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Lily, 27 y.o.
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Date: November 9, 2022
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But nob fits this situation better
So I’m not on the side of the people in here who are acting like you shouldn’t judge her, that it’s none of your business, and that one commenter who said you should really be mad at John’s ex wife. Because that’s bullshit.
Your mom not only betrayed your father, but also showed her true character by having the affair for 4 years then not telling him for the rest of his life. That’s not a simply mistake. That’s choosing to backstab the person she claimed to on-line every day for 4 years straight.
BUT. I personally wouldn’t cut her off. She absolutely does not deserve your respect, but her being an abysmal and untrustworthy partner doesn’t mean she’s been a bad mother.
I also wouldn’t keep her secret though. I think you should apologize for making the promise and tell her you’re not going to be able to keep that promise. And I’d tell everyone in your family.
She receives the consequences of her actions that she should have gotten years ago, you get some vindication, and y’all can figure out if/how you want to have a relationship from that point forward
Most of my friends are unemployed, no spouses or kids, and I’m allowed to be sad over feeling lonely when I’m their emotional support friend and I get silence in return. No need to be rude
By “went out of control” you mean you raped her, right?
I mean, it's not like this is new to you. If she tells you over and over “don't initiate sex” and you do anyway, how is that not you violating her expressly telling you she does not consent to it? I.e. a sexual assault. A lot of women, when someone they care about disregards their boundaries, try to rationalize it because they can't take the heartache of having loved someone who would treat them so vilely. Tell me though, in you brain, how do you justify ever initiating after she tells you you that you do not have consent to do so? How to you make your mind think that's anything other than sexual assault, even if in her broken state she didn't fight you?
I mean…if you don't like her boundaries, break up. But “I couldn't control my hormones” “I just got a little out of hand” “She gave mixed signals even though she explicitly told me not to do it” and “she didn't physically fight me so I didn't know it was rape” are all like page one of the rapist excuse handbook.
You deserve better than this. Your Girlfirend is heartless. She begged for you to let her in now that you did she is treating you horribly. She is making your pain and your trauma about her. That is so incredibly callous and heartless. You don’t want to make things right with her because she does not deserve you. The way she is acting is not someone who truly loves you. What you went thru is horrible and you should have never had to endure it. But it doesn’t make you less of a man or human. And any true loving partner would stick by your side to help you through your pain. Not treat you differently for it.
You escaped a lifetime of misery. Congratulations.
“very honest and blunt” = tactless asshole who hurts peoples feelings and hides behind i'M jUsT bEiNg HoNeSt. Let me guess it's really important for him to be the smartest guy in the room and let everyone know it?
He's religious and parents are both pastors. Denomination is important here. Methodist or Episcopalian? That barely qualifies as religion. Baptist or Catholic? Run like a motherfucker. Presbyterian? Be prepared for them to never pick up the check and always give you JC Penny's gift cards.
I'm kidding. I have never one single time seen one partner who is very churchy and another who isn't have a good outcome. The churchy partner always gets more and more churchy and it always ends in some sort of showdown.
Also his pros list is very short and it sounds like lovebombing. Meanwhile his cons list make him sound judgmental, arrogant, lazy, and ugly. Why are you with this guy?
Nope, breaking up was the right call. You are right, that from a certain perspective you can see why she would maybe think that it was for someone else, like an Ex and be jealous or whatever.
However, the proper response to that is to ask you questions about it, not literally destroy it. I mean, it could have been for a dead relative that you haven't talked about and she destroyed it? Or as was the case, simply a bond with your family/mother.
Def breakup worthy and I think your instinct was right. That has creepy/jealous/controlling written all over it, and is a HUUUUGE red flag.
It's good that you stood your ground on the break up, but I'm not sure why you let her manipulate you like that. She made the choice to move, you didn't tell her to.
I would've straight up told her that she will not dictate what me and my friends do.
Another mistake was buying a $10k ring. Why would you ever buy something so expensive when you can't really afford it, especially an item that doesn't really do anything. Especially for a woman who wasn't even putting effort into the relationship. Rings are pointless wastes of money, because if someone really loved you, they'd want to use that money to further your future together instead of wasting it on some metal and rocks. Can you return it?
I literally just asked if I should tell them. I’ve been dating other guys. I’m not ugly I do not want to be with a cheater. It’s not obsessive. They asked me to tell them and I decided to and now I’m back to my on-line dating. Doesn’t take much energy.
Maybe I’ll fuck him again out of spite if I’m so obsessed
I literally just asked if I should tell them. I’ve been dating other guys. I’m not ugly I do not want to be with a cheater. It’s not obsessive. They asked me to tell them and I decided to and now I’m back to my live dating. Doesn’t take much energy.
Maybe I’ll fuck him again out of spite if I’m so obsessed