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♥❤♥ M I A ♥❤♥, 18 y.o.
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Date: December 18, 2022
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Calm down. Turns out this post was fake anyway.
Work on your jealousy and on your controlling (and probably also abusive) behavior. Then – and only then – get back in the dating pool. Because that ex-boyfriend's ship has sailed for good.
Also, you already know you’re going to sleep with the girl no matter what we say and we all know you’re going to sleep with the girl no matter what we say. You have already justified it completely in your mind.
If there’s anything she can do to make you feel comfortable being with her, tell her how you feel and that you want to be able to trust her again. Otherwise breaking up would be your best option. It’ll hurt to end things but you have to do what’s best for you
I am in agreement with you that his behavior is kind of disgusting. It’s one thing to waver privately about a proposal, but to hint at it so strongly and then play chicken with the actual moment so many times is really quite cruel.
I wonder if he knows this?
At any rate, there’s probably a range of ways you can deal with this, but at the very least I would assume he isn’t going to propose anytime soon. If he surprises you, great, but don’t get your hopes up and don’t expect it.
The REAL question you should be asking yourself is how you feel about the state of your communication with him. It doesn’t sound like the two of you are talking in a constructive way about this, despite your efforts. It doesn’t bode well for other major decisions that you are going to have to face together as a married couple… I think that insisting on better communication from him, pressing the issue, might actually be rather revealing here. You deserve a direct and honest answer from him, and if he won’t give it, that’s very concerning.
You asked in another comment if you should tell her to cut contact with this guy and approach it as “him or me.”
You probably need to go farther than that.
She needs to cut contact with him altogether.
She needs to stop drinking.
She needs to get into therapy if she’s not already.
Or you divorce her.
You should, in no way, stick around and attempt to be a support person while she works naked to burn down your marriage. She can be self-destructive all she wants, but there’s no reason you need to stick around and be collateral damage.
It doesn’t matter if she “is very unlikely” to ever meet up with him, and it doesn’t matter if she finally acknowledged that she said something cruel and hurtful.
You don’t need to spend the rest of your marriage with her getting regularly drunk, admitting some cheating fantasy or desire, then playing remorseful when she sobers up. All that does is hurt you, put you in the position of living life on the edge wondering if she’ll actually cheat on you, and traumatize you, while she just gets to act sorry for a few minutes/hours/whatever, and go on to do it again next weekend.
If she’s really sorry and wants to make up for her cruel and shitty behavior, she’ll take action to make sure it doesn’t happen again.