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Lina.(I will live! 12 October 9 am ) https://onlyfans.com/carolinaherera, 24 y.o.
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Date: October 24, 2022
No, I have finished all my studies and I am working full time as an engineer. We unfortunately can’t trial run living together as he isn’t financially ready yet and I wouldn’t be able to pay for everything for the two of us.
I would have dumped her and never give her another chance. You should too. That’s how you eventually find a loyal partner. Dump the untrustworthy ones immediately.
I mean has he actually expressed he is unhappy? Making friends is harder than said, but that doesn't mean the pressure should be left on you to entertain him. Does he intentionally make you feel guilty? Make snide comments? Constantly checking in with you while your with friends? Does he get jealous?
Have you actually had a deep conversation about this?
I would be trying to take an objective POV on it.
Seeing how he (somewhat) included his friends on that comment, I would ask: Is it just me? Or is it everything else in his life.
If its just you, then yeah that is damaging to the reletionship.
However, if everything else in his life is taking the same hit, then you're probably not the root of it. That would indicate some mental health challenges to me.
How is he your lover if you are mothering him. How is that an attractive trait?
You need to break up, and you know it. Just do it dude.
This isn't going to get better, and you are only a tool on her way to getting back to where she wants to be. I bet she's probably super hot and maybe you feel that's worth trying to make this work. Nice guys like you will often fall into that trap, but she's not a good partner for your lift. You guys earn almost the same amount which makes this even more absurd. Plus she has a kid and shitty ex? You're dating both of them, too, and rest assured not matter how shitty the ex, she will always honor him because he's the father of her child.
Leave. You are second fiddle and being taken for a massive ride. Find your confidence because deep down you know this is beneath you. Don't debate it either, especially with her, just execute like a boss.
I’m a fellow asexual. I am sorry you’re getting harassed by other asexuals. It’s not called for and I find it reprehensible.
There’s been a lot of schisms in what used to be our community. The confusion comes from our name being used for both the spectrum and the furthest point on that spectrum. The asexuality spectrum essentially covers everything from gray ace to demisexuality to asexuality. For some, they use the word ace interchangeably to refer to asexuality and the asexuality spectrum. This has led to an influx of sex-seeking or sex-affirmative individuals entering spaces that used to be primarily sex-ambivalent to sex-repulsed.
Your friend may well be on the spectrum. I find it unlikely that she is “in the black” on the far end of asexuality such as I assume you identify, but she may well be in the gray-ace category, and erroneously confusing the spectrum with the far point. Consider it similar to a Bi/Pan person referring to themselves as a lesbian, when they’re really just on the homosexual spectrum – queer, and just as worthy of respect and space as a lesbian, but still in a different category than the far point of homo-exclusivity, which will still have some similarities but should be afforded their own space and boundaries. It is wrong to tell lesbians that they shouldn’t gatekeep, just as it is wrong to tell asexuals that they shouldn’t correct people if they have sexual attraction and still claim to be asexual. But your friend is new to this whole thing and she may not know about other identities that may suit her better, such as demisexuality. Or she may in fact be asexual, but only realizing this late after a life of trying very hot to conform to an allosexual default society.
Whether or not someone is married isn’t a condition for asexuality. Neither is never having had sex ever in your life. Having a libido or enjoying the action of sex isn’t automatically disqualifying either. Many asexuals experience low libido, and on top of that are sex-repulsed. I would say you likely fit in that category. But others may have a lower than usual libido, or normal libido, but no desire to act on it, and it’s not directed at anything. They are still on the asexual spectrum.
I don’t know that you handled this particularly well. Your friend may have hoped to have received acceptance and understanding from you, but instead felt like she was tested and then rejected. But I also understand where you’re coming from. Asexuals have been pushed out of their own communities and spaces by people who lean towards the allosexual more than the asexual and who bully the “in the black” aces when they express discomfort. I like to think that we can still find common ground, but at the end of the day there does have to be common ground. Your experience and your friend’s experience seem worlds apart at first glance, and I can understand why you felt invalidated and misunderstood by her seeming presumption. And when she called you a bigot and left, you felt rejected. Which was likely her trying to reflect her feeling of being rejected by you. It sounds like a sad situation all around.
If this relationship matters to you, extend an olive branch. Ask to hear more about her experiences, without framing it as a test. They might not be so different from yours after all. Maybe she’s always felt pressured into sex, and realized that she’s never felt sexual attraction her entire life. Or maybe she does experience sexual attraction, but it takes a long time and a lot of trust and she prefers to be the passive partner, and she’s mistaken this for asexuality because we’re inundated with messaging about women needing to more sexual and sexually forward, so she’s seeing herself as “wrong” compared to that. I’ve very little information on her, so I cannot say. Ultimately, though, she’s likely going through something and wants a friend who can understand. If you feel you can fit that, I’d try.
I’ve had friends who claim to be asexual that I’m not so sure fit the definition. Over time, one has realized that it probably wasn’t the right term, and we’ve remained friends anyway. I tried not to judge, but occasionally, when she welcomed it, I pointed out the differences in our experiences. Eventually, in her own time and probably very little weight out on our conversations but rather her own experiences and explorations, she realized that she does feel sexual attraction, and simply had a different relationship with sex than is conventional while also not fitting into an asexual label. If things had gone differently, I could see us having fought over this rather than her come to terms with it gradually. It was her own journey, and I couldn’t force her to identify one way or another. Only remain steadfast in the definition while respecting her own experiences.
I am defensive of Ace spaces and the right to keep them as an oasis for those tired of an allosexual world. Unfortunately, due to the underuse of the “gray ace” spectrum, many find themselves in ace spaces with wildly different experiences that don’t always have common ground. I’m not sure how we’re going to resolve this. If we don’t, I fear it will lead to alienation and anger worse than the allosexual world ever caused us.
Your frustration is understandable. This misunderstanding has happened many times between friends. You aren’t the only one dealing with this. And if you feel like she’s twisting the definition to suit her and harming a word that’s important to you, I understand how that feels.
A phrase I return to often is “Do you want to be right or do right?” They often aren’t the same thing. You may or may not be right about her not being asexual. But what does it help to shut down a friend who is having questions? What “Doing the right thing” is up for you to determine. Sometimes principles are worth losing friendships for, and sometimes friendships are worth more. Sometimes you can have both.
Good luck.
You are doing the right thing. It is great that your partner supports you. Opinions of others don't really matter here.
Your relatives didn't protect you from her. Don't be like them. You have to protect yourself and your child from her.
As for them trying to guilt trip you – you can send in the family group chat or group email the message for all of them, so there is no confusion:
that you are not inviting her, you don't want to hear anything about her, and this message is a notification and not up for discussion. It is your and your partner decision and they should respect it. Also tell them that any further talks about her upset you and if someone will be bringing it up despite your request, you will go LC with them. Because being upset is not good for you and your baby.
Kalief Browder. He committed suicide soon after his release. The US prison system is abysmal and comments like these show me there are a lot of people who live in a bubble.
Maybe he’s joined big brothers big sisters and wants to make sure his mom isn’t going to go after that kid too.
I'm uncomfortable handing out detailed roadmaps for social interactions to fully grown adults who I don't know, but if you think there's value in that don't let me stop you. Why you feel the need to interrogate me about my experiences before you can give the op guidance is beyond my ken.
And your partners