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  1. And he realized he can't be with someone who doesn't accept that he wants work on his career and accept great opportunities for development.

  2. >>hen I tell her I need to spend time with my parents or that we can't afford a purchase, she would go into a panic attack

    So whenever you draw a boundary or assert a preference, she has a panic attack? that sounds like weaponized mental illness to me. Does she live with you?

  3. HUGE congratulations on getting sober! That’s incredible!!

    We grow and change so much in life it just makes sense that we may grow apart from people. Sometimes they can grow with us and sometimes they can only be a chapter. I hope you find someone you can grow with and you can find happiness and fulfillment in life but don’t compromise yourself for others. You deserve to be happy.

  4. Dude she's going to crash and burn with this mindset. For now, stop helping her PERIOD and let her figure it out on her own

  5. Ah yea shit i forgot theres a timeline to being gaslit. Either hes right or hes wrong. The timeline doesn't matter.

  6. Just be careful because with the way your wife is acting, I’d check condoms and stuff to make sure they’re not tampered with.

  7. “Vic” is a walking problem. You can't assault someone because they did something you don't like. He's lucky he was only suspended and not expelled.

    Distance yourself from “Vic” before he drags you in to more of his whiteknight bullshit.

  8. I get the goal, but why take an opportunity from someone else if she's not going to use her education? That seems pretty selfish.

  9. I think he is otherwise happy and he often says that he has never been happier, he calls me the woman of his life. He didn't want to go to that event because we had a fight that day, and both of us were in a bad mood. It really wouldn't have been right if we hadn't gone, because my brother and most of the friends who were invited work in other countries and we get see them twice a year. Now everyone is in their hometown for the holidays. My sister and her boyfriend were also there, they traveled back this morning. My boyfriend didn't even say goodbye to them

  10. You absolutely did the right thing. Ignore your friends. Drug addiction is very serious and not easy to just “talk about” or “work through”. Don't contact her.

  11. You need to trust your gut instinct. That aside looking at the situation objectively, She's lied to you, if she's comfortable enough to lie about one thing she'll lie about another. She's hiding things from you, when someone hides something it's usually because they know it's wrong in some way, if she's hidden one thing she'll be hiding other things They've been intimate before.. If they've been texting and planning to meet up odds are it's not going to be just to hang out is it. If her friend won't elaborate on details of their relationship it's probably because she knows you're not going to like what you hear. Again you need to trust your gut instinct and not ignore these things. There's a reason you feel this way it's not paranoia

  12. Even if the wife wouldn't cheat (I definitely think she was planning to all along) this trip is COMPLETELY inappropriate. It's not even about OP controlling her, this is about her respecting her partner, his feelings and having boundaries. Also, two years is still VERY recent, even it was 100 years later, it would still be inappropriate AF.

  13. I don't know about you but after I gave birth the first time I wondered if it would ever be the same again. ( I know it “snaps” back) but the thought was still there. The timing might not have been right, but it's a genuine concern.

  14. If that's true, and these aren't things you actually consider a problem with her/your relationship, then that means you have the same fighting style as most of my family: you say things, not because that's what you feel, but because you know it's going to hurt.

    That's not good. This is a fighting style that has cost both of my brothers romantic relationships, and has been a big contributor in the break down of the relationships between family members.

    You can try to salvage this relationship, but my top priority would be figuring out why you do it and how to prevent it in the future. Therapy might be a good thing to look into.

  15. If it’s that, it’s not a terrible thing. I divorced a very angry man. My neighbor kept an eye out(his wife too), would bring my trash cans in so I didn’t have to and even picked my kids up a couple times from school when I was sick. He was a great neighbor.

  16. That's because to your husband you are a meal ticket.

    Rehome those puppies and then get an escape plan together.

  17. Thanks for your input.

    Not getting married anytime soon. Will consider the prenuptial agreement conversation. She's very touchy about conversations like that.

    If her name were on the deed, we split, and she keeps the house, I'm not sure she could pay the mortgage. Even if she gets 20% of my salary. But at least she would be local and I could have my child close by. I would lose my VA loan which would be tied to the home.

  18. There's an old saying about not buying the cow when you get the milk for free. Maybe this guy has some deep-seated fear of commitment and that's holding him back, but more likely is that he's getting all the benefits without any of the expense.

    Like so many others have said, PLEASE do not get financially involved in a home with this person without your name being on the deed, the title and the mortgage. I'm afraid you're just setting yourself up to be taken for a ride financially with no safeguards in place if something goes wrong.

