concerns. Especially one that is not frequent behavior from him.
It’s not directly about sexual orientation, but that’s what people are clinging to here. I get it’s not her place to say for her bff. But after 3 years, I’m sure her long time best friend probably also assumed her fiancé adirectly knew he was gay. Why all the beating around the bush about it? I would 100% think it was for some reason shady after 3 years if I didn’t know more about my SOs best friend. Certainly wouldn’t be engaged if I didn’t.
I think fiancé should stay away. I know that’s going against the grain here, but just all seems too weird.
“He won’t cheat as long as I give him satisfaction”.
He clearly stated that he is using you. I haven’t had any play in a while and I haven’t thought about cheating cause I don’t care. She my babes and I hers.
You should tell her your 100% keeping your open as 10% may as well be a million %
That is the problem. He has feelings for her. And what happens if she decides to come back in a Few mths? Or years? Girl, move on. It hasn’t been too long, trust me, this may be a blessing !
I hope you're not expecting any sympathy here. You slept with a married man. What did you think was going to happen? A fairy tale? Do not spend time with him. He needs to tell his wife and get a new job.
I am pretending to be like you, I think I am doing a pretty good job of being slow!
This whole post is bizarre to me to the point that I think this is likely fake. But let's say it's not, I don't give a fuck that your wife sucks. At this point you're choosing to be a shitty father by not giving your daughter any attention. This is on you bucko, you are making these choices.
In my opinion, children come first. This has become a daughter vs wife situation, and your WIFE is making that way. Divorce your wife and shower your daughter in love.
I am usually his hiking buddy! But hikes definitely look different with the kids. It's less exercise than it used to be.
I have said that. She goes further into her shell when I talk like that, but it feels good in the moment when I do it.
I'm sorry to hear this.
bro can u read they said they are making food for themself but not their partner lol “im too upset to cook” is just a bold faced lie
I guess I was trying to figure out if this is just a case of extreme cold feet or just manipulation- but as I wrote this I realize none of what I wrote would make me want to stay- I just hate that we’ve (his mother just made a lump sum payment and so has my parents and I) paid all this money and the embarrassment that come with this argh!
To answer your question, no. But I’ll give you unsolicited advice anyway – this dude will cheat on you again because you’ve proven yourself to be a spineless pushover about it.
He’s still going to see her – he’s just not going to tell you about it. Good luck.
Woooooow, someone who actually loves you wouldn't talk to you this way. Why tolerate it? Tbh I would leave for the weekend. Go stay with a friend, parents, hell even a hotel alone would be better than his toxic abusive ass.
Because she shouldn't have a dog if she can't afford it – the dog is clearly suffering because she can't meet his needs by locking him up on his own for 10 hours a day in an apartment.
The best pet owners are often thisenwho don't have any – they recognise an animal's needs are more important than their wants.
All I can say is do what you want or need to do, but you need to examine yourself before getting into another relationship. They'll come and go but you'll be the constant. What kind of life do you want to online? What you're in is not optimal. Consider making an effort to be the best you that you can be. What your in right now will chew you up and spit you out. Take care of yourself and start thinking about choices and consequences, and be the person you need to be.
Oh I see, so you just don’t understand how open relationships work, so in your eyes it must be just an excuse for someone to cheat.
Believe it or not, some people actually accept that their partner may not be able to fulfill 100% of their needs, and they’re ok with their partner having those needs met by someone else. For example, one of our friends is asexual but it married. He understand he can’t fill that void for his wife so they have an understanding and it works for them.
After browsing this sub some more I’m realizing that 9 times out of 10 people will just recommend to end any relationship after the slightest hiccup, and I think a lot of that has to do with other people projecting their own insecurities to the person asking for advice.
I read a post this morning of a woman who divorced her husband and she stayed single, but improved many things in her life, image, work, but kept minimum contact with the ex. The ex moved in with the AP and were planning to marry, but he was super mad at her because she had moved on. He was upset because she was happy without him. That’s may be the reason your ex is upset. You are no longer depending on him for your well being. He can’t control anything in your life anymore. What this other woman did was to go NC with the ex. He would pick up their daughter when she wasn’t around.
“As someone who comes from a single parent household”.
I understand what you’re thinking here, but you don’t have children. So if you and your husband divorce, you will not be a single parent. You will just be a person who is free to start a new relationship with someone who actually loves you and respects your marriage.
That person is not your current husband. He is just an insecure person with a bad case of “I only want what I can’t have, and then when I get it, I don’t want it anymore, until it goes away again.” You deserve better.