My husband was upfront about wanting to do this when we have kids. Yeah it’s weird af, but he also had a friend who dealt with a similar situation. His friend was raising a child that he assumed was his and when the kid turned five suddenly biological father was out of jail and mother went back to her ex. Due to them not being married and him not being a biological dad he had no rights to the child anymore and basically lost that kid without being able to see the kid ever again. My husband was there for that .
Him wanting to do a paternity test when we have kids makes me feel like he doesn’t trust me, but I’m willing to let that one go, since no one is perfect and it sounds like he has trust issues despite us being together for over ten years.
RUN! She 100% knew what she was doing and that it would hurt you. She’s playing a power game. She’s trying to make you feel small. Even if you can get beyond this, it won’t stop there. She’s not ready for a relationship at all.
Also, there’s nothing wrong with your size whatsoever.
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He’s using you for somewhere to live until his apartment is ready. If I were you, depending on any legal issues, I would be asking him to leave immediately.
This is an awful, selfish way to lead someone on. You deserve better than someone who thinks this is okay behaviour.
He seems super insecure and immature. My boyfriend and I talk about our “celebrity crushes” or “fictional crushes” all the time because our relationship is secure enough to where we can acknowledge another person (who either doesn’t even know we exist or is fictional) is attractive without either of us feeling threatened.
But I definitely would see this as a red flag because if this is how he acts about you having a “celebrity crush,” he will probably become 10x more toxic/possessive in situations relating to men you actually know in your life. I have seen women stuck in relationships with men like this and it’s never a good time.
He is using your naivety to manipulate you. Every single person in this world can control their actions when horny, you don't lose control of your body or mind when aroused. Like many sexual predators he is deliberately choosing to ignore your boundaries, thoughts and feelings. He is not losing control, he is exerting control and doing whatever he wants regardless of how much it upsets you. He is then manipulating you to believe he is not at fault for his own actions.
Stop believing that men can somehow become brainwashed by arousal and lose all reasoning and control over their own bodies. This is not a thing. He is fully aware of what he is doing and it is 100% intentional. He doesn't feel bad, he is pretending so he can do it again and again.
Start respecting yourself and your own boundaries.
Yeah, consent is important. But this was a weird ambush. You could not keep dating her after this, I'd be afraid of being accused of something much worse.
Well you were doing nothing but talking, nit dating, not having sex, she was honest with you. Were you hoping for more with her, shit or get off the pot, no reason to be mad at her for living her life.
Why are you having sex with someone who prioritizes his sexual pleasure over your actual health?!? Who doesn't care if it burns like tiny little knives when you pee, as long as he gets maximum sensation for his dick. The problem isn't finding a new condom brand, it's finding a partner who actually values and respects you as a person.
He needs a full physical from his doctor and to see a therapist. I have depression and have never been unable to get myself up to go to the bathroom, even on days I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed. If he is letting it control him to this point, he needs help.
This is the “in sickness and in health” part of your wedding vows. He needs to do the work yes, but you need to encourage and support him in seeking help.
Sit and talk with him. Jesus. Don't have a kid if it's just to help you feel better or appease your boyfriend. Have a kid because both of you want to have a kid and want to raise it for the next 20 years and want to support a child and guide it through life to be the most successful that it can be. Don't have a child for selfish reasons.
Yes, you are emotionally blackmailing her by tying your non-communication to the idea that she wouldn't let you live with her. If you know you're somewhat abusive to your family, you should also know that idea wouldn't turn out very well anyway.
Stopping communication while you're working on yourself isn't unheard of or wrong in itself. But you're also going about it the wrong way. That plan should include letting your family know whats happening, why its happening and the occasional check-in from your side to let them know you're okay. You also need to have a plan for how to get to a better place mentally.
Even if this idea holds truth to your origin, please please take a step back and remember that your existence is not your fault. You were born into this world as an innocent being who had zero control over anything. Your mom loves you no matter what or where you came from, and that’s what really matters.
Don't go back!
My husband was upfront about wanting to do this when we have kids. Yeah it’s weird af, but he also had a friend who dealt with a similar situation. His friend was raising a child that he assumed was his and when the kid turned five suddenly biological father was out of jail and mother went back to her ex. Due to them not being married and him not being a biological dad he had no rights to the child anymore and basically lost that kid without being able to see the kid ever again. My husband was there for that .
