The bigger question is if you can feel secure and happy with a known liar. You’ll never know what is real and what is not and that will eat away at you every moment.
Such a good way to put it, I’m sorry you’ve been through the same. That’s all I’m looking for, like minded people. I’m sending you good ass energy, thank you for this ???
I must admit I'm not a massive fan of my partner using my phone not sure why I litrally have nothing to hide but I just get embarrassed even though he knows exactly what I look at because I tell him. But the fact she was like fond with it and then suddenly not is abit weird, glad its been fixed but yeah mabey just ask her why she was so weird about it.
OP, his behavior is abusive. I almost left my husband for this very reason. He finally started going to therapy, but in the interim, I was basically his therapist, he truly had the desire to improve himself because I moved out and told him I may not come back.
People do yell at times. Familiarize yourself with the term “reactive abuse”
I mean he still technically doesn't have any children. That child is his uncle brother which, yes weird, but I don't see an issue with the donated sperm if he's fine with that part.
The real issue here is why didn't he respect you enough to have a conversation with you on the topic.
Just no to the second to last paragraph. She deserves to be treated with dignity and respect full stop. She is a person not an object. He is stalking her and it’s not okay. Contact the DMV, explain the situation, and if they do nothing or even in addition, alert the police.
To add something to what others are saying, you can always respond to your mother with one of the following: “Bless your heart,” “God Bless You!”, “You’re in my prayers,” or my personal favorite, “That’s not very Christian of you.” Always say them sweetly with a smile on your face.
Unfortunately, your mother is not going to change. You can only change your view of her and her life. Oh, and may I suggest when you turn 30 you hold a “Double Quince”? Go all out for it, but most of all, have fun! Get the big dress and have that dance with your dad and uncles. I have a feeling that most of your family would love that you twisted it into a fun party.
His appearance doesn't mean much once you're into someone. An old of friend of mine was real convientally cute, and her boyfriend far less so, but she always said to her he was a perfect ten.
As for the age, there are more flags popping up there.
As well as him purposefully hiding his appearance. As well he says he wont meet you in person for the first time until you are ready to commit to marriage. That's weird. There's a lot of weird things happening that I think you should consider being incredibly cautious with.
How long have you been contacting to each other at that now?
The issue isn’t he wants you to go to the barber with him. The real issue is you’ve deeply lost respect for him. Maybe the two of you can address those things with adult conversation. From my own experience, I suspect you resent him for “making you act like his mother” or something similar. Am I right?
Yes, so she would be living in his home, just my boyfriend, her and their kids and I on-line somewhere in my own place. She obviously wouldn’t be working while she’s here and sometimes he gets finished with work by 10am. So they will just be hanging out together alone all day until the kids get home from school. That seems really weird to me.
You are right. Any way I should approach it in the morning that isn’t maybe going to overwhelm him? Usually when he wakes up in the morning he’s the kind of guy that needs space even when he’s awake and I do t want to throw a deep conversation first thing in the morning. Maybe I’m overthinking it?
Yes, I’m diagnosed. I was medicated since I was 6 years old and in and out of therapy my entire childhood and teenage years until I finally went no medicine. I struggle with it daily, saying things I shouldn’t because of no filter or talking too fast because my mouth and brain go 60 mph. Consistently overthinking things randomly after they occurred hours before.
There’s no harm in trying, right? Maybe he’s moved on, maybe it’s one sided at this level but….what if it’s not? Send him a message and see rather than wasting more time wondering what if
I grew up in Tampa, where every night out ends in a strip club. To me it is just another bar. I feel like everyone should know going to a strip club is a possibility for a bachelor party and should have been talked about before he left the house. But again, this is because they are so prevalent where I am from.
I was in a similar situation to you. My wifes anxiety was pretty bad. I would get home and shed be biting her nails touching her face and picking at her acne like if she was some kind of tweaker… Id like to think the fact that she wasnt working at the time played a part in her stress and anxiety levels… you also have to take into account what ever your wife has been through in the past that could also be affecting her well being… you mentioned in your profile that your a self made shaman?… why not give her a small macrodose of psilocybin or lsd and see how she reacts to the medicine? Thats what I did with my wife a couple of months ago and it did wonders for her mental health… her anxiety was completely gone for at least a month… she was at ease and peace with herself, her kids and myself as well…
I just think if you’re inviting someone over that I’ve verbalized being uncomfortable with you would tell me who is going to be at your apartment. I communicate openly who I hang out with.
? I know you're right, I left a lot out of this post. Just last week he explained to me that he can justify murder. Even though he only talked about killing “pedos or people that deserve it and are hurting others” if he did spiral and snap one day, I can't help but wonder what else he'd justify
I also have diagnosed depression and anxiety. It does make me cry during arguments. Obviously people can have different experiences. Your life experience is not evidence for how she thinks and acts.
If it were me I would probably just be direct and say that you were taken off guard with the sexual questions because you wanted to get to know her and arent looking for a quick hookup (if that's the case). But that is strange behaviour… it's also ok to not go forward with the date at all.
One thing that sticks for me, is how you are resentful that you've done work on her crappy house and you see that as an investment, and won't get any return on that investment if you leave.
But presumably the stuff you've mended, you've enjoyed the consequences of mending it already. OK if you leave, she will continue to benefit from that and you won't. But it is not such a huge investment right? You haven't been rebuilding entire walls have you? more like putting in wiring that won't short-circuit or replacing a broken stair?
Because if you've been rebuilding the entire house, well you should have both paid for the materials.
If, as I think, it's just modest repairs, then you should reframe that as your contribution. The house is hers, and you've been living rent-free in it, it's only fair that you should help out with repairs and maintenance.
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That’s what I’m thinking. He only cleans up after himself and occasionally helps his son pick up toys, yet, I’m betting the house isn’t all that dirty. She is cleaning up after her and her son, and still after OP as well, unless he is cleaning the bathroom after every use, and staying in just his room the rest of the time, which I doubt is the case.
“Your friend was hitting on me every time you left. He was telling me I looked cute in a photo, he offered me his jacked when I was cold, and he touched my lower back when talking to me. I don’t want to spend any more time around him.”
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Ok be real. If she bruises easily, why on earth would you obsess over this particular one, regardless of how it looks?? What made your head go there in the first place?? Have you been picking up on other cues?
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If whiskey makes you angry, maybe check and see if you have an allergy or an intolerance to something that is in whiskey? My fiancé is allergic to rye, but can have it distilled – the effect that he has from it is that it makes him extremely happy and drunk, beyond normal happy drunk levels.
