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Date: October 25, 2022
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I get that, but a lot of people in this thread are hung up on that, and I don't think 7 is a lot.
I was a “late bloomer” in my school, and only had 3 by the age of 17. The popular and handsome/beautiful kids had waaaay more before we all graduated. And this was pre-smartphone era.
Honestly, before 20, relationships do feel disposable since both sides are growing and learning what they want, what is reasonable, what is not normal, etc. On another comment, OP is literally looking to jump into another relationship to get over this one. I think he still needs to grow up, and the only way for him to do it is through first-hand experience.
I once met a guy after a year of being single. Everything happened so fast.
ILY were exchanged in the first month, every night was spent together, we became financially dependent on each other within months.
The relationship didn’t last. I think we put everything into turbo mode and didn’t bother to take things slow. When we broke up there was a big explosion between the two of us.
Do I regret this relationship? No. I learned a lot about myself and my dating expectations. I think we both grew as people separately from each other.
I think what I’m trying to get at is you need to make sure you’re being true to yourself. It’s great you have a wonderful relationship. However, you’re still healing from trauma and you need to remember to keep yourself in mind. When anyone starts a new relationship I think they want to spend every waking moment together but that doesn’t last forever.
You’re young, about the same age as I was in the first relationship. Everything might feel like it has to happen now but you’ve got time. I’m 30 now with a great partner. We take things slow and we don’t compromise our individuality. He said something once (I think we were talking about shift work) about having our whole lives to spend with each other so it’s not a big deal if we miss a day here or there because we can make it up a different day.
As a massage therapist, you should 100% report this place to your local authorities. Not only is the practice illegal (depending on where you live, I guess, but I'd assume), she assaulted you by not obtaining consent prior. A big part of being a massage therapist is acknowledging that the client is putting themselves in a vulnerable situation where they are in a state of undress on a table while a person fully clothed holds the power in the situation. As a result, every touch should be very intentional. Where I work, we are expected to ask consent even to touch areas that are near private areas, such as the glutes and pectorals, for this exact reason. Someone doing this behavior is taking advantage of a power imbalance and it is ABSOLUTELY assault.
In terms of the girlfriend situation, that's much more complicated, unfortunately. I would encourage telling her, but she may not believe that the action was unsolicited, especially depending on the reputation of the business you went to. Generally people familiar with massage know where to go and where to avoid depending on whether they are seeking or avoiding “extras”. If your girlfriend is familiar with the massage community, she may know something you don't about the place and not believe you didn't. But honesty is the best policy and, even if she doesn't believe you, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't believe you were assaulted when you were?
Yeah the time period is what really throws me “ best years” we just her mid 30 when this type of thing occurs normally anyway and the struggle part was only 3 years and he still did a lot.
Good luck, I left a husband who treated me like a mommy wife for 13 years. It’s pretty liberating once you realize that you have no dishes, dirty underwear, or disrespect to deal with. You’ll have so much time to do fun stuff.
She seems like a handful. Let someone else deal with that. It's not standards I'm seeing but her lifestyle as a challenge to work within. People mesh easily when compatibility is there. This seems like a waste of time for the two of you. Best to leave on good terms and wish her the best.
That’s all I know from what he says since I don’t remember my dreams. I’d also like more definition too but he says I should know ??♀️ idk this is all really silly like everyone else was saying
This is very well expressed. I’ve always been “alternative” and whatever stage of my life I’m in hasn’t changed that. Obviously that sounds completely insufferable, but I don’t know how to express that concept without sounding like a pretentious asshole. Sincere apologies.
This is what makes most sense to me.
She didn't spend all day at the co-worker's house, but she was there for a bit. GPS places her there for a reason. She either stopped by on lunch or on the way or something. However, since she did go to work, her smart watch showed a typical work day as well.
Yeah, with the first post I thought the sexual overtones were because OP didn't understand how his fiance's experience could have felt embarrassing and violating to her, and he was only seeing it through a jealous sexual lens. But now it's obvious it's fake and he's getting off to it. Usually the fetish posts on here are kind of funny, but in this case it's really fucked up. He described what could honestly be a traumatic situation in the first post and turned it into “the bitch is cheating” in the second post. I feel bad for anyone who may have actually experienfed this.
You hire a sex worker so you don't involve random people and create drama.
Good for your boyfriend I guess? He is like very small minority of guys who wouldn’t care making that even smaller because it was near the beginning. For almost everyone else it would be a problem and that doesn’t mean beforehand there were already problems. Doing something like that is just inviting unnecessary potential for things to happen. If you are in a relationship there are just certain things you shouldn’t do because at that point you would be inviting possible problems into the relationship.
My husband and I have been married for a year, we've been together for 4 years. Like you, he holds a lot of stuff in because he feels “That's what men do.” He doesn't want to “burden” me with his feelings. It bothers me because, like the therapist said, we're missing out on connecting on a deeper level (I didn't even realize why it bothered me so much until I read what your therapist said).
Anyway, it sounds like you took this to heart and I hope you continue that way.
I think the issue isn’t cheating against cheating but rather his feelings about cheaters. If he gets upset over a TV show, what happens if she starts texting her male coworker or friend a bit too much (whether she’s cheating or not) and he suspects her to be cheating? He thinks it’s a punishable offense, so he’s obviously not gonna let it slide.
Cheaters are awful and I am 101% against cheating and I think cheaters should be exposed, that’s something that’ll humiliate them back (hopefully). But what does this guy think is a reasonable punishment for cheating? If he suspects OP of it, whether a valid suspicion or not, is his form of punishment physical? I don’t know, it’d be hot for me to feel safe in a relationship if my partner said that.
You’re 31 and can’t say no?
And it’s so important here to differentiate between an accidental misgendering and a deliberate one. Amongst all the hate in the world right now, we tend to forget the “muscle” memory that goes with pronouns for people we’ve always known one way. It takes conscious effort to change that instinct, and if someone gets it right most of the time — meaning they are actively and thoughtfully checking themselves, which takes more than a bit of self awareness and a desire to do the right thing — then we need to forgive the occasional mistake. Being an unforgiving ass about it isn’t cool.
Now, if someone simply refuses to properly gender/deliberately misgenders a person, then the gloves can and should come off. And finally, the person at the heart of the story decides what’s acceptable, not some third party, misguided and outraged on their behalf.