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Mike & Alex, y.o.
Location: Sweden
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Live! Live Sex Chat rooms Mike & Alex
Date: October 20, 2022
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Let’s agree to disagree.
I mean, this could go either way really. I’d talk with her and have an honest conversation about her needs.
Need update
I feel you 100% on your situation trust me. If you're going to get married he needs to know that his soon to be wife has to come first. You're going to be married to him (not his family) but sadly they will be around & that's something you'll need to get used to.
I would really recommend having another conversation about the situation and really explain to him in detail how it makes you feel and how it's going to ruin your relationship with him down the line. Communication is key.
Remindme! 3 days
It seems like this object has become a talisman and you’re fixated on it. Instead of giving it to your ex — for Xmas or any other time in the future — hand it off to a trusted friend to hide away. You’re not doing yourself any favors by holding onto it until she contacts you.
That’s what an ultimatum is. An incentive to make a choice. Really think about the one you want to make for your life
Phone the police
Don't reach out. Heal, work on yourself, and find someone new.
Exactly.
I think that therapy for him is something he really needs, and offer to be there with him in those sessions. You need to also sit down with him how the jokes are destroying your self-esteem and honestly make you want to cry. It might hurt to say it, but you really open up about it. If he really cares about you, he will understand his mistakes and stop.
Together 3yrs married 3mo and have a baby boy together
I see if the person wants to change; see them putting a consistent, concerted effort; figuring out a way how to make the change; and gets support to do so then I believe that they will change.
Most of such behaviors are ingrained beliefs and habits and because of this, I don't believe that they will change.
Red flag , keeping ” Momentos “'
It’s okay to feel bad about that. I understand you, like to be loved because you love them feels kind of like they’d love you because you stroke their ego. I don’t and can’t know if that’s true about your husband but it must feel like that for you and that’s understandable.
I don’t know if you’re like me but I have been the kind of person who had – and has – a low self-esteem and I just wanted love so bad. I wanted to be loved so bad that I would have done everything to get it. I loved my exes a lot, so much, and underneath it all was the idea that somehow they were better than me. That if I could just make them love me, I would finally be good enough. That I had to constantly perform for them to love me. That if we broke up, it would mean I was nothing. It took me a very long time and a lot of pain to realize that I was trying super very hot to be loved by men whose love actually even wasn’t that great. They didn’t treat me well and some of them just weren’t compatible with me at all. They didn’t fulfill my needs and wants and yet there I was, thinking their love and acceptance and validation was so important.
Do you feel like this? Do you feel like you can truly be yourself with your husband? Does he make you feel absolutely sure of his affection and respect and esteem for you?
What made you fall in love with him?
What do you think is the thing in you that is the most attractive, on the inside?
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Reason? You need a Reason? Ok…Here's the reason:
“Repressed sexual desires for his grandmothers' rubber boots”.
There ya go.
Use it thew next time you witness his behavior…..
see if you can keep a straight face……. 🙂
Yes your boyfriend is giving you excuses and you should end your frustration by cutting your losses and finding somebody who wants the same future as you do.
Set some of your own goals and work towards accomplishing them. Make them reasonable for you and 100% under your control. This will grow your confidence and help you know that your value is more than just looks.
They thought that before I talked about him
You’re in crisis, you both are, but you’re the one that you have any control of. Its understandable that you don’t have the energy to go to family christmas which will be full of happy people who will have lots of questions about what your’re going through.
But you MUST reach out, even if you don’t want to. Pick a person, and a back up person or two if they’re not available and tell them “I need you, I’m in crisis.” Have them help you get in touch with services, counseling and support groups. Make sure you can eat, don’t let an inability to eat spin get you even more spun out. If all you can eat is chips, that’s better than starving yourself. For now don’t beat yourself up for not being able to achieve what you normally could. If it’s very hot for you to get out of bed, getting out of bed and getting dressed makes you a rockstar right now.
The only way you got it is from HIM. WAKE UP! Also with his deceitful ass guarantee you he’s already getting treated so he can be negative for the test you come for. He was buying time. Be ready to get gaslit for the next 18 years.
Leave her. She’s abusive and has a temper, kick her out of your home. She will only escalate her abuse and it will happen more often because you didn’t end it the 1st, 2nd or 3rd time.