I know this is not a popular answer. I do agree depression, and hormones could be an underlying issue.
One thing I have noticed in my experience in the work is I have never seen someone out on an extended medical leave of a year or so easily transition back to work.
It’s almost like a new routine has formed and it’s incredibly naked to return back to productivity you once had.
If you imagine her SAHM life as part of a job she was doing daily a extended leave for medical reason fits.
Their is an addictive element of putting life off for another day, spending time in apps and shows, avoiding routines and work.
Heck we have seen the world trying to correct from that coming back from Covid.
Something inherently human makes it incredibly nude to be in an environment of ease for or longer periods.
Not that her mental health or medical conditions are easy.
My Dad used to say at a fundamental issue we all make decisions to gain pleasure or avoid pain.
The pain and sacrifice of returning to her old productivity is harder in this moment than staying in bed.. why?
She needs to want her life back, to find motivation to contribute and support her spouse and family. To face her challenges productively vs avoidantly and you need to find the balance between being supportive vs enabling.
Is she on meds for depression or anxiety? Does she see or feel the issue? Has she maybe become a new person through her trials that you are continually searching for who she was and not who she is?
Marriage is worth fighting for, family is worth everything. You love this woman in sickness and health but you are not wrong to want a partnership again.
Fight for your marriage and get help. Hugs to your wife as she continues to heal. She sounds like she is amazing and stuck somewhere she never planned on herself.
Does not matter what it did or didn't mean to him. 15 months isn't really that long and it sounds like he might have emotionally checked out a month or two before he actually broke it off.
Whatever he felt a year ago, he clearly doesn't feel it anymore and it's extremely rare for this situation to result in getting back together and living happily ever after. You may want to schedule a few sessions with a therapist to help you sort through your feelings about the breakup, find the right tools to move forward and clarify what you want from a relationship and what you bring to the table.
I’m not a man, but this is so disrespectful. Regardless of how she feels, it needs to be approached with respect. I’m sorry she said that to you.
If I were you, I would say something like this – “I understand you’re frustrated how chores are sorted right now and I am willing to talk about it, but I’m not going to be made to feel like I’m simply an option. Your statement was disrespectful and doesn’t make me want to do better.”
I’m not sure how helpful this will be, but I hope things get better do you.
Your boyfriend raped you and you still want to be with him? It's been 3 months and he's showing you who he is, how can you feel completely safe with a rapist
You will be fine- if she cares (I doubt it) she is not a good person. It doesn’t matter if your a virgin or had 20 partners, anyone who cares about such are just not the people to be with. You can tell her if you think it’ll help.
If he's a fuckbuddy supposedly there arent any great relationship plans – you're in it for the sex and not the drama or commitment. Theres definitely drama here so how about you stop seeing him?
Why are you staying with someone who blatantly disrespects your relationship? Like where is this going to go? Marriage cause that's a terrible idea.
For the most part you've been good in this, a little too nice but not a bad person, the minute they started sending you hateful messages she should have put a stop to it, the lingerie, ditching you for DnD, that's when you should have ended it, also it wasn't just lingerie, I promise there was a personal message that she didn't share.
Also her inability to make friends is probably her just being a bitch to people, plenty of awesome people, if you can't find them, it's you.
You called your husband your punching bag. Realize for a second how that must make him feel throughout your marriage. It makes sense he’s done and doesn’t feel the same way anymore. You can’t always reverse the damage you make.
if she does. Shouldn't i try to win her back? And i want to be a friend for her in the time of need so why should i act like oh yeah i didn't care, breakup? Oh yea h didn't notice.
I’m all for harm reduction! Same as wearing a seatbelt! Condom use also protects against STD’s that are rampant in my state. The twisted logic is incorrigible. “Oh but if you tell them to use condoms, you’re endorsing sex!” So anti-science I could scream!
Give yourself time to grieve and then focus on yourself. Do you get any support for reintegration?
As for starting a new relationship, lots of people end up single in later life and find love again. Different circumstances but people have 10, 20, 30+ year relationships end and then have the date again. There is lots of information available on-line.
hit him up on-line and see if it works out long-distance. it can definitely work with the right people: my sister’s current relationship also started off as LDR and they’ve been together for 5 years now! you already know the feelings are mutual, so why not go for it? you can have cute zoom/discord dates and send each other care packages ?
I am using the word you in the sense of couples counseling and how you are going to start love bombing him and blindsiding him.
Why don’t you think how he would react to you doing this all of a sudden? Give the man a few days to process and just write him your thoughts and feelings and tell him to read it when he gets home.
You act very entitled for someone who has put your ex and your child through all of this. Also just because he is willing to talk to your parents doesn’t mean he will want a relationship with them. If he doesn’t who will you choose? Him or your parents? Are you going to proclaim your love and then tell him it comes with the conditions he must accept to be back with you?
You are 29 years old and have a kid. It is time to grow up and stop just thinking about yourself but figure out how your actions are going to affect others.
It's great that you have a good partner, this is an advice sub, tho ? Posting this feels like saying “I have a healthy relationship, unlike you all haha”.
You are a better person than me, because I would have dipped out a long time ago. There is a line between coming to a compromise vs you having to put everything aside all the time.
You may be jealous (every right to be honestly) but she is straight up selfish. Is there any give and take in your relationship at all? Does she do anything that you like, but she may not want to?
Having him admit the truth changes nothing. You're still the one who needs to make the decision for your body. At this point, what he said has to hurt, but that can't stop you from making the best choice for you.
If your more sexual/have a higher libido maybe see instead of introducing sex toys with each other see about getting one for yourself. But also talk to him about this as he may take offense o4 become jealous of the toy (Ive heard stories on here of partners nuking their marriage/relationship because they let their ego become hurt over a sex toy). As long as you express its just for when you want some but he is too tired so he can relax/not feel pressured.
Also for the wax- guys sometimes dont notice if their partner got a hair cut or hair color change (unless super obvious) so its possible he genuinely didnt notice or pay attention to that aspect of sex.
Wear lingrie whether or not he cares for it, do what makes YOU feel sexy and build your confidence. Confidence is sexy! Also maybe try to be more assertive (if ur comfy with it) during sex if your more submissive and try different positions than just missionary if thats the main position you use. Cowgirl lets you be on top and be more in control.
Who knows, maybe he would find it more sexy if you take more control.
Wasn’t there that old story/ joke about a woman who’s husband never let her come on fishing trips. One day he asks her to pack something (slippers? medication?) and she obliged. When he gets home he says she never pack the items and she replies that she packed them in his tackle box. Turns out he was out cheating instead of fishing!
