She went to boarding school after we dated in middle school. Long distance didn’t work. We’d pair up on the summers, I wasn’t the best companion at the time.
Maybe I'm feeling insecure here but we can all agree we can't behave the same way when we're single vs when we're in a relationship. I could be a very flirty person in general but when I'm in a relationship I know doing the same might make her insecure or uncomfortable so I refrain from that. Maybe I need to decide if this IS a deal breaker but I like her a lot too. Man's in a fix.
Ok so why are you even thinking about him? Think about your kids. I’m suicidal over this. Really? What’s best for you and your kids not the damn dude who doesn’t want the kid. If you don’t want an abortion then don’t get one it’s as simple as that. Don’t make a decision trying to please someone else. Do it for yourself. You can think about his wants but ultimately it is up to YOU only.
I'm 36m and this is me lol. I don't multidate, if you have me you have me. I don't stay in contact with exes, I don't have back burners. if things change and I'm not into it? I will tell you
Oh as soon as I read Autistic and comtinual study I though of my older brother who is almost 40 and has 6 degrees and still going. He is Autistic and for him he said he can't stop learning probably because one degree always leads to another or branches to a different subject that he is interested in. His wife isn't sick of it but had the sit down to talk about finances and budgets. She is very good with him also so had all the graphs and numbers laid out before him. Now to contribute his jobs are all on-line. He is a tutor, an architect a landscaper, an interpreter and a criminal lawyer so he does free lance consulting, teaching and government jobs all online. He makes more these days then his wife because he is so detailed and hates to lose he really gets into his work. I would suggest the same for your partner there are so many jobs these days done remotely that there is no real excuse to not be contributing amd she can work her own hours as long as or little as she likes.
The fact that she is cheating on you with other men – it is clear that you have come to an end. Give her the freedom to find her life. Show her your evidence and suggest you break up.
Nah I think ur just presuming something. When I say shut it down I brought it to her just as if I took a female to a game she wouldn’t appreciate it but okay assume wat u wish
It's understandable that your mother is in a difficult situation. On one hand, she may feel a sense of obligation to help her sister, especially given their family relationship. On the other hand, she has valid concerns about the potential negative impact on her own life if she allows her sister to stay with her. It's important for your mother to consider her own well-being and boundaries in this situation, as well as the potential consequences of enabling her sister's behavior.
One option for your mother could be to offer limited and temporary support, such as helping your aunt to find a women's shelter or other temporary housing arrangement, while setting clear boundaries and expectations about the terms of any assistance. It may also be helpful for your mother to seek support and guidance from a therapist or other trusted professional to help her navigate this situation and find a resolution that is best for her. Ultimately, the decision about whether or not to allow her sister to stay with her is your mother's to make, and she should do what feels right for her and is in her best interests.
Follow your first instinct and leave “YoU dOnT tRuSt Me!?” No Mr.cheat I don’t it’s been a month and you’re still talking to her likely everyday eating lunch with her every day and want to go to a Christmas party where you will likely be drinking and think I’m gonna trust your intoxicated judgement when sober I couldn’t? Absolutely not once trust is lost a relationship won’t last forever especially with the lack of effort he’s putting in to gain it back.
Don’t put yourself thru the emotional turmoil and stress of “is he with her is he talking to her why did he smile at his phone who’s he talking to” leave and don’t let him ware down your mental health you deserve better.
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Thanks for the clarification, and glad too hear that your gf is the most import girl in your life. But my point, most likely, still stands.
Your gf saw you buy a fairly expensive gift for 3 friends, 2 of which are girls when you've not spent that amount on her(Unless if you have?). She's possibly feeling threatened and jealous of them. You've know these people for much more time then your gf. Maybe she thinks you have had a crush on one or both of the girls, or have wanted/still want to be romantic?
Just have a conversation with your gf about why exactly this upset her. She shouldn't be getting upset over you getting your friends gifts for being there for you. However, depending on you, your gf, and these friends financial backgrounds, you probably shouldn't be dropping that much money on gifts. $300 is A LOT OF MONEY for probably 75%-95% of all people in the world. It might be nothing too you personally, but your gf probably sees it as an absolute ludacris amount and is now running through scenarios in her head, “why would my bf spend that much money on these friends?””Is he hiding something?””Am I just not that important too him””Idk if I can be with a partner who spends his money so nonchalantly?”, etc. etc.
Just ask her exactly why this bothers her and try to have a lvl headed conversation about it, try too see her side too it.
Yes, it is absolutely his fault that he can't tell what a female orgasm sounds like/feels like, and that he has never once sought to give her oral sex to make her orgasm. Sorry, he's NOT a victim here. He thinks his dick is magical and he's upset to learn it isn't. Well guess what? A real man would just say, “Oh, I didn't know. I thought you enjoyed penetrative a lot. But I'm definitely gonna start giving you the foreplay you deserve/we can use the toy if it helps you get off!” and be done with it. ?
I recommend looking into hospice care, they'll be able to help him for things like appointments too! And the nurses who work for it are usually trained to deal w the type of behavior your dad is showing.
I'd just fork over the money because I don't care this much. If it would make my bf's life a bit easier, that's awesome! He does enough stuff for me that I feel we're pretty “even” without having to count.
How are you with somebody for 8 years, own a damn house together, and both act this petty? Like Jesus what a weird ass hill to die on.
I'm a gamer. I went no video games for like 2 years. Then I would play games she would like to watch. I also play games when she is asleep as she sleeps longer than I. Sundays are our Day, also everyday we spend atleast 1 hour doing something fun together. It's all about balance and making your spouse feel included. Hopefully you married your best friend and she knows this.
Then start thinking about and exploring your options for single motherhood. Don’t marry some random dude just to get you pregnant. There are plenty of women who do that who— shock— also end up single.
Do you really think a rational, smart man is going to propose to a woman he’s been dating six months because she demands to get married and pregnant immediately? Do you want to be married to someone dumb enough to do that?
Are you sure? It would seem odd, sure, but if my partner was like “hey whose earring is this” I wouldn’t suddenly be suspicious that they had cheated. Is there really no possibility that someone with pierced ears has been in your apartment in the last 7 months? Or even that it was left there from before you moved in?
You’re 37 and have your shit together presumably. This isn’t some 18 year old marrying a 30 year old. You know what you want but I would maybe hear your family out? See what their problem is. If they are just being toxic about him being 60 then fuck them, I know 60 year olds who run marathons and are in their prime. On-line your life. Be smart OP have some deep conversations about retirement and healthcare plans etc.
You husband is a fucking prick. You created human life, fuck this man. Do not put up with this bullshit, he’s a bully and an asshole. You deserve so much better and think of the example your child is going to grow up with.
he shouldn't have to change the things he says to keep from hurting my feelings.
This is, technically, true. But that doesn't change the fact that his words hurt your feelings. That should matter to him. You're giving him an opportunity to be nice to his wife — you know, the one person he loves more than anything or anyone else in existence, the person whose feelings are more important to him than anyone else's — and he's, uh, not taking it. That's not a great sign.
Besides, who cares what other women do? He didn't marry “other women”. He married you. What you do, how your body works, is all that matters. And if he's really going to complain about little details after you have done him the enormous burden of bearing his freaking child, then the problem is that he cares about the wrong things.
Have you suggested couples' therapy? Your husband needs his head extracted from his ass.
That’s an immense overreaction. It wasn’t even half a day, and he’s already about to go off the deep end… I think you may want to set reasonable communication expectations now before this becomes a thing.
Wow, it amazes me how lightly people in the comments section throw around the divorce card. OP, your wife is right about being weary of your friend. I’d just keep a healthy distance from this friend to appease your wife. Also, don’t justify the cheating. She could have done something different.
okay, so she lies to you, saying she doesn't feel well (she probably didn't want to go to your place, as that often means sex as a result), but then she tells you she's going out with her friends AFTER your date…
Idk about you, but I want my dates to at least have a little priority to give me an evening with them… weird behavior…
Then she says “it's nice while it lasted” as if she's saying “this didn't work out, goodbye”.
-> conclusion: she doesn't sound really overly joyed/interested in getting to know you. For me, that's priority number 1 in dating people: getting about as much back from that person as you're willing to chip in yourself.
BUT: If you really like her and think there's a future there, I would always give her a last chance and ask her out on the third date, to see if these assumptions were wrong and she'll display different behavior. If not, I wouldn't ask her on date nr 4.
There really is nuance that should be applied with the age difference thing. Everyone seems to have latched onto “age difference bad” and just went absolutely absurd with it.
This is a normal and healthy age difference. Others, aren’t. Grooming exists… but not in every relationship where there are 3-4 years difference. While, yes, it’s an issue at times it is not ALWAYS a big deal.
It’s so crazy and dramatic to me that this is the issue everyone seems to have become obsessed with.
Don't know if it helps but he is not addicted if he does it 2 times a week. And from a guy's perspective it's just a short wank, post nut clarity sets in, he never thinks about her again. You don't have to be perfect etc. I mean you don't expect him to be the man out of a romance novel either.
I think you two need some time apart, even a long weekend, to really think about what you want from your futures. Then come together and have a conversation.
You need to really spend some time thinking about your vision of the future. Do you want kids? What kind of lifestyle do you want? Honestly, your initial, gut reaction screams that you do want kids.
Then talk again on more stable ground.
If you decide to continue the relationship, absolutely pre marital therapy. You two absolutely need to be on the same page going into this and you two are absolutely not on the same page at all.
She went to boarding school after we dated in middle school. Long distance didn’t work. We’d pair up on the summers, I wasn’t the best companion at the time.
Maybe I'm feeling insecure here but we can all agree we can't behave the same way when we're single vs when we're in a relationship. I could be a very flirty person in general but when I'm in a relationship I know doing the same might make her insecure or uncomfortable so I refrain from that. Maybe I need to decide if this IS a deal breaker but I like her a lot too. Man's in a fix.
I understand what you're saying. But, sometimes, the simplest advice is the best because that has the best chance of getting through.
Ok so why are you even thinking about him? Think about your kids. I’m suicidal over this. Really? What’s best for you and your kids not the damn dude who doesn’t want the kid. If you don’t want an abortion then don’t get one it’s as simple as that. Don’t make a decision trying to please someone else. Do it for yourself. You can think about his wants but ultimately it is up to YOU only.
No respect for you and heavy dose of “fear of missing out”.
It’s not gonna work out, end it.
I'm 36m and this is me lol. I don't multidate, if you have me you have me. I don't stay in contact with exes, I don't have back burners. if things change and I'm not into it? I will tell you
I say green flag
Oh as soon as I read Autistic and comtinual study I though of my older brother who is almost 40 and has 6 degrees and still going. He is Autistic and for him he said he can't stop learning probably because one degree always leads to another or branches to a different subject that he is interested in. His wife isn't sick of it but had the sit down to talk about finances and budgets. She is very good with him also so had all the graphs and numbers laid out before him. Now to contribute his jobs are all on-line. He is a tutor, an architect a landscaper, an interpreter and a criminal lawyer so he does free lance consulting, teaching and government jobs all online. He makes more these days then his wife because he is so detailed and hates to lose he really gets into his work. I would suggest the same for your partner there are so many jobs these days done remotely that there is no real excuse to not be contributing amd she can work her own hours as long as or little as she likes.
The fact that she is cheating on you with other men – it is clear that you have come to an end. Give her the freedom to find her life. Show her your evidence and suggest you break up.
Nah I think ur just presuming something. When I say shut it down I brought it to her just as if I took a female to a game she wouldn’t appreciate it but okay assume wat u wish
It didn’t change for me, I didn’t eat kids at your age and I still don’t want them now, more than 20 years later.
It's understandable that your mother is in a difficult situation. On one hand, she may feel a sense of obligation to help her sister, especially given their family relationship. On the other hand, she has valid concerns about the potential negative impact on her own life if she allows her sister to stay with her. It's important for your mother to consider her own well-being and boundaries in this situation, as well as the potential consequences of enabling her sister's behavior.
One option for your mother could be to offer limited and temporary support, such as helping your aunt to find a women's shelter or other temporary housing arrangement, while setting clear boundaries and expectations about the terms of any assistance. It may also be helpful for your mother to seek support and guidance from a therapist or other trusted professional to help her navigate this situation and find a resolution that is best for her. Ultimately, the decision about whether or not to allow her sister to stay with her is your mother's to make, and she should do what feels right for her and is in her best interests.
Follow your first instinct and leave “YoU dOnT tRuSt Me!?” No Mr.cheat I don’t it’s been a month and you’re still talking to her likely everyday eating lunch with her every day and want to go to a Christmas party where you will likely be drinking and think I’m gonna trust your intoxicated judgement when sober I couldn’t? Absolutely not once trust is lost a relationship won’t last forever especially with the lack of effort he’s putting in to gain it back.
Don’t put yourself thru the emotional turmoil and stress of “is he with her is he talking to her why did he smile at his phone who’s he talking to” leave and don’t let him ware down your mental health you deserve better.
Thats why you dont date with a single mom … 3 month is not that long time, move on. The dad will be always in your life.
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Thanks for the clarification, and glad too hear that your gf is the most import girl in your life. But my point, most likely, still stands.
Your gf saw you buy a fairly expensive gift for 3 friends, 2 of which are girls when you've not spent that amount on her(Unless if you have?). She's possibly feeling threatened and jealous of them. You've know these people for much more time then your gf. Maybe she thinks you have had a crush on one or both of the girls, or have wanted/still want to be romantic?
Just have a conversation with your gf about why exactly this upset her. She shouldn't be getting upset over you getting your friends gifts for being there for you. However, depending on you, your gf, and these friends financial backgrounds, you probably shouldn't be dropping that much money on gifts. $300 is A LOT OF MONEY for probably 75%-95% of all people in the world. It might be nothing too you personally, but your gf probably sees it as an absolute ludacris amount and is now running through scenarios in her head, “why would my bf spend that much money on these friends?””Is he hiding something?””Am I just not that important too him””Idk if I can be with a partner who spends his money so nonchalantly?”, etc. etc.
Just ask her exactly why this bothers her and try to have a lvl headed conversation about it, try too see her side too it.
Lmao shut up. Any couples therapist will tell you how wrong you are.
Yes, it is absolutely his fault that he can't tell what a female orgasm sounds like/feels like, and that he has never once sought to give her oral sex to make her orgasm. Sorry, he's NOT a victim here. He thinks his dick is magical and he's upset to learn it isn't. Well guess what? A real man would just say, “Oh, I didn't know. I thought you enjoyed penetrative a lot. But I'm definitely gonna start giving you the foreplay you deserve/we can use the toy if it helps you get off!” and be done with it. ?
I recommend looking into hospice care, they'll be able to help him for things like appointments too! And the nurses who work for it are usually trained to deal w the type of behavior your dad is showing.
I think they're both nickel and diming.
I'd just fork over the money because I don't care this much. If it would make my bf's life a bit easier, that's awesome! He does enough stuff for me that I feel we're pretty “even” without having to count.
How are you with somebody for 8 years, own a damn house together, and both act this petty? Like Jesus what a weird ass hill to die on.
start looking for a new BF
I'm a gamer. I went no video games for like 2 years. Then I would play games she would like to watch. I also play games when she is asleep as she sleeps longer than I. Sundays are our Day, also everyday we spend atleast 1 hour doing something fun together. It's all about balance and making your spouse feel included. Hopefully you married your best friend and she knows this.
You get her to stop by proposing to her.
Then start thinking about and exploring your options for single motherhood. Don’t marry some random dude just to get you pregnant. There are plenty of women who do that who— shock— also end up single.
Do you really think a rational, smart man is going to propose to a woman he’s been dating six months because she demands to get married and pregnant immediately? Do you want to be married to someone dumb enough to do that?
“This would look suspicious to anyone”
Are you sure? It would seem odd, sure, but if my partner was like “hey whose earring is this” I wouldn’t suddenly be suspicious that they had cheated. Is there really no possibility that someone with pierced ears has been in your apartment in the last 7 months? Or even that it was left there from before you moved in?
Plot twist: You're not invited to the wedding because there is no wedding and this is not a bachelor party.
You’re 37 and have your shit together presumably. This isn’t some 18 year old marrying a 30 year old. You know what you want but I would maybe hear your family out? See what their problem is. If they are just being toxic about him being 60 then fuck them, I know 60 year olds who run marathons and are in their prime. On-line your life. Be smart OP have some deep conversations about retirement and healthcare plans etc.
Yes.
I can try to have him come over for dinner, it sounds nice and peaceful!
Save that message and play it for his mother
You husband is a fucking prick. You created human life, fuck this man. Do not put up with this bullshit, he’s a bully and an asshole. You deserve so much better and think of the example your child is going to grow up with.
He sounds childish.
he shouldn't have to change the things he says to keep from hurting my feelings.
This is, technically, true. But that doesn't change the fact that his words hurt your feelings. That should matter to him. You're giving him an opportunity to be nice to his wife — you know, the one person he loves more than anything or anyone else in existence, the person whose feelings are more important to him than anyone else's — and he's, uh, not taking it. That's not a great sign.
Besides, who cares what other women do? He didn't marry “other women”. He married you. What you do, how your body works, is all that matters. And if he's really going to complain about little details after you have done him the enormous burden of bearing his freaking child, then the problem is that he cares about the wrong things.
Have you suggested couples' therapy? Your husband needs his head extracted from his ass.
you’re wrong to still call him your bf. He will turn this around on you and have you feeling like the bad guy for having healthy boundaries.
Keep us updated.
Question, are the bills split 50/50?
That’s an immense overreaction. It wasn’t even half a day, and he’s already about to go off the deep end… I think you may want to set reasonable communication expectations now before this becomes a thing.
Wow, it amazes me how lightly people in the comments section throw around the divorce card. OP, your wife is right about being weary of your friend. I’d just keep a healthy distance from this friend to appease your wife. Also, don’t justify the cheating. She could have done something different.
okay, so she lies to you, saying she doesn't feel well (she probably didn't want to go to your place, as that often means sex as a result), but then she tells you she's going out with her friends AFTER your date…
Idk about you, but I want my dates to at least have a little priority to give me an evening with them… weird behavior…
Then she says “it's nice while it lasted” as if she's saying “this didn't work out, goodbye”.
-> conclusion: she doesn't sound really overly joyed/interested in getting to know you. For me, that's priority number 1 in dating people: getting about as much back from that person as you're willing to chip in yourself.
BUT: If you really like her and think there's a future there, I would always give her a last chance and ask her out on the third date, to see if these assumptions were wrong and she'll display different behavior. If not, I wouldn't ask her on date nr 4.
There really is nuance that should be applied with the age difference thing. Everyone seems to have latched onto “age difference bad” and just went absolutely absurd with it.
This is a normal and healthy age difference. Others, aren’t. Grooming exists… but not in every relationship where there are 3-4 years difference. While, yes, it’s an issue at times it is not ALWAYS a big deal.
It’s so crazy and dramatic to me that this is the issue everyone seems to have become obsessed with.
Or for brevity, just “k”
Maybe that is all. I don’t know.
Couples counseling asap. Mismatch in desire for kids is a strong incompatibility
Don't know if it helps but he is not addicted if he does it 2 times a week. And from a guy's perspective it's just a short wank, post nut clarity sets in, he never thinks about her again. You don't have to be perfect etc. I mean you don't expect him to be the man out of a romance novel either.
I think you two need some time apart, even a long weekend, to really think about what you want from your futures. Then come together and have a conversation.
You need to really spend some time thinking about your vision of the future. Do you want kids? What kind of lifestyle do you want? Honestly, your initial, gut reaction screams that you do want kids.
Then talk again on more stable ground.
If you decide to continue the relationship, absolutely pre marital therapy. You two absolutely need to be on the same page going into this and you two are absolutely not on the same page at all.