You also do not want to risk her having your baby. My dad took years of abuse to protect me and my siblings (she still abused us when he was at work) until he could take full custody of us all when he left. So don’t have sex with her.
And new year is just another day, it’s not a special day where abuse is magically wiped clean. Go into the new year with a resolution to end this relationship.
No. That’s not a thing.
If it's a type of pit, please do not have kids until it is in the house. They can be all normal dogs for a time and randomly snap, like here.
Your kitty is at the forever miceland now. Rest in peace, kitten.
Try to think ahead 2 or 3 years into the future. Where are you, what are you doing and who are you with ? Would you look back at this moment now and be happy with the path you've chosen?
Go back to therapy. It seems like you still have things to work through and it can help with giving you tools and how to deal with your current situation.
I dont know what country you live! in but where i live there are no states or territories that allow men to give up the child without having to pay child support without another man adopting the kid.
I dont know what country you live! in but where i live there are no states or territories that allow men to give up the child without having to pay child support without another man adopting the kid.
You sound chock full o’ nuts too. You guys are perfect for each other.
He groomed you a young Asian girl…. Which he happens to have a fetish for.
A problem that later is complained about but before never was mentioned directly in talks is no problem or rather her problem. Honestly today she gives you shit about signaling she wants some food even though you already offered her some multiple times and she refused but next time she will rip you a new one for bringing food for her without asking because she is on a diet. This is a communication problem which needs to be addressed immediately.
Get a partner you’re actually compatible with
Did you call the authorities? Since it's clear from your post you didn't, you looked the other way and accepted this behavior. Own the fact that you are acting out of spite and pettiness
The age of consent where I live! is 16 too, but it’s still illegal for anyone more than 4 years older than the minor to “date” them.
She is absolutely doing it to manipulate you to stay. That's how this works, you're the sucker getting sloppy seconds while she lets other dudes fill her hole, I doubt she's using condoms with them, and letting them blast inside her. You're a clown, stop being one and grow some balls.
I’ve been with my partner over 20 years. He has never cheated (had plenty of opportunities due to constant travel with work). He loves me, supports me and always makes me feel like the most beautiful woman in the room
Good men do exist. Never settle for less than you deserve
I don't know dude that got married under 30. Fwiw, 30-35 is when you'll have the most success with women 25-30. I don't know where you live!, but local customs can vary greatly, as can population age. Move somewhere that fits where you are now and want to be
Same… I’m sorry he KEPT IT A SECRET and HID IT… it’s also really WEIRD….
Sorry but I would be really grossed out by this.. you need to ask yourself are you going to be able to tolerate YEARS of insecurityand perpetual wondering?
Even if he is genuine now.. it’s clearly a deep rooted issue… knowing you are second best or wondering if he would cheat on you with her. You need to ask yourself if it’s worth it … otherwise cut your losses… you are amazing in your own right! Perhaps therapy and being happily single might be better than this
Thank you. I have a younger sister too and.. well we just have to look out for each other. It’s a cruel world. I dated a significantly older guy when I was 20-21 and it fucked with me. I managed to get out when I first realized that he fully intended to take over my life with his life but I fear for every young woman that falls into these traps. Your sister is lucky to have you
Yes, great idea. Make it blue or green….toddler boy colour, maybe even a Superman logo on the side.
Dude you are literally sticking up for your abuser. It’s really sad.
just kick her out, try to get custody of your daughter, since the mother is homeless anyway
I’m hoping to mediate somehow, but I’ve confirmed my suspicions that my girlfriend is in the right here.
No reply, just block.
Yup I get to do extensive blood tests for both yay!
Yup I get to do extensive blood tests for both yay!
Yup I get to do extensive blood tests for both yay!
Get out. It won’t get better. He’s untrustworthy and selfish.
I so want to refute this statement but yes it is weird hahaha but isn't he weird too for accepting?
Definitely leave.
a full 365 view, basically to show I am not lying.
Why? Is there a reason for this? Is distrust just his default?
If there's no reason, my thoughts would be along the lines of “tell him to fuck off.” Because why stop there? Give him full access to your phone, every personal message and email you've ever sent. Put a GPS tracker on your ankle like you're “on probation” etc…
All the best.
i think you are just taking out your anger on her because you didn't get the toy you wanted in your happy meal on july 14th 2002, and i diagnose you as bipolar.
