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megan-ryans chat
Date: October 29, 2022
AmateurPub
AmateurPub
megan-ryans chat
Saying your both wrong is not the same as saying he's not wrong, I never stated, implied or inferred anyone deserved anything, I said don't insult people I even gave you an example of the proper way to call somone out when you they go out of line.
Don’t listen to that corncob. He’s definitely making excuses for bad behavior. Get a better boyfriend and better friends.
We can't know that. I guess watch youtube videos about what a psychopaths is and what a narcissist is and make a checklist or something. To be honest, I've been with at least 2 narcissists, and the first one lasted 3 years. I thought I could change his ways and didn't even know what a narcissist was. About 10 years later, I dated another. He started showing similar traits, so I recognized something was wrong, but still didn't really know it was narcissism. Once I left, I watched a short video and I was like…so that was why he acted that way.
On the other hand, a narcissist won't ever accept they do something wrong, so asking him won't help
So, let's get this straight. This guy is:
A liar
A cheater
A predator
A deadbeat dad
A criminal
Unemployed
Homeless
Constantly negative
And wants to create more children he doesn't take care of with you except for the fact that he doesn't really want to have sex with you. Did I miss anything?
The police don't grant restraining orders for no reason. They are notoriously hot to obtain. If his ex has successfully legally barred him from seeing his children, it's because there is very likely abuse involved. It's only a matter of time before he does that to you as well, and he certainly will if he manages to impregnate you (unless he abandons you entirely like his other family).
Even if it's just text messages sexting, don't ever let somebody disrespect you like that in a relationship. It's over the end you don't allow that behavior from a partner you need to respect yourself. To me it kind of sounds like she stopped seeing you as the strong man and went looking to fulfill her needs elsewhere and not work on the relationship. She made a choice dude and it wasn't you. You need to recognize that and do what's best for you and your kids
Thank you so much for being a voice of reason.
If you’re smart you’ll let her go and 100% block her. Don’t know if this is a change in behavior or she was always like this, but there are plenty of women who aren’t this crazy.
By being straight up honest and not beat around the bush with trying to drop hints and hope that he will get it.
I think what you need is closure.
Maybe ask him straight up why he wanted to be around you, what he liked about you and etc.
Take the positivity and transfer it to your next relationship. He is wrong to string you a long. On one hand he might really still love you. On the other hand, he might think you are always available and will never say no.
You gotta decide for yourself which one is it. Does he still want to be around you even if you guys are not intimate?
Infatuation and love is not the same thing.
The issues stated were the only reasons he gave me and my age being the bigger concern. Im just hurt that he chose to focus on what his coworkers said about it and not dicuss with me or see a professional with me about it.
He is korean so I guess more conservative and the chat definitely was a little more sexual in nature, just a bit of fun, but I never did meet the guy and it was before we got serious. I had stopped talking to the other guy before our second date. I think it was something he should have brought up before we become offical but still chose to be me without saying anything about it.
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Do each of you think your opposite party is the best you can do? Because there's been a lot of turmoil in this relationship and you should both move on. When someone tells me they've broken up and made up a large number of times, I figure they are too immature to negotiate relationships constructively.
My advice is to break up and don't go back. Maybe you'll take this advice 5 years from now, but I bet you wont' now. My further advice would be to work on yourself so you feel confident and patient and all around mature. None of this “heartbroken” world view – if a mature person has a breakup, sure, it hurts, but they know they'll survive. That's where you need to get to, and it won't happen with her in the picture.
I'm sorry I was really harsh, I wanted you to see the bare truth which is confronting. I know you're doing your best to juggle this and you are doing a good job and making important strides in your life, of course none of this is your fault.
In a funny way, this is a pivotal opportunity for you. You need to figure out how to take more control back in your life, instead of letting the family take precedence and seeking parental approval. It's time to put your well-being, safety and future above anyone else's feelings and look after your future.
On your sister it isn't necessarily about punishing her (whilst she deserves it). This is about you standing up for yourself and treating yourself with dignity, love and respect and finding the inner courage to do all of this.
An example, you say, “I am trying to make amends with everybody.” The question to ask yourself is “Why me?” Why aren't they jumping at the opportunity to fix this? Did you do something horrendous to them? By doing this, you're basically signalling to your sister “hey, when you assault me or cross a line, at the end of the day I will come chasing you to try and fix things. Oh and mom and dad, when you failed to stand up for me when I needed you most, I will try and fix things.”
This isn't what a healthy family relationship looks like. The result is you don't get the respect you deserve. Get independent as fast as you can, focus on your career, make money and then YOU write up the terms of the relationship that works for YOU. You cannot ever chase your family for their love and affection, healthy relationships are mutual.