More over, what indications has she given you that she’s interested in you for a relationship beyond a work friendship, or at all? ?I Missed the part where she was an eager participant and if @dynospectrum7s condition isn't met 100%, not even FWB would work.
You'd be dating an older woman, you're ok with that. She'd be dating a younger man, is she ok with that? Shouldn't you be asking women HER age for advice instead of women YOUR age?. ? 5 years younger would be my absolute max for a serious relationship. And that would be really pushing it. ?
As someone who was in her in this scenario…Ask her out if you think she indicated she's attracted to you, don't expect or say anything if she's just has a strong mom friend vibe and was being a great work pal. That's my advice. Take care of yourself.
Why did she let you use her notes app? Doesn’t make sense. You couldn’t use your own? Or you had to look up some (other than her list) note? Still snooping in my book.
The guy you’re going out with is going to get hurt. So give yourself time to move on. You need to be honest with yourself. And can you afford another child? It seems like he doesn’t even want the first one.
You make a good point as well. A lot of women do defend their abuser because they don't want to leave what they have deemed “safe” or because they have nowhere else to go.
I do hope though that you will take what he has said seriously when you see your therapist as well as what people have mentioned here.
NO ONE should ever say to another person to go kill themselves not friends, family, strangers, especially a man who promised to love you in “good times and in bad” this is just a bad time real love accepts it and helps you work through it not make a joke of it.
When dad passed he was cremated. His ashes were in a urn
Family wise we all lived far apart and dividing them was not a option .
A dear man from hospice helped us all.
You go down to the nursery get a big pot r potting soil for roses and flowers. Look up your daughters birth month ours was dads birth month…you plant the rose bush.
If you have a yard plant in the yard. Dads roses were yellow.
Prune them if needed.. feed them as needed.. water them..
Talk to them about everything you want to tell or share with your father( yours would be daughter)
Flowers form and bloom you have the beauty of a smile from your father..(your daughter)
This way they are Always with you and bring you smiles and beauty. And a ear to pour your heart out your laughter share your day..
Your daughter is always with you in your heart.
And your still grieving. It takes time to heal there are many stages of grief we go through.
Please call hospice ask for someone you can talk to. They are amazing folks
Also get a rose bush. Name it after your daughter.
It really does help.
Really does. It gives us something to touch talk to and warm our heart when it blooms.
On your ex…. Let him wallow. Maybe some day he will realize what a mistake he made.
Focus on you . Hugs honey. Remember it takes time .
I might be in the minority, but I’d be okay with my partner keeping old nudes. He had a life before he met me. I’m sure he would want to look back and reminisce at times. He can be friendly with his exes if he wants to. I know he is committed to our relationship.
I am sort of friendly with my ex husband, mostly for our son’s sake. I don’t have any nudes of him, but I kept all the photos from the duration of my 26 year relationship with him. My son and I sometimes look at them. He likes to see photos of when we were young.
I have no idea what became of the nudes I gave my ex when I was 18. He probably threw them out. He has a new gf.
The way you have described how he and his ex-wife treat their children is abusive and neglectful. Save as much evidence as you can, and please pass it on to the appropriate authorities. You can do so anonymously.
In regards to your child; I would seek legal advice and go for sole custody.
My large breeds slept touching me for their comfort, much like a child wanting to sleep in their parents bed. The only dog that was banished was a Bull mastiff that would push me off onto the floor. I’ll share my bed, I won’t surrender it. They obeyed fine, obedience was related to breed not where they slept.
Thank you so much for answering, I feel like you’re the first person to actually read and understand what I was saying. And I understood what you said as well. I just didn’t understand the part where I’d like to come across as naive, and I’d love to understand that. I acknowledge the fact that I might be thinking very wrong about the situation, and that’s why I created this post here. I just don’t feel comfortable discussing these types of situations with anyone but strangers because I feel like they will be more honest, and if everyone here says I’m wrong I understand and accept that. I never once made him feel like he owed me anything, I would never do that, as I said he is literally the best bf ever and I have no complaints… but I like to trade situations with people and I know if I were on his situation for example I would feel ok about it. But that doesn’t mean he’s wrong, it’s just different perspectives. Sorry about my English it’s not my first language! ?
It sounds to me like this is less about the actual workload and her needing to feel appreciated for what IS being done vs you bringing up what isn’t being done. I would (for one week) come home, not discuss any undone chores…. Just be glad to spend time together, embrace what you have. Down the road when this clears a bit ask if there’s a way you can both determine a chore schedule so things aren’t pressuring either of you and there’s a better balance!
If there is a way to get all of the other “stresses” handled without adding it to your husband’s plate I think going would mean a lot. But with your own health, if you need to stay I think you can still be there for him from afar. This is morbid, but you may want to save your trip for the funeral because that might be when he needs you there the most.
If you stay, it might be nice to think of something to do for his grandmother like have DoorDash or a local shop deliver her a surprise or send a housekeeper or something to their family’s house to do some chores that they may not be wanting to do right now. I had a boyfriend who sent my grandfather a Jersey from his favorite football team when he went into hospice and when i went to visit and saw him wearing it, and heard that it was from my boyfriend, it was one of the nicest surprises I’ve ever had and something that I’ll always be really grateful for.
Leave, now. Unless you want a kid at 21, which seems like you don’t. If somebody did that to me and it was against my wishes I’d never talk to them again. Imagine if the roles were reversed? Betting she wouldn’t be very thrilled. You’re 21 dude. Live life, be happy, you don’t need this kind of fuckery in your life.
I guess but anyone can fake a smile, anyone can pretend to like a gift out of obligation. So those ideas will always be on my mind even without any wrongs done
Ikr Reddit acts like women well into adulthood can only ever be tricked or bamboozled into doing something stupid and have zero agency. Seriously they act like they're 14 or something.
OP this is called negging and it's emotionally abusive. It's basically backhanded compliments so he breaks you down and builds you up in the same breath.
It sounds like you dodged a bullet if she doesn’t come back. This is an insane level of jealousy, the kind that gets aggressively controlling if you have female coworkers or cousins.
I think a metaphor that fits this is – if she spent a day cooking a really nice meal for you, but you bit into it and had an allergic reaction because she didn't know you had a peanut allergy. Obviously horrible consequences for a thing that probably should've come up earlier in the relationship, but I don't think she deserves any grief for not knowing it would hurt you. She was trying to do something nice!
Maybe I'm just coming from a relationship with an overwhelming amount of trust and communication. She didn't decide to strip down for some random guy, she did it for her husband with the help of a professional photographer and trusted friend.