Why the f are you marrying him?
If they’re sharing, it also means he has access to all of her messages and anything that’s on the SIM card as well. It wouldn’t be where she has access and he doesn’t… I don’t know why you think it’s weird for her to have access to his stuff but not for it to be weird that he has access to her stuff…
People like you shouldn't be allowed within ten miles of a school or playground ?
The person you describe isn’t someone I would recommend dating.
Well.. if he doesn't care, would he prefer to live! alone? Because you definitely don't have to deal with that.
A relationship needs constant work so that it doesn't die down. Effort from both people. If he's not going to put in any effort, do you actually want to live with a roommate that has a gaming addiction?
There are plenty of good men out there. If this one prioritizes his games over you, he doesn't deserve you.
It's up to you. Did you genuinely like her as you were getting to know her? A lot of people get cold feet before meeting a stranger for a date. This isn't uncommon. If she asked for another chance, it means she felt some connection and still wants to meet you. I agree that she handled it very poorly, but I don't think it's unreasonable to give her one more chance if you want to. If she cancels or postpones again, then she's out. Don't tell her that, though. Just wait and see what she does.
But if that option doesn't appeal to you, go ahead and move on!
Your parents are right, you massively overreacted and tried to make it all about you. You were a teen at the time, not a small child. Who cares what your parents do on their bedroom? It’s none of your business.
Your husband is being very unfair. I basically couldn't work during covid and lost my company. I was only qualified for a very small industry. My wife was considered an essential service, so she worked throughout covid. She supported us financially for about 18 months, while my industry slowly started to wake up.
I took over all cooking, cleaning, washing, shopping, and maintenance on the house. Even though I was in a slight depression. Not once did I slip into not doing anything. My wife came home to a cooked meal. She had lunch for the next day. Basically, she worked and rested.
Your husband is being very unfair, and I don't blame you for resenting him. All I can say is that you need to talk to him and wake him up. Or issue an ultimatum and leave.
Good luck
Yes, you shouldn't have. I think this is about the only thing everyone here agrees on. But what you did is absolutely minor compared to what he threw at you. Please read the comments (mostly the downvoted ones) that explain to you why you are not the main problem in this story. They are right.
An 8 year gap in your 20s is way bigger than in your 40s or 50s ??♀️ regardless of whether people consider that formula to be the convention, i think most people would agree that it’s kinda gross/creepy for a 40 yr old to be dating 27 year old. I think it’s more helpful to think in terms of how big of a percentage of the younger person’s life the age gap is. In other words, the bf has lived 33% more time on earth than she has. That’s a lot.
An 8 year gap in your 20s is way bigger than in your 40s or 50s ??♀️ regardless of whether people consider that formula to be the convention, i think most people would agree that it’s kinda gross/creepy for a 40 yr old to be dating 27 year old. I think it’s more helpful to think in terms of how big of a percentage of the younger person’s life the age gap is. In other words, the bf has lived 33% more time on earth than she has. That’s a lot.
He said he was aroused that someone he liked seemed to be interested in him back and she was touching his thighs so that made him excited so he masturbated. Does that make sense?
Don't trust the Google maps, if he is really trying to cover his tracks he wouldn't be so stupid enough to leave any information to track him(i.e phone drop/box) The only real way would be to follow him. PI!
1 week
1 week
If they feel traumatized that’s how they feel and it’s valid. We don’t know what models for relationships they have in their life or what they are comparing their relationships to. It sounds like expectations are just way too high for teenage relationships and they need to recognize that and either readjust their expectations or put being in relationships on pause until their dating pool has matured.
Your GF is right. It doesn't matter what the world says or does. What matters is what the two of you do. Don't throw away a good thing over what other people say.
As for your insecurities, work on them. Put effort into changing what you can change and accepting and loving what you can't.
Please have him at least talk to the financial aid office and see what support he can get. Most US schools will count a student with a baby as fully independent from a financial aid standpoint and so he will likely be eligible for maximum aid. Many schools also have day care options or can help students set up flexible schedules to work around caregiving. Statistically both he and his child will do better long term with him having a college degree.
Don’t let him give up before you have a full and clear picture of what he’s entitled to.
But yes, this may be the point where you figure out where your personal lines are drawn.