It's totally normal to have every kind of parent, I happen to have similar to yours but for very different reasons. They completely changed once they realised I didn't need them and oddly enough we have a fantastic relationship now that I'm older. They struggled at first because I had to show them if they crossed a boundary I could drop them immediately with no issue to me. Basically force taught my parents what respecting a son looks like and now I'd say the love and respect has evolved to unconditional and mutual, as it should have always been with parent and child.
Some people need to share blois with you to acknowledge you as family. This isn't your fault, this is her problem. Or she's sexist I'm not sure without having met her. If you haven't talkef to your boyfriend about this yet you should. You and him need to be on the same page.
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Oh, well that’s really controlling and a huge red flag!! You just said that you know porn is normal and masturbating is normal, but you allow him to control your social media and your right to even touch your own body. You should really take this strange event as a gift from the powers that be and get out as soon as you can before his control (and lying) escalates. You do realize his behavior isn’t healthy right?
You could attempt to have a conversation with him where you ask why he was using porn and masturbating when he doesn’t allow you to do that (hint: he’s a controlling hypocrite with dangerous insecurity issues). You should also ask him why he was masturbating when you had guests over, because that’s weird as hell. Depending on the answer to the previous question, you could attempt to get an honest answer out of him on whether he was actually jerking off to porn or if he was jerking off to someone he knows. How clearly did you see the picture, because I’d be preparing to learn he was jerking off to a picture of one of your guests.
Why not?
You better leave before you end up in hospital or dead.
Please read some bdsm guides. This activity is not normal at all. Rough play means you are really observant and considerate of any line being crossed or even approached. If he didn’t notice you crying he isn’t having sex with you – he’s punishing you or he’s using you to masterbate. Neither is ok, both are abusive.
Strangulation is not “one step up from vanilla”. Spanking maybe depending on the flavour of vanilla (there are still plenty of women who won’t suck a pee pee), but for many it’s a few steps past.
Your very young and idk how long you have been with him but you need to educate yourself on bdsm if that’s what YOU like. There’s plenty of great safe men who will enjoy that with you – but there are a LOT of abusers masquerading as doms. They ruin lives and are dangerous.
He can be “disgusted” that you smoked BUT how is something SO important to someone and their gf not know? Surely if it was of that level of importance he would have mentioned it by now. It sounds a lot more like an excuse to increase his level of control over you. I’m sure this is not the first time he has been loud and aggressive with you – it’s just the first time that it led to being sexually punished.
This sounds a lot like sexual assault. If you are scared – you should be. If you feel dirty or uncomfortable and restless that is a normal reaction to this sort of thing. If your feeling like you need some support perhaps contact a womens line, sexual assault helpline or womens dv resource. Even if you don’t think it’s “rape” they can help with resources to help you make sense of this and move forward to healthy relationshops
He’s acting like a 12 year old. That’s not a healthy relationship
Are you meeting for sex only and now he knows he won't get any so he sees no point in meeting? Or does he not know what a yeast infection is, are you his first gf?
Probably a new staff doctor or something.
If I was smart enough then maybe I’d colonise mars because that would be pretty cool but I’m currently a design engineer and quite happy with that as it pays the bills and for my hobbies so can’t complain
Desperate much ?
Your managerial skills are unhelpful to your business. Hope they find someone competent!
My friend went through something similar. She dated a man who wouldn't let her meet his family or go over to his house. His excuse was that his family is racist (he's haitian and my friend is Asian). I found it odd since they'd been together for 3 years so I did some snooping (I know, I know) and found out the dude was actually married and not at all living with family. She left him and he turned out to be a real psycho. He stalked her, threatened to find her and tie her up in his basement, stalked her parents and siblings. She got a restraining order against him and its now been 2 years since but he's still calling every now and then pretending to be her phone company.
Because Im transparent with my partners and communicate with them always?
LOL K
First no one has everything, so you may indeed lack something, but everyone does, even the other person your partner was attracted too. Second if your partner wants to explore or not that’s something she needs to tell you. If youre together and she says that’s what she wants, you believe her. If you can’t believe her because she’s done shady shit that makes it hot to believe her, then she not someone you should be in a relationship with, if it’s that you struggle to believe her due to your own anxiety, then that’s something you need to work on if you want thus relationship to succeed.
First no one has everything, so you may indeed lack something, but everyone does, even the other person your partner was attracted to. Second if your partner wants to explore or not that’s something she needs to tell you. If youre together and she says that’s what she wants, you believe her. If you can’t believe her because she’s done shady shit that makes it hot to believe her, then she not someone you should be in a relationship with, if it’s that you struggle to believe her due to your own anxiety, then that’s something you need to work on if you want thus relationship to succeed.
He is unemployed and feels like a loser and instead of at least trying to prove himself useful at home, he just wants to be sorry for himself while doing nothing. He is a loser.
