Your husband is abusing you, he's isolating and controlling you and deep down you know it, I suspect you are drinking because he is making your life miserable. Please stop drinking, you need a clear head to get out of this horribly abusive situation. And stop paying all your pay into his account , as for him making you who you are, if that's the case he should be able to make himself just as successful , no ?
.. as in.. after you directly told him he is still dismissing the entire discussion by saying there is a difference between “I wish” and “can you?” I bet if you start paying closer attention, you will see that he is dismissive in other aspects of your relationship.
You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who loves all of you the way that you are! You should have an open conversation with your boyfriend about how you feel (naked, I know), but maybe he has never considered that he was being cold towards you when you needed affection. If he explains that your being trans is the reason, then it might be time to find someone who would truly love you the way that you are. Good luck!
It sounds like he has made being a political contrarian his identity and he is fully entrenched. Good luck, It doesn’t get better until there is intense self reflection and a willingness to literally change his personality which most people will not do.
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Would going together be a good idea? Should we go separately and then go together sometimes? I am really new into this, but I want to be supportive, I want to try my best at least.
I'm sorry dude. But this is exactly why you don't take breaks to fix a relationship.
If you want to take space, sure have at it. But to open the door for sleeping around will only damage your reletionship. And you must put strict boundaries on the space.
People are going to come in here and say “You weren't active. Get over it”… that is a load of shit.
You took a break under the expectation of getting back together. And the moment you 'turned off' your reletionship, she ran to sleep with someone else. That shows where your reletionship stands.
Instead of utilizing the time apart to improve yourselves for each-other, a here took advantage of it to sleep with someone else. Actions demonstrate true intentions.
I'm sorry to put it bluntly, but any potential for a reletionship here is probably over.
These thoughts:
Still feel sick when it crosses my mind that she would give herself to another dude so quickly
Are something you're never go to let go. It will always be in the back of your mind.
That is why people should never stay with cheaters (on paper she's not), but its the same damaging impact. Your view on the love you have for each-other will never be the same. It no longer feels special or intimate, its now tainted.
These are things that people have a hell of time of getting over, it will become a focal point of your reletionship.
Look, I don’t know what the solution is with your boyfriend but I’m more worried about your relationship with your mother. You called her a single mother as though she still is in that role. She certainly was one but she’s not in that position anymore because you’re an adult she doesn’t need to care for in the same way. You say she’s very strict and says your not allowed to do things? You’re 22. The time when she could disallow anything is long past. And you talk about her being all alone and being worried she’ll hate you if you leave? That sounds deeply unhealthy. Are you supposed to be her only relationship for the rest of her life? You’re supposed to leave and build your own life. That’s what you’re children will do in a healthy situation. You shouldn’t be frightened your parent will hate you for wanting to grow up and decide your own path.
You should really think about what you want out of your life because I’m concerned that you have been made to feel like you owe her the rest of your life because she raised you alone. You can have a relationship with your mother without being everything for her. And it’s not at all fair for her to ask that. She’s as capable as you are of building a life for herself. You owe her respect and love if she gives it in return. But you are not her emotional support animal. You deserve your own life.
You’re acting as his maid/mother and he’s decided getting yelled at every so often is a fair trade for not having to actually grow up. Stop coddling him- do your laundry, not his, do your own dishes, not his, put his stuff that he leaves laying around in a pile on the floor or in a trash bag and when he leaves excrement on the toilet make him clean it. If he doesn’t step up and act like an adult, move on. He’s going to leave ??? of the childcare/rearing to you if you procreate with him.
Okay and what does she feel that was being pushed on her that she wasn't comfortable with? I mean you don't have to answer but clearly something was going on that she didn't like that caused her to end the relationship. It would probably be good for you to dig deep and see what behavior on your end may have caused her to leave.
I don’t think she meant physical force, more that she’d feel pressured into it by both you and herself. But not that it makes it much better. You two need to talk about this. Sometimes it takes women over a year to feel anything close to sexual after having a baby. Do not marry someone you can’t have important conversations with.
I don’t have roadside assistance. And I just moved here so don’t have anybody to call Rlly. I usually actually keep jumpers in my car ?. And yes u know how to use it
It means that she has a lot of recovery to do, a lot of therapy appointments she needs to make, and a lot of growth that needs to happen. For people who have been in toxic relationships, good relationships feel really really weird and uncomfortable. I'm sorry you got dumped. This has to feel really awful.
Kinda think more context is needed. How long have you been with him? Has he been made comments like this before? What’s your relationship like in general? Do you have any questions, going into marriage…?
He’s either just an excited dumbass who made a stupid comment. Or he’s a scary dude and you’ve just seen the beginning of what could become a night ante for you.