Now fine, if OP doesn't trust his friend or feel comfortable with the situation, he should tell her. Her intent was to give him a nice gift, not to hurt him. The communication should reflect that.
I think what's wrong is that she said no and he didn't think he had to ask again. He didn't just get an erection, he was trying something, or he wouldn't have said that.
I loved going out dancing. I just wanted to close my eyes and dance like an idiot. Any men that would approach would be either mistakenly hit by a flailing limb or just plain ignored. Fear not. Girls just want to have fun.
Tell me you've never been in a relationship without saying you've never been in a relationship. People keep irrelevant details about their past from their partner ALL THE TIME.
Why would you purposely dredge up some irrelevant shit you've done in the past that isn't applicable anymore just to make your partner feel bad. No one wants to hear that you've been with 100 people before them. Escort or not.
Opinions CAN be incorrect. It's why there called opinions. If you're one of those people who ignores facts because they disagree with your opinion you have a problem.
Is it possible after three years together she is frustrated you haven't proposed to her yet? I'm not saying you should – she showed you she's full of contempt for you now and that is such a relationship killer there's no point trying to save this relationship now. Anyone who would treat you like this without compassion or empathy doesn't deserve access to you. But since you seem to say this came out of nowhere, I just wanted to offer as a possibility that she might be frustrated you made it to year 3 without getting engaged.
she wasn’t pregnant and the kid probably wasn’t yours either even if she was. you threw your relationship away for self gratification. leave your ex alone and break up with ABC.
i would probably find it within yourself on why you cheated and decided to throw a 3 year relationship away for some pussy and fix it.
That's wild, if the father was not involved that's a whole different story but he seems to be a decent dad. This only makes sense as a way to hurt him, there is no reason you and he son need to share names
I think you should give him an ultimatum. Either he agrees to either see a judge or go along with your plans without complaint OR he steps up with helping out in planning (not just criticizing you do it). If he won’t do any of these, leave. He can either shut up, step up, elope, or break up. That’s it.
The way he’s handling this isn’t treating you as a partner at all and that doesn’t bode well for a marriage.
First, seriously, therapy. They can hell you unpack and deal with these thoughts and feelings.
Second, from what I read, you did nothing wrong. It sucks, but people just grow apart like that sometimes. It hurts like hell. It feels unfair. But that's life. Seems like it wasn't something you did at all, just her discovering more about herself and growing in a way that didn't line up with your relationship. Again, no wrongdoing here, really. Just unfortunate.
Your friends are going about it the completely wrong way! I'm so sorry you're experiencing that on top of an abusive partner too. Please please please tell your parents, their daughter is in trouble and they will help you. I sincerely hope you can find the courage to dump and block that massive AH. You owe this man absolutely NOTHING. Not even a text. You told him several times already, time to slam the door in his stupid face.
You’re not in the wrong. You’re absolutely allowed to talk to friends, and she’s not allowed to tell you who you can and can’t be friends with. Don’t submit to her controlling behaviors.
Have you been intimate with this girl? Have you been on dates with this girl? Have you led her to believe that you might have feelings for her? Why is the age difference such a hang-up for you? Does she on-line alone? With Family? Etc?
(Just an FYSA) A 23y/o dating a 19y/o does NOT have negativity associated with it. Teenager, while true, is not exactly the same vernacular as young adult. While she is a teenager, in the eyes of the law and the eyes of just about anyone I know, she's not a minor. You aren't breaking the law here. 4 years difference is not that big of a deal.
You are using sex work as a cover to cheat on her because she wouldn’t open up the relationship. She isn’t old fashioned, you are just a manipulator. Let her go so you can fuck whoever you want, just like you’ve tried to do repeatedly and hurting your girlfriend.
The bigger question is if you can feel secure and happy with a known liar. You’ll never know what is real and what is not and that will eat away at you every moment.
Did you just “not all men”? Lmao sad
this is very unempathetic addiction hurts everyone not just the addict.
Use the time she's away wisely. Look for another girlfriend. It's not that she choosing herself over you, its the financial irresponsibility.
Him pushing me and stuff.
What stuff? It must’ve been that bad that your cousin decided to call the police? If it was that bad then it’s better for you to not contact him.
That makes sense
And how does this help him?
That’s absolutely not an excuse. Don’t say that. Your child’s mother does not need to be in the capacity when she literally makes herself unreachable.
As an adult, you do what needs to be done and explain to your child in as loving a manner as possible.
Maybe, thanks 🙂
That has all been resolved and she's known I want more kids before she ever moved in.
Such a good way to put it, I’m sorry you’ve been through the same. That’s all I’m looking for, like minded people. I’m sending you good ass energy, thank you for this ???
It's the specific use of “clump” that killed me ?
I must admit I'm not a massive fan of my partner using my phone not sure why I litrally have nothing to hide but I just get embarrassed even though he knows exactly what I look at because I tell him. But the fact she was like fond with it and then suddenly not is abit weird, glad its been fixed but yeah mabey just ask her why she was so weird about it.
There’s an old joke about a group of women bathing in a river when some guys show up to watch. Which body part do the smart girls cover? Their faces:
That's different. The person you're responding to was only responding to the age difference. (And got crucified for it, apparently)
It's safe to say you are definitely a over thinker… you need therapy for this type of help
Sorry to say chief but it may be time to break it off
OP, his behavior is abusive. I almost left my husband for this very reason. He finally started going to therapy, but in the interim, I was basically his therapist, he truly had the desire to improve himself because I moved out and told him I may not come back.
People do yell at times. Familiarize yourself with the term “reactive abuse”
People can only take so much shit.
When someone tells you and shows you who they are, (aka, he’s been playing two women) believe them. You deserve better.
I’ve had 3 kids which has caused scar tissue there but it’s not stretched either and when she wrote that to him it was 3months after birth
Hell naw!!
I mean he still technically doesn't have any children. That child is his uncle brother which, yes weird, but I don't see an issue with the donated sperm if he's fine with that part.
The real issue here is why didn't he respect you enough to have a conversation with you on the topic.
ABSOLUTELY
Ah yes, because an opinion is greater than truth. Your inconvenience is more important than life itself.
Well to you its a big deal.
And if its really bothering you, don't keep it to yourself let him know.
This all is on you. You are victimizing yourself and punishing him for your decisions.
You are lashing out cause you weren’t brave enough to tell him how you felt.
Either you tell him the truth or end the friendship. He deserves way better than whatever you are doing
My man.
Her family's right. Good luck.
