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Maffe, 21 y.o.
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Date: November 19, 2022
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It’s her fucking body, dude. Chill out, you’re not an authority figure on her life, you’re supposed to be her partner. That includes supporting her bodily autonomy. If you can’t deal with it for whatever supercilious reason, then do her a favor and move on.
Oh STFU. If you don’t want to be embarrassed, don’t act embarrassing.
Very sad but a fact abuse gets so much worse when pregnant or just after giving birth . They feel like losing control and they get jealous .
That's the only correct stance at this point. We need more information to form a useful opinion.
The OP is very dishonest so I can see you were fooled. Way back in post history is the fact that his wife was not invited to the wedding AT ALL. She was not even invited as a guest. The whole premise of your comment is entirely wrong.
Not to mention just because they don’t text via phone way doesn’t mean they aren’t messaging through fb, insta, what’s app or another method.
Also, he STILL has contact with her in general ind social situations. They maybe eating lunch at work, but they are still communicating during lunch, and how do you know it’s in a group?
HE broke your trust and there are consequences to doing that, but honestly it seems you are just making concessions to make it easier for him. It’s not about wanting to punish him, but it is about earning your trust back. I personally wouldn’t accept “how about I just don’t text her, but still continue to socialize with her?” If you aren’t comfortable with the situation and he is truly committed to earning your trust then he should accept that boundary for you. If he doesn’t then not sure I’d stay. He’s putting his wants above what you need to feel secure again in the relationship.
If you are still committed to salvaging your marriage, and aren’t already in it maybe you need to consider couples counseling.
Personally I have deleted any pictures from my previous relationship before I met my current bf because that was part of my process of acceptance and closure that I had chosen to end the relationship. I wouldn’t have felt comfortable having his pictures still. I had them for a while and eventually deleted them and when I did I knew I had made peace with the fact that it hadn’t worked out. I certainly wouldn’t keep any sextape or nudes or anything like that and I’d feel guilty for having that on my phone whilst being in a relationship. I guess everyone is different and some people may keep pictures of exes and be ok with that. For me it just doesn’t feel right but has more to do with being in a healthy position to have moved on fully from it and be able to fully accept love and intimacy with my current partner, into my life and honour that. I do get that the snooping was wrong but I wonder if you did it based on a gut instinct feeling that something wasn’t right? The lying part on her part is wrong of her and also you not being honest about what you found is perpetuating the cloak and dagger, secrecy. Much better to be open and ask outright but I do know you’d be embarrassed to admit that you were snooping and I imagine you’d be worried about her reaction. I just hope you haven’t got any shared commitments because this is a red flag and the fact that they’re in a hidden folder is because they’ve been intentionally put there, they weren’t deleted. There is obviously a lack of trust on your side as well and then for you to find something like that, the trust isn’t likely to be repaired easily.
Well contacting the insurance agency for info isn't bad. She already told you she doesn't want to have her own kids.
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Holding onto anger for slights committed against you is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
I know it hurts, but you'll serve yourself much better by deleting his number and moving on with your life.
She lied right to your face about a very important question. I couldn’t trust her anymore. Couldn’t build a life with someone I can’t trust.
I can't believe you want to break up with your wife because now she's pregnant and you have to do the housework. Put on the brake, wait for the baby to be born, give it a few months. She needs to recover and her hormone levels need to return to normal.
Now you can have a conversation about how this situation is making you feel and how you hope things will be after the baby is born, but you have to understand that mothers, during pregnancy and at least the first year of the baby's life, they need all the help they can get.
I don't understand how just 5 months ago you were looking to have a family and a few months later you want to throw that family away.
I'd give her the break. But consider it as a break up. Move on, if she calls you wanting to end the break. Just tell her you decided to make the break permanent.
Well, i believe she's also a dry addict. Im sober, and it took a lot of failed attempts and humbling myself to finally get any sort of sobriety through accepting help . She refuses that she has any problems. it's always others who are at fault.
Her heightened sense of self (a defense mechanism) makes it near impossible for her to show any perceived sign of weakness or vulnerability. This could be due to heavy relationship abuse and manipulation in her past.
You plan your exit and get out of the house when he’s not there leave a letter/recording whatever explaining what ever you want to, and that the disorder has made you need to leave this way, get a restraining order if you need too
Don’t settle for the little attention that you get when he’s drunk. If he was interested then he would have immediately told you he felt the same way you do. Move on.
You’re just solidifying me not wanting to go there even more. And yes, I have told him time and time again that my experience is going to be different in states like that than him. I am a noticeably Jewish woman. I have hebrew tattoos, I wear a star of David around my neck, and I just straight up look Israeli. People are not going to be as welcoming to me as they might me to him, simply because he’s a blonde haired, blue eyed, white man. I think it’s nude for him to truly walk in my shoes because due to distance he does not normally spend a lot of time with me in public. He doesn’t see for himself what I go through everyday in Texas. So, that’s something that i’m going to have to think about in our relationship.
Marriage requires dating. You think that will be a smooth process with your parents?
You can move out any time you want. The question is whether you can afford it. They will likely still have a melt down because nothing is changed and now you have massive freedom.
So you need to be mentally ready for them to not like it. Now or later.
It really comes down to your financial resources and mental fortitude.
This isn't the first time? No offense but you seem very naive.
It happens to most of us at some point, young fella. It's going to suck, but you'll grieve it and move on. It just takes time.
If it helps, in hindsight as a married man 20 years older than you, nobody who ever dumped me was wrong and it was a good thing we didn't stay together. You'll find someone who is a better match for you eventually.
I have had some sessions but they seemed to make me more anxious and panicky regarding the whole situation. I'd say very bad experience with that.
This isn’t working. She either agrees to get help for her issues right away or you leave. Or. Leave and maybe then she’ll get help. What you don’t do is live! like this. You know that. Do not waste your 20s hoping this will change. She’s in need of professional help.
Thank you for this, this is probably exactly what I needed to hear. I guess I’m putting to much emotional worth in what could happen and not his investment now. Which is where it should be placed.
If you stay, he will do it again.
You should not even have gotten engaged when you had found out he was talking to other women. It’s suspicious as hell that he told you he wanted to propose mid argument.
It’s either cheating IS a deal breaker for you or it’s not. If you stay, it’s clearly not. So now you have to ask yourself: if cheating is not the deal breaker for you, what is?
If you stay, he will do it again.
You should not even have gotten engaged when you had found out he was talking to other women. It’s suspicious as hell that he told you he wanted to propose mid argument.
It’s either cheating IS a deal breaker for you or it’s not. If you stay, it’s clearly not. So now you have to ask yourself: if cheating is not the deal breaker for you, what is?
Doing the right thing…..doesn't always FEEL right
Very true, thank you
My question is how can I move on from this and trust her again? Is it possible?
You are right to ask this, as it's the only question that really matters. But, personally, I would never be able to trust somebody again after this. It wasn't a one-time fuckup. It was a long, methodical deception and betrayal of not one but TWO guys who apparently cared about her.
I would be gonzo.
I would not consider it cheating. Although there are sexual notes let’s be honest – it was completely harmless and just stupid fun.
Maybe if it’s “Xanax”
Football xanax from my understanding is just a slang term for the way street xanax appears, not the way it affects you, or dosage. But if you don’t know the dosage, that’s what makes it more dangerous and probably why your bf passed out.
But of course, if he gave her a lot that is one thing.