  19. Yeah, no, you need to tell your wife that you are giving a woman rides home, not just because it’s respectful to let her know, but it’s also for your safety, if something happens to you on the detour. My husband constantly gives co workers rides home, but I always ask him to call me and let me know so I know when to expect Hime home, and if it takes too long something could be wrong

  20. In my opinion you need to mind what you say and what you write

    that defeats the entire purpose of a diary though.its meant to be a therapeutic tool, not another device to restrain yourself and not allow you to process your raw feelings.

    So basically, if you happen to read your husband diary, and he is an open pedophile there, you wouldn't care.

    absolutely wild that that is the insane conclusion you would go to.

  21. Lets be real.

    He's not paying you back, and you know it.

    The character of a person who pays you back, is the person who knows they have to resolve this ASAP.

  22. Okay. That’s understandable. I thought of what I’d be doing if I were in her position. I know that I’d spill it to her. Maybe that’s why I expected the same in return i guess. I’m sorry. You’re right. Thankyou for making me realise that. ☺️

  23. By the end of my twenties, my best male friends and I had wound up sleeping with a handful of the same people over time. If you live in a small-ish area, and people are fairly sex-liberal, it’s bound to happen.

  24. Too bad you didn't get the first comment as soon as this one popped in to the feed. You'd be in the thousands of upvotes

  25. Until he says otherwise. What you want means absolutely nothing right now-you pushed and you caused this. You didn’t respect his boundaries and this is the fallout.

    Back off. If he wants to see you, he knows how to reach you.

  26. Yeah agree, that's why it's kind of age dependent. My kids would be oblivious to this line of questioning and wouldn't think anything of it or mention being asked. He could be super casual about it, “How was the park? Did you get to play with any other kids?” Then if they mention the other dude's kids you'd know full well the dude was there.

  27. Yeah you two need to break up for real and go your separate ways, this has thermonuclear disaster written all over it. You shouldn't have cheated but if that's his response to it — “now I basically own you” — uhh that's not better.

    A relationship should be a partner you're comfortable with. Not a fucking hostage negotiation.

  28. That’s not a best friend, that’s a crutch.

    My fiance had a best friend like this when we first started dating. Insisted they were best friends when in fact they had a FWB arrangement whenever they were single. I told them, “You must think I’m stupid if you think I’m going stick around while you parade your backup plan around as your best friend. Either she goes or I go.” So-called best friend was immediately blocked that night and we never looked back.

    Of course your girlfriends hated it. They must have felt like the crazy ones everytime you explained how it was just a unique type of best friend arrangement.

  29. I'm so sorry. This marriage is over. She has her own life, and it is not connected with yours. She told you, but it seems she wants to let you down softly. This love is not the love between husband and wife anymore, it is the memory of the love that has been there. You probably did nothing wrong, and she probably didn't either, but while being apart those feelings got lost. And now she wants to end it without hurting you to much, but of course it hurts. You feelings are still there… When you are gone she doesn't really miss you, and when you are back she feels like “uff, I want my time for myself again, he is disrupting my life”. For you it different, when you go away you have this life, but when you come back you want the with her. Being apart for long times is a destroyer of relationships…Accept it, and try to divorce amicable. All the best.

  30. You picked this guy at 14. Now think about all the other things you did at that age that make you cringe now. This isn't a great guy and he's clearly done with you. You may not have friends but you probably have some blood relatives who could help counsel you through this breakup. Good luck

  31. There's nothing wrong with wanting a partner that doesn't get high. It's still a preference, not a red flag. If the person gets high and does bad stuff BECAUSE they're high (“when my boyfriend gets high he gets mean and yells at me” or “when my girlfriend gets high she sexts other people”) that would be a red flag.

  32. Dude were you born yesterday? She has a hookup app hidden on her phone and got cagey and defensive when you caught her with it.

    Even if she hasn’t cheated yet she’s clearly thinking about it and window shopping whenever you get on her nerves.

  33. Sounds like someone who is borderline. What a whirlwind. If you wait, she'll flip and be nice? Has this happened?

  34. Have you actually, I dunno, talked with Kay about it? Forget the cameras. Talk with her about it. Right now your imagination is coming up with these scenarios. Talk with her and find out for certain.

  35. I got extremely upset because I did not consent to that.

    Honestly didn't need to read past this point bc fuck no.