Your preferences are yours, there’s plenty of things people are turned off by. It really depends how it’s handled and how realistic that is, because bodies change, imagine your partner has a period of illness and you’re disgusted with them that’s a bit very hot to take in. Or just getting old, y’all hate on that?
I think it’s bizarre to feel that way and ask her to marry him if that’s how he feels. Why would someone ask a person to marry them if they are that turned off by their body.
She's put on a ton of weight and is essentially a different person, this is the obvious reason they're not having sex
Just buy an apple air tag and slip it in his car or something he always has with him.
Could be both…
I was with my ex husband for 12 years and he is my sons dad. Now with my bf, I just say – oh I’ve been xyz places, I don’t mention my ex at every chance as thay would be weird and uncomfortable. My divorced bf mentioned his ex a lot and has learned to water stuff down, I don’t need so much detail or the constant referenced and think it is unnecessary
he basically responded with “you don’t work, you can do it.”
What the fj?! Unnecessary missle launch on his part and why? He didn’t lose his mind he’s being an AH. Don’t let this slip or else these attacks will get worse! Set him straight asap!
The moving is more for me! I’ve been wanting to move for years for my career. He has known that was my plan since before we were married and always agreed—Our 1st year of marriage he tried completely ripping the rug out from under me saying he didn’t want to anymore (which is unfair to me since he knew and agreed prior).. this was during the time of him being shitty to me.
Somehow I’ve held my foot down on it and told him this year I’m moving with or without him & he seems like he wants to go now all of a sudden.
It’s like he’s such a better guy now, but almost like maybe all the past stuff did make my passion and romance disappear. Idk. ??♀️
I said I’d take 50% minimum. He said he felt like when I adopted my dog 2 years ago that he thinks I left his name off the adoption paperwork on purpose so if something happened between us he wouldn’t have rights to her—honestly, they just asked me what my name was.?
This is my thoughts
Live! your life to please yourself, you only get one. I say this to you confidently because of your age. This truly may be your last chance. I’m not so sure your husband cheated because you were separated, but he’s a douche for hopping in the sack with a mutual friend. Seriously WTF! Really shit behavior from them both. Take care of your health either way. Good luck to you. Sometimes our destiny changes from what we expected, the folks that successfully navigate life are the ones that adapt and roll with it. You have apparently wanted a child for a long time, the universe finally said yes.
Live your life to please yourself, you only get one. I say this to you confidently because of your age. This truly may be your last chance. I’m not so sure your husband cheated because you were separated, but he’s a douche for hopping in the sack with a mutual friend. Seriously WTF! Really shit behavior from them both. Take care of your health either way. Good luck to you. Sometimes our destiny changes from what we expected, the folks that successfully navigate life are the ones that adapt and roll with it. You have apparently wanted a child for a long time, the universe finally said yes.
The ye way I see it you weren’t meant to have a baby with your STBX but you are meant to be a mom. You need to think about how much you want a baby and keep her no matter what anyone else says. The baby seems to have a loving father who wants to be in her life. It seems to me your STBX is only pressing you to get rid of the baby because he doesn’t have one so why should you. As soon as you say I am not having her he will walk away! Don’t let him control your life anymore.
I would be concerned that you’re getting yourself in to another abusive relationship.
I would have broken up with you, I’d you had looked secretly through my phone.
You say “serious dirt”, but do you know when he last accessed the file of pictures? I’m pretty sure I have some old nudes of exes poking around somewhere in my old files too. I just haven’t looked at them for ages. You even went through his search history, where he was clearly trying very hot to get over his ex, who he labelled as narcissistic. I’m sorry, but that isn’t serious dirt to me. That is a guy who hasn’t moved on as much as he thought he had and battling with it. It also doesn’t negate you breaking his trust 1-2 months in.
You also knew from that point on, that he was still not completely over his ex and still stayed with him. If you were only happy to do so on the condition that you could monitor his phone from then on, maybe you should have mentioned that.
How are you trusting him, if you still feel you need to be checking his private space? What do you imagine him doing that you aren’t seeing and want to gather evidence for or are only ready to disbelieve, if you can’t regularly check it isn’t there?
I would have broken up with you, I’d you had looked secretly through my phone.