Just no to the second to last paragraph. She deserves to be treated with dignity and respect full stop. She is a person not an object. He is stalking her and it’s not okay. Contact the DMV, explain the situation, and if they do nothing or even in addition, alert the police.
Hire a PI to follow the guy for a bit gather enough evidence apart from your gfs phone. Maybe he is doing this to others.
To add something to what others are saying, you can always respond to your mother with one of the following: “Bless your heart,” “God Bless You!”, “You’re in my prayers,” or my personal favorite, “That’s not very Christian of you.” Always say them sweetly with a smile on your face.
Unfortunately, your mother is not going to change. You can only change your view of her and her life. Oh, and may I suggest when you turn 30 you hold a “Double Quince”? Go all out for it, but most of all, have fun! Get the big dress and have that dance with your dad and uncles. I have a feeling that most of your family would love that you twisted it into a fun party.
His appearance doesn't mean much once you're into someone. An old of friend of mine was real convientally cute, and her boyfriend far less so, but she always said to her he was a perfect ten.
As for the age, there are more flags popping up there.
As well as him purposefully hiding his appearance. As well he says he wont meet you in person for the first time until you are ready to commit to marriage. That's weird. There's a lot of weird things happening that I think you should consider being incredibly cautious with.
How long have you been contacting to each other at that now?
The issue isn’t he wants you to go to the barber with him. The real issue is you’ve deeply lost respect for him. Maybe the two of you can address those things with adult conversation. From my own experience, I suspect you resent him for “making you act like his mother” or something similar. Am I right?
Yes, so she would be living in his home, just my boyfriend, her and their kids and I on-line somewhere in my own place. She obviously wouldn’t be working while she’s here and sometimes he gets finished with work by 10am. So they will just be hanging out together alone all day until the kids get home from school. That seems really weird to me.
You are right. Any way I should approach it in the morning that isn’t maybe going to overwhelm him? Usually when he wakes up in the morning he’s the kind of guy that needs space even when he’s awake and I do t want to throw a deep conversation first thing in the morning. Maybe I’m overthinking it?
Yes, I’m diagnosed. I was medicated since I was 6 years old and in and out of therapy my entire childhood and teenage years until I finally went no medicine. I struggle with it daily, saying things I shouldn’t because of no filter or talking too fast because my mouth and brain go 60 mph. Consistently overthinking things randomly after they occurred hours before.
Peeing in the shower is not ADHD related.
There’s no harm in trying, right? Maybe he’s moved on, maybe it’s one sided at this level but….what if it’s not? Send him a message and see rather than wasting more time wondering what if
I grew up in Tampa, where every night out ends in a strip club. To me it is just another bar. I feel like everyone should know going to a strip club is a possibility for a bachelor party and should have been talked about before he left the house. But again, this is because they are so prevalent where I am from.
She had a pa ked bag at his apartment? You need to run. Tell him the vacation is over and leave.
I was in a similar situation to you. My wifes anxiety was pretty bad. I would get home and shed be biting her nails touching her face and picking at her acne like if she was some kind of tweaker… Id like to think the fact that she wasnt working at the time played a part in her stress and anxiety levels… you also have to take into account what ever your wife has been through in the past that could also be affecting her well being… you mentioned in your profile that your a self made shaman?… why not give her a small macrodose of psilocybin or lsd and see how she reacts to the medicine? Thats what I did with my wife a couple of months ago and it did wonders for her mental health… her anxiety was completely gone for at least a month… she was at ease and peace with herself, her kids and myself as well…
Leave this baby. Hell no. Out. Bye.
I bet they are reliable enough for this.
She said she wouldn't go on this post to respect my reddit boundary.
I told her she could, so well see what happens.
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Please move on. Remove him out of your life forever. You are so young, don’t waste your time on this loser.
Did she actually admit to cheating?
Wait what? Are you saying a man should support his wife and children even if she's working? What's her money for then?
His wife is mega insecure and it won’t get better. Sadly you will have to stop hanging out with this guy.
I just think if you’re inviting someone over that I’ve verbalized being uncomfortable with you would tell me who is going to be at your apartment. I communicate openly who I hang out with.
Seriously! Spending the holidays with your in-laws is wildly exhausting, even if you ARE close to them. Maybe she just needs a break??
Right but you're their PARENTS
? I know you're right, I left a lot out of this post. Just last week he explained to me that he can justify murder. Even though he only talked about killing “pedos or people that deserve it and are hurting others” if he did spiral and snap one day, I can't help but wonder what else he'd justify
What a horrible day to have eyes and the ability to read.
I also have diagnosed depression and anxiety. It does make me cry during arguments. Obviously people can have different experiences. Your life experience is not evidence for how she thinks and acts.
If it were me I would probably just be direct and say that you were taken off guard with the sexual questions because you wanted to get to know her and arent looking for a quick hookup (if that's the case). But that is strange behaviour… it's also ok to not go forward with the date at all.
It sounds like this relationship is dead.
One thing that sticks for me, is how you are resentful that you've done work on her crappy house and you see that as an investment, and won't get any return on that investment if you leave.
But presumably the stuff you've mended, you've enjoyed the consequences of mending it already. OK if you leave, she will continue to benefit from that and you won't. But it is not such a huge investment right? You haven't been rebuilding entire walls have you? more like putting in wiring that won't short-circuit or replacing a broken stair?
Because if you've been rebuilding the entire house, well you should have both paid for the materials.
If, as I think, it's just modest repairs, then you should reframe that as your contribution. The house is hers, and you've been living rent-free in it, it's only fair that you should help out with repairs and maintenance.
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That’s what I’m thinking. He only cleans up after himself and occasionally helps his son pick up toys, yet, I’m betting the house isn’t all that dirty. She is cleaning up after her and her son, and still after OP as well, unless he is cleaning the bathroom after every use, and staying in just his room the rest of the time, which I doubt is the case.
“Your friend was hitting on me every time you left. He was telling me I looked cute in a photo, he offered me his jacked when I was cold, and he touched my lower back when talking to me. I don’t want to spend any more time around him.”
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Ok be real. If she bruises easily, why on earth would you obsess over this particular one, regardless of how it looks?? What made your head go there in the first place?? Have you been picking up on other cues?
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If whiskey makes you angry, maybe check and see if you have an allergy or an intolerance to something that is in whiskey? My fiancé is allergic to rye, but can have it distilled – the effect that he has from it is that it makes him extremely happy and drunk, beyond normal happy drunk levels.
I want the OP’s husband to harbor a secret ambition to be on RuPaul’s Drag Race.
thank you for your advice…this really helped with my overthinking
I know this is not a popular answer. I do agree depression, and hormones could be an underlying issue.
