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lily_xs, 19 y.o.
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Date: November 27, 2022
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It's not that you're a villain. You do appear to feel competition with your dad's girlfriend. It's that the way you're approaching this is going to lead to nothing good. You're pissed, we get that. But, unfortunately, your dad is asking you to be the adult in the situation when you're the youngest person there.
But, there are going to be many times in your adult life that you have to play nice to someone. It sucks. They suck. But just remember that if you continue with this approach, you're the one whose going to be left out. Which would suck less?
Tell your dad that you love him, you want the very best for him. So you will be nicer to his girlfriend. Then ask them to have a sitdown conversation about their expectations. And ask them to hear you out too. That way your dad is privy to whatever his girlfriend says she wants. This might be the right time to ask about your dad's wishes when his girlfriend asks you to do tasks around the house. You can't be snarky because this won't work if you're throwing eye daggers at her.
Look, this situation sounds terrible but you're using the wrong roadmap. Let's say you've lived in New York your whole life. You know how to navigate and be good at reading the roadmap for New York. But then something shifts and you unwillingly have to move to New Jersey. You don't want to be there so you continue to try to make the New York map work. But it won't work. So get your bearings and start navigating for what IS happening (New Jersey) not what you want to happen (New York). I'm sorry you have to do that. I hope that relationship burns out soon.
The tailgate was down. It was dark. I had been drinking. My wife was standing there hot. Her behavior earlier and her giggling and grinning made it clear that she instigated it. So, no. I didnt call the police.
Nope no coming back from this. How could you trust her? Cut your losses and move on.
I agree it's not an excuse. He just learned of his diagnosis in the lady couple of months and he may not be aware of how much this bothers me.
So is it just the male personal trainer he is stressing about or would he be cool with a female personal trainer? What sport are you training for? Most gyms will find a female trainer if you ask its a close group from what I am told they all talk and will be more that happy to hook a friend up.
Yeah I feel really different but it's okay, time heals every wound!
My friends and therapist agree with me
What do they agree on? That part wasn't clear.
You aren't being unreasonable at all, but you're also in learning mode because this is your 1st serious relationship. Most of us go through this. The mistake you're making has to do with bad communication, which is also the #1 problem with any couples today.
For example, when she asks you to do something and you say yes, but you wish you could say no, this isn't helpful. That's because it builds resentment, and this easily ends relationships. You'll get to the point where you're thinking “omg this woman is sucking the life out of me”. But if she has no idea how you feel, that's on you as much as it is her.
You've got to find a way to tell her that there's an imbalance here, because she needs more from you than you can give. Get specific. It might be space, it might be happy hour with the guys etc. Nobody should ever feel guilty for this stuff.
Finally, does she have outside friendships and support besides you? I assume so, but if she doesn't, that's part of this. Nobody should ever expect a partner to be their whole support system unless they're both insanely introverted and it makes them both happy.