You say “serious dirt”, but do you know when he last accessed the file of pictures? I’m pretty sure I have some old nudes of exes poking around somewhere in my old files too. I just haven’t looked at them for ages. You even went through his search history, where he was clearly trying naked to get over his ex, who he labelled as narcissistic. I’m sorry, but that isn’t serious dirt to me. That is a guy who hasn’t moved on as much as he thought he had and battling with it. It also doesn’t negate you breaking his trust 1-2 months in.
You also knew from that point on, that he was still not completely over his ex and still stayed with him. If you were only happy to do so on the condition that you could monitor his phone from then on, maybe you should have mentioned that.
How are you trusting him, if you still feel you need to be checking his private space? What do you imagine him doing that you aren’t seeing and want to gather evidence for or are only ready to disbelieve, if you can’t regularly check it isn’t there?
I would have broken up with you, I’d you had looked secretly through my phone.
You say “serious dirt”, but do you know when he last accessed the file of pictures? I’m pretty sure I have some old nudes of exes poking around somewhere in my old files too. I just haven’t looked at them for ages. You even went through his search history, where he was clearly trying very hot to get over his ex, who he labelled as narcissistic. I’m sorry, but that isn’t serious dirt to me. That is a guy who hasn’t moved on as much as he thought he had and battling with it. It also doesn’t negate you breaking his trust 1-2 months in.
You also knew from that point on, that he was still not completely over his ex and still stayed with him. If you were only happy to do so on the condition that you could monitor his phone from then on, maybe you should have mentioned that.
How are you trusting him, if you still feel you need to be checking his private space? What do you imagine him doing that you aren’t seeing and want to gather evidence for or are only ready to disbelieve, if you can’t regularly check it isn’t there?
I would have broken up with you, I’d you had looked secretly through my phone.
You say “serious dirt”, but do you know when he last accessed the file of pictures? I’m pretty sure I have some old nudes of exes poking around somewhere in my old files too. I just haven’t looked at them for ages. You even went through his search history, where he was clearly trying hot to get over his ex, who he labelled as narcissistic. I’m sorry, but that isn’t serious dirt to me. That is a guy who hasn’t moved on as much as he thought he had and battling with it. It also doesn’t negate you breaking his trust 1-2 months in.
You also knew from that point on, that he was still not completely over his ex and still stayed with him. If you were only happy to do so on the condition that you could monitor his phone from then on, maybe you should have mentioned that.
How are you trusting him, if you still feel you need to be checking his private space? What do you imagine him doing that you aren’t seeing and want to gather evidence for or are only ready to disbelieve, if you can’t regularly check it isn’t there?
He didn’t want you to pay for stuff because then you could make changes or demands?? WTF did I just read? This is incredibly controlling and a HUGE red flag. The parking spot just solidifies it. He is trying to make it so that he has the final say of not only what happens in the house, but also where you park. This is awful- you have a baby in the NICU and he is trying to make your life harder. When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. Please get away from this man safely as soon as possible.
I personally think that's a weak argument though, the same thing can applied to any trauma or any form of discrimination for that matter. There is certain things I won't be able to fully relate to, but I still have understanding that comes from empathy which might be what they lack
Dude you are a fucking idiot. Do you have no self respect? Or do you get off of being spit on? If I found out my bf was such a sucker with his ex it would be the biggest turn off ever. Get your shit together.
Yes, she is a gold digger. Get out now before she costs you more.
It's very hot to tell – mostly depends on how mature she has become after those experiences or well…whether she's healthy enough to have realised that relationships like that are toxic and not what a normal person should have to deal with.
I'd guess that there are mainly two options – you will be the good guy who treats her right and she geniuely learns that this is how it should be – or she might have an unhealthy uhhh… way of “missing” the abuse which would be pretty sad.
Can't exactly tell you what's gonna happen but if you like her, just treat her right, show her what a healthy loving relationship is supposed to look like etc. and if she happens to be too broken to see that then there is nothing you could have done different – sometimes you do everything you can but still lose – thats life.
As soon as you think it may get serious
YES!!! OP please read this! you need to let others know you are uncomfortable and potentially not safe around this person! do not hang out with him alone anymore if you can ever help it, bring a friend!
Your friends and family who love you and want good things for you are advising you to break up with him. I think they're right, also ultimatum territory is when things are actually over. You're on a merry go round of pain that you don't wanna get off but people are begging you too. None of your problems are fixable if they are still the same problems after 8 years. Its only hot to say no when you have no resolve. Love is literally not enough. Okay cool you love him but he's hurting you over and over like someone who doesn't like you would.