Thanks for responding, this is my first time posting so I was a little nervous that I would get no advice. This friend will make racist comments to strangers, be nasty to women when they turn down his advances, get kicked out of clubs for intoxication and when they hang out at this friends houses drinking he will get his swords out or show his guns for farming. My boyfriend has had many times where he has had to diffuse fights where this friend is about to have his head bashed in from angry boyfriends or generally anyone he has insulted. We are in a large city with many cultures so it’s very concerning. TIA
Op seems completely unwilling to even consider that he was raped which is very heartbreaking. Some ppl deny this shit even to themselves bc it’s too scary to deal with which I get. But that’s absolutely what happened
No, her past relationships have been more casual, less “serious”. She doesn't want to start a new relationship with anybody and lose the one she has unless she knew for certain that that person was committed and had the same future plans as her. I told her it's unrealistic she would find a guy here that would commit to her without dating her first. The culture here is not like that. She agreed it would probably never happen. But given the unforeseen relationship we developed, if there was ever gonna be a guy, it would be me.
It's very unlikely I'm going to do this. Like I mentioned, I think it's crazy. It's a dangerous option she gave me, but it ends with us together so I had to think about it.
Right ?!?! Thank you. Fucking weird
Exactly this. He’s garbage for stringing her along too though.
Love a poly person who is always trying to break up monogamous couples, such a dbag.
Your husband is abusing you, he's isolating and controlling you and deep down you know it, I suspect you are drinking because he is making your life miserable. Please stop drinking, you need a clear head to get out of this horribly abusive situation. And stop paying all your pay into his account , as for him making you who you are, if that's the case he should be able to make himself just as successful , no ?
The Bond is yours to Lose.
Despite what you see on TV, pulling pranks on a person who identifies his Bond
with serious eyes sends the message that you don't respect him…and by
extention the Bond.
Guys catch a lot of shit for investing seriously in a Bond (see: “Pussy Whipped”)
so if you suggest you are taking it lightly…..even if you know you aren't…..
you ared still playing with fire.
You've been warned…….
lol why did you put the thing about fanservice in the title when clearly this is not what the post is about
That was his only response?
.. as in.. after you directly told him he is still dismissing the entire discussion by saying there is a difference between “I wish” and “can you?” I bet if you start paying closer attention, you will see that he is dismissive in other aspects of your relationship.
He won't do shit. Leave.
Well if you don't enjoy using it on him, tell him to take it back.
You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who loves all of you the way that you are! You should have an open conversation with your boyfriend about how you feel (naked, I know), but maybe he has never considered that he was being cold towards you when you needed affection. If he explains that your being trans is the reason, then it might be time to find someone who would truly love you the way that you are. Good luck!
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You're being petty and small. You don't know their situation and you are wrong to judge without full picture. This is a deal killer fir me. Let it go.
It sounds like he has made being a political contrarian his identity and he is fully entrenched. Good luck, It doesn’t get better until there is intense self reflection and a willingness to literally change his personality which most people will not do.
That’s how women are. Go out get laid, enjoy some women, you have some time to settle down
What is gf doing re: possible asexuality and marriage to a high libido person?
Your strong relationship needs every i dotted, not just the ones that don't require work…
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Depends? They could melt it down and remold it..
Would going together be a good idea? Should we go separately and then go together sometimes? I am really new into this, but I want to be supportive, I want to try my best at least.
I am playing poker right now and hella enjoyin ot
This will not end well for anyone.
A human who doesn’t like pets? ???
If he is cheating, he knows you know, and you are staying, you basically have given him the green light to cheat forever.
this is all red flag mountain ?⛰? Get therapy and definitely break up
Its not shallow of you to care.
I'm sorry dude. But this is exactly why you don't take breaks to fix a relationship.
If you want to take space, sure have at it. But to open the door for sleeping around will only damage your reletionship. And you must put strict boundaries on the space.
People are going to come in here and say “You weren't active. Get over it”… that is a load of shit.
You took a break under the expectation of getting back together. And the moment you 'turned off' your reletionship, she ran to sleep with someone else. That shows where your reletionship stands.
Instead of utilizing the time apart to improve yourselves for each-other, a here took advantage of it to sleep with someone else. Actions demonstrate true intentions.
I'm sorry to put it bluntly, but any potential for a reletionship here is probably over.
These thoughts:
Still feel sick when it crosses my mind that she would give herself to another dude so quickly
Are something you're never go to let go. It will always be in the back of your mind.
That is why people should never stay with cheaters (on paper she's not), but its the same damaging impact. Your view on the love you have for each-other will never be the same. It no longer feels special or intimate, its now tainted.
These are things that people have a hell of time of getting over, it will become a focal point of your reletionship.