When he was 33, he went after a 20 year old. Not because you were mature but because he was a loser then already and a woman his age (your age now) would not have wanted him. Now he's still a loser but to make things worse, to him, you are not, you are actually successful. And guess what? He is 100% trying to make you feel bad and to exhaust you with his emotions because he wants to sabotage you.
You said everything I struggled to put into words. 100%
You are together too short? Perhaps, but not many people will stay with long enough to live together with your current living arrangement. Trust is built over time, of course any new partner will be upset you live! with 2 male friends.
It's not that staying with them is wrong, but it certainly will sabotage not your current, but also future relationships.
When you decide to live together how are you going to decide where to live!?
Are you happy to give up your chances of having kids because she doesn’t want any?
If you get a job that requires you to travel around, are you prepared to give up your job if she won’t go with you?
Please get her confessions in a recording and/or writing. OP, you need to sit down with her, let her know you will be recording and say, “I will consider continuing our relationship if you are honest and tell me everything”. Knowing full well you aren't, but you are letting her break down her walls to confess which you can use as evidence in court to prevent hearsay.
Oh no she blocked them and it took years for her name to fix things. It’s just what I’m trying to do. I support her. I love everything about her it’s just I feel like on my end and I’m not good enough.
This is exactly what he aims for. Do not do anything. Block him and find out how who is providing him information.
He should never go to hit you in any way, however, he asked you, a few times by the sounds of it to leave him alone, all whilst he was trying to eat and you didn’t respect his boundaries. He shouldn’t have done that though.
I would be fine with it. If you were actively making porn while we were hooking up then I would want to know before hand. Having some old videos out there that were made before me, with an ex, wouldn't really be that big of a deal. Maybe some more conservative men would be upset by that, so if he is then maybe be more up front about it.
Your decision need to not have anything to do with him. He could be a perfect BF and then decide parenting isn't for him when you have a newborn. If you have this child you need to be prepared to be a single parent who maybe has a co-parent she doesn't like.
That’s a good point. I hadn’t looked at it that way. Thanks, that helps clear up my dilemma.
As a male I had a female personal trainer who I used to fuck. ( it didn't happen at the gym we just ran into eachother at a bar about a year into training) found out later she was fucking multiple clients. They later on I found out the other male trainers there were hooking up with clients as well. It's definitely very prevalent, and for good reason. You have two people intimately working together towards a positive goal, with lots of physical contact. You have long conversations about life that are normally upbeat and positive, because you're in an environment where you're bettering yourself. Over time the trainee is becoming more and more in shape, becoming more physically attractive, while also building sexual libido. The more shape a person is in, the higher their sex drive is going to be.
So now you have two horned up people who are working closely together, have a strong positive bond, and are only spending time together in a way that sheds a positive light on each other. Odds of them fucking are going to be much higher than say two opposite sex coworkers or two opposite sex friends.
That’s a good point. I hadn’t looked at it that way. Thanks, that helps clear up my dilemma.
“Not having anal sex is killing me” is like a child throwing a tantrum about boundaries.
If it's that big a deal, you leave to find someone who's compatible. You don't try and convince your partner to change their mind or add more people to an already unstable dynamic.
She just wants to f@ck the other guy but without any guilt .
Do you? You really need to want to do this. There is nothing wrong with saying “not now”
Only in a court of law. In the court of public opinion, it's all you need.
Yeah, nopeing out. How does a grown-ass woman think this is ok?
This is definitely the longest for me without sex. The exclusivity was more of a comfort/trust thing for both of us. We just both aren’t really comfortable dating other people when giving another potential partner a fair chance
Ugh. TBH this guy doesn’t sound worth keeping around.
Thank u so much! I'm very blessed honestly and have a really silly ass husband who is obsessed with his little girl already so i can't complain. ?
It’s difficult to imagine and take control of, but I’m sure I’d manage if she was more reassuring.
I would say if you feel like you need to protect your fathers investments. Sign a prenup. You get to keep all your assets you bring into the realtionship and your family wont have any claim to the money if you remove your name and your father dies. Best of both worlds
You disgust me
Pff, but wouldn't you rather just break up at that point? It just seems like an excuse to go sleep around and then come back. I thought a break meant just being alone for while and figuring things out. I am not defending OP tho, she's creepy.
He’s a wringing but he’s stuck paying for this person that are no longer in a relationship and needs his finances. It’s like he’s got a child, without the joy of being a parent. She’s got herself an unwilling Daddy
I can guarntee you that he knows what he is doing. I mean, he might feel justified, but he knows it defends him and gets him out of responsibility. And here is the thing, you shouldn't feel bad bringing up difficult conversations with him.
Don't wait until 'next time'. You need to talk about when everything is calm and discuss how he handles criticism and how his defensiveness will eventually erode and destroy your relationship because if you can never bring things up, it will just fester and rot the relationship till it destroys it entirely.