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Birth Date: 1995-07-13
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Date: October 4, 2022
If something happens to my partner, the only things keeping me alive would be our children.
I read the original post, marrying can be advantageous for financial reasons.
Having children, well, that depends on you and you came up with a good plan.
I wish you both the best
I think you responded in a naturally negative way that a lot of people would after being subjected to abusive behavior. The ultimatum in these circumstances you described sounds more necessary on your part rather than abusive. The reason being that you presented this ultimatum out of desperation to protect yourself, and not for the nefarious purpose of being controlling. That being said, I think you need to do your absolute best to keep from getting mad and yelling at him as well. I know it's easier said than done when you're yelled at first, but it is important to keep trying, while at the same time not tolerating the abuse. If he does leave the apartment, it's not the end of the world. When one door closes, another opens.
Why resentment when the agreement has always been there?
Apologies if this was just a rhetorical question.
It has been loosely mentioned from time over the years, only recently have we started to talk about a specific time to move. I never said no to the idea but my reluctance has always been there and not a secret. I could never say no to emigrating simply because my wife's daughter lives there. I'm not comfortable with saying “you can't live near your daughter” but that is not the same as me being enthusiastic about going. And if I proceed with something so big because 'i didn't want to refuse' well that's where my resentment idea comes from (it's 100% likely to be 'resentment' towards myself)
I guess to summarise, it is going to happen, I just need to become enthusiastic about it
I’m confused. We’re you planning on him paying or something? His reaction seems odd
It's possible for your friend to be friends with both of you at once. That's ok. It doesn't mean either one of them likes you less.
I went through and still going through a similar situation right now but from your boyfriend’s perspective with a cat and a dog. It’s hot to tell without seeing it whether or not your situation can be worked out but our cats (kittens at the time) took some work and there was an adjustment period that included some policing on our part until now where they’re best friends.
The dog is a whole other issue though. In my case, everything is great with my partner but her dog is something else. I very much don’t want to create a “it’s me or the dog” scenario because that will only lead to resentment. And she has already told me she’s choosing her dog anyway for similar reasons you stated. I’m primarily focused on working with the dog to get to a place that I’m more comfortable and it has required an immense amount of patience, so I understand your boyfriend’s frustrations. If things don’t get better, I’ll probably leave, but it’s incredibly frustrating to end a seemingly great relationship for her dog. Your boyfriend could be handling things better because threatening to toss her out isn’t okay. Despite my frustrations, I wouldn’t do that. But understand overall it’s a tough situation. I would give it more time, to work that out but if he can’t manage his feelings and have more patience I think that says a lot for future frustrating scenarios.
The comment he makes isn’t a statement about his feelings
Being told as a guy … is extremely hurtful.
If you re-read his comment, he is making a statement directly about how this can make men feel. The feeling they experience is extremely hurt. He is not judging or demanding in any capacity here. Women are justified to express themselves, but words can be hurtful if they're not expressed with tact and care. Two things can be true at the same time.
This is something to seek therapy for
It is not women’s responsibility … It is their responsibility to learn that.
I totally agree with you. As I mentioned in my last comment, this insecurity of men is not an excuse to avoid healthy communication, and it's not a healthy mindset to begin with. I agree with you that therapy could greatly help.
Everyone has insecurities because it's human nature. I have insecurities. You have insecurities. Maybe you're insecure about your appearance, or maybe you're jealous. If you're in a relationship, would you want your partner to scrutinize you for your insecurities, tell you to just get over it, dismiss your feelings, and question your sexuality?
That's not how parters are supposed to treat each other in a relationship, and that's not how you support someone to overcome an insecurity. It requires patience, love, understanding, compassion, reassurance, and some time. It is also possible to express your needs and feelings while also respecting your partner's needs and feelings.
We're all humans. We're not perfect and we all have flaws. We should try treat each other as we'd hope someone would treat us.