Look, I don’t know what the solution is with your boyfriend but I’m more worried about your relationship with your mother. You called her a single mother as though she still is in that role. She certainly was one but she’s not in that position anymore because you’re an adult she doesn’t need to care for in the same way. You say she’s very strict and says your not allowed to do things? You’re 22. The time when she could disallow anything is long past. And you talk about her being all alone and being worried she’ll hate you if you leave? That sounds deeply unhealthy. Are you supposed to be her only relationship for the rest of her life? You’re supposed to leave and build your own life. That’s what you’re children will do in a healthy situation. You shouldn’t be frightened your parent will hate you for wanting to grow up and decide your own path.
You should really think about what you want out of your life because I’m concerned that you have been made to feel like you owe her the rest of your life because she raised you alone. You can have a relationship with your mother without being everything for her. And it’s not at all fair for her to ask that. She’s as capable as you are of building a life for herself. You owe her respect and love if she gives it in return. But you are not her emotional support animal. You deserve your own life.
Are they your pets or hers?
You need to tell him and the company. He groomed you and acted inappropriately
My money's on street luge. How much do one of those things set you back second-hand? About on par with a 5yo xbox?
You’re acting as his maid/mother and he’s decided getting yelled at every so often is a fair trade for not having to actually grow up. Stop coddling him- do your laundry, not his, do your own dishes, not his, put his stuff that he leaves laying around in a pile on the floor or in a trash bag and when he leaves excrement on the toilet make him clean it. If he doesn’t step up and act like an adult, move on. He’s going to leave ??? of the childcare/rearing to you if you procreate with him.
Okay and what does she feel that was being pushed on her that she wasn't comfortable with? I mean you don't have to answer but clearly something was going on that she didn't like that caused her to end the relationship. It would probably be good for you to dig deep and see what behavior on your end may have caused her to leave.
I don’t think she meant physical force, more that she’d feel pressured into it by both you and herself. But not that it makes it much better. You two need to talk about this. Sometimes it takes women over a year to feel anything close to sexual after having a baby. Do not marry someone you can’t have important conversations with.
I don’t have roadside assistance. And I just moved here so don’t have anybody to call Rlly. I usually actually keep jumpers in my car ?. And yes u know how to use it
Christ, fuck you asshole.
Leave. It’ll only get worse.
It means that she has a lot of recovery to do, a lot of therapy appointments she needs to make, and a lot of growth that needs to happen. For people who have been in toxic relationships, good relationships feel really really weird and uncomfortable. I'm sorry you got dumped. This has to feel really awful.
My friend does it as they have a genetic condition that is only in boys her and her husband have
Haha I study earth and planetary science at university so rocks are a pretty large part of that. I honestly just think they’re pretty most the time.
Kinda think more context is needed. How long have you been with him? Has he been made comments like this before? What’s your relationship like in general? Do you have any questions, going into marriage…?
He’s either just an excited dumbass who made a stupid comment. Or he’s a scary dude and you’ve just seen the beginning of what could become a night ante for you.
Thanks for responding, this is my first time posting so I was a little nervous that I would get no advice. This friend will make racist comments to strangers, be nasty to women when they turn down his advances, get kicked out of clubs for intoxication and when they hang out at this friends houses drinking he will get his swords out or show his guns for farming. My boyfriend has had many times where he has had to diffuse fights where this friend is about to have his head bashed in from angry boyfriends or generally anyone he has insulted. We are in a large city with many cultures so it’s very concerning. TIA
lol you clearly have no idea what are you talking about
I didn't talk about anything, I asked you questions because I don't understand and I am curious.
“It was just oral sex”
WTF. HOW is that any better?!?!
I know it does not seem it now, but finding out what a train wreck your “fiancée” is before the wedding is nothing but a blessing.
And please don’t get with her thirsty snake of a best friend. She has no morals either; she told you the truth, but she is not a good person.
There is definitely more to this story.
That’s not what your partner found good about you. So don’t change
Op seems completely unwilling to even consider that he was raped which is very heartbreaking. Some ppl deny this shit even to themselves bc it’s too scary to deal with which I get. But that’s absolutely what happened
No, her past relationships have been more casual, less “serious”. She doesn't want to start a new relationship with anybody and lose the one she has unless she knew for certain that that person was committed and had the same future plans as her. I told her it's unrealistic she would find a guy here that would commit to her without dating her first. The culture here is not like that. She agreed it would probably never happen. But given the unforeseen relationship we developed, if there was ever gonna be a guy, it would be me.
It's very unlikely I'm going to do this. Like I mentioned, I think it's crazy. It's a dangerous option she gave me, but it ends with us together so I had to think about it.
??
Listen…
“I am going over to my friend”. “Ok, thank's for telling me!”
That's most of the guys favorite answer. Meaning they are being trusted.
What's up with this guy?
Do throw a temper tantrum for once and see if he likes it. I bet… he will find something to say to that, also.
So this is not about YOU. It's about him.
He is picking random reasons to find fault with you.
Be away there. He is manipulative.
Him testing you makes him a total failure.
Tell him he got an F- in your personal boyfriend test and be done with him.
Call his bluff and tell him you're reporting them stolen