One thing I have noticed in my experience in the work is I have never seen someone out on an extended medical leave of a year or so easily transition back to work.
It’s almost like a new routine has formed and it’s incredibly naked to return back to productivity you once had.
If you imagine her SAHM life as part of a job she was doing daily a extended leave for medical reason fits.
Their is an addictive element of putting life off for another day, spending time in apps and shows, avoiding routines and work.
Heck we have seen the world trying to correct from that coming back from Covid.
Something inherently human makes it incredibly nude to be in an environment of ease for or longer periods.
Not that her mental health or medical conditions are easy.
My Dad used to say at a fundamental issue we all make decisions to gain pleasure or avoid pain.
The pain and sacrifice of returning to her old productivity is harder in this moment than staying in bed.. why?
She needs to want her life back, to find motivation to contribute and support her spouse and family. To face her challenges productively vs avoidantly and you need to find the balance between being supportive vs enabling.
Is she on meds for depression or anxiety? Does she see or feel the issue? Has she maybe become a new person through her trials that you are continually searching for who she was and not who she is?
Marriage is worth fighting for, family is worth everything. You love this woman in sickness and health but you are not wrong to want a partnership again.
Fight for your marriage and get help. Hugs to your wife as she continues to heal. She sounds like she is amazing and stuck somewhere she never planned on herself.
Does not matter what it did or didn't mean to him. 15 months isn't really that long and it sounds like he might have emotionally checked out a month or two before he actually broke it off.
Whatever he felt a year ago, he clearly doesn't feel it anymore and it's extremely rare for this situation to result in getting back together and living happily ever after. You may want to schedule a few sessions with a therapist to help you sort through your feelings about the breakup, find the right tools to move forward and clarify what you want from a relationship and what you bring to the table.
Rare to see genuinely good, non- bombastic advice here. Well done.
I’m not a man, but this is so disrespectful. Regardless of how she feels, it needs to be approached with respect. I’m sorry she said that to you.
If I were you, I would say something like this – “I understand you’re frustrated how chores are sorted right now and I am willing to talk about it, but I’m not going to be made to feel like I’m simply an option. Your statement was disrespectful and doesn’t make me want to do better.”
I’m not sure how helpful this will be, but I hope things get better do you.
“Happy ending” massages involve the masseuse giving the client a handjob at the end of the massage until they cum.
Your boyfriend raped you and you still want to be with him? It's been 3 months and he's showing you who he is, how can you feel completely safe with a rapist
You will be fine- if she cares (I doubt it) she is not a good person. It doesn’t matter if your a virgin or had 20 partners, anyone who cares about such are just not the people to be with. You can tell her if you think it’ll help.
He's dating someone young enough to be his child bc he knows no woman his age would put up with his bullshit.
Damn, it was there when I posted it a few minutes ago. Unddit should show the text
If he's a fuckbuddy supposedly there arent any great relationship plans – you're in it for the sex and not the drama or commitment. Theres definitely drama here so how about you stop seeing him?
Why are you staying with someone who blatantly disrespects your relationship? Like where is this going to go? Marriage cause that's a terrible idea.
For the most part you've been good in this, a little too nice but not a bad person, the minute they started sending you hateful messages she should have put a stop to it, the lingerie, ditching you for DnD, that's when you should have ended it, also it wasn't just lingerie, I promise there was a personal message that she didn't share.
Also her inability to make friends is probably her just being a bitch to people, plenty of awesome people, if you can't find them, it's you.
You're already damned if you don't leave by the sounds of it. Maybe that means you should take a chance at not being damned?
LEAVEEEE HIMMMMMM OH MY GOD
Ok fine. Then don’t listen to advice. Lol. What the hell do you want dude? I offered advice and you’re being an ass.
You called your husband your punching bag. Realize for a second how that must make him feel throughout your marriage. It makes sense he’s done and doesn’t feel the same way anymore. You can’t always reverse the damage you make.
if she does. Shouldn't i try to win her back? And i want to be a friend for her in the time of need so why should i act like oh yeah i didn't care, breakup? Oh yea h didn't notice.
I would get tested. He has proved to you that you can't trust him
I’m all for harm reduction! Same as wearing a seatbelt! Condom use also protects against STD’s that are rampant in my state. The twisted logic is incorrigible. “Oh but if you tell them to use condoms, you’re endorsing sex!” So anti-science I could scream!
Also to add, if for whatever reason she was making a speech, why does the whole company need to know she's pregnant?
Let’s play reddits favourite game of Is your partner a narcissist or did you cheat on them
Give yourself time to grieve and then focus on yourself. Do you get any support for reintegration?
As for starting a new relationship, lots of people end up single in later life and find love again. Different circumstances but people have 10, 20, 30+ year relationships end and then have the date again. There is lots of information available on-line.
He can write you a letter if he has stuff to say.
Having a tumor doesn't excuse his abusive behavior.
hit him up on-line and see if it works out long-distance. it can definitely work with the right people: my sister’s current relationship also started off as LDR and they’ve been together for 5 years now! you already know the feelings are mutual, so why not go for it? you can have cute zoom/discord dates and send each other care packages ?
Yeah but she had to start sex with him…. he passes out and then she had to continue when he came to. ?
I am using the word you in the sense of couples counseling and how you are going to start love bombing him and blindsiding him.
Why don’t you think how he would react to you doing this all of a sudden? Give the man a few days to process and just write him your thoughts and feelings and tell him to read it when he gets home.
You act very entitled for someone who has put your ex and your child through all of this. Also just because he is willing to talk to your parents doesn’t mean he will want a relationship with them. If he doesn’t who will you choose? Him or your parents? Are you going to proclaim your love and then tell him it comes with the conditions he must accept to be back with you?
You are 29 years old and have a kid. It is time to grow up and stop just thinking about yourself but figure out how your actions are going to affect others.
Go to the police!!
Divorce Lawyer and change the locks.
Uh no. A compromise is finding a third solution they can both agree on. Not one person just giving into what the other person wants.
It's great that you have a good partner, this is an advice sub, tho ? Posting this feels like saying “I have a healthy relationship, unlike you all haha”.
I thought “Associated Press” – the girl is a news junkie.
Free country. Heard of it?? Nerd
lmao im literally a trans writer talking about an issue that affects trans writers. “virtue signaling” my ass
You are a better person than me, because I would have dipped out a long time ago. There is a line between coming to a compromise vs you having to put everything aside all the time.
You may be jealous (every right to be honestly) but she is straight up selfish. Is there any give and take in your relationship at all? Does she do anything that you like, but she may not want to?