I get that she does get a bit childish when she’s upset. I swear there’s nothing more to this. I made a wrong move told her to continue and refused to answer what I did wrong. I didn’t expect this big of a reaction
Lol I'm 26 a bit too late on the sexist don't sleep around lecture
Where I’m from, having your partner by your side to walk down the aisle behind my sister is an honour. I was really offended and feel disrespected when he said he’s not going anymore… he thinks his presence will mean nothing. When in fact, it means everything to me.
If you've told him this and he still won't go, then you have to accept that he just doesn't care. He doesn't care if he upsets you or makes you happy. He doesn't care if he's seen as a part of your family or not. He doesn't care to go out of his way for you. At that point you get to decide if you want to be with someone like that.
I dont know how to contact her bc idk her information ?
That’s the problem with getting serious so young. You haven’t lived yet.
yes, shit happens for sure. That's why I suggested she find a female trainer. It seems like a win/win.
Thank you. I definitely will think about it for a bit before coming to a decision.
Then it sounds like your issue is insecurity with your bf,not the girl
Okay, I really appreciate you going a bit more into detail here, and I do think it changes things. Obviously, it could just be platonic, but I'm wondering how much you know about the “sleeping around” part? Does this mean he was just promiscuous or was he in relationships? Because if he is a known cheater, that brings a toooooon of clarity to why you're on edge.
but that also raises the question, are you hypervigilant because you have been cheated on? and perhaps recognize some behaviors that are similar?
Of course you are allowed to feel how you feel, and that's real and it matters. But if he IS faithful as a boyfriend, it's definitely worth finding out if you're letting the anxiety get t you, or if you're seeing something that is truly concerning.
What you do is up to you, but him being a misogynist is a yes at this point (consider the extent of his misogyny instead).
He uses insults towards women when he does not like them, and has insulted you publicly while also accepting and letting his friend speak negatively about you.
People can change but that's rare and takes a lot of effort on their part. I doubt your partner sees how he speaks about women or how he spoke toward you as an issue, I'm pretty certain that if you were to try to address this with him, he would just get defensive. What I mean by this is that you should not expect to be able to “change him.” He is a 50 year old adult that has most likely had the same views for years and years. On top of that, he participates in campaigns for a party that has a lot of anti-women views, which shows that his political stances are at a level high enough for him to be an advocate.
Other than that, from what I'm getting his political views and attitude towards women is tied to his social circle. They all use insults to women simply because they dislike them and at least one of his friends has spoken negatively about you. Since social influences play a role in behaviour, and a big part of his social circle supports his current views, he is even more unlikely to ever change his views.
You have a few options: 1) You accept it and keep taking insults from him
2) You try to improve this situation. Talk to him and tell him about your concerns, request therapy, relationship counselling or attempt to set boundaries. All three require some effort on his part. This of course does not mean that there will be change, that will depend on how he chooses to handle things. Personally, I don't have much hope due to his age, boys club and the fact that he is most likely very deeply set on his views. If nothing works, you will need to either go back to option 1 or go to option 3.
3) You end the relationship and go your own way. Option
Not sure what you mean by being a “handful.” Perhaps it's something problematic or something very minor and insignificant.
Dude, snoring alone is not reason to get a CPAP or even talk to a doctor. If you are struggling with other symptoms of sleep apnea, then sure. But snoring is not an acute medical emergency.
If you are not exclusive then you can date who you want and she can too.
People who are dedicated, aka body builders, all do the same shit your gf does.
They weigh food all the time, take a scale with them if they are truly dedicated to losing weight, and calorie counting is crucial. They all have a set eating schedule to and it's important to stick with it. 1 day off, and it can throw the whole system of whack.
I give props to your girl she is showing dedication that not many people can do.
She is 100% normal, you don't like it? Break up with her because I guarantee you she would get along better with a dude who is as dedicated as she is with her health journey.
OP, please leave him. He raped you, and he’s blaming you for it. He’s barely treating you like a human being. This is who he is – he sees nothing wrong with it, and he isn’t going to change. Please get your family and friends, or a domestic violence shelter, to assist you in leaving him.