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Date: October 9, 2022
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Fr the vet gave me my dead pets fur in a baggy before they went to be cremated, I don’t think keeping fur is that crazy
Have you met his family?
Then what are you doing personally to work on this issue of fear and insecurity?
Or you in counselling? Do you do shadow work? Journaling? Any type of critical self reflection so you can work through this?
Basically, you are on different timelines. He sounds like he is not thinking about when or if he gets married, at what age he has kids, etc. You, on the other hand, seem to crave the certainty of a timeline. Neither is wrong, but if he is telling you he doesn't want to marry and have kids for five years (at least), can you live with that? There is no guarantee he is willing to commit in five years either. It sounds like he wants to enjoy the now and present and isn't focused on long-term. This may not be a good fit (or not), but only you can determine if it is a deal breaker for you. What do you need? How would you feel if in five years, you are in a similar place as now, relationship wise (though having progressed on some or all of your financial goals)? Maybe that answer will help you.
I don't agree that it takes five years to determine whether you want to marry someone. If someone can't decide that within 2-3 years, I doubt they will be able to decide in two more years. It means they are hesitant and are not willing to commit even if they say they love you (and there are many possible reasons for that). It's one thing to decide that you want to marry someone, but that the time isn't right. It's another to be unsure or afraid to commit.
Personally, I think you need to figure out what you need and what you want. It sounds like some sort of financial compatibility is quite important to you. And it's unclear if you have that here.
Here's another question – would you settle for someone who had those qualities (ambition, wants kids on your timeline, wants to meet certain financial targets, etc.), but maybe doesn't have other qualities that are important to you. I know people who had some of the same goals you did and ended up committing to the wrong person, because they were so beholden to the timeline. I know others who picked the right person anyway, but I wonder if that was because they knew in their own hearts where the priorities lay for them.
And is the timeline you have a healthy thought for you? It puts a lot of pressure on you.
I would consider couples therapy, particularly something around financial goals to flesh out if there is real compatibility there. Or maybe some sort of couples retreat.