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Mandy, 38 y.o.
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Date: October 7, 2022
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That’s unfortunately what I’m worried abt, that he expected me to be the fun young gf and I’m not fulfilling that role by having problems
Under normal circumstances asking to meet parents after 4 years of dating is perfectly reasonable. No one communicated effectively but the only real “bad” person is the ass hole dad and enabler mom.
Jesus Christ dude
My opinion will be very unpopular here, but all the advice you got was to leave your husband, which might not be helpful if you want to stay together with him, but just fix your sex life.
Sex after children is very complicated and it can be hot work to continue having a mutually pleasing sexual relationship. Especially if one spouse’s sex drive is a lot greater than the other’s. Clearly, marital rape IS NOT a good solution to that problem. But neither is hardly ever, or never, having sex again.
First off, I would say you need to learn to become more assertive and when you really don’t want to have sex, then don’t have sex. When you put up resistance but eventually give in to sex, it probably makes him think you are consenting. Again, he SHOULDN‘T, but still, he likely does.
On the other hand, perhaps you could find ways of getting yourself more into the mood. And sometimes, if he’s being romantic, you had a lovely date night, the chores are done, kids in bed, but you’re still not in the mood… Often when I have sex with my partner even if I’m not in the mood, afterwards I always feel more connected and happy and am glad we did it. Does that ever happen to you?
Do you orgasm when you guys have sex? Could you experiment with lube and foreplay to make sex more enjoyable for you? Often, my partner makes me orgasm before we have sex and it makes it feel really amazing for me.
How often does your husband want sex? How often would you have sex if you only did it when you were in the mood? How often do you think should consensual sex ideally happen in your relationship?
This situation is very complicated and it might help to go and see a therapist to work through all of that. If your husband doesn’t want to go, even just for yourself to do assertiveness training and work on any trauma you might have from before the marriage or due to the marital rape.
I’m very sorry you’ve been in this situation for the last 14 years. I hope you’ll find a way through it and wish you and your children all the best in the future.