Having him admit the truth changes nothing. You're still the one who needs to make the decision for your body. At this point, what he said has to hurt, but that can't stop you from making the best choice for you.
If your more sexual/have a higher libido maybe see instead of introducing sex toys with each other see about getting one for yourself. But also talk to him about this as he may take offense o4 become jealous of the toy (Ive heard stories on here of partners nuking their marriage/relationship because they let their ego become hurt over a sex toy). As long as you express its just for when you want some but he is too tired so he can relax/not feel pressured.
Also for the wax- guys sometimes dont notice if their partner got a hair cut or hair color change (unless super obvious) so its possible he genuinely didnt notice or pay attention to that aspect of sex.
Wear lingrie whether or not he cares for it, do what makes YOU feel sexy and build your confidence. Confidence is sexy! Also maybe try to be more assertive (if ur comfy with it) during sex if your more submissive and try different positions than just missionary if thats the main position you use. Cowgirl lets you be on top and be more in control.
Who knows, maybe he would find it more sexy if you take more control.
Wasn’t there that old story/ joke about a woman who’s husband never let her come on fishing trips. One day he asks her to pack something (slippers? medication?) and she obliged. When he gets home he says she never pack the items and she replies that she packed them in his tackle box. Turns out he was out cheating instead of fishing!
More over, what indications has she given you that she’s interested in you for a relationship beyond a work friendship, or at all? ?I Missed the part where she was an eager participant and if @dynospectrum7s condition isn't met 100%, not even FWB would work.
You'd be dating an older woman, you're ok with that. She'd be dating a younger man, is she ok with that? Shouldn't you be asking women HER age for advice instead of women YOUR age?. ? 5 years younger would be my absolute max for a serious relationship. And that would be really pushing it. ?
As someone who was in her in this scenario…Ask her out if you think she indicated she's attracted to you, don't expect or say anything if she's just has a strong mom friend vibe and was being a great work pal. That's my advice. Take care of yourself.
There was a goading friend in the story
Why did she let you use her notes app? Doesn’t make sense. You couldn’t use your own? Or you had to look up some (other than her list) note? Still snooping in my book.
Get used to the idea, your parents had sex and you came about. The rest is really none of your business.
The guy you’re going out with is going to get hurt. So give yourself time to move on. You need to be honest with yourself. And can you afford another child? It seems like he doesn’t even want the first one.
You make a good point as well. A lot of women do defend their abuser because they don't want to leave what they have deemed “safe” or because they have nowhere else to go.
I do hope though that you will take what he has said seriously when you see your therapist as well as what people have mentioned here.
NO ONE should ever say to another person to go kill themselves not friends, family, strangers, especially a man who promised to love you in “good times and in bad” this is just a bad time real love accepts it and helps you work through it not make a joke of it.
It might be the common thing but it isn't how I want to go about it.
When dad passed he was cremated. His ashes were in a urn
Family wise we all lived far apart and dividing them was not a option .
A dear man from hospice helped us all.
You go down to the nursery get a big pot r potting soil for roses and flowers. Look up your daughters birth month ours was dads birth month…you plant the rose bush.
If you have a yard plant in the yard. Dads roses were yellow.
Prune them if needed.. feed them as needed.. water them..
Talk to them about everything you want to tell or share with your father( yours would be daughter)
Flowers form and bloom you have the beauty of a smile from your father..(your daughter)
This way they are Always with you and bring you smiles and beauty. And a ear to pour your heart out your laughter share your day..
Your daughter is always with you in your heart.
And your still grieving. It takes time to heal there are many stages of grief we go through.
Please call hospice ask for someone you can talk to. They are amazing folks
Also get a rose bush. Name it after your daughter.
It really does help.
Really does. It gives us something to touch talk to and warm our heart when it blooms.
On your ex…. Let him wallow. Maybe some day he will realize what a mistake he made.
Focus on you . Hugs honey. Remember it takes time .
100% but it also depends on if this is the first time she's asked or the 57th. These kind of questions can be draining.
I might be in the minority, but I’d be okay with my partner keeping old nudes. He had a life before he met me. I’m sure he would want to look back and reminisce at times. He can be friendly with his exes if he wants to. I know he is committed to our relationship.
I am sort of friendly with my ex husband, mostly for our son’s sake. I don’t have any nudes of him, but I kept all the photos from the duration of my 26 year relationship with him. My son and I sometimes look at them. He likes to see photos of when we were young.
I have no idea what became of the nudes I gave my ex when I was 18. He probably threw them out. He has a new gf.
I think breaking up really harmed your relationship
It seems she has been isolating you from your friends, your friends you can get back.
You are 22, get out now, dude.
You need 0 reasons for leaving any relationship.
The way you have described how he and his ex-wife treat their children is abusive and neglectful. Save as much evidence as you can, and please pass it on to the appropriate authorities. You can do so anonymously.
In regards to your child; I would seek legal advice and go for sole custody.
My large breeds slept touching me for their comfort, much like a child wanting to sleep in their parents bed. The only dog that was banished was a Bull mastiff that would push me off onto the floor. I’ll share my bed, I won’t surrender it. They obeyed fine, obedience was related to breed not where they slept.
Thank you so much for answering, I feel like you’re the first person to actually read and understand what I was saying. And I understood what you said as well. I just didn’t understand the part where I’d like to come across as naive, and I’d love to understand that. I acknowledge the fact that I might be thinking very wrong about the situation, and that’s why I created this post here. I just don’t feel comfortable discussing these types of situations with anyone but strangers because I feel like they will be more honest, and if everyone here says I’m wrong I understand and accept that. I never once made him feel like he owed me anything, I would never do that, as I said he is literally the best bf ever and I have no complaints… but I like to trade situations with people and I know if I were on his situation for example I would feel ok about it. But that doesn’t mean he’s wrong, it’s just different perspectives. Sorry about my English it’s not my first language! ?
Question, have you had bad relationships prior?
Lmao fuck em all, drop them out of your life, they have no concern for you.
It sounds to me like this is less about the actual workload and her needing to feel appreciated for what IS being done vs you bringing up what isn’t being done. I would (for one week) come home, not discuss any undone chores…. Just be glad to spend time together, embrace what you have. Down the road when this clears a bit ask if there’s a way you can both determine a chore schedule so things aren’t pressuring either of you and there’s a better balance!
If there is a way to get all of the other “stresses” handled without adding it to your husband’s plate I think going would mean a lot. But with your own health, if you need to stay I think you can still be there for him from afar. This is morbid, but you may want to save your trip for the funeral because that might be when he needs you there the most.
If you stay, it might be nice to think of something to do for his grandmother like have DoorDash or a local shop deliver her a surprise or send a housekeeper or something to their family’s house to do some chores that they may not be wanting to do right now. I had a boyfriend who sent my grandfather a Jersey from his favorite football team when he went into hospice and when i went to visit and saw him wearing it, and heard that it was from my boyfriend, it was one of the nicest surprises I’ve ever had and something that I’ll always be really grateful for.
i can’t stand people who air out their dirty laundry on social media. He’s not worth your time
Leave, now. Unless you want a kid at 21, which seems like you don’t. If somebody did that to me and it was against my wishes I’d never talk to them again. Imagine if the roles were reversed? Betting she wouldn’t be very thrilled. You’re 21 dude. Live life, be happy, you don’t need this kind of fuckery in your life.
You never mentioned what he did to damage your trust. Trust generally cannot be restored once destroyed.
But if he hasn't done anything, make sure you're not making him pay the price for the actions of previous boyfriends.
I guess but anyone can fake a smile, anyone can pretend to like a gift out of obligation. So those ideas will always be on my mind even without any wrongs done
Absolutely agree with you. Some of the people here are very weird.
Dump his yelling ass
Do you disagree on things like “this group of people should have the same rights as everyone else” or “the way our taxes are allocated aren’t ideal”?
That is a factor. Nor should she. Perhaps the best you can do is to communicate the reality.
Ikr Reddit acts like women well into adulthood can only ever be tricked or bamboozled into doing something stupid and have zero agency. Seriously they act like they're 14 or something.
OP this is called negging and it's emotionally abusive. It's basically backhanded compliments so he breaks you down and builds you up in the same breath.
It sounds like you dodged a bullet if she doesn’t come back. This is an insane level of jealousy, the kind that gets aggressively controlling if you have female coworkers or cousins.
Was she born as a man or as a woman?
I think a metaphor that fits this is – if she spent a day cooking a really nice meal for you, but you bit into it and had an allergic reaction because she didn't know you had a peanut allergy. Obviously horrible consequences for a thing that probably should've come up earlier in the relationship, but I don't think she deserves any grief for not knowing it would hurt you. She was trying to do something nice!
Maybe I'm just coming from a relationship with an overwhelming amount of trust and communication. She didn't decide to strip down for some random guy, she did it for her husband with the help of a professional photographer and trusted friend.
Now fine, if OP doesn't trust his friend or feel comfortable with the situation, he should tell her. Her intent was to give him a nice gift, not to hurt him. The communication should reflect that.
I think what's wrong is that she said no and he didn't think he had to ask again. He didn't just get an erection, he was trying something, or he wouldn't have said that.
“what should i do”
continue on with the divorce, why is this even a question?
I loved going out dancing. I just wanted to close my eyes and dance like an idiot. Any men that would approach would be either mistakenly hit by a flailing limb or just plain ignored. Fear not. Girls just want to have fun.
Tell me you've never been in a relationship without saying you've never been in a relationship. People keep irrelevant details about their past from their partner ALL THE TIME.
Why would you purposely dredge up some irrelevant shit you've done in the past that isn't applicable anymore just to make your partner feel bad. No one wants to hear that you've been with 100 people before them. Escort or not.
too immature of people, must be in the teens ?
Its how teens do ok :((
Opinions CAN be incorrect. It's why there called opinions. If you're one of those people who ignores facts because they disagree with your opinion you have a problem.
Is it possible after three years together she is frustrated you haven't proposed to her yet? I'm not saying you should – she showed you she's full of contempt for you now and that is such a relationship killer there's no point trying to save this relationship now. Anyone who would treat you like this without compassion or empathy doesn't deserve access to you. But since you seem to say this came out of nowhere, I just wanted to offer as a possibility that she might be frustrated you made it to year 3 without getting engaged.
she wasn’t pregnant and the kid probably wasn’t yours either even if she was. you threw your relationship away for self gratification. leave your ex alone and break up with ABC.
i would probably find it within yourself on why you cheated and decided to throw a 3 year relationship away for some pussy and fix it.
I wonder what he told that other girl before getting sex off her then being pissed off she wanted to tell people,
That's wild, if the father was not involved that's a whole different story but he seems to be a decent dad. This only makes sense as a way to hurt him, there is no reason you and he son need to share names
It would make me uncomfortable as well
I think you should give him an ultimatum. Either he agrees to either see a judge or go along with your plans without complaint OR he steps up with helping out in planning (not just criticizing you do it). If he won’t do any of these, leave. He can either shut up, step up, elope, or break up. That’s it.
The way he’s handling this isn’t treating you as a partner at all and that doesn’t bode well for a marriage.
Why call it fwb if you want more?
This is my favorite reply thank you for this outlook i appreciate it 🙂
First, seriously, therapy. They can hell you unpack and deal with these thoughts and feelings.
Second, from what I read, you did nothing wrong. It sucks, but people just grow apart like that sometimes. It hurts like hell. It feels unfair. But that's life. Seems like it wasn't something you did at all, just her discovering more about herself and growing in a way that didn't line up with your relationship. Again, no wrongdoing here, really. Just unfortunate.
Your friends are going about it the completely wrong way! I'm so sorry you're experiencing that on top of an abusive partner too. Please please please tell your parents, their daughter is in trouble and they will help you. I sincerely hope you can find the courage to dump and block that massive AH. You owe this man absolutely NOTHING. Not even a text. You told him several times already, time to slam the door in his stupid face.
You’re not in the wrong. You’re absolutely allowed to talk to friends, and she’s not allowed to tell you who you can and can’t be friends with. Don’t submit to her controlling behaviors.
No.
What if they don't touch themselves and just fantasize? Is that an immoral act?
A few questions to get started here:
Have you been intimate with this girl? Have you been on dates with this girl? Have you led her to believe that you might have feelings for her? Why is the age difference such a hang-up for you? Does she on-line alone? With Family? Etc?
(Just an FYSA) A 23y/o dating a 19y/o does NOT have negativity associated with it. Teenager, while true, is not exactly the same vernacular as young adult. While she is a teenager, in the eyes of the law and the eyes of just about anyone I know, she's not a minor. You aren't breaking the law here. 4 years difference is not that big of a deal.
Remove three outfits, replace with two pairs of boxer briefs.
You are using sex work as a cover to cheat on her because she wouldn’t open up the relationship. She isn’t old fashioned, you are just a manipulator. Let her go so you can fuck whoever you want, just like you’ve tried to do repeatedly and hurting your girlfriend.