    “if I would’ve met you sooner I would’ve knocked you up to lock you in”…

    You're only two months in, get out of there before this gets abusive bc it really seems like it would eventually get to that point. Seriously it hasn't even been a few months and already he has SAd you, and “joked” about trapping you with him. GTFO of there ASAP

  36. He would never cause women’s hair cuts take for fucking ever and he’d die or boredom lol

  37. Pregnancy can still happen super easily at 35 for a lot of people though. I got my IUD out and was pregnant with my first two months later about a week after my 35th birthday. This is all to say that of this guy’s girlfriend isn’t sure she wants kids she needs to make sure her birth control situation is solid and not risk leaving it to chance if she doesn’t trust less reliable methods. And 10% sounds like she’s pretty sure how she feels.

  38. I agree, I think until you ready to go futher with him avoid foreplay (touching etc). But he definitely was out of order and crossed the line.

  39. If you are in therapy, invite her to a session so that there is a 3rd party there to explain how you feel and why it is detrimental for you to go. Sometimes it is hot to hear things when someone close to you is saying it.

  40. The same reason why you put 'don't want to lose Polly as a friend's before you wrote 'i love my gf'.

  41. Wow, I get it's a tough time for you and your new family, but your son is also family and seems to be under a lot of stress, otherwise he wouldn't behave this way. It's your responsibility as a parent to be empathetic towards your son and understand what he is going through. If you shove him out of your life won't resolve these problems but makes him resent you and that new family of yours even more. Ask yourself – how would you feel in his place?

  42. I think if you aren’t 100% sure it’s a yes then it’s a no. In the most beautiful way you are a baby adult. Let yourself learn and grow into adulthood, and do that by putting yourself first. You don’t sound like this is someone you want to keep spending your one life with and I know 13 months is a lifetime at 20 but it’s really just a tiny blip of your life if you are lucky enough to get older.

  43. I agree with everything except the contacting the ex part. Explaining and apologizing to his ex is just selfish. She doesn't deserve to be saddled with this emotional dumpster fire. Telling her all this would just cause her pain. OP would only be doing it to assuage his own conscience, and OP has done enough selfish things where his ex is concerned already.

  44. I'd be curious to know what places these are as for most places without a formal adoption a step parent has no obligation to former stepkids.

    Spousal support would be likely in the places that have it.

  45. Even for you as you are hurting yourself. This pain isn't even bringing you any benefits for the future

  46. Even talking about it isn’t gonna change anything, he’s gonna be thinking about what she said all the time when their having sex or afterwards.

  47. Ugh can you imagine how embarrassing it would be for her pervert dad to show up with his child bride? Talk about drawing focus from the wedding couple.

  48. THIS. I broke up with my fiancé 2 months before our wedding. Planning the wedding gave me sooo much insight on who I was setting myself up to marry (as well many other things added in). He pawned so much off on to me.. I had a very similar experience as you. He wanted the wedding at a venue, etc. he just threw money at it but wanted nothing to do with planning, assisting even sending out invites to his own family. Yet I was working 40+ hours a week, full time college student, took care of the house, the dog and his kid (from a ONS). It made me realize that I had been so alone doing so much on my own to keep the relationship together. It made me realize that he was only with me for what I had to offer not because he ACTUALLY liked me/loved me. I broke down and realized I needed so much more for myself and to not settle for someone who really didn’t love me but just loved what I had to offer.

  49. I'm not being defensive or implying that she's wrong, like I said if I was unsure about the number of children before, I am more sure now that I see what it is like to take care of 1 kid. After having the 1 kid, we talked and I was definitely less sure about having the second one and in the next months the decision became more sure.

    She does hate it when I change my mind though, where I see that as my right to change my mind when new information comes in that makes me question my earlier decisions.

  50. I have tried so hot to support him for such a long time, but I have a feeling that this was just a manipulation tactic, I explained this to his mother and told her that with me is not the best place for him to be. I’m such a caring person but this strikes me as off, I don’t need to be around this currently as I have the baby to think about. At least I’ve been able to recognise Im not a good support system to him & re direct him to someone that can help.

  51. If you haven't yet, talk to a lawyer who knows about family law and immigration. Figure out what the options look like for dissolving the marriage. You don't have to do anything yet, necessarily, but I think it will be helpful for you to have concrete options.

  52. This is another level of ghosting. Please do yourself a favor and dump him, move on, and live a happy life. You deserve respect.

  53. I’m sure when he contacted you it was a moment of weakness. Obviously he wants to be with her, because he got back together with her.

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