Him wanting to do a paternity test when we have kids makes me feel like he doesn’t trust me, but I’m willing to let that one go, since no one is perfect and it sounds like he has trust issues despite us being together for over ten years.
Are you willing to let that go?
This is so dramatic.
Yeah, and he's 35 and she was likely a teenager if they started dating in January. Dodgy asf.
I was given advice when young “don’t go back go forward” …
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RUN! She 100% knew what she was doing and that it would hurt you. She’s playing a power game. She’s trying to make you feel small. Even if you can get beyond this, it won’t stop there. She’s not ready for a relationship at all.
Also, there’s nothing wrong with your size whatsoever.
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Likely, AP didn't make enough money to sustain her, and had no intentions of actually marrying her.
He’s using you for somewhere to live until his apartment is ready. If I were you, depending on any legal issues, I would be asking him to leave immediately.
This is an awful, selfish way to lead someone on. You deserve better than someone who thinks this is okay behaviour.
This relationship has no good future. End it.
He seems super insecure and immature. My boyfriend and I talk about our “celebrity crushes” or “fictional crushes” all the time because our relationship is secure enough to where we can acknowledge another person (who either doesn’t even know we exist or is fictional) is attractive without either of us feeling threatened.
But I definitely would see this as a red flag because if this is how he acts about you having a “celebrity crush,” he will probably become 10x more toxic/possessive in situations relating to men you actually know in your life. I have seen women stuck in relationships with men like this and it’s never a good time.
He is using your naivety to manipulate you. Every single person in this world can control their actions when horny, you don't lose control of your body or mind when aroused. Like many sexual predators he is deliberately choosing to ignore your boundaries, thoughts and feelings. He is not losing control, he is exerting control and doing whatever he wants regardless of how much it upsets you. He is then manipulating you to believe he is not at fault for his own actions.
Stop believing that men can somehow become brainwashed by arousal and lose all reasoning and control over their own bodies. This is not a thing. He is fully aware of what he is doing and it is 100% intentional. He doesn't feel bad, he is pretending so he can do it again and again.
Start respecting yourself and your own boundaries.
Yeah, consent is important. But this was a weird ambush. You could not keep dating her after this, I'd be afraid of being accused of something much worse.
+1 on trickle truth or blackmail.
Well you were doing nothing but talking, nit dating, not having sex, she was honest with you. Were you hoping for more with her, shit or get off the pot, no reason to be mad at her for living her life.
Why are you having sex with someone who prioritizes his sexual pleasure over your actual health?!? Who doesn't care if it burns like tiny little knives when you pee, as long as he gets maximum sensation for his dick. The problem isn't finding a new condom brand, it's finding a partner who actually values and respects you as a person.
He needs a full physical from his doctor and to see a therapist. I have depression and have never been unable to get myself up to go to the bathroom, even on days I felt like I couldn’t get out of bed. If he is letting it control him to this point, he needs help.
This is the “in sickness and in health” part of your wedding vows. He needs to do the work yes, but you need to encourage and support him in seeking help.
He fucked up
If she truly recognized herself as abusive and cared about abusing you, she would make that a focus of her psychotherapy.
You end the peoblem by leaving. Simple as that. He did it 2 times. The first should have been the breaking point.
What does your husband want you doing?
Does he need you to work? Does he want children?
What does he want you to be doing with your time?
Sit and talk with him. Jesus. Don't have a kid if it's just to help you feel better or appease your boyfriend. Have a kid because both of you want to have a kid and want to raise it for the next 20 years and want to support a child and guide it through life to be the most successful that it can be. Don't have a child for selfish reasons.
Yes, you are emotionally blackmailing her by tying your non-communication to the idea that she wouldn't let you live with her. If you know you're somewhat abusive to your family, you should also know that idea wouldn't turn out very well anyway.
Stopping communication while you're working on yourself isn't unheard of or wrong in itself. But you're also going about it the wrong way. That plan should include letting your family know whats happening, why its happening and the occasional check-in from your side to let them know you're okay. You also need to have a plan for how to get to a better place mentally.
Even if this idea holds truth to your origin, please please take a step back and remember that your existence is not your fault. You were born into this world as an innocent being who had zero control over anything. Your mom loves you no matter what or where you came from, and